Shosho's Diary

The Reading List

2011-12-08T20:32:00.006+01:00

This is an updated list of books that you may read to improve your cultural literacy, understanding of diversity and general exposure.

You may choose to read one a month or every couple of months.

Foundational

1. A Short History of Nearly Everything - Bill Bryson
2. Every Other Book Written by Bill Bryson
3. Books on World History and African History e.g A history of Nigeria by Toyin Falola and Matthew M. Heaton
4. African Classics which include:

a. Things Fall Apart - Chinua Achebe
b. Sosu's Call - Meshack Asare
c. Une Si Longue Lettre (Trans. So Long A Letter)- Mariama BÂ
d. Terra Sonambula - Mia Couto
e. Nervous Conditions- Tsitsi Dangarembga
f. Antériorité Des Civilisations Nègres- Cheikh Anta Diop
g. L'Amour La Fantasia - Assia Djebar
h. The Cairo Trilogy - Naguib Mahfouz
i. Chaka - Thomas Mokopu Mofolo
j. A Grain Of Wheat- Ngugi wa Thiong'o
k. Oeuvre Poétique- Léopold Sédar Senghor
l. Ake: The Years of Childhood - Wole Soyinka

See a fuller list here: http://africanhistory.about.com/library/bl/bl100BestBooksA.htm

Or here: http://www.amazon.com/Great-African-Novels/lm/R1X0DX5OEHL21P

General

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hossein
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Facory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Notes for SMEs

2011-12-07T13:34:00.000+01:00

It's amazing how people want the best but aren't willing to pay for it. It's okay for them to prosper but not those who help them.

These are principles SMEs must imbibe or else they'll always be afraid to charge for their services and will never aspire to greatness:

1. The fact that you need my services means you can't do it all and that your success is influenced by the services I provide. Therefore, I am worthy of respect and should be treated like a professional

2. When I come to your company, it never occurs to you to give me your services free; therefore kindly do not expect the same from me

3. If my services can help you make millions of dollars, do not begrudge me if I use the same brain to make billions of dollars for myself. We are both businessmen

4. My charges reflect the value I place on myself and my services. If you don't want to pay, kindly do not threaten me with walking away. Someone else will pay. Furthermore, you are not the source of my prosperity, God is

5. I may be small today but have plans to be great. Therefore, if you see me driving a new car or flying in first class someday; It is not the money you paid me that facilitated it - I have other clients besides you. Don't envy me

6. A service provider is not synonymous with servant. How would you like it if your clients looked down on you too?

7. I will never price myself at a loss to please you or because of our relationship. If you really mean well for me, you wouldn't ask me to commit business suicide

Random Excerpts from my Upcoming Book: No Bullshit Volume Two

2011-11-10T18:26:00.001+01:00

On Women & Sexuality

1. Comfort has as much to do with the individual as the surroundings. If your lace negligee is always getting hooked in the crease of your arse or slipping annoyingly off one shoulder, you’re going to be distracted. Ditch it. Buy clothes that fit; that you’re comfortable in and feel sexy in. Come to terms with your body, one way or an...other. Go for a hairstyle that suits you and that you wear very well. Avoid that elaborate weave that sheds fibres in your man’s eyes and mouth when you’re “doing it”. Insist on clean sheets and an orderly room if they’re things you care about. If romance, wine and candlelight turn you on, initiate or ask for them. Also offer to put together the music playlist, if you have audio preferences. But, the ultimate comfort, I think, is being with a friend. The bedroom is perhaps the worst place to receive criticism. A wrong word can deflate self esteem – yours or his. When you’re with a friend, it’s easier for both of you to state where to touch, how and for how long. Lovemaking ceases to be a competition - there’s no point to prove. Rather, it’s about making each other happy. When you’re with a friend, you play and laugh. Laughter is a great aphrodisiac.

2. Women who work in creative fields or play leadership roles typically have high sex drives. The act of creating or leading produces an adrenaline rush or a need to be nurtured when they’re spent. These feelings can be channeled through great sex. These women also tend to be well read, exposed and open to new experiences. Chances are they’re fuelled by Red Bull and so have er…stamina.

419 Reasons to Like Nigeria

2011-10-01T11:27:00.002+01:00

For too long, Nigeria and Nigerians have been readily associated with the online scams, financial crime and impersonation - termed ‘419’. However, beyond the unfortunate stereotyping, there are several positive characteristics and cogent intriguing traits of the country, Nigeria and its people, some of which are highlighted below as part of the ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ campaign which enlisted 100 volunteers and bloggers to share reasons why they like Nigeria. These reasons echo the voices of Nigerians, with resonating similar themes. The campaign is being facilitated in partnership with ‘The 419Positive Project’.

The full list of ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ is available here (http://www.419Positive.org/)

The list of contributors to ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ is available here (http://www.419positive.org/419-reasons-to-like-nigeria-contributors/)

If you would like to say something positive about Nigerians and Nigeria, please visit the website.

NIGERIA - THE LAND OF POTENTIAL AND OPPORTUNITY
I like Nigeria because it is a land of endless opportunities and possibilities. Nigeria is one country whose true potentials I believe the world is yet to experience. I believe Nigerians are sharp, brilliant and accommodating people. Given the right enabling environment the world will marvel at what Nigeria will become.
Nigeria is the most populous black nation - and a buying one at that. From a capitalist point of view, this makes for great investment opportunities.

The fact that Nigeria currently lags behind so much - in infrastructure and developmental terms - hints at the size of the potential for innovation and transformation, and at the huge number of vacancies that exist for 'transformers'. What I think this means is that the world will be hearing a lot about Nigeria and high-achieving Nigerians (in the public and private sectors) in the near future.

NIGERIA - THE COUNTRY
The Nigerian Green and White flag is a notable national symbol. The green colour symbolises agriculture, seeing that the country is endowed with masses of arable land, while the white colour signifies unity and peace. Other national symbols include the Nigerian Coat of Arms, which depicts an eagle on a black shield, trisected by two wavy silver bands, and supported on either side by two chargers. The national motto underlies the coat-of -arms: "Unity and Faith, Peace and Progress." Her national symbols convey great meaning to its people.

The Nigerian accent is currently ranked by CNN Global Experiences as the 5th sexiest accent in the world.

Nigeria is home to Nollywood, one of the world's biggest film industries.

NIGERIA - THE CULTURE, THE FOOD, THE WAY OF LIFE
Something great to like about Nigeria is our cultural diversity. A strong affinity exists, despite our differences. Learning about other ethnic cultures in my country really helped me personally relate to other cultures when abroad.
I think the food is tastier in Nigeria than that I have found in other countries.
Nigerians live a communal life style. The extended family is part of the immediate family in a Nigerian home.

NIGERIA - THE MUSIC, THE MOVIES, THE DANCE, THE ART
Nigeria has produced many world class musicians. A notable mention in this regard is Fela Anikulapo Kuti. A Broadway show titled ‘FELA!’ was produced in 2009 depicting the life and times of the Afrobeat musician.
Nigeria’s movie industry, Nollywood, is reputedly the 3rd largest film industry after Hollywood and Bollywood, and has grown gradually into a $250 million industry in more than 10 years.

Nigerian indigenous musical instruments are unique, soulful and rhythmic. They comprise the popular Talking Drum, producing proverbial and storytelling sounds, the Shaker (shekere), the Udu drum, the Lute, the leg and arm Rattle, the Omele, the Ogene (Gong originating in Eastern Nigeria), the Ekwe drum and the Kakaki (A 4m metal trumpet popular in Northern Nigeria). Many of these instruments have been incorporated in South American music over the years.

NIGERIA - GEOGRAPHY and NATURAL RESOURCES
Nigeria is a nation blessed with rich human and natural resources. As the 8th largest exporter of Oil in the world, with the 10th largest proven reserves, our blessings cannot be overemphasised. No earthquakes, no tsunamis, no droughts, an evergreen land. The rest of the world should live here.

The beauty of the Nigerian state cannot but leave one in awe, being blessed with captivating physical features and abundant wild life. From the rolling hills to the vast plains in the North Central Nigeria and the forests in the South, the beautiful scenery of the country is more than breathtaking. With the wildlife spread all over the country, Nigeria is surely a beauty to behold and a tourist's delight all year round.
Nigeria is blessed with tremendous agricultural resources. Cotton in the North, Cocoa & Oil palm in the South amongst many others. The flag is green for a reason.

NIGERIA - WEST AFRICA, AFRICA and THE WORLD
Nigeria has the largest population of any country in Africa. Approximately 1 out of every 2 West Africans, 1 out of every 4 Africans, and 1 out of every 5 persons of African origin is a Nigerian.

Nigeria is the largest contributor of troops to the ECOWAS Monitoring Group (ECOMOG) and by extension, is the largest force for peace and stability in West Africa.
A Nigerian will stand out anywhere you find him/her, from Libya to London, Tokyo to Timbuktu. Well known examples include Hakeem Olajuwon (Houston Rockets, USA), Olumide Oyedeji (Seattle Sonics), Tunde Baiyewu (Lighthouse Family), Sunday Adelaja (Ukraine), Chris Aire (US), etc.

NIGERIA - INDUSTRIOUS, INNOVATIVE and ENTERPRISING, with ACHIEVEMENTS
Nigerians are intelligent, brilliant minds who have proven their mettle in various fields - Wole Soyinka was the first African to win the much coveted Nobel Prize for literature in 1986. Chinua Achebe’s classic novel ‘Things Fall Apart’ was ranked as number 14 in a list of top 100 books in the world by Newsdesk in 2009. Others include Cyprian Ekwensi, Mabel Segun, Chimamanda Adichie and Helon Habila whose literary works have won both international and local awards at various times.
We have budding fashion designers. Yes! It's a line every Bunmi, Amaka and Amina has decided to tow but to disregard the effort and originality of our Fashion Designers would be disrespectful. Tiffany Amber, Lanre Da Silva and Deola Sagoe are building world renowned brands, not to mention the legacy developed by the likes of Abba Folawiyo, Maureen Onigbanjo, Remi Lagos and Zizzi Cardow.

Nigerians have excelled in the fields of economics and finance, managing well established global bodies. Ngozi Okonjo Iweala, the current Minister of Finance, was until recently a Managing Director at The World Bank. Obiageli Ezekwisili is currently the Vice President for Africa at The World Bank. Mr Adebayo Ogunlesi is a first class graduate of Oxford, and Managing Partner of Global infrastructure Partner (GIP), a concessionaire of London’s Gatwick International Airport.
We take technology and expand it in ways those who created it could not have imagined. For instance, take the BlackBerry Messenger (BBM) which allows you to send broadcast messages to all addresses on your contacts list; Nigerians recently found a unique way of advertising the different businesses they do. Someone started a message highlighting the fact that many people in Nigeria are entrepreneurs or provide a service and included his BB PIN in the message and sent to all his contacts with the charge that they state the service they provide, include their PIN and send on to all their contacts too. This seemingly small campaign has gone “viral” with whole lists of entrepreneurs and their BB PINs being passed from phone to phone. This is a clear sign of the ingenuity of Nigerians!

NIGERIA – GREAT PEOPLE
Nigeria is the 7th most populous nation in the world (over 160 million) and most populous in Africa - a gold mine of energetic, determined and talented people in each and every field. From Lagos to Aba to Kano, the Nigerian business spirit and desire to succeed is visible. It just requires proper harnessing of these human resources for Nigeria to become the super power she is meant to be.
Nigerians are passionate, friendly, welcoming, hospitable, and well cultured people. The average Nigerian reflects a combination of vivacity, intelligence, energy, talent, and resolution.

We are a nation of people that can hardly hide their excitement at seeing family and friends. Some misconstrue this thinking we are loud but let's just say we are EXPRESSIVE! If you see us on the streets of New York making a big ruckus and hugging? No sweat. We are just happy to see each other.

NIGERIA – THE RESILIENT SPIRIT
The Giant of Africa: Not ignoring the current challenges, eventually, when we get our acts right, we will reign supreme on the global scene. We have the potential and as is much touted by the Warri people - "Naija no dey carry last"
The 'survivor-mentality' is hard-wired into the DNA of Nigeria's people. The fact is that against all the odds (and there are many of them), Nigerians continue to live, hustle and seek to triumph. It is not by mistake that Nigeria is regarded as one of the "happiest" countries in the world, despite its challenging economic and social conditions.

We are hardy. The average Nigerian does business under circumstances that are unimaginable to people from other parts. In a place where there is no power, no credit, and scant regulation, people do business and do very well for themselves too. If you can make it in Nigeria, you can make it anywhere in the world.

NIGERIA – TOURISM and SPORTS
Nigeria is an amazing tourist haven and is home to the Obudu Cattle Ranch, located in Calabar. It is only 45 miles from the Cameroon border. The Obudu Plateau is spread over 40 sq. miles and is 5,200 feet above sea level. The Obudu resort features a Gorilla Camp where tourists may observe gorillas in their natural habitat.
Nigeria has two UNESCO world heritage sites, the Osun Osogbo Sacred Grove and the Sukur Cultural Landscape in Adamawa. UNESCO world heritage sites are places designated as being of cultural significance.

Nigeria has produced great footballers like Teslim “Thunder” Balogun (the first Nigerian to play for an English Club – QPR), Segun Odegbami, Muda Lawal, Stephen Keshi, Rashidi Yekini (who scored Nigeria’s first ever goal at the World Cup), Nwankwo Kanu, Austin 'Jay Jay' Okocha, John Mikel Obi, Osaze Odemwingie, to mention but a few.
Nigeria has excelled in athletics over the years, still holding continental records in the 100m men and women, 4x100m men and women, 400m men and women, among others. Over 100 skilled Nigerian professional footballers played in First Division leagues in different countries all over Europe in the 2010/2011 season, 9 in England; 8 each in Finland, Norway; 10 in Ukraine and 7 in Sweden.

NIGERIA – UNITY in DIVERSITY
Nigerians, despite our diversity, are a united people who always strive to help one another. With 774 local government areas, multi religious and ethnic affiliations, 36 States, and population of over 160 million, we still stand undeterred to move forward together.

Even outside the country, Nigerians remain united. This gives a quiet assurance somewhat that you can get on a plane and go to any country of the world and find a Nigerian there who will not only make you feel welcome but will go out of their way to be of really good help. I have experienced this several times on my travels and each time it amazes me how all I need to be is a Nigerian, not Igbo, Yoruba or Hausa and once I run into another Nigerian, I will immediately feel at home.
Our greatest strength lies in our diversity.

The ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ Campaign is in partnership with ‘The 419Positive Project’.

The Million Dollar List

2011-06-13T19:12:00.000+01:00

Everyone has one. A list of things they'll do in a heartbeat if they won the million dollar lottery.

It's a selfish list. It's not the what-i-would-do-to-change-the-world-if-i-had-a-million-dollars list. That's another list entirely and I have one of those. This is a purely avaricious list. It's the what-indulgent-impracticable-and-unneccessary-thing-would-i-do-if-i-had-a-million-dollars list. It's just that I'll need much more than 10 million.

So, here goes my list:

1. I would record and distribute a song written by Dianne Warren

2. I would buy that bad-ass Ducati

3. I would buy a sustainable farm in a genteel country with a helicopter for my city-farm commute

4. I would buy a significant stake in a media empire. I wouldn't want to own it; just control it

5.I would go on a shopping spree that will make Paris Hilton jealous

6. I would finally take that Europe yacht tour and that American road trip.

Now, seeing that I really don't have much more to add to the selfish list, let me present my what-i-would-do-to-change-the-world-list.

1. Endow a foundation solely focused on developing and implementing strategies for Teacher Training and Supply in Nigeria

2. Endow a foundation solely focused on developing, empowering, sponsoring and sustaining Politicians, Technocrats and Political Parties with values, ideas and clear agenda

3. Endow a foundation solely focused on helping the 'forgotten' - those people that are left for dead on bridges and street corners

4. Endow a foundation solely focused on promoting and distributing the best, most creative, values based media content there is

5. Endow a foundation solely focused on creative social enterprise

6. Endow a foundation solely dedicated to cultural & religious understanding, inter-tribal marriage and inter-tribal/faith dialogue

7. Endow a foundation solely dedicated to infrastructural development and support in Nigerian States

My Ongoing Thoughts on Nigeria and Yeah...Solutions Too.

2011-01-11T19:19:00.003+01:00

Nigeria is beset by two twin problems which have become a cancer in its soul – Iniquity & Inequity. (Where iniquity is a continuing breakdown of law & order and inequity connotes injustice).

Over the years, the problems that have come to define the image of our country include 419, Yahoo Yahoo, Terrorism, Sporadic Power Supply, Decaying Infrastructure, Corruption, Kidnapping, Degraded Educational System, Lack of Job Opportunities, Lack of Finance for Fledgling Businesses –and the list goes on and on. But, my argument is that these things are just symptoms of a deepening disease not the disease itself. The disease can be traced to just two things: Iniquity & Inequity.

If our law enforcement agencies worked, for instance, (and by law enforcement agencies, I mean the Police, Customs, Judiciary, Military etc.), corruption would significantly reduce, allowing our national and state institutions to work more efficiently. As long as crime continues to pay; 419, kidnapping and the like will proliferate. It’s a simply law of economics – as long as output far outweighs input, you have a viable business. The minute the consequence for a crime far outweighs the crime itself, and once that consequence is consistently and regularly meted out, the crime will reduce.

Today, we have law enforcement agencies that are poorly trained and motivated and so do not give a damn about crime. With the right amounts of money, you can ease the passage of any type of good across Nigeria. Nigeria has no credible national database, no fingerprint registry or forensics department worth their salt. Criminals can disappear across state borders without ever getting caught. Suspicious characters can bring in explosives registered to construction companies in containers and clear them through customs. Embassies can bring in weapons like the Iranian diplomats did for the Boko Haram terrorists. Fertilizers can be imported en masse by agricultural concerns and used to make bombs with little oversight. I doubt if bulk shipments are tagged. A West African can easily get a Nigerian passport from the Immigration Service for N18, 000, commit a crime in Europe, dump his Nigerian passport and travel home with a passport from his country of origin.

Interestingly, it’s also our lack of national databases that limits the ability of entrepreneurs to get loans. We have no credit bureau, no credit history, no way of tracking people’s addresses, assets or identities. Checking job histories is cumbersome and ineffective as a recently deposed DG of a Securities Regulatory Institution has taught us:). Where there is no credit history, there are no low interest leases or mortgages.

I recently heard of a bank that offers a purported “12%” low-interest facility to the staff of a few selected corporations. The corporations take on the burden of “vetting” their staff for creditworthiness. If the staff members default, the organisation’s corporate relationship with the bank stands at risk (and perhaps future credit lines). With a lot riding on their “vetting” process, I’m not sure many staff will get the clearance required to access the loans. Or perhaps their gratuities or pension funds will be used as “collateral”.

On the education front, this cancer of iniquity is bred at home as parents aid their children in cheating on exams. Government officials embezzle the monies meant for classrooms; teachers fail to show up for school and face no consequence.

Injustice is bred as we fail to practice true federalism. States are prevented from keeping the bulk of what they produce while remitting only what is necessary to run the federal government. They are also prevented from taking charge of their destinies and so our states continue to remain uncompetitive. Religious and ethnic violence/repression is rarely dealt with impartially. Crimes against vulnerable groups are ignored. There are no social safety nets for the poor, aged and mentally unsound and many Nigerians die like cockroaches. We do not protect intellectual property rights and creative endeavour is cheapened. And in our society, you are only assured of basic services and rights when you are considered a “Big Man”. The concepts of service, self-esteem, individuality and self-respect seem to have been bludgeoned to death by our law enforcement agencies, particularly the military.

We have failed to breed a national unity and identity that takes into consideration our diversity. We have tried to build a nation without recognising the individual tribes, without apologising for the atrocities of history and forgiving one another.

If I were president I would focus on 4 major things:

Instituting True Federalism: Yes, I would push for State Police. I would support the states retaining the bulk of what they make. It will end all the gawdamn excuses about the federal government not doing enough. If your state does not work, look at your thriving neighbour next door, then go stone your thieving Governor. It will also shut up the ethnic groups that keep saying they’re being marginalised – Once you’ve been “set free” - produce and work for your survival

Revamping Our Law Enforcement Agencies: I would focus on welfare first. I would ensure that I have on my desk a signed but undated letter of resignation from the officials in charge of setting up a sustainable welfare structure for our law enforcement agencies. I would happily jail anyone who steals their pay. As per corruption within those agencies, I would institute the stiffest penalties and ensure public shame. In terms of training, I would ensure aggressive skills transfer from the international agencies that work

Developing a National Records Database: If you commit a crime, you will be caught because I would institute the development of a robust national database, and I’m not talking about a pork barrel national identity card project. I will put in place a credit bureau to encourage leases and credit lines. And, I will encourage the stiffest penalties for the misuse of individuals’ data. The data must not reside in a government agency, so it does not become a tool of oppression.

Encouragement of National Dialogue: I am not referring to a national constitutional conference, for in truth, we have not even learnt to talk to or listen to one another. Instead, I would encourage different Nigerian groups to talk to one another, with trained moderators. I will encourage our people to admit to the mistakes of the past without embarking on a witch-hunt. I will document long buried but relevant national history so that we will never again forget the lessons of the past and together I will encourage us to design our collective future.

The Nigerian Constitution

2011-01-10T18:54:00.000+01:00

As I read the Nigerian Constitution, I’m realising the critical importance of the National and State Houses of Assembly.

Without them, there can be no meaningful long term political, regulatory or policy change in Nigeria.

By extension therefore, our Political Parties are equally important. If we were to nurture Parties with sound ideologies, strategies and values; and if those Parties were to throw up Legislators with integrity and ideas then they would propose and vote for sound laws.

A dream scenario would be to have the right Party with a majority (or strategic alliance) in the Legislature that is interested in sustainable change and not just having a deadlock on power like we have today.

Instead of being so fixated about the Central Government, perhaps we should also examine the structures that produce a sound Presidency – the Political Parties that sponsor him and the Legislators that limit or enhance his ability to make laws.

What's in a Name?

2011-01-10T18:44:00.001+01:00

Adam started it when he renamed us Mother in the Garden.

Since then we’ve been called Bad Mama Jama, Sexy Thang, Cherie Coco and Baby Doll.

We’ve been likened to a Jeep, Ride and Bank Account.

We’ve been flippantly termed Wifey, Roni or Shorty.

Some call us Bitch, Slut or Cunt.

To others we’re Brown Sugar, Sweetie Pie, Honey or Sugar.

In this part of the world, we’re Kokolette, Agbalumo, Tomato Jos, Omoge or Okpeke.

While we understand that some of these appellations are terms of endearment,

every once in a while, we’d like you to just call us WOMAN.

I Will Love You

2011-01-10T18:05:00.001+01:00

I will love you

With a love that surpasses my devotion to music

With an obsession beyond my attentiveness to a detailed brief

With a fascination I apply only to words

With the wonder I express at the mysteries of God

With a sense of adventure I display in strange lands

I will make love to you

With thorough abandon

With the energy I find on an adrenaline high

With the creativity with which I craft my finest prose

With the devotion found in my deepest friendships

With the joy expressed in shared laughter

To be continued...

Cataloguing things i am not

2011-01-10T18:04:00.000+01:00

I am not gifted at event planning and execution
I am not considered warm by most people
I suck at clothes shopping
I am not gifted in the art of interior decorating and have been told I have no taste
I do not enjoy cooking or domestic responsibilities
I am not crazy about children
I do not enjoy praying for long stretches of time
I do not like dealing with too many people at a time-i am not a crowd person
I do not like to be disturbed when I've just come back from work-and have been known to snap on occasion
I often forget to say good morning and pick up conversations the next day from where i left off the day before
I am not classically beautiful
I am not diplomatic or tactful
I am not a naturally happy person

Crazy Exercise on Songs on My MP3

2011-01-10T18:03:00.000+01:00

Got this from a facebook friend. It works like this: You write down the first 20 songs on your mp3 player or pc when you select shuffle mode. You then tag a bunch of peeps. Here's my list:

I will be there, Kevin MacDougall

Somewhere a voice is calling, Frank Sinatra

Take your hand, Usher

When a woman's fed up, R.Kelly

Moti test eh, ID Cabasa Ft. Durella

Orobo, Sound Sultan

Your body, R.Kelly

Na me be fine boi, Sauce Kid

My pain, Sheyman

Unforgettable, Nat King Cole

Interlude 6, Lauryn Hill

Falling in love, Cece Winans

Intro, 2Face Idibia

I'm about to break, Linkin Park

Storm away, Bobby Brown

Pump that, KJ-52

Call 911, Sean Kingston

I needed you, Chris Brown

Sensuality, Avant

Involve yourself, Avant

Top Rejected City Slogans by Jason Roth

2011-01-10T18:01:00.002+01:00

New Orleans

The city that really kicks ass. (But unfortunately also smells like it.)

Montreal

The most pretension, socialist politics, and annoying French accents you can get this side of the Atlantic.

Bombay

The land of untold riches and leprosy.

Cairo

Sit back,eat a pita, and see some of the most beautiful monuments to slavery in existence.

Orlando

The poor man's Las Vegas.

San Francisco

I left my HIV-positive test results in San Francisco.

London

Bitter: it's more than our beer. It's a way of life.

Moscow

The fine line between Happy Meals and gulags.

Rio de Janeiro

On our beaches and in our churches: worshipping flabby, loin cloth-covered asses 365 days a year.

Atlanta

The city that never wakes.

Naples

Don't think of our chicks as elderly, think of them as "sun roasted".

Tijuana

Where waking up in a jail cell with a broken rib cage, a dozen venereal diseases, and wearing nothing but a sombrero is only the beginning.

Hoboken

Just because Sinatra was born here doesn't mean we have any class.

Bangkok

If it's crispy, has a sticky red sauce, and smells like fish, you've come to the right whorehouse.

Florence

We brought the Renaissance into this world. We can take it out.

Hollywood

You don't need fake tits to make it in this town. Only a fake soul.

Hong Kong

As free as ancient Chinese dragon. (Just before it's chopped up, injected with MSG, and served with chopsticks.)

Seattle

The home of coffee, rain, grunge music, cigarette butts, vomit, and drug-induced suicide.

Cape Town

Getting screwed by the white man for over six centuries. (Starting with the crummy prices they paid on the slaves we sold them.)

Woodstock

Where littering, freeloading, sex with strangers, trashing people's property, and tripping out naked in the mud never sounded more romantic.

Hilarious City Names in America

2011-01-10T18:01:00.001+01:00

Believe it or not, these were real city names/landmarks in America. Thankfully many of them have been changed (Culled from: Made in America by Bill Bryson)

Delirium Tremens
You bet
Git-up-and-get
Puke and shitbritches creek
Whiskey dick mountain, Washington
Dead bastard peak, Wyoming
Two tits, Carlifornia
Tickle cunt branch, North Carolina
Coldass creek
Sugar tit
Who'd a thought it, Alabama
Eek, Alaska
What cheer, Iowa
Ok, Kentucky
Bug, Kentucky
Number Nine, Maryland
Tightwad; Peculiar & Jerk trail, Missouri
Hot coffee & Goodfood, Mississipi
Wynot, Nebraska
Knockemstiff; Pee Pee; Lickskillet & Bowlegs, Oklahoma
East due west, South Carolina
Yell; Gizzards Cove & Zu Zu, Tenessee
Chocolate bayou; Jot 'em down & Cut and shoot, Texas
Lick fork; Unthanks & Tizzle flats, Virginia
Superior bottom, West Virginia
Embarrass, Wisconsin

Half-price movie night

2011-01-10T17:59:00.000+01:00

If you're cheap like I am, you probably go to the movies on half-price (or free popcorn) movie night. A side benefit to going on this special day of the week is that you meet and observe so many interesting personalities. Because Nigerians generally love freebies, half-price movie night is always packed.

These are some of the people i've observed:

First, there's the high school grad who couldn't bother to get dressed up for the movies. Chances are he stiill has a comb stuck in his hair (I kid you not), is wearing sagging trousers (and sporting boxers of an uncertain color) or skintight pencil trousers that he wrestled to get into. This outfit is completed by the requisite unlaced fluorescent coloured high top sneakers, sweater top and big nerdy goggles. You'll typically find high schoolers huddled in groups of 3 or 4.

Then there's the bored college chick who's overdressed or underdressed depending on how you look at it and is probably thinking in her head: Notice me damn it! I didn't hang out half my boobs and apply liberal coats of makeup just for fun! If she's interested in the guy she's with, you'll probably hear her high pitched fake laughter from across the room. If she's not, she can often be sported wearing a nonchalant look and playing the brick game on her Nokia phone, thinking: Whatever!

Then there's the music star who always comes with a posse and sports dark glasses. In his head, he's thinking: I'm a star. Bow down and worship me. I'm popular. Make way before me. I have cash. I can be as loud and obnoxious as I want.

I especially like the suited corporeaucrat with the casually loosened tie and expensive shoes who strides in with an air of: I am important. The rest of you are little kids. I'm only here to destress from several technical deals that you wouldn't understand even if I mentioned them slowly. I'm not cheap. I can afford to come on any other night besides half-price night, but my obviously beautiful trophy girlfriend insisted we come today.I shall now stalk around with an obvious I-couldn't-care-less attitude. Dick!

Let's not forget the very pregnant young married woman who clutches on to her well dressed former jock husband who's still shellshocked over the fact that he's married and hence 'settled down'. Only his pot belly belies the fact that his glory fine-boy days are over.

These are just some of the folks i met yesterday at the movies. Now who says watching people ain't interesting?

The Things That Are Most Important to Me

2010-07-10T21:01:00.002+01:00

Last week I was in a strategy session at work over a number of days. Then, I left town to facilitate another session for a client. Now, the thing about me and sessions is that afterward I’m physically & emotionally drained; kinda like “virtue has come out of me”. And, I enter into this very lonely state, where I crave comfort sex and quiet conversation. I think that after flying high on deep intellectual activity for hours, it’s almost an anticlimax when it’s over and I return to the “real world”.

A while ago, I determined that out of the loneliness must come something productive – a blog perhaps, hence I write. In the past, my quick fixes were a soppy romantic novel or comedy – something where dreams came true. Sadly, intelligent romantic novels or movies have become increasingly harder to find and I’ve exhausted everything Nicholas Sparks has penned. So, writing this blog will have to suffice for now. For this write-up, I decided to speak about the things that matter most to me – a kind of Top 5 List of the most crucial things in my life. So here they are...

1. Words: Whether it’s the Word of God, philosophy or physics – words affect me like nothing else. Everything I am today is a result of the words I've heard or read. Over the years, I've turned into a serial collector of authors. I find an author that moves me and then proceed to buy everything they’ve ever written. (I do that with music too). Nowadays, when I look at my bookshelf and imagine the library I’m going to build someday, I have a sense of true joy. In my bookshelf are some of the words that transformed my life.

Anyone who knows me understands that I communicate best with the written word – I’m a serial texter, chatter and writer. And the closeness of my friendships is directly proportional to the number of words exchanged. It is not uncommon for my phone bill to spike when I make a new friend.

2. Relationships & friendships: Friendship is one of life’s most precious gifts to me. Equally precious are the relationships I’ve had with mentors, family and even random people who have impacted me. I have been shaped by the thoughts and actions of the people I’ve met. And I’ve met a wide variety of people.

From my Pakistani friend to my friends who are members of the Armed Forces and SSS, I've learnt that people will befriend you when they know you're not judgmental or have loose lips. Discretion, trustworthiness and character will win you many friends. I’ve also discovered that I seem to have an uncanny ability to turn online friends into long term friends. Perhaps because I’m a words person, I can have entire weeks of conversation via chat or sms and develop enduring friendships from them. When I eventually meet my close online friends, it’s not to establish the friendships; it’s simply to continue them. And I will do incredible things for friends. I once travelled to Singapore to see a friend I’d never met, and thought nothing of it. I’ve also had dinners in new countries with online friends I was meeting for the first time. I’ve often joked that none of my online friends ever turned out to be serial murderers or rapists. Indeed, it would give me great joy to have a friend in every major city of the world.

Historically my friends have been mostly guys. I really do not know why, it just is. So, I approach the whole male-female friendship thing a bit differently. I've never thought it odd to invite a male friend out to dinner. It’s always been a straightforward proposition to pick up the phone to say:”Hi, I miss you or I need conversation, can we meet up for drinks?” [Thank you Tolu Ogunlesi, Seun Odukoya, Deji Alabi, Femi Omoluabi and Obieze Ekejiuba for never making a big deal out of it. You have saved me many times from the inner workings of my overactive mind].

And yes, it’s no biggie for me to travel halfway around the world with a male friend for a holiday or to go see a male friend and stay with him. I’ve often wondered why doing so would put my reputation at risk [Anyway, it’s too late now. Quite a few holidays have been spent already]. And when I call a friend up at 1 am to share an idea that has gripped me, it never occurs to me that it may be considered as a booty call.

Lately, I’ve met some really cool gals who are the closest thing I’ve had to female friendship in recent memory. [Big ups to Nwabundo Onyeabo for eliciting multiple LOLs & ROTFLMAOs in our BB exchanges; Hauwa Magoro for listening and Adaku for your inspirational work ethic and words of encouragement. And of course, my biological and adopted sisters – Bukky Plumptre, Yemisi Plumptre and Taiwo Omole who have time and again saved me from the mental trauma of shopping, amongst other things].

3. Purpose: Number 3 on my list would be purpose. I find that it consumes me and is centred on Nigeria and human potential. Three things command so much of my attention and dedication because they inadvertently help me to advance my purpose – Alder Consulting, Nigeria Leadership Initiative and Money - the latter because there can be no sustainable political change without money. At every point in time, except when am sleeping and sometimes even then, I’m thinking about one of these things. And because I tend to multitask, chances are I'm thinking about them simultaneously.

4. Human potential: I’m obsessed with creating systems and structures that enable people to fulfil their potential. That’s why Education is a subject that grips me. I’ve seen lives change because of words that were uttered or exposure to a different environment. I want to bring that to as many people as I can. I understand the limitations. I know that unless people make a conscious decision to be different and overcome their fears, you can’t do much for them. This preceding fact has been a source of great sadness for me in the past – to witness a life that could be so much more remain the way it is because of fear or laziness or both.

You’ll notice I didn’t create a distinct category for family. As much as I love my family and consistently worry about how they’re doing, I can comfortably go entire weeks without seeing them. Perhaps I’m not very family oriented. Perhaps that explains why I’ve never felt a compelling desire to have kids. When I think of marriage, I think of it in terms of friendship. In truth, it’s the highest form of friendship I can think of. It’s also a strategic alliance towards the achievement of purpose. [Someone somewhere is rolling their eyes. LOL]

I strongly believe that one of the reasons I was created was to help some guy out there fulfill his purpose. Taken together, the gifts, talents, experiences & exposure that I have been blessed with could not have been given for my use alone. On a normal day [and I’ve done the math], I can do most of the things I do at 50% capacity. I feel I should give my nation, my husband and the people God brings my way the rest of me. I have no overarching ambition to change the world. Quite frankly I couldn’t care less what the Tamil Tigers are going through or what’s happening in Haiti or Darfur. My focus is firmly fixed on Nigeria. This is where I plan to spend the rest of my life. This is the geographic space I hope to impact – God willing.

As much as I live on music, it doesn’t quite make my short list. A long time ago, when i was 17, I was offered a music deal. I knew then as I know now that I wasn’t meant to be a recording artiste. It’s simply not my path. Yes, I can write songs and sing (i have 2 recorded singles and have even picked up an award or two) but I’d rather be the one buying music than supplying it. As much as music refreshes me, it is the words set to music that moves me. I can’t listen to music whose words do not uplift me. Maybe that’s why I’ve never been a huge collector of instrumental music – I need the words. But, I have one great album in me – there are words I need to communicate through song before I die.

MAJOR GOALS

There are two major goals I desire to accomplish before I die:

1. Build the “friendship of a lifetime”: I would like to create an oasis of peace around the part of my life that craves a man, so I can focus on other things of import. Quite frankly, people who think a lot are “cursed” with a sex drive to match. As I don’t subscribe to sleeping around, sex within the confines of marriage would be the healthier and more moral option for me. I also feel marriage will be a great platform to impact many lives.

2. Found an obscenely wealthy charitable foundation: The foundation will be focused on nation building and the fulfilment of human potential. I find that people who are self-starters, driven and exposed fail to realise that information and the tools for success aren’t readily available in Nigeria. I would like to create systems and an enabling environment to help people be the best they can be – from providing grants for intelligent music videos & movies to providing fast internet access for entrepreneurs and helping entrepreneurs make money from international markets. These are the kinds of things I wake up thinking about. That’s why I’m going to make a living will. Like Warren Buffet, I would like the money in my foundation to be spent within 10 years of my death to help people. Let somebody else pick up the baton after that.

So folks, these are the things that are important to me. If you see me lost in thought, working like a crazy person or complaining like a bitch, it usually has to do with one of these things. They are things I would go to bat for, empty out my heart & soul for and give my life for.

Time Does Not Heal Pain

2010-06-25T09:34:00.003+01:00

It's been a while that I felt this way.
It's been a while the wind whispered his name.
It's been a while I remembered soft sighs and aching need.
It's been a while the pleasure just began.

It's been a while since he left me.
It's been a while I gave a damn about it.
It's been a while I heard his heart.
It's been a while I allowed the music cry.

It's been a while the melody spoke my pain.
It's been a while we spoke of the future in vain.
It's been a while I recalled the laughter and joy.
It's been a while I had that kind of conversation.

It's been a while that I thought of him in distant lands.
It's been a while he was my waking thought and first text.
It's been a while we discovered new books and places and things.
It's been a while I was happy at all without him.

It's been a while I spoke of him or recalled callous deeds and thoughtless acts.
It's been a while since he spoke of her and not me.
It's been a while that his life began and mine abruptly ended.

It's been a while since we were young and carefree.
It's been a while we broke the rules and truly lived.
It's been a while since I thought of the future and possibilities.
It's been a while my heart died when he went away.

It's been a while I was this tired.
It's been a while i vividly remembered.
Its been a while I really missed him.
It's been a while that I spoke his name.

Rape, Indecent Dressing and Anger

2010-06-15T15:57:00.000+01:00

I’ve keenly followed the stories of Royal Fathers publicly beating their wives, State Governors using the instruments of state to oppress theirs, Senators indulging in under-age marriages and Fathers impregnating their 12yr old daughters. Sigh!

I listened to the ongoing chatter on Facebook and yesterday I read a particular comment that generated one of the greatest internal expressions of rage in my 30-odd years. I was so incensed that for the first time ever, I felt like physically slapping someone - the offender. I felt like forming a line of slappers – I would give the first slap, then push him on to the next slapper on the line and the next and the next...you catch my drift. What did this unfortunate individual say? He had the audacity, the gall, the effrontery, the sheer temerity to say that the 12 year old girl was probably dressed provocatively and that ladies should stop dressing in a manner that seduces men. HOW DARE YOU!!! Exactly in what manner can a 12 year old dress that would cause her father to continually rape her till she eventually gets pregnant? What basis does a father have to even entertain amorous thoughts towards his daughter, even if she were to run around stark naked in the house? God...please give me that man to slap!

But wait; let me backtrack a little, because my anger didn’t just begin. I was in Lagos a few years back when the notion of controlling “indecent dressing” began flying around. This move was championed by the First Lady of Lagos State (with all due respect). For a brief spell, young women were afraid to wear what they liked. I’ve also listened to the rumbles in the Senate about an Indecent Dressing Bill. I’ve heard about the stickers that read: Only Prostitutes Dress Like Prostitutes. None of these actions are about protecting the rights of women; they are about CONTROL and legislating behaviour. If they were about women’s rights and ennobling women, there would be stronger Child Marriage Laws, more stringent rape laws and fathers wouldn’t rape their kids! During that season in Lagos, women were bundled into Police trucks and raped because they dressed “indecently”. Young girls enroute nightclubs were stripped of their clothing in public. In my humble opinion, legislating behaviour is akin to stitching a woman’s labia or enforcing a Chastity Belt so she can be chaste.

The abuse of women in Nigeria has been going on for a LONG time – the instances have just not been well documented or publicised till now. The Walk Against Rape (WAR) had a following because women were getting raped. The V-Monologues hit a nerve because we know the stories presented actually happen in real life. When I attended the Vagina Monologues a few years ago; during the introduction by the organisers (Kudirat Abiola Initiative for Democracy – KIND), it was stated that all the stories presented were REAL stories submitted by women. While they are dramatised, the stories themselves are real. These things have been going on for decades and we must speak up and take action to put an end to them. No more sweeping things under the rug.

The so-called issue of “indecent dressing” must be contextualised. In Rio, Brazil where everyone dresses like their enroute the beach, we don’t see the Police randomly grabbing and raping women. In Dubai, an Arab State, the authorities recognise that it is a melting pot of different cultures. While I wore my shorts and spaghetti straps boldly and without fear, I was respectful of the culture and made sure my shorts were of modest length. It wasn’t legislated; it was a choice I made out of respect for the culture. In my Alma Mata – Unilorin, there’s a big sign at the bus stop, with pictures of what NOT to wear. In a tertiary institution? What arrant prejudicial nonsense. In Nigerian villages where the women go about topless, I don’t see the men losing control and raping them left, right and centre.

The truth is if you have a problem with the way people dress, you shouldn’t seek to forcefully change things by legislating behaviour; you should understand the “why”; respect people’s free will and if you so desire, give them other options to consider. Today’s dressing is deeply rooted in the concept of “cool”. It is a cultural thing. Trust me, if Beyonce were to decide today to start wearing turtlenecks and baggy trousers, women would follow suit even in our hot weather! After all, Kid Cudi made big goggles cool!

You can provide young people with an alternative cultural reality and ALLOW THEM TO CHOOSE! Stop seeking to force them to bend to your antiquated viewpoint or will. Stop fermenting bile and advancing your agenda (Hear me oh Senate).

Just think, what would kid’s television programming be without The Disney Channel. The organisation decided to promote family values. It was a choice they made and paid an economic price for it even selling off Miramax Studios (Remember the Kill Bill movies), because it didn’t fit their ethos. Today, parents have a choice of Disney or the more aggressive, violent cartoons on the Cartoon Channel. Disney didn’t just talk or condemn, they provided alternatives. Kanye West decided that instead of the “tits and ass” music video genre, he would do conceptual, creative videos. The West Wing is perhaps one of the most intelligent TV series I have ever watched- combining conscientious leadership with practical everyday executive decisions. It provided an alternative for those who’d rather not watch Nip/Tuck!

What we need in this world are people who will not seek to force others to their point of view, but who are willing to WORK, yes WORK to provide other alternatives for people to choose from. If you’re not satisfied with the quality of radio programming today, start your own radio station. If you’re not satisfied with the manner of dressing, start your own clothing trend and get celebrities to wear the clothes to make them popular. Use the tools of pop culture to advance alternatives.
It will take immense creativity, hard work and sacrifice. But you must stop towing the line of “if you can’t beat them, destroy them”. Rather get in the ring and show us how it can be done. I was at an interview the other day and MI recounted how some of his fans openly scorned him for participating in the “Maga No Need Pay” video. Some people will taunt you for not towing the populist line. You may be laughed at, but in the end you’ll impact people.

I therefore salute Gbenga Sesan and the entire Maga No Need Pay collective.

I celebrate the numerous artistes on the Notes2Note video, who are reminding the Youth that they can have values and still be cool.

I salute Chude Jideonwo and the Future Project Crew who celebrate young achievers and are breeding positive activism through Enough is Enough Nigeria.

I salute Brave and Creative people everywhere who DO SOMETHING, providing credible alternatives to what is popularly accepted.

I salute you all and comprehensively despise and denounce the Hypocritical who talk but do nothing. May this generation never remember your names.

On Business Structure

2010-06-06T22:33:00.000+01:00

I have spent the last decade in an organisation I watched grow from an entrepreneur’s idea (and start-up capital of N17.50k) into a structured company. This was done in one of the most hostile business environments on earth – Nigeria. I have also spent a considerable amount of time thinking about unstructured businesses and how the many fledgling & brilliant entrepreneurs in Nigeria can evolve into proper businesses (and perhaps even fast track their way there).

So, I decided to do a write-up on my observations and proffer my two cents worth on how a business can attain “structure”.

But firstly, a word on not having structure. You do NOT have business structure if:

People have money or a brief to give you but can’t find you because you never pick up your phone or promptly return calls.

You don’t have a backup or secondary phone line.

You don’t have another staff that’s equally as competent as you.

Your official email address ends with gmail.com.

You don’t have empowered leaders in your company, where leadership is defined as the ability to take wise, executive, binding decisions such as signing cheques and contracts.

Your office is your dining room table and a multinational won’t give you a job because you won’t pass the office inspection.

You’re not a registered company and have no clue about VAT registration and Witholding Tax.

You fall ill for 3 months and you don’t meet your company when you get back, or at most just a shell.

You can’t do FOREX transactions because you don’t have a credit card, Paypal account or a foreign bank account.

You won’t be granted a visa because your company doesn’t have 6 months consistent income and proper corporate registration papers.

None of your staff has a proper job contract with defined job descriptions, expectations, obligations and benefits.

You don’t have a business card.

You don’t have a website.

You don’t know how to knot a tie or dress properly for a business dinner.

You can’t stand toe-to-toe with your international peers.

And there are many more examples but I’ll stop here:)

From talking to many Stage 1 entrepreneurs, I have tried to develop a progression sketch for how to move from Stage 1 to Stage 2. (I will not speak about Finance, because an entrepreneur who cannot raise finance for his business is NOT an entrepreneur and should just get a job).

1. SORT OUT YOUR ADMIN AND REGULATORY ISSUES FIRST

Find and hire a competent Admin/Operations person. Also identify competent Support Service Providers.

OPERATIONS PERSON: You can have the most creative ideas in the Universe, but if you do not create an enabling environment for those ideas, properly manage & protect them, then present them to the world, you’re just creating inventory that will go nowhere. Administration protects your business and ensures you remain a going concern. You would be amazed what a properly filed letter or invoice can do for your business when a dispute arises with a client. You would also be amazed what a prompt response to a brief or a returned telephone call can do to your bottom line.

An efficient operations person ensures you let go of the mundane every day tasks that ensure business survival (e.g. buying generator fuel) so you can focus on the big picture. And please, do not get a boy to do a man’s work. Never get an immature, cheap minion to run your operations. You will destroy your company. Find someone you can comfortably send out to take a brief on your behalf – someone very intelligent and responsible. Someone you can trust.

REGULATORY ISSUES: To deal with your regulatory issues, stop trying to do it on your own. There are competent individuals and firms who consult for small and growing businesses. Instead of banging your head against the wall trying to register your business at CAC, pay someone to do it. Sometimes, all you need is a little wisdom. It’s easier to register a non-English word that you coin, rather than an existing everyday name. For example, it’s easier to register Visix Enterprises, in Nigeria rather than Crusader Trustees Company. For growing businesses, you need basic templates to work with (and am not talking about letter writing or invoice templates). You need an HR Contract template for staff you’re hiring. For your accounts, you need to do your first Trial Balance and Management Accounts. You also need a basic Financial Policy and Accounts Tracking template, which makes your accounts audit so much easier when you start to pay taxes. You also need a Service Contract template for clients and contractors. There are LAWYERS & ACCOUNTANTS that specialise in helping growing businesses in these areas and it may be cheaper for you to retain them on an annual basis or get them to develop the basic structures over a project period of 3 months.

SUPPORT SERVICES: Unless you want to die young, there are some reliable and competent service providers you need to have on speed dial. Some of them will be useful for a short period only, others will stay with you throughout your business. They are:

Lawyer
Accountant
Insurance Agent
Visual Identity Designer
Printer
Website Developer
Marketing Agent
Travel Agent
Electrician
Generator Technician
Plumber
Carpenter
Realtor

2. YOU NEED A BRAIN TRUST

A growing business cannot afford to get a management consultant or commission market research. And sometimes the perspective of a single mentor is too narrow and limiting for a long term vision. You will need to put together a group of people you respect within and without your industry who will serve as a Strategy Board, Advisory Board or just Sounding Board. They are experienced, seasoned and wise but are approachable and will tell you the unvarnished truth. Their job is to meet every quarter, hear you out and provide market insight from a potential customer’s point of view. They do not make decisions for you but simply advise and counsel. They are your ad hoc focus group and help you shape ideas into marketing propositions. In some cases, they can also provide links and networks. You may decide to pay them honorariums for this service or simply buy them lunch – it’s up to you.

3. MARKETING

Besides having a good brand, website, brochure and other tools of marketing; you need a hands-on person or agent to physically sell your product to the market when it’s ready. Somone who has the personality and drive for it. If it’s too expensive to hire someone, get an agent you trust and pay them on a commission basis. But you need someone to physically write proposals, attend meetings, do presentations, seal the deal and most importantly follow up to collect the money – all those things you’re not predisposed to doing. Remember, when the idea is developed, someone has to look for sponsors and business partners. Preferably, someone who speaks good English, please!

4. GET AN OFFICE

Instead of trying to bear the cost of an office alone, identify 2 or 3 other people like you and share office space for at least the first 2 years of the rent period. Split the cost of diesel and other bills, have a common reception and meeting rooms but keep separate work spaces (because of confidentiality issues). After 2 years, some people will be able to afford their own office space and move out, while others will join. Having a shared office also gives you economies of scale on office supplies.

5. TRAVEL, READ, MEET PEOPLE

Move beyond being a local champion or competing with local champions. Broaden your perspectives and learn about/meet the best, internationally. Traveling does wonders to your world view. Do it. Also meet people particularly outside your industry. Spend more time with potential clients rather than your industry professionals. It will help you begin to reason from the customer’s perspective and develop products from that perspective. Also, customers prefer to do business with people who understand them not people who speak industry language.

ONE MORE THING...

In the spirit of providing real solutions and not just mouthing off, if you really want to move from Stage 1 to Stage 2 and would like some referrals to credible service providers in any of the areas mentioned above, inbox me...i know people who know people:)

98% FAILURE IS UNACCEPTABLE - A ROADMAP FOR EDUCATION BY THE YOUTH OF NIGERIA

2010-06-06T22:25:00.003+01:00

BACKGROUND

There is almost no way of exaggerating the statistics or the conclusion: Nigeria’s education system has all but collapsed. The fact that schools no longer have faith in the results of the Joint Admissions and Matriculations Board (JAMB) examinations and need to organise post-UME examinations is one pointer. Another is the fact that employers have had to extend training periods after employment before new staff can be deployed.

But, nothing underscores the issue more than the secondary school examinations result released by the two exam bodies in Nigeria. The West African Examinations Council (WAEC) 2009 results, according to Waecdirect.com, show an overall poor performance with only 26% percent obtaining a credit pass in Mathematics and English. In the same vein, the National Examinations Council (NECO) November/December 2009 results show 98% failing to clinch five credits, including English and Mathematics. Only 1.8% got five credits, including English and Mathematics. It was the poorest result in the history of the examination body.

At primary school level, things are not much better. In an international study reported by the World Bank in which learning achievements in 22 countries in sub‐Saharan and North Africa are compared, the learning achievements of students in Nigeria’s primary schools were the lowest with national mean scores of 30% compared with 70% in Tunisia and 51% in Mali.

THE PROBLEM

There are a series of factors that have led to this point. This is an example of a near-perfect storm of negative factors combining in a synchronous yet disastrous harmony. To this extent, most of the angst expressed recently about the latest results may be misplaced. Emotions do not solve problems. We failed to invest in Education and so we reaped the results.

For a long time now, the standards of education in Nigeria have been in free fall due to the following well known reasons:

Financial mismanagement, corruption and bureaucratic complexity. The problems here include corruption amongst education and government officials, such that allocated monies are not received or utilised effectively. While some may argue that the budget allocation is too little, however, virtually no country in sub- Saharan Africa has the volume of funds that Nigeria can afford to allocate to education. Yet other countries do much better in terms of education quality (as can be seen from the primary school results in the World Bank study).

There is also the issue of how education is treated in the constitution. Education is on the concurrent list and the funding structure is opaque and very complex. There are too many agencies and too much replication. This fuels corruption and huge bureaucracy that prevents funds from reaching where it matters most - the classroom. Therefore, there is a need to address governance and legislation.

Many parents do not see the relevance of education as it is taught in Nigeria today. The curriculum is deemed outdated and out-of-touch with 21st century skills and realities. There is also the issue of enrolment. In many Nigerian states, enrolments have fallen. According to the Federal Ministry of Education, Nigeria has 7 million school aged children that are not in school. This is the highest in the world! Cultural norms & traditions contribute to the low enrolment figures.

The quality of teachers and teaching is abysmal. Unmotivated teachers, poor quality of teaching and low learning outcomes are rife across all levels of education According to the Kwara State Commissioner for Education, an aptitude and capacity test was organised for a total of 19,125 teachers in the State's public school system in 2008. Out of these, 2,628 were university graduates. The teachers were given tests that were designed originally for primary four pupils in English and Mathematics. At the end of the exercise, only seven teachers out of the 19,125 crossed the minimum aptitude and capacity threshold. Only one out of the 2,628 graduate teachers passed the test, 10 graduates scored outright zero. The teachers fared worse in literacy assessments which recorded only 1.2% pass rate.

Infrastructure and low capacity are also issues. Pictures of primary school pupils taking their lessons under trees while sitting on the floor, or huddled under leaking classroom roofs, have become all too common. But infrastructure is not the primary issue facing the education sector (as our forefathers who studied under worse conditions can attest to). In truth, the quality of instruction is even more of an issue.

Warped values have introduced corruption to the classroom. Learning is no longer of prime importance to students. Inordinate focus on riches and short-cuts seems to be. There is an increase in exam malpractice and lecturer abuse.

Policy flip flops are the order of the day. The influence of politics and policy instability has been damaging to education. The head of a parastatal recently expressed deep frustration in “working with eleven Ministers and 14 Permanent Secretaries in the past eleven years”!

THE OUTCOME

According to a previous Central Bank Governor, “71 per cent of Nigerian graduates like bad cherries won’t be picked by any employer of labour because they are not fit for anything even if they were the only ones that put themselves forward for an employment test”. The next generation is largely illiterate. Where are the leaders, managers, engineers, doctors, craftsmen and artisans of the future? Who is going to be working when this generation is old?

Concrete efforts and solutions are required. It is not simply a matter of giving multi-million Naira contracts for providing furniture, a perfunctory increase in budget, education summits without new ideas and formats, or superficial competitions. There has to be a comprehensive strategy that engages the problem from its many different angles and the strategy has to be sustained. Above all else, it has to be outcome-oriented. Below are some solutions to address this state of emergency in education.

THE SOLUTION

The Role of Teachers and Teaching

Teachers are at the heart of education. The most important interaction in any educational system is what goes on in the classroom between the teacher and the child. Therefore, any solution must support this interaction. The Mckinsey & Co. 2007 Report on The World’s Best Performing School Systems highlights only 3 key solutions that can drastically improve a country’s educational system. 2 of those solutions focus on Teachers:

a. We must get the right people to become Teachers; recruiting from the highest percentile. (An educational system cannot rise above the level of its teachers). Teachers must also possess motivational and communication skills.

b. We must continuously develop Teachers to become effective instructors through rigorous professional development.

c. We must put in place mechanisms to ensure that schools deliver high quality instruction to every child/student. (The system must be held accountable and rigorously tested and measured).

Therefore, our solutions must focus primarily on Teaching and Accountability.

A credible living wage must be instituted for teachers. Teachers should earn enough to live on and should be paid on time. The States must be held accountable for this.

Ongoing teacher training must be institutionalised. For instance, The Teachers Registration Council of Nigeria may be restructured into an institute capable of re-training and administering accreditation examinations [much like the Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria (ICAN)]. All teachers in Nigeria must go through thorough training and examinations every year to be re-accredited as teachers.

An emergency plan must be put into place to attract volunteer teachers and retain existing ones. A Teachers Volunteer Programme must be set up to attract individuals who wish to give up a few months to go into schools to teach. A fund should be set up to defray the administrative expenses. The NYSC should be repurposed for 3-5 years to focus on education. Corpers should sign up to teach and the 3-week orientation should no longer be used for frog jumps and endurance treks; instead, corpers should be taken through a teacher training module on volunteer teaching. A competition should be held to identify teachers who are well regarded and voted effective by students in public secondary schools. These teachers should become national role models, be co-opted to train other teachers (in a restructured Teachers Registration Council of Nigeria) and should be rewarded. A national award should be given to volunteer teachers who sign up for an appreciable amount of time as well as existing role model teachers. The award should be endorsed by and should include dinner with the President.

Financial mismanagement in education must be stopped. The States are responsible for funding basic and secondary education as well as their state owned tertiary institutions. They receive funding from the Federal Government as well as internally generated funds. A system must be put in place to ensure that the monies generated go towards school infrastructure and teachers’ pay. Therefore, there should be an independent poll on teachers’ pay and the production of photographic evidence of school infrastructure in each state on an annual basis. The Federal Ministry’s Operation Reach All Secondary Schools (ORASS) was a good initiative in this area. It should be continued and extended to primary and tertiary institutions. Funding policy must also be streamlined.

A League Table of exam success rates in WAEC & NECO should be published annually. The Table should show the results for each State AND each school (public & private). In doing so, the public will be informed of how each school is faring and whether public taxes are simply going down the drain or being effective. This serves the twin purpose of transparency and keeping these schools and their authorities on their toes. The League Table should show how much each State receives from the Federal Government vis-a-vis the number of students they cater to and the students’ success rate. That way, Nigerians will know the spend-per-child and how effective the spend-per-child is. The table may be published in conjunction with WAEC, NECO and an independent Actuarial Firm.

Schools must be held accountable for students’ results. In the 1950s, Nobel Prize winning economist Milton Friedman argued for the introduction of a “school voucher system”, stating that competition would improve schools and cost efficiency. While we are not sure Nigeria is ready for a voucher system, we do advocate for schools to be subjected to competitive pressure. The government may release a base sum to schools (to take care of basic administrative expenses), however, the rest of the money should be released on a “per-child” basis. Parents should be free to choose a desired school based on the school’s performance on the published “League Table”. Schools will then receive the bulk of their funding from the government based on the number of students that willingly enroll in the schools. Parents may also be given a tax credit if they choose to send their kids to public primary or secondary schools. In 5 years, non-performing/non-competitive schools on the League Table should be penalised.
Schools must also be properly licensed and monitored to ensure high standards. Monitoring must be above-board, independent, thorough and devoid of corrupt practices.

Education should be made an election issue & priority for the next administration. The electorate should reject any candidate (or political party) who does not make education a critical part of his/her manifesto. Education must be brought to the forefront of any electoral debate.

Complementary institutions to Universities must be promoted to meet the excess demand for tertiary education. In 2004, it was reported that Nigerian Universities could only cater to 15% of those who applied. Today, it is reported that Nigeria’s public Universities can cater to 65% of applicants, notwithstanding that in some cases a class designed for 40 students accommodates 400. In view of this low carrying capacity, we advocate that the Vocational Enterprise Institutes (VEIs) & Innovative Enterprise Institutes (IEIs) initiatives as set up by the Federal Ministry of Education should be promoted as credible alternatives to Universities. VEIs and IEIs provide certificates in specialised vocational and technical fields. Champions must be identified and promoted to raise the interest in and brand profile of these certificates, thereby driving up enrolment. Examples of potential champions include Downtown Beauty Academy (an existing VEI) and the accreditation of the Lady Mechanic Workshop as an IEI.

We do acknowledge that many credible solutions have already been prescribed for the educational sector. We respect the efforts of those who have gone before us. However, we must question why the solutions are not being implemented or proving effective. Questions raise solutions.

IMPLEMENTATION STEPS

In order to deliver on the solutions presented, there is a need to inform and then engage the citizenry. We must move beyond just talking about the solutions to becoming a part of it. Below are some preliminary implementation steps for citizen engagement, which we hope to champion in the weeks to come.

Step 1: Concise information on the State of Education in Nigeria must be made available. A concept paper on the state of primary and secondary school education in Nigeria must be produced, accompanied by statistics from WAEC and NECO, where available. This information should be published in the form of a League Table of the exam failure rates in each state of the federation. This is because, while there is an assumption that, nationally, everyone is aware of this problem, the depth of the decay needs to be highlighted and brought to the attention of the Nigerian public at large. Also, it is important for Nigerians to be well informed about the issues, with the correct data and perspective. The paper (and accompanying statistics) should be published as editorials in the newspapers and downloadable from the web. It should also be circulated as emails/letters to anyone who expresses concern about the state of education in Nigeria. The articles and letters will serve as an invitation to concerned Nigerians who wish to support an education intervention with their intellect and resources.

Step 2: Town Hall Meetings should be held to harvest contributions and feedback. Two weeks after the paper has been circulated, meetings should be held with persons who respond, to harness initial input and contributions and to also chart the way forward in concrete terms. We also recommend telephone conferences for Nigerians in Diaspora. Key outputs from the deliberations should be:

• Organisations or individuals who will volunteer credible implementation platforms to intervene in education.

• Organisations or individuals who will champion a proposed Technical Volunteer Corps (TVC). The Technical Volunteer Corps (TVC) is made up of individuals with deep experience in and passion for education. They include (past and present) government officials, private sector practitioners and international consultants who have experience in transforming education in countries.

• Media partners who will dedicate their voice and media spaces to bring education issues to the fore.

Step 3: A series of Youth Fora should be held in each state of Nigeria. The reason a forum is to be held in each state is that, although the Federal Government formulates and regulates education policy, the States and Local Governments control and are directly responsible for Public Primary and Secondary Schools. Hence they are accountable for the deplorable nature of education in Nigeria. This fact must be brought to the fore in all communication materials. The fora should begin in the state with the highest failure rate to underscore the critical importance of the initiative. The meetings should be supported by ongoing calls for ideas from youth across the nation which may be sent in by email and SMS. Members of the Technical Volunteer Corps will be asked to moderate the fora and streamline ideas into a coherent document. The fora should be aired live on TV, radio and the internet by media partners.

Step 4: A solutions document on Education must be produced with input and wide support from the Youth. From the solutions garnered during the fora, a symbolic solutions document should be produced and presented to all State Ministries of Education and the Federal Ministry of Education (The Minister). The document will contain no more than 5-10 major solutions. It should not be a dense soporific document that will be shelved. Rather, it should have both long term solutions as well as quick wins that can be implemented within a year. It must also be accessible by all stakeholders in education. Any plan to fix education that does not take into account the views of the youth should be rejected, as education directly concerns them. The document must be on the agenda of the next National Council on Education and each State Ministry should be pressured to execute at least one or two of the solutions in the next 6 months.

Step 5: Hands-on support by the Technical Volunteer Corps must be provided to the Federal and State Ministries of Education. The Technical Volunteer Corps should offer their services to implement the education solutions proffered. A fund should be set up to take care of the administrative expenses. The idea is to not just proffer solutions, but to help implement them.

Step 6: Results must be well documented and the Ministry held accountable. In 6 months, a report should be produced of what has been accomplished by the Federal and State Ministries of Education.

These are ideas and solutions for education in Nigeria. We call on Nigerians to lend their voice and support to implement them.

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

This document is the combined effort of Nigerian youths and senior professionals working in various sectors of the Nigerian economy. We care about education, and believe that, beyond consternation and display of outrage, it is important for those who have the means, skill and resources, to work with the authorities to revive and/or improve our education system.

Contributors: Nigeria Leadership Initiative, Do More for Nigeria, The Future Project, Paradigm Initiative Nigeria

If you wish to participate in the ongoing discussion on education or contribute to the solution in any way, kindly email, SMS or call: info@thefuturenigeria.com, 07034904820, 07028101959, 08022226712

Data Sources: Federal Ministry of Education, Nigeria; National Universities Commission; McKinsey & Co. Report on Best Performing School Systems, THISDAY, Nigerian Muse

Thoughts in June (1)

2010-06-06T22:23:00.000+01:00

Do not come too close to the people you admire; you will find that they are all too human and less than admirable - especially young entertainment personalities. (Don't mind me, just reacting to the people i've met lately)

It isn't that God is not in the business of the extraordinary - he can only only make dreams come true through people. Unfortunately there aren't that many people who are interested in making other people's dreams come true. Hence, God is left with "managing" those he can find, as best as he can.

No matter how logical you are, without grace and wisdom, someday you will be confronted with a situation where you willingly throw logic outta window & start on a path of destruction. The sad thing is you won't even be aware of it, you'll think you're doing the right thing and only those observing you can tell. Listen to them or you'll be destroyed. Constantly take stock of your life and allow people to regularly be your mirror. Ask them what they think of you and what you can do better.

Things/people/relationships require attention or else they'll show signs of neglect and eventually break down. Excellence requires constant supervision and attention to detail. You must be ever vigilant, constantly improving, ever perfecting.

Brazil Trip (2)

2010-02-27T22:23:00.004+01:00

The Rio Carnaval is truly amazing! It’s worth every expensive Real and is an experience of a lifetime. The Carnaval takes place over a period of a week with street parades and grand performances at the Sambadrome (like the Tafewa Balewa Square in Lagos). 12 groups (called schools, though they are not academic schools) compete over 2 days (6 schools on Saturday and 6 schools on Sunday), and then the champions from each day do a Champions Parade the weekend after that. The best time to go is the 2nd day of the first round (on Sunday), where the best schools perform. You can buy tickets online or through your hotel or licensed tour company. There are tickets for numbered seats or you can decide to sit in the bleachers and arrive early to get a good seat. Being a cheapskate, I chose to buy the bleachers ticket but my hosts chose a great area – Sector 5 with a great view.

The show begins at 8.30pm. I arrived about 7pm, got a good seat and settled in. The entrance is quite organised and the officials are efficient. There’s little rush. You simply look for the entrance to your sector and hand over your ticket to be swiped. There are also corporate box seats (with accompanying bars) for sponsors and their guests. As you can imagine, they are in prime positions where you can see and be seen (and envied).

Each school has 80minutes to perform, and the performances include accompanying live music, grand costumed parades, drummers and very ELABORATE floats. One thing I noted was that perhaps instead of singing one song from the beginning of each performance to the end, the schools could have varied it a bit. But I guess they rehearse and time their performance to such exactitude that it may help to use just one song. Each school has about 8 groups in its routine and sometimes a school may have as many as 6,000 participants! They try to tell stories so the performances are a blend of march past, dance and dance drama. Different cultures are expressed during performances. I could readily identify the following: African, Amazonian, Asian, Spanish, Japanese, Indian, Dutch, German, Islamic, Jewish, Oriental...you name it.

I must say that the story about topless women at the Carnaval is overrated. I did spy a boob or two but they were largely costumed and were in no way sensual or garish. They were more cultural and part of the overall costume or tribal dress being portrayed. Brazil is not a very sexual culture. From what I’ve seen, the daily skimpy dressing is matter-of-fact because of the heat and beach culture and it has lost whatever sexual appeal it may have once held. Bum shorts and tank tops aren’t immodest, they’re essential if you don’t want to die of heat stroke. It’s amazing that Brazilians walk their dogs (mostly cute little things) in the heat of the late morning or early afternoon.

I was able to visit two of the main beaches in Rio – Copacabana and Ipanema. Ipanema is smaller, more popular and hence crowded. I preferred Copacobana. You can get to either beach by tube or bus. If you can, avoid the tube...it’s filled with half naked bodies pressed together in a not-so-nice way. And anyway on the bus, you can take in the sights along the way. When going to the beach simply wear a bikini, if you’re a girl, with a wrap or light dress. You really don’t need to take anything along as you can rent a folding chair and umbrella when you get there. But on a truly hot day when there are bound to be many tourists, you may bring your own. Avoid carrying a camera or bag unless you’re in a group and someone will be watching your stuff at all times. All you really need is a bit of money stuck in a waterproof arm band/wallet.

Everyone wears a bikini (could be a thong or shorts); you’ll rarely see a one-piece. No one goes topless – that’s for the French:) Anyway, Rio is more of a ladies’ market. The women are not very well endowed, but the men look gorgeous. Sisquo would be right at home here as there are some nice ebony skinned brothers with hair dyed blond and incredible tattoos. Apparently, if you wish to see Giselle types, you have to go to another city in Brazil entirely. And the sand is scorching hot! You can’t walk on it barefoot, but the water is quite cold, almost freezing in contrast to the sand. The bus stops/metro are a block away from the beach. Simply follow the crowd till you see the water. If you choose a hotel by the beach, ask for a room on the upper floors facing the beach. The views are incredible. That’s one thing about Rio, the spectacular views. You can see The Christ or Sugarloaf Mountain from just about anywhere. Just look up and about.

When I got to the beach I was struck by the wonder of a black Nigerian executive standing in the middle of a crowded beach in a foreign land. And I was grateful for the privilege.

For shopping, the RioSul is good or try the Praie De Botafogo. Both have cinemas and as a bonus there’s an additional cinema just down the road from the Praie De Botafogo called the Arteplex. At the Arteplex, you’re guaranteed to find movies in English. Brazilian food is quite aromatic. I didn’t try many dishes because I couldn’t understand what was written in Portuguese, but just like Nigerian food has a distinctive smell of Maggi, and Indian, curry, Brazilian food has its own distinctive smell. Unfortunately I didn’t ask what the primary spice was.

More on the language challenges: Brazil is set to host the FIFA World Cup in 2014 and the Olympics in 2016. I imagine that they will need an English language intervention, much like China required one just before the Beijing Olympics. The language barrier is really significant unless you speak Portuguese or Spanish. This was confusing to me, as you cannot be a truly world class tourist location without making an accommodation for English speaking tourists. Malaysia and the UAE (Dubai) understand this and in Malaysia for instance, the street signs are in 3 languages: Malay, Hindi and ENGLISH. In Brazil, I wouldn’t eat in some street-side cafes because I couldn’t decipher the menus. In the more upscale cafes or restaurants, you can ask for an English menu. Many of them have one. If you happen to make friends with other tourists for whom English is not a first language, remember to speak proper textbook English. Idiomatic expressions and slang go over their heads.

Tourism is a significant business proposition and there is money to be made in providing advice to English speaking tourists who wish to travel to exotic locales. This space isn’t being properly filled and right now the major resource for this category of travellers is guide books. Lonely Planet makes some of the best, but a book is simply not as interactive or as helpful as a human being.

If you’re visiting a country for the first time and you can afford to spend a bit of time, I advise that you visit 2 or more cities within the country, so you get a full sense of the country and what it has to offer. For example, were a tourist to visit Nigeria, I would advise that they visit during a major festival say the Argungu Fishing Festival or the Kano Durbar. Their itinerary should begin in Lagos where they should take in both the Mainland & Island, proceed to Cross Rivers (Calabar) to visit Tinapa and Obudu Cattle Ranch, then take a side trip to Abuja before proceeding on to Sokoto or Kano for the festival of their choice. To really experience the culture and joy of a city, a festival is a great (though very expensive) time to visit. All you really need to turn a city into a tourist location is a very distinctive festival that takes place at a definite time every year. But the city must have 3 structures: a good, trustworthy English speaking tourist agency (like Arabian Adventures in Dubai), good transportation and good hotels.

I have one more Brazil Note to post, but I’ll leave you with this for now.

2010-02-14T15:53:00.006+01:00

My strongest impression of Brazil thus far is that no matter the colour of your skin, your body shape or size, you can enjoy being who you are. In Brazil, the people speak freely about what they call "the mix". The country is a melting pot of so many nationalities, religions and cultures. A typical Brazilian is actually a mix of 2 or more nationalities. They are the most accommodating, unselfconscious people i know.

At this insanely hot time of the year, the fashion for ladies is to wear a bikini top and a loose fitting blouse fastened by a single button at the back of the neck, leaving the back bare. This is paired with bum shorts and flip flops. For guys, beach shorts and no shirt. A t-shirt may be tucked in the back of your shorts for when you need to walk into an establishment that requires a shirt. And a gorgeous tatoo on one bicep is quite common, or for ladies on an ankle. Everyone looks like they're just returning from the beach (which they probably are) and i mean everyone: young, old, fat, slim, foreign or local.

But before i describe my time in the city of Rio, how exactly did i get here?

Well, a couple of years ago i decided to visit one or two new countries every year, starting with a country on each continent. I had visited Europe, N.America and Asia, so this year it was either Australia or S.America. I chose S.America and eventually Brazil, primarily because Carnaval was coming up and they had an embassy in Nigeria. Applying for the visa was pretty straightforward - they require the same documents as every other embassy in Nigeria. Getting the visa was another matter entirely. Apparently it has to be approved in Brazil first before it's issued in Nigeria. This took 6 weeks! I finally got my passport back with the visa and the next step was to decide how to get there.

My travel agent suggested Iberia Airlines (via Madrid) and so began another application, this time for a transit visa. I applied and 4 days later my application was denied with an accompanying letter in Spanish! Needless to say, i was quite pissed as i had applied for a visa to pass through the airport not go into the country. I promptly attributed it to the Mutallab Syndrome and proceeded to apply for a renewal for my US Visa, with a view to transiting through the US. After standing in line at an ungodly hour in the morning and producing much stomach acid due to nervousness, i heard the magic words: "Your visa will be issued. Pick up your passport in 2 days", at which point i muttered: "Up yours, Spanish Embassy"!

2 days later i ate humble pie after realising it would cost me twice as much to go through the US. I reapplied to the Spanish Embassy with a ton of documentation (The letter in Spanish mentioned "incomplete documentation"). My transit visa was issued 4 days later, just 1 working day before my trip (I had already bought the ticket as it was required for my visa application). Phew!

Meanwhile, booking a hotel was another drama entirely! During Carnaval, all hotels must be pre-booked, the amount is deducted immediately from your credit card and there are no refunds. Making inquiries is a nightmare if you don't speak Portuguese! I finally found a quaint B & B through Trip Advisor where the owner spoke English and was a licensed tour guide so he would assist me during my stay and buy me tickets in advance to see the grand parade at the Sambadrome. But, the B&B didn't accept credit cards and insisted on payment through Paypal. Now as we all know, Paypal doesn't allow payments from Nigeria, so i had to call a friend in the US to make the payment for me. By this time, as you can imagine i had a persistent headache.

Finally, my hotel was booked, my visas were in place and i left for the airport. Now, i don't know how to say this delicately so i'll just say it. Unless it's an emergency or as in my case you're a cheapskate, please DO NOT fly Iberia! I don't know if it was a coincidence but that night it seemed like a good chunk of my fellow passengers looked like pimps, hos and drug pushers. Nigerian home videos were being repacked cause someone's hand luggage was overweight. Someone kept swearing at the ground crew, F...ing this and F...ing that. Someone else unwrapped Suya during the flight...and the onboard service can't really be described as service.

Anyway, we finally got to Madrid where i had a 7 hr layover. I now understand how Mutallab got past security. You see when you get into a country at an ungodly hour of the morning, there are only 2 or 3 passport control guys and they are so sleepy, they barely glance at your passport. Also none of your hand luggage (or your person) is scanned before you board your connecting flight, so you can pick a "package" up from duty free and no one would know.

The flight to Rio was 10 hrs long. I met up with Richard at the airport, one of the hosts at the B&B where i would be staying and we were off to Botafogo, a charming beach side town in Rio that's supposed to be one of the safest. The house is way up a hill and we kept going up a winding road made of cobblestones.

The next morning i ventured off to explore the city with directions from Rob (another host). To get to the bus-stop, i had to climb down the hill via 2 flights of dangerous looking stairs. Once or twice i got lost and that's when i discovered the language barrier. Very few people speak a smattering of English so communication is primarily via sign language and key words. But the people are friendly and someone actually went out of her way to walk me to the bus-stop to get the right bus to my destination. The best way to get around is by bus. The buses have screens below the windshield that tell you their destinations and when you get in you hand the money over and tell the conductor exactly where you're going. You sit in front and gesture that he should tell you when the bus gets to your stop as there are no announcements or screens inside the bus. A word though - the drivers are worse than Molue drivers so hang on very tight!

A security warning: Many places are safe in Rio, but if your traveling alone you're advised not to carry a bag or sling a camera over your shoulder, especially at night, as muggings do sometimes happen. However, the major tourist spots are safe as they require an admission fee and are populated by mainly foreigners. I've wondered why tourist attractions always look better in pictures and on TV than in real life. Maybe it's because one's expectations are so high. The Christ Statue, The Botanical Gardens and Sugarloaf Mountain are must-sees and can be taken in, in a day in that order. At the major attractions, i noticed that the Asians always have the most sophisticated cameras:)

The botanical gardens have an overarching aura of peacefulness and contemplation. It reminded me that sometimes it's fun to travel with someone. It's the kind of place that lovers go to, to have quiet conversations and plan their future.

In all my trips, i've found that the best way to get a feel of a city (particularly if you're traveling alone) is to book a half or full day city tour for the day after you arrive (if you arrive late, that is, as most tours begin in the morning). Search for a reputable tour company online (although sometimes your hotel may be able to suggest one). Select one where you go with other people as that way you also meet new people who are tourists. After you've done the city tour, you'll get a sense of the city and the tour guide can either recommend other activities or you can strike off on your own. You'd be amazed the tour packages you can find online including outdoor activities like rock climbing and snorkeling or parties and club jaunts.

For shopping, the Law of Shopping Malls prevails: Things get cheaper the higher up the floors you go:) On an interesting note i found that when you're served beer at the street-side cafes, the bottle is placed in an ice cooler, like champagne:)

I'll be attending the main Carnaval Parade tonight at the Sambadrome. Will post pictures when i return. Bye for now.

This is not poetry

2009-12-23T15:14:00.001+01:00

I wish you would love me for my intensity
I wish you would love me for the heart & soul of me

I wish you would love my mind
And not think me too intelligent or unkind

I wish you would love my naivete
My idealism & dreams

I wish you would love the bitch in me
The side of me that likes to be naughty

I wish you would love my efficiency
And my slight affliction of OCD

I wish you would love me older & wiser
I wish you would love me prouder & bolder

I wish you would love my music & words
I wish you would love my Father & God

I wish you would love talking with me
Travelling & reading with me

I wish you would love teaching me
I wish you would love making love to me

I wish you would love our life together
My quaint sense of forever

I simply wish you would love me
But first I guess you must find me...

"Dedicated to the one I yearn to love with all my heart"

Download my published book, No Bullshit Vol. 1

2009-09-14T07:23:00.004+01:00

To commemorate my birthday, i am making NO BULLSHIT Vol. 1 available for viewing and download at www.nobullshitonline.com. Kindly circulate the link to spread the word. Also, i would like your feedback, which you can give on the Facebook group page for No Bullshit. Thanks.

On Friendship

2009-08-10T22:43:00.000+01:00

This note began as an innocuous status update on Facebook, which I shall paraphrase here: “Adesubomi Plumptre is thinking that we do not appreciate friendship and its life changing impact enough. In the next few weeks I will be writing notes to my friends describing what I absolutely love about them and what they mean to me”.

My status update has got me thinking about the true value of friends.

There are friends we get along superbly with; people we’re completely comfortable with and can say just about anything to; friends who make us laugh At some point in your life, you may have had one or two and they have enriched your life greatly.

A rarer kind of friend is the one that inspires you; always speaks the truth and provides a mirror that challenges you to be better than you are. They help you grow; are a font of wisdom and teach you something new anytime you’re with them. In your quiet moments, you acknowledge that your life has been changed because of something they said or did. You know you’ll never be the same because you met them. In some measure, you became who you are today because of them.

These are the friends you should especially hold on to, for dear life. They are precious beyond measure. Just like sexual attraction, if a friendship isn’t fed, the bonds weaken and the individuals eventually drift apart. Friendship demands a definite rhythm and schedule.

I have found a parallel in my relationship with God. Anytime I set out a specific day or time to talk to him, after a couple of weeks, I find that he’s there waiting for me. It’s almost like he’s excited that I came when I said I would. Friendships are like that. We unconsciously reserve a space in our lives, hearts and schedules for those who strike a definite friendship rhythm with us.

For some, it’s football matches on Saturdays, for others it’s drinks every Thursday. For others, it’s a once-in-a month lunch or a once-in-a year reunion. Whatever it is, regularity and consistency help you maintain the bonds of friendship. And it takes effort to maintain that rhythm, for we are all ostensibly busy.

I have heard it said that some friendships are meant to fulfill a specific purpose in your life, after which they fade away. Perhaps. But don’t be so quick to throw away your friendships. I know your heart can only hold so many people, but still maintain cordial relationships. I am learning this. I never used to be the acquaintance type. You were either a friend or not. I am changing. I am learning to celebrate friends, to give gifts to them, to go out of my way to make them happy, make them laugh or feel loved. I plan to begin with those notes I promised in my status update.

Explorations of a Horny State of Mind: PART TWO

2009-07-06T21:15:00.001+01:00

I am ovulating. This means that my horny state of mind has now become a physical reality. The distant rumbling has become a louder growl which rudely cuts into my internal conversations. At times, I feel like telling Shosho (my alter ego) to simply quiet down...After all, can’t you see I’m busy here!

My previous tome ended with the observation that it’s easy to resist temptation when it just isn’t there. You see, as I emerged from my teeny bopper years, a strange thing happened to me. I stopped being physically attracted to guys just because they looked like Denzel Washington. My first crush was a tall, serious looking guy with gorgeous stubble - a physical archetype that I confess my heart still goes aflutter over. But, as I grew older and my brain became my primary sexual organ, the level of sexual attraction was usually determined five minutes into the conversation, whether by text, phone call, chat or face-to-face. I've discovered that there are male versions of “dumb blondes”, good to look at – veritable eye candy – but essentially cold water to any form of fire. I call them preening peaCOCKS:-) It’s different for guys, I suppose – the ability to separate a physical need from good conversation and company, but for me, it just makes for very boring intimacy.

My friend was teasing me yesterday about offering his 'services' to me free-of-charge. I had mentioned that it’d been a while since I was thoroughly kissed. Yes, there’s some attraction, but like a buddy once told me – and then what? What happens next? After you get your groove on, then...? Perhaps I desire something of the more permanent variety.

I’m thinking this blog should help me think about what is really important to me in a guy. They say every lady has a LIST – you know the proverbial list of things that she desires in a man. Well, my list has evolved and been whittled down so much over the years that I need to stop for a moment to figure out what’s there right now. I will do two separate lists: What Makes Me Sexually Attracted To A Guy and What Makes A Guy Relationship Material.

I’m doing separate lists because I learnt that sexual attraction is amoral. It flares up and takes hold of your brain (and nether parts) irrespective of whether the guy is physically attractive, unattractive, single, married, of another religious or political bias or if he simply annoys you. Once certain factors are present in a guy, YOU WILL be attracted to him, despite your denial. All you can do is DECIDE whether or not you’ll respond to the attraction or how fast you’ll flee. Just because you're attracted to a guy doesn't make him good relationship material.

So, here goes my lists:

LIST ONE: WHAT MAKES ME SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO A GUY

1. Confidence: I’m not sure where guys get their confidence: Money, Intellectual Firepower, Self Esteem, Good Upbringing, Height, Good Looks, A Knowledge of Being Loved and Accepted...whatever it is...the thought of a guy who's truly not intimidated by me, doesn’t have anything to prove, can tell me exactly what he’s going to do to me and then grab me to whisk me off to bed to summarily show me, is quite intoxicating

2. Intellect & wisdom: I value deep unhurried conversations

3. Exposure: Cultural exposure is important to me. I love to joust verbally and also enjoy witty crazy conversations that make my sides burst with laughter. It’s hard to do this with a guy who’s not well read and exposed. Also, like a friend said: if you enjoy a man talking dirty to you, it sort of spoils the fun if he does so with a thick Yoruba accent!

4. Wit: An ability to make me laugh and feel like a mischievous child again. Someone who brings out Shosho, and gives Subomi a break for a change

5. A good heart: Someone I intuitively trust

LIST TWO: WHAT MAKES A GUY RELATIONSHIP MATERIAL

1. All of the above
2. His ideology: Should be non-traditional and completely centred on the teachings of a Jewish Carpenter who dared to be God
3. Obvious prosperity: I am allergic to poverty
4. Kindness and long suffering: Em...I can be em.. .difficult at times:-)
5. Friendship: Someone who has proven his friendship over time

So, there's my list. Mmn...who'd have thought?

Explorations of a Horny State of Mind

2009-06-11T18:04:00.003+01:00

I am perhaps one of very few women who actually experience joy at the realisation that they didn’t get married in their 20s. The thought of being married without knowing what I know now positively frightens me, especially having been privy to the internal workings of quite a few marriages and breakups.

I wouldn’t trade the character forging, humility and wisdom that have been garnered, nor the painful lessons learned for anything.

I admit that there are challenges this 30-odd urban female experiences that I didn’t even think about when I was 20-something. I thank the Lord that certain troubles come during specific phases of life. I am pained when I see young people dealing with the problems of older folk, most especially when their parents die young or they are traumatically stripped of their childhood innocence – rape or sudden poverty will do that to you.

Today, I began thinking about my 20s because of a question a friend sent to me by SMS this morning. He wanted to know what I now do when I’m horny, having been privy to my internal struggles on the subject in the last couple of years. In preparing to answer his question, I was struck by a terrifying realisation – I hadn’t been earth-shatteringly, intensely horny in a while…I mean there were respectable rumblings…but not of the irrational-give me any live man- variety.

Now I know all my relevant anatomical parts are in good condition so it can’t be a medical issue. Could I be tired from work and psychologically traumatised by Lagos traffic? Was it because I had been down with the flu a few weeks back and only had thoughts of getting well? What happened to the glorious horny state of my 20s? Was it the recent lack of use of my equipment?!! Will getting laid bring back those sunny rainbow moments?:-) Sigh!

But wait, I digress.

Having thought about my friend’s question for a while, I responded by saying that I hadn’t summarily turned off the font from which all sexual desire spouts. I was just a bit weary. Weary of the incessant conflict between principle and desire; moral rectitude and pulsating hormones. Weary of navigating the aggressive or unspoken needs of men; of studying the pros and cons of barrier and hormonal prophylactics; of having to ask whether I’m pro-life or not; of considering and dealing with substitutable relievers like masturbation and oddly named contraptions…I was just tired.

A decade ago, I entered a brave new world of sexual awareness and discovery…now my brain and heart work overtime as they overflow with words like fairness, commitment, friendship, love, passion, gentleness…

My priorities have shifted. The older I grow, the more aware I am of purpose and of doing things that truly matter. I am more interested in giving and sharing. I have less patience for the intrigues of relationships or the subtleties of a frail ego. I am quick to speak the truth and more eager to hear it. I am no longer uncomfortable with my unwillingness to be uncomfortable nor do I shy away from the fact that I have means which aren’t depleting anytime soon. Interestingly, I am more willing to be a better person and to understand people than I used to be. I have been shown my shortcomings too often to be prideful.

I think a shift in priorities and maybe a greater focus on TRUTH has replaced the passionate storm with a quiet rumble. Or maybe I’m just old:-)

Finally, I mentioned to my friend that not having an outlet forces you to harness your passions or run mad. Having said a teary goodbye to fire, ice & dynamite without purpose or at the very least mental engagement, my options are sorely limited. It’s easier to resist temptation when it just isn’t there, isn’t it?:-) What thinkest thou?

Generational Irrelevance

2009-03-17T19:10:00.002+01:00

During the TV broadcast of the 2009 Grammy Awards (the world’s most prestigious industry award for music), I watched as Whitney Houston mounted the stage in a magnificent dress to do the first presentation. As I considered the frown lines on her beautiful aging visage and her slightly incoherent (and I must add, over-dramatic) presentation, 2 things suddenly occurred to me:

1. I am much older than I realise
2. Whitney Houston is no longer very relevant to this generation of music buyers and listeners

You see, I grew up on Whitney, Micheal, Bobby, Anita, Mariah and Teddy (Riley not Pendergrass). A few years ago, music industry executives would have told you that the traditional music buying and MTV demographic spanned the 16-25 yr age range. This is changing. With the rise of the internet and by extension –instantaneous global information access and file sharing, that demographic is getting younger and younger. Music appeals to all age groups and music videos, no matter how raunchy still merit a Universal rating and can be viewed by children.

This neo-generation wasn’t born at the height of Whitney’s fame. They didn’t watch Bodyguard or for that matter Thriller. Any wonder that Michael Jackson is considered a living legend or freak show? They never saw him do the Moonwalk at Motown 25, so who the hell is he to define dance?

In musical history parlance, this is the age of the “tweens” – Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift and The Jonas Brothers define the era. They are the new role models and pop stars. Music is getting younger folks and it’s been that way since the rise of the 90s boy bands and record label group creations. Presidents may fete Stevie Wonder but the public adores and buys Miley Cyrus!

In an age where Britney Spears reached her peak at 26(!), something is definitely shifting. Think about it, people like Britney, Beyonce and John Mayer have lived the entire career of established rockers. An average 26-year old pop star has been married, divorced, had 2 kids, won 4 Grammies, an Oscar, performed across all 4 continents, bought a Lamborghini, a summer home in Provence, served a jail term, been to rehab and back, posed for Playboy/girl, directed and starred in a R-music video, been photographed doing drugs, gotten born again, came out of the closet, been a UN Ambassador, been charged with Assault and Battery…..you catch my drift.

I often wonder about the immense pressure that must be on these stars. They have literally lived entire lives in a quarter of a lifetime.

Back to Whitney. The other night, I also listened to her “come-back” song…you know, the duet with Akon that was as tepid to a musical perfectionist as Mase’s come-back song was uninspiring. It hit me then…that Whitney really can no longer be relevant to this neo-generation. It is no longer her time. I admit that some people have tried to reinvent themselves over and over…Madonna did it…R.Kelly is still doing it…but my argument is that Madonna is a singularity, a unique individual who carved out a space - she created it and then dominated it. R.Kelly became a masterful innovator…transiting from New Jack Swing and youthful R “n” B to a more mature “Soul” reminiscent of Marvin Gaye. He has now metamorphosed into a storyteller and Pied Piper. Innovation and reinvention has bought him some time…but ultimately we will begin to get that nagging feeling that something’s off if he does one more duet with someone who’s young enough to be his son (Usher in Same Girl).

Innovation should not be underemphasised…it sustains careers and helps artists mine tremendous value from their talents. But I have never met an artist in Nigeria who took a strategic approach to their career. As I began to catalogue what it took to succeed as an artist in Nigeria, I was amazed (and saddened) that for many, it’s still a hit-or-miss affair…It seems artists succeed by stroke of luck or fate or whatever…it’s rarely “deliberately created”. Because the artiste doesn’t know how he succeeded, he also doesn’t know how to sustain or reinvent it.

Why did Styl Plus’ 3rd album stink? Why did Tuface even bother with his latest effort? What created D’Banj? What is creating M.I? Why is Modenine not as relevant as he used to be? Why did we barely notice his last album? And why are artistes not paying any attention to the lessons of history? Sigh.

Now, let’s discuss some IT…Mark Zuckerberg (now 24 yrs old), was uniquely positioned to create Facebook at the time he did. He was 19 at the time, and in the thick of youth culture on a Harvard campus. Today, Bill Gates no longer plays the role of IT whizzkid…he’s shifted priorities to focus on healthcare in the 3rd World. Steve Jobs is ill and getting old and tired. Jerry Yang has been eased into oblivion. The Google boys are enjoying their moment in the sun for a while before being replaced by 20-something year olds.

The thing is, at some point, in every field , the baton must be handed over…indeed you only have a short whilee to enjoy the fleeting nature of fame and then you must slide into generational irrelevance…or more precisely…you then need to take stock, refocus, restrategise and find new relevance in matters that concern an older generation. You cannot sell old stuff to new kids. A person always exists within a generational context. National politics is best played by a generation that has achieved professional and financial clout. But student politics is the domain of youths.

The truth is, whichever generation you belong to, there is a specific role for to be played. Do it quickly before your time is up. Perhaps if you fulfill your role well enough, the impact will spill over to other generations. For instance, I will buy a Jonas Brothers CD if it moves me, although I do not belong to their generation. They will own a share of my mind and money simply by being the best at what they do. But I am not their primary market. So, it is true that you can influence other generations when you successfully focus on yours. I am reminded of the words of the Biblical Chronicler…“David served God in his generation”. There are things that a man is uniquely gifted to do, but if he doesn’t do it soon, it will become irrelevant.

Again, during the 2009 Grammies, four hip hop stars - Kanye West, T.I, Lil’ Wayne and Jay Z performed Swagger Like Us. Once upon a time, Jay Z would have been the highpoint of the performance. Amazingly, he barely registered against the backdrop of brilliant and fresh talent like Kanye West’s or even Lil’ Wayne. Perhaps, it’s time for Jay Z to reinvent himself.

You know it’s time to reinvent yourself when you used to be the smartest person in the room, or the best singer or the best entertainer and then one day you wake up to find that other people are. There are talents deep within you. And those talents are for your generation. Perhaps it’s time to grow up, stop bemoaning the good old days and consider how you can be relevant now.

“One generation passeth away, and another generation cometh: but the earth abideth for ever. To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven”. King Solomon, 967 B.C

On the Brink of Anarchy

2009-01-12T14:31:00.003+01:00

A few days ago I tried to figure out why the Nigerian Police has not embarked on a shooting spree in Lagos, Nigeria; maiming and killing as they go.

It is surely not the presence of overarching law and order.
It isn’t our non-existent forensic technology that will ultimately ensure their apprehension.
It isn’t the terrified eyewitnesses to whom it is no concern.
It isn’t the good people in the corridors of power whose voices will ultimately be silenced and who will eventually be disgraced out of office.
It isn’t the multitude of Facebook groups appropriately titled: “Nigerians Against Police Brutality” or “1,000,000 Nigerians Decry Police Violence”.
It isn’t this article buried among millions of others.
It isn’t prayers to a God who has just about given up on a lazy generation that can’t seem to use what he’s freely given efficiently.

I reasoned that our Policemen haven’t gone on a shooting spree (even when its so blindingly obvious that they can get away with it) is because of whatever shred of decency they have left and the fact that their psychological state hasn’t degenerated to the abysmal level of their paycheck! In other words, we’re entirely dependent on their goodwill!

Another thought: For those who routinely pass by Law School (Adeola Hopewell Street)in Victoria Island, Lagos at night, it is not an uncommon sight to see Policemen bundling prostitutes into their vans, as group sex is exchanged for the right to ply a trade. Is it any wonder then, that men who are used to demanding for sex free-of-charge from the disadvantaged sex would stop on a Lagos Street at 10pm and bundle a group of innocent female friends enroute a nightclub, and not be punished for it?

As seemingly good government officials are routinely asked to resign, disgraced, harassed or hounded by the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC), is it any wonder that there are fewer and fewer role models?

How do you convince a young man in Nigeria that if he studies, works hard, lives right and is diligent, he’ll be rewarded, when he’s entirely surrounded by the contrary? After all, we celebrate the 419 kingpin when he comes home for the holidays and accord him multiple chieftaincy titles. His only fear is of being kidnapped. Practically anyone can be kidnapped nowadays.

And if you haven’t noticed, women are being raped and assaulted in broad daylight. Even traditional clothing is deemed too sexual if the straps are any thinner than a foot wide!

In Lagos, we are bowing under the weight of Task Forces – every check point is seemingly illegal and traffic cops will demand for bribes with very few exceptions. It has become a way of life; the cost of doing business. It seems progression and beautification of a State must come at the price of totalitarianism, brute force, extortion and impunity.

The goings on have made me very very angry. I am angry because the solutions will only come from my generation (the previous one having mortgaged the future). Yet, I am worried at the damage that has been wreaked on our minds. Our arms are so weak; the burdens we bear so unnaturally heavy. And in the midst of it all, our country cries for salvation. Our country demands action not rhetoric or excuses.

We have an ongoing crisis of Leadership. Sacrificial, “it-must-be-done-or-I-die leadership”! Not just political leadership but individual leadership. Our generation is so busy, busy, busy that we leave leadership and engagement to louts, touts, layabouts and self seeking sycophants. Increasingly, our intellectual inferiors are becoming political leaders, simply because they had the time to attend the political meetings and run for office. We can’t all engage directly, but we can sponsor and empower those who can. We can all become political godfathers in one way or another.

We can all do the right thing at work, home, on the street, because that’s the way it ought to be and that is how it will be once again. The alternative is an evil unthinkable future.

For years, I have steadily and consciously been building a network of good, honorable people. The people I call the Leaders of the New Generation. I have sworn to stick by them, for without support and the encouragement that comes from knowing they are not alone; without constant conversation, they will lose hope and fall into the morass. I have pledged my life to helping them succeed with my money, resources, networks, intellect and time. I do believe that:

One man will make a difference
One man will change the world
One man will defeat the evil
One man will be sent, called, empowered or simply volunteer when there’s no one else
One man will arise in my lifetime.

Journey to the UK & US Part Two

2008-10-24T16:28:00.008+01:00

I will be impolitic again and mention that my first impression of the US on arrival from the UK was that the public spaces were less pristine, the people less fashion conscious and much bigger. Truth be told, and I’m shamelessly generalizing here, Americans apparently don’t bother to dress up. They look like they just rolled out of bed and don’t give a damn about it. Baggy clothes are the de facto uniform in this part of the world and I must admit, I was influenced by this trend during the latter part of my stay.

Having been frustrated by Apple Itunes in Nigeria, I was finally able to open an Itunes account in the US and using my login name, I can use it wherever I am, even here in Naija. Apple needs to have its head examined…I can’t add songs to my Iphone from another computer, so now my flash drive is my “library” and I have to carry it everywhere I go!!! Furthermore, I can only authorize 5 computers with my Itunes account and any music I buy on Itunes can’t be changed into MP3s. What’s the point of having a sophisticated Iphone? With the old Ipod, at least you can transfer music at will. Naija babe in bitching frenzy. Word!

New Jersey can be a bit depressing. I had a wonderful time visiting my friend but for about a week, I was on edge. I realized it was because I had this nagging sensation that I was in "Surulere", even though I had paid hundreds of thousands of Naira to “go abroad”. There were Naijas everywhere (and to be fair also a good number of Latinos & Portuguese), African shops, hairdressing salons everywhere you turn…common! Now I better understand how Nigerians can travel and the country they visit doesn’t really pass through them! They remain so cloistered in the Nigerian community: eat, go to school, go to church, befriend & live with one another….

A major difference between Asia and UK/America is that in Asia, one rarely sees black faces and you get the sense you’re in an exotic locale…truly abroad. I bet you may also feel like that in some primarily Caucasian European countries.

I value new experiences. I respect the ability to reach out to embrace and understand the best of other cultures while junking the worst of yours…and a lot of what I saw exhibiting as African culture in NJ was (…insert something very unkind here).

I don’t know who infected who, ‘cause even the names of the churches in NJ are suspect – “Aroma of Christ Ministries (Deliverance Chapel)”, “Deliverance Jesus Is Coming Church” and “United Prayer Of All People Church”!

The transportation system in America is not as extensive as Europe’s, though the train system in NY is pretty good and there’s a stop sign at almost every bus stop in NJ, giving you time to figure out where you are. As in Europe, get a pay-as-you-go transport card or deal with bringing out the exact change for every trip! The UK is definitely more structured than the US. On public escalators, you get a sense of order. If you want to simply stand, you stay on the far right making room for people who want to walk up. Enroute the tube, there are distinct pathways for people going to and fro.

It was weird watching TV in America…seeing and hearing about places you had just visited and realizing the Obama-McCain debacle was going on right there…figuratively just next door.

Travelling really helped me appreciate the progress we’ve made in Naija. We’ve really come a long way. What is lacking are 3 major things – Systems (Law & Order, Security, Checks & Balances Against Corruption/Power Abuse), Infrastructure (Particularly Power & Transportation) and Global Consumer Brands (Sometimes, just seeing a MacDonald’s or Starbucks evokes a feeling of development). Without intelligent, resolute and compassionate leadership, we cannot have any of these things.

After spending some time in New Jersey, I was off to Michigan, a land of wide open spaces and beautiful fall colours. There are trees in Michigan! On the way to my host’s home, I noticed a curious sign advertising an Adult SUPERSTORE. I reasoned it must be a store with a very very wide selection of porn! :-) In NJ, there are advertisements asking you to donate your car (I learnt you can get a tax break if you donate a used car to a school). In Michigan, you’re asked to donate your boat!

The best way to see America is to drive. There are pretty good directional signs on the highways and armed with a GPS, you can go anywhere. But, be prepared for holdups during rush hour, especially at tolls. America is a land of regions with distinct customs, accents, habits and cultures – the Mid-West, Down South, The City…A key difference from Nigeria is that because there is one common language and destiny, while customs and cultures thrive, there is no “tribalism”. Americans tend to cluster around things like sports, food and events like Thanksgiving. There are a lot of self-service functions in America – Gas Stations, Ticketing Stands; even the Gym may be unmanned! The cinemas show full 15 minute previews, so you can afford to stroll in a bit late.

On a curious note, peeing in the open is a sexual offence in Michigan (a variant of Indecent Exposure). If you’re caught, you will be registered as a sex offender. In Europe/America, weather reports are important! A few degrees matter. When it’s cold, it’s freeeeeeeeeezing.

As you travel, you tend to collect/need an odd assortment of information at your fingertips– tourist locations you’d like to revisit, credit/debit card numbers, log in details for various websites, bank account numbers, internet banking log in details, hotel honours numbers, frequent flier numbers, passport number, phone numbers, addresses…the list goes on…I wish there was some way to manage this stuff without worrying about them falling into the wrong hands…

Journey to the UK & US Part One

2008-10-23T18:12:00.005+01:00

I will begin this blog by stating the obvious: The UK and US aren’t like what many people think. As tourist destinations and lands of opportunity, many countries outclass them, by far. However, knowing this didn’t dissuade me from visiting these countries and sure as hell won’t dissuade anyone else either. So, I shall attempt to provide the would-be traveler with a few subjective insights.

I have found that the formula for surviving/enjoying a trip to any developed city is pretty much the same.

First ACCOMODATION…(this does not apply to you if you’re staying with family or friends though). Before you go, do a search online or ask around for the major shopping district or city centre. Usually, there’is a street or region that captures the city’s sights and sounds. For example, Oxford Steet in London or 5th Avenue in New York. It will be expensive to stay in the actual area, but the trick is to look for a hotel just “off” the street – say 5 to 10 minutes walk from the centre. That way, you’re not only safely inured from the hustle and bustle, but you save hundreds of dollars on hotel expenses. You’re also minutes away from shopping, the cinema, the spa, eateries, tourist attractions, train station…everything! Finding the ideal hotel location is absolutely key when you go on vacation. I always look for a hotel close to a cinema and Borders or Barnes & Nobles. Yes, am a book worm and love coffee.

Now, COMMUNICATION. For business travelers, you may find it useful to roam your country phone while having another handy for a local sim card. Buy a sim card and top up on credits at the airport when you arrive. Be sure to read the fine print and ask for special offers, which operators can SMS seamlessly with your country’s networks etc. If you plan to visit the country frequently, it may be cheaper to simply get a contract line or bundled minutes using your host’s contact details on the registration form (with his consent, of course).

As per MOBILITY, there are some cities that have great public transportation networks e.g Singapore and London. Go to a train station and buy a pay-as-you-go card or travel card. It works on both trains and buses and saves you from having to count out the exact change for every trip. If you’re going to be all over the place within a few days then a “fixed period travel card” is a better option, but if you’re not sure how often you’ll be on the road or you plan to revisit the city, the pay-as-you-go card is a safer bet. You can top it up when needed and use it for years.

On your first day in a new city, it may be nice to do a guided city tour just to get a feel of the city before striking off on your own. There are many guided tours available online or through your hotel. During the tourist season, book a few days in advance for the most popular tours.

London reminds me of Singapore with a multitude of bicycles! It makes sense when you remember that Singapore was a British Colony. The architecture and feel’s the same. You can also stroll to most places as every where’s connected! To my amazement, the people really love to eat…and eat…standing up, walking, in the park, leaning against the wall…This is truly the city of sandwiches. And yet everyone seems so trim. Maybe because they walk about so much. I love pie so I proceeded to sample a different type each morning at the nearest café. Also, try to sample gourmet pizza at a Pizza Express. I attended a Brand Conference while in London (where I was the only black participant). One of the speakers from Pizza Express so extolled the virtues of their gastronomic delights that I just had to taste one. I wasn’t disappointed! There’s one at Dean Street, just off Oxford Street ( by Oxford Circus Station). When I travel, I never have issues with food. I love rice based dishes and anything crusty so can do Italian (pizza and pasta), as well as chinese and thai (rice, chicken). I always find stuff to eat. Tap water is safe to drink in the UK, but I noticed that when I ask for tap water with my meal at a restaurant…I get a side glance that says…”you cheapskate, you can’t order spring water”? For where? Asko!

For bar hoppers, The Slug & Lettuce isn’t a bad place to visit. Kinda reminds me of News Café. There’s one not too far from Bank Station. For clubbers, try Abacus or Revolution in the same area. At the train station, everyone rushes to the train platform…why I don’t know, as there’s a train about every 5 minutes…so what’s the rush? The cold? The truth is, it’s hard to truly destresss in a modern city. ‘Tis better to retire to a lake in Italy or a farm in Texas.

Like in all good cities, there are directional signs everywhere and many things are automated, though you may ask for help. Many service positions are manned by the young, friendly and earnest and they’re usually up-to-date and competent.

The Monuments are a bit disappointing…apparently pictures do better justice than the real thing. At the Tower of London, I took one look at the “family jewels” and thought…”is this it?” By the way, I will never do the London Eye again. Perhaps, it’s an activity for photographers, as it’s incredibly slow and boring and I don’t give a flying fig about a “panoramic view of the city”. Madam Tussaud’s was worth it though. You really can’t tell who’s real and who’s not in the dim lightingJ.

I came across some intriguing business names in London – Jupiter (a financial services firm with the payoff: We are on this planet to perform!), The Couch Bar, Eat..the real food company, St. Mary’s Axe.

Another point to note – excellence and good taste have no geographical demarcation. Good taste traverses cultural barriers…a point I’ll speak more on when I get to my US observations.

The UK and US are cities of offers. Everywhere you go, you’re asked to buy 2 for the price of 1.5 or a bigger size to save money. At a time, I felt like shouting: “It’s my money! I don’t want two…just one and I don’t mind paying for it”!

Suffice to say, I did the whole tourist thing in London which I won’t bore you with. Unfortunately, I didn’t do much shopping (I did that in the US) so I can’t comment much on that. From London, I took a train to Bradford to visit my sister who’s studying there. Bradford is an old sleepy erstwhile industrial town. It’s quite peaceful and basically a university town now. I also visited Saltaire in West Yorskshire (Aire: River, so…Salt River). It’s a UN Heritage site built by a miller who used the river as a source of hydro-electric power. He sorta reminded me of Hershey and Heinz: 2 great socially responsible entrepreneurs. Now, I’m going to be impolitic by mentioning that Bradford is also cheekily known as the Islamic Community of Bradford or Bradistan because of the large Middle Eastern Population. If that is so, then perhaps Peckham should be known as Naijaland!

I like the British. They exude a sense of responsibility, politeness, order and quiet efficiency. They mind their business, but are very helpful and do so with a smile. They do unglamorous jobs with thoughtfulness and efficiency. And the city reflects this thoughtfulness…sidewalks with wheelchair access, public toilets everywhere, directional signs, public transportation. Parking space is still an issue and there are congestion charges in the West End.

In summary, London is an okay place to visit ENROUTE some place else…it’s not a place to stay. Perhaps if I had visited more cultural sites like Stonehenge, I may have had a richer experience.

Travel Musings

2008-10-23T17:50:00.002+01:00

Kindness will make me fall in love, but a sense of purposefulness and a heart after God will keep me there.

My big sister is a really kind, responsible person. She kinda reminds me of my Dad.

My Nokia phone with the numeric keyboard is my handiest tool – it’s my reminder, alarm clock, communicator, diary, notepad, sms machine…

Why must bed sheets have strange flower patterns? They remind me of paramecia, protozoa or amoeba or something…

Books never go out of fashion. Unlike clothes, in 50 years, you can still find a book.

Men try to do what they think women like. Sometimes, we’re quite clueless and it helps to periodically check to see whether we’ve changed our minds about that thing we like.

Anytime I get depressed, I think of all the books I haven’t read, the new music I haven’t heard and the interesting people I haven’t met and I cheer up again.

Give it to me

2008-09-16T18:56:00.006+01:00

Give it to me
Anyhow, anyway, strong, black or brown
Just give it to me right now!

I need to do it
I crave the way it feels
Rushing through me, in me

So, who's gonna do it, drive me, ride me
Till i'm tired and can't do it any more?
Who's gonna call me on
My Blackberry, PC or phone?

Who's gonna demand more
Insist that i do it this way or that?
Go further than anyone else
Turn me into an unfeeling performing machine?

Who's gonna pull me and push me
This way and that

Who's gonna bend me over backward
And keep at it till I'm spent, worn out, exhausted?

Just give it to me
Anyway, anyhow, strong, black or brown
Give me that potent brew
of exquisite, hot coffee!

Pain

2008-09-16T18:50:00.002+01:00

My pain speaks a subtle language
It exclaims in the aches and pains in my joints
It whispers in the tears that escape the corners of my eyes
It sighs in the breath from my front teeth
It pounds in my temples & the back of my neck

My pain speaks a subtle language
It is the language of silence, grief and emptiness

*Composed at a client strategy session as part of an impromptu poetry exercise

Random Thoughts 2

2008-06-09T20:45:00.003+01:00

1. I did not lose music.
Music lost me.

I did not betray friendship.
Friendship betrayed me.

I did not write the words.
The words wrote me.

I did not seek God.
God sought me.

2. I sleep better in hotels. I can control the environment i wake up in. No waking up to the sound of workmen in the uncompleted building outside my window, the sound of my brother reading aloud or blaring loud music. Even better, no waking up to an unexplained bat flying around my room or spine-tingling rustling sounds under my bed.

3. I sleep worse in hotels. I hate the vast empty bed and the quiet room after a long day of meetings in a foreign town.

4. I am a culturally illiterate African. I am learning more and more that language is a thought pattern and lifestyle. For example, the concept of "Ori" in Yoruba is much deeper than just a "Head" and "Aiye Loja" goes much deeper than simply "Earth is a market".

I don't speak Yoruba thus i don't think in Yoruba. I now realise that this has its pros and cons. As i cannot undo the past, i choose to focus more on the pros. I don't have any cultural baggage, have a bulletpoint brain, do not speak in lenghty code and can comfortably lead people much older than i am. Conversely, i can be tactless, am uncomfortable around family and find it difficult to relate to metaphoric poetry. You see, many languages paint pictures and one word may mean an entire story. I will probably never be able to truly appreciate this side of poetry. I also find it difficult to understand inuendos. I once read that in Japanese culture, grunts and gestures speak a thousand words. I would probably not be able to relate to this.

Deep random thoughts

2008-06-05T19:58:00.003+01:00

I am so so so tired, that i will not pretend to structure this post at all. I'll simply document on paper, my thoughts over the last few weeks.

1. As a kid, I considered Barney quite stupid. I still do.

2. A song will make me buy a CD
A verse, a book of poetry
A great vacation, a home in a foreign country
And an act of kindness may birth a friendship that lasts a lifetime

3. I am a strange thing in a woman’s world: Sure, strong, efficient, a leader. Yet, I long to simply be a woman - to be led and held by someone greater than I. If nature abhors a vacuum then life has turned me into something of a control freak. When I’m surrounded by incompetence, my instinctive reaction is to step in to avoid someone else, for even a second, destroying the very things I value/ennoble and subjecting me to the scourge of mediocrity.

4. I had my first real consciousness of being emotionally lonely at 28. I realize now that “everything” I have done since then, has been in a bid to escape this cloying, overwhelming thing. I have chased shadows. Quite frankly, I cannot say I regret anything but it is finally time for my head to “correct”.

5. If you don’t feed love, it dies. That’s how I know that all love-induced hurt eventually fades away. Pain stays buried deep inside until you provide a channel for it to dissipate. I usually have a soundtrack/verse for all the painful periods in my life. They are my channels. Although the dull ache remains, when love comes again, it heals, reaffirms and makes me stronger.

6. My brain/life is in overdrive. It must be the side-effects of reading, particularly reading the Word of God. The Word changes, elevates, equips, makes you intelligent, deep & wise. It also gives you incredible faith. You become passionate and bold. You believe God for incredible, wonderful, impossible things.

7. Disobedience, disbelief, anger, worry and guilt are all related. Someday, I shall tell you about it.

8. My new motto for people who annoy me: “I will surely kill you before you kill me”.

9. The difference between a man and a male: Leadership and responsibility. I would like to learn what critically differentiates a woman from a female. Any ideas?

10. Three ways I determine what makes a person tick/what kind of person they are: a.What they are passionate about is what defines them. b. Their speech and words reveal their level of education, cultural exposure and open-mindedness. c. The animation in their eyes reveals whether they are driven, self-aware or defeated.

11. I didn’t know it would be like this.

12. The people we don’t love, but who love us remind us why we should never love those people who don’t seem to love us back.

13. The loved can never ignore his lover. The lover always desires his loved.

14. Text messages have revealed a lot about my “friends”.

15. The only way to stop loving is to replace the love with indifference or pulsating anger.

16. I’ve seen some of the best acting on World Wrestling Entertainment.

17. Many times, maturity is only attained in your 30s. There are some things God will not entrust to you until you’re mature.

18. I finally “get” authority.

19. I “got” friendship a long time ago.

20. Three ways God teaches us: His word, relationships and experiences. He exalts his word above his name (his manifestations/experiences). Experience is a horrible and expensive teacher. Instruction is cheaper.

21. Excellence is a way of life, not an act or accomplishment. Excellence in this life is simply practice for an eternity of excellence. If you don’t learn it now, you will be forced to live it then. But, you will be placed under the authority of others who were more excellent than you were. Authority doesn’t end on earth. Get used to it.

22. Purpose is locational. Success is about purpose. You can only be truly successful when you have achieved your purpose. And purpose is always within a certain context/location. It is interesting that Joseph (Zaphnathpaaneah) was declared “a successful man” while he was still in “Jail”. Come to think of it, he was always well “located”. Everything else – the glory, riches etc. were simply outflows. If he had died in prison, even then, God would have considered him successful. The glory wasn’t his success.

There will be many successful labourers and unsuccessful millionaires. Many rich men will desire favours from Lazaruses.

Things i adore

2008-03-17T19:14:00.002+01:00

Sunlight streaming into a room
Friendship
A good bear hug
A star-filled sky
Cuddling up on a rainy day
Soft kisses
Laughter
R 'n' B slow jams
Beauty
The knowledge of being loved
Doing the right thing
Order
A much needed cold coke
Knowledge & wisdom
Kindness & gentleness
Mind sharpening conversation
Purple
Mischief
"Chemistry"
Quietness
Accomplishment
Efficiency
The smell of dust & talc
A full moon
Washing my hair
Freshly laundered sheets
A clean bathroom
Wide spaces
Words
Being at peace with my world
Walking barefoot
Holidays
Nice tasting toothpaste
Projects & more projects
Liberty & the freedom to be
Ice cream
Going out on a date in a musical environment
Movies
Jim Henson's Muppets
Purpose & direction
Birthdays (but only when friends are around)
Celebrations
New experiences
Committed & reliable people
Clean hands
My shorts
Cake I can sink my teeth into (no raisins please)
Chin-chin
Being talked or read to sleep
Someone gently pulling at the little curls at the back of my head
A good head & foot massage
Real people
Sincerity
Guys who are secure
Fresh tomatoes and pepper
Good service
Music and more music
Easy to use gadgets
Living
Resolution
When God is near
When troubles are finally over and done with
Killing, annihilating & squashing anything with six legs
Justice
Mercy
Completion
Interesting questionnaires
The smell of rain
Avenues
Newly sprung grass
Board games
New music
24 hr services and stores
When people tell it like it really is
When I have 3 hours more & the fun has just begun
Helping people actualise their dreams
Watches that have 'everything" - date, day etc.
The guitar & trumpet
Coming home to my favourite meal - rice

Untitled

2008-03-17T18:58:00.001+01:00

In rage I bellow at the elements by which I am proscribed
I spit in the face of the inevitables and unmovables
I rant, rave and curse the invisibles that mock my pain
And I puff in puerile futility at the internal inferno that consumes me

In relief I embrace the kisses of the morning
I revel in accomplishments old & new
I rediscover old forgotten consorts
And accept life’s gifts with grudging acknowledgment

In sadness, I ponder missed opportunities
Goals unattained
Mistakes unforgiven
And consider unremarkable chapters of an incidental past

I wonder, is joy to be found in deep reflection and intellectual pursuits?
And peace within the regimented life of a disciple?
Does happiness accompany self-correction & self-righteousness?
Is laughter friend to resolute will and determination?

I think not
For surely laughter is for fools
And levity for the simple and childlike
They bear no burdens, ask nothing and understand little
Troubling not fate, they are seldom tasked by Life

Reaching for nothing; gaining naught
Existing; failing to live
Plodding in soldierly fashion; constituting the plebeian rank & file

Little wonder then at my desperate flight, reach & aspiration
The profligate spending of soul and sweat currency
My bold Archillean quest for immortality
And my liberal use of the crimson ink of legacy

For I reach for glory, remembrance & permanence
And ruthlessly disown my twin brothers of fear and uncertainty

My Middle East & South East Asia Tour (Part 4: Malaysia)

2008-02-20T13:32:00.004+01:00

Official airport taxis are EXPENSIVE in Malaysia, so simply do what we do in Nigeria, bargain with the touts and get a good deal. The airport is pretty far from the city centre and not as intuitively labeled as Changi Airport, Singapore. (Changi Airport must be the most thoroughly labeled airport in the world!)

I found that it’s hard to go to a new city to relax. There’s just too much to see and too little time. The solution may be to lock yourself up in a spa retreat for a week before/after the shopping and sightseeing binge. Instructively, many world famous sites look better on paper than in reality. I guess that’s the power of professional photography!

The hotel I stayed at in Kuala Lumpur– Hotel Capitol – is very very good. It’s right in the centre of Bukit Bintang where everything is – shopping malls, cinemas, restaurants, clubs, spas – everything! But, it doesn’t have an in-house gym. That’s no problem if you walk everywhere. Then, you’ll get sufficient exercise.

The English in Malaysia’s not as good as Singapore and some signs are only in Malay. However, while Singapore is a 4-language country (in the sense that official sighs are usually written in English, Malay, Chinese and Indian), Malaysia’s a 2-language country (Malay and English). You can get by with Minglish – a combination of distinct words and gesticulations to get your message across.

Unemployment is very low here and there are vacancy ads everywhere without enough people to fill the spaces. I was informed that a lot of guest workers come in from other South East Asian countries, though emigration is quite a difficult process. However, foreigners can gain residency status by purchasing property worth about RM250,000.

The national pastimes are foot reflexology, body massage, shopping and karaoke. By the way, reflexology is another name for massage by knuckling, pinching and pounding!

Enroute the Hindu temple at Batu Caves (where I climbed 272 steps), I discovered that Malaysia is deeply religious (the dominant religion is Islam and Hindu’s also big too). You are defined by religion and race. So, when a stranger’s trying to get to know you, he usually asks about your religion. That way, he can determine your cultural and traditional leanings. My braids and beads were a big hit.

One of the “low points” of my trip was using a pit latrine after 20 years. In Government facilities, you pay 20c to use the toilet and tissue costs 30c. It’s advisable to carry your own hand wash when going out. The floors of the mall toilets are sometimes wet because of the hoses used in purification during prayers.

I enjoyed my visit to the Batik factory. Interestingly there are so many different ways to use a scarf. They should make instructional videos as you’re not allowed to take photographs. At the factory, they also have a nice selection of pearls and jade. In Asia, if your bust size is bigger than 40 inches, finding the right size is hard. Go everywhere with your tape measure as sizes can be deceptive and there aren’t always changing rooms.

I visited Selwyn Pewter, home of all things Tin, the War Memorial at Lake Garden, passed the National Theatre by Lakeside, the National Art Gallery and the city’s largest Mosque.

The national flower of Malaysia is the Hibiscus (in Singapore, it’s the Orchid). 8 is a prosperous number in Chinese culture – that’s why the Petronas Tower has 8 floors in each tower. At Beryl’s Chocolate Factory, I sampled free chocolate delights – Chili Chocolate, Tiramisu, Milk Chocolate, Almond – yum yum!

I took a couple of pictures with the Royal Guard at the King’s palace – 1 of 9 Sultan’s who rotate the title. Yellow is the royal colour and if you are invited to a meal with a member of the royal family, avoid the colour yellow.

There were quite a number of backpackers in Malaysia – you can tell who they are by the maps they constantly refer to when walking around.

A major mall to visit is Starhill at the Marriot where every floor is an experience. Malaysia’s a night city and you have folks lining the street at 1 am “hawking” reflexology. At one point I was concerned they were selling more than massage – after all I was asked whether I wanted a man or a woman to do mine.

The food is very edible – fried rice, stewed meat etc. Because of space constraints, parking’s usually on the rooftop or in the basement of buildings. The couples are very affectionate, like Singapore. The youth are into punk rock dressing here – spiky hair and all. Malysians like their women slim. Slimming therapy is good business. Malaysia/Singapore is tropical fruit heaven. There are so many varieties of fruit.

The taxis are the locally produced car – the Proton – which runs on gas. The gas tank is under the hood. Tourism is the 5th largest foreign exchange earner after Oil, Gas, Rubber and Timber.

During my trip, I finally understood why people don’t want to come back to Nigeria when they get the chance to go abroad. It’s the law and order, low cost of living, caring nature of Government, safety at night, lack of ostentatious displays of wealth and power, dignity of labour, low unemployment, opportunities for the bright and ambitious, progressive nature of the state and leaders, good transport and telecoms networks, constant power, light traffic – it’s just everything. In a foreign country, you pray less for inanities – things that should be taken for granted, like not being robbed during an inter-state journey.

On my way back to Nigeria, I was so ashamed of my countrymen. I shouldn’t be but I was struck by a deep profound sense of shame. The rush, the horrible way we dress when traveling (like refugees). Our national problems run deep and they’ve impacted the fragile psyche of generations. We need political, military, legal, business, intellectual and moral leadership to get out of this deep deep mess. Sigh!

My Middle East & South East Asia Tour (Part 3: Singapore)

2008-01-18T12:51:00.001+01:00

After a I hr stop-over at Colombo, Sri Lanka, we were off to Singapore on Emirates Airlines. Customs at Singapore’s not as “breezy” as Dubai. The guys at Dubai had stamped my visa on an obscure page of my passport, so the customs guy and I spent several minutes looking for it! For a moment, my heart was in my throat and I thought to myself – “this guy will think, these naija guys have come again”! Eventually, the stamp was found and I was let through (after the guy had ascertained exactly how much I had on me, counted the money and looked at my hotel booking).

One thing I noted on my trips was that no one at the different airports asked to see baggage claim tags, meaning anyone could have picked up any piece of luggage on the conveyor belt and walked out, without being challenged!

Singapore isn’t as shiny and new as Dubai and there was obvious security at the airport (soldiers with guns). My friend picked me up and we left for my hotel via train. At some point in my trip, I bought a tourist pass from a major train station -Bugis - which provides unlimited rides on trains and buses over a 3-day period as well as a list of places to go and a map. Very useful for a tourist. On a sad note, I learnt from my friend that Singapore required a deposit on every ride (which you reclaim at your destination), because Nigerians had once defrauded the system, necessitating the new rules. Sigh! You can’t eat or drink on the train or bus and there are constant terrorism advisories.

In the evening, I sampled my first local meal. Trust me, you never want to see how the food is cooked. Everything swims in broth and you eat with a fork and spoon or chopsticks– no knife or serviettes – you come with yours. There’s really nothing to cut anyway as everything’s bite-sized. The food isn’t peppery, as their chilli is sweet not hot.

On my second day, we visited the Esplanade (a cultural centre for plays and events) where there’s a Haagen Dasz store (I still dream of sampling the fondue) and Suntec Plaza –site of the Fountain of Wealth, the world’s biggest fountain and haven to restaurants featuring food from across Asia. In Asia, the food names are largely unpronounceable, so simply point at what you want or observe what someone’s eating; if you like the look of it, ask for it. But, don’t point with your forefinger – it’s impolite – point with your thumb instead.

There are few black faces in Singapore. Although, the city has the largest port in the world, hence is a centre for trade, I guess many traders prefer China – for cheaper goods. Many Nigerians congregate around Mustafa’s in Little India, a 24-hr supermarket close to an African Kitchen. My friend advised me to steer clear cause of the negative reputation that Nigerians have developed in Singapore.

There are people EVERYWHERE in Singapore! At times, I wished God could mysteriously zap about a quarter so I could walk at a leisurely pace. However, despite their numbers, I was told the city has a shrinking population, as childbirth is dropping. Yet, they are strict on immigration, preferring guest workers from other Asian countries.

The weather is hot (and when it’s not, it’s raining), Singapore has a lot of underpasses and with the train system, you rarely get to see the scenery go by. But, the city is relatively compact so you can walk everywhere if you know the way.

The top hotels are on Orchard Road (Singapore’s Rodeo Drive) or if you prefer Old World charm, try the Raffles Hotel in the Colonial District (Stamford Raffles founded modern Singapore). The national pastime in Singapore is eating. There’s food everywhere, yet it’s so healthy, you don’t put on any weight. The Singaporeans don't have a cooking culture, so everyone eats out - you'll see an entire family with babies and grandparents in tow at the Food Courts.

The young ladies are VERY fashionable and will rival any UNILAG babe and they love to shop! Also, because of the heat, this is the city of the scantily clad. Casual clothes are a hit here, especially jeans shorts and flip flops. Bad news though, the women are “very modestly endowed” and there are language difficulties. Only a few are spectacularly beautiful according to subjective Western standards and are usually of mixed race. There are 3 main tribes in Singapore – Chinese, Malay and Indian. Women wear their hair long and well endowed people with short hair are not considered beautiful. Singaporeans are openly affectionate, canoodling and holding hands and sex begins at a young age. But because of very strict birth control and education, you rarely see unwed mothers. Some hotels are known to provide hourly rates for quickies and it’s done openly.

Singapore is very organized – there are signs everywhere, street shops, public utilities and WIFI. Contemporary hip-hop is the rage. If you’re visiting the Singapore Zoo or Jurong Bird Park, you’ll be well advised to wear trousers and socks as there are sand flies in the “jungle”. Most parks open at about 9am and usually have specialised shows through the day, so it’s pretty much a day trip, although the Night Safari attached to the zoo has a great show at night. I sampled the famous “Singapore Sling” at Sentosa Island, where there’s an underwater show (which I was late for unfortunately). The Sling is kinda like Chapman, but it’s fruit juice and gin. I did note that the Food Courts are usually at the entrance to the theme park, so even if you don’t want to pay to enter and just need food, they do a brisk business anyway.

Singapore is a good place to go to, but you can take it all in, in a few days and rarely need to stay much longer than a week.

My Middle East & South East Asia Tour (Part 2: Eastern Coast, UAE & Oman)

2008-01-18T12:08:00.000+01:00

Shajah Emirate, UAE

Shajah is one of 7 emirates in the UAE and is on the eastern coast. Known as the dry emirate, liquor isn’t allowed within its borders. Shajah kinda reminds me of Kubwa (hope I got the spelling right) in Abuja, Nigeria. Accommodation is cheaper there than in Dubai and although it’s technically about 30 minutes away, because of traffic, it’s a 2hr journey during rush hour.

Shajah is the market for 2nd hand stuff in the UAE and you can get household goods at great prices here. They also produce Gas; have solid minerals and rear racing camels.

The tourist attractions are the volcanic mountains and Friday Market (for fruits and carpets). A Guggenheim Museum is also planned. English is not as widely spoken here as in Dubai, but most signs are in Arabic and English.

Fujeirah Emirate, UAE

Fujeirah is another Emirate on the eastern coast of the UAE. It’s a coastal emirate so water sports and fishing are main attractions. You have a choice of a luxury Japanese Resort or the more mainstream Sandy Beach Resort or Rotana Hotel. There’s scuba diving, kayaking and spas.

On an interesting note, I noticed that during the tours, the guides speak both German and English. Is it because Germans are involved in a number of building projects in the UAE or the fact that they just get around a lot?

Sultanate of Oman

The area of Oman that I visited was by the Indian Ocean. Apparently it is one of the most fertile areas in Oman with a lot of dates and “Dongonyaro” trees (Neem Trees). In that particular area, camel milk and flesh is sold and fishing is a major industry.

The Emotionally Selfish

2008-01-17T14:10:00.001+01:00

I have a group of new friends that I term - Emotionally Selfish. They are a bunch of good people and i truly admire a few in particular, but they are plagued by an odd brew of emotional manipulation that may be unknown to even them.

Have you ever met people who call you one moment all bubbly and cheerful, you gist for hours and they're like - "i missed you so much" etc - then they don't speak with you again for the next month. It is those people I'm referring to.

I don't think they mean any harm, perhaps they are just relationally limited, stunted or ignorant. But a few are actually quite knowing and selfish. They only call you when THEY feel like talking and at their convenience. At other times, they are too busy, not in the mood or unavailable. They are unpredictable, forgetful, spaced out, treat your friendship like a yoyo and are moody. In truth, they are unworthy of good friendships but for the fact that they have really wonderful hearts and in rare moments of lucidity will do anything for a friend.

Sometimes, i think their ability to withold emotional response and favour is a subtle manipulative technique. As in, if they control how fast the pace of the friendship should go, then they are effectively in control. They are the type of people you can't call at 2am when you really need them. In fact, by then, they'll be fast asleep with their phones off! They haven't grasped the simple truth that friendship is about availability, consistency and giving.

The caveat of course, is those who don't want to be friends. In that case, they should simply say so and stop the cat and mouse, indirect, dont-want-to-hurt-my-feelings nonsense.

My attitude towards such people is simple. If i find i'm the one who's always calling and they never call, or writing and they never reply - on time - or sharing and they never say more than two words, then i summarily delete all their contacts and remove them from the hallowed halls of my memory.

Counterintuitive Decisions

2008-01-17T13:41:00.001+01:00

God's commands or leading are counterintuitive and very hard. Sometimes he may pitch loving someone against doing what you know is right. Then he takes a "siddon look" attitude and waits for you to make a decision - your decision.

He sends no flash of lightning nor does he influence your choice. He simply waits. Afterall, he's given you more than enough data to make an informed decision.

In my mind, i have imagined what i want and what God wants to be like 2 distinct worlds separated by an unbridgeable chasm. Both worlds exist in parallel, one rarely disturbing the other and both are quite legitimate. Anyone who has tried to make money the "normal" way and those who have tried to do it the "sowing and reaping" route know that eventually both lead to money and success. But the methodologies are different, the experiences and rewards different. And it's ultimately a choice.

Going down God's route will only fully make sense in the afterlife. Face it, on earth, the output is usually not commensurate with the input. The headaches, sickness, poverty, scorn and persecution are simply not worth it if one were to look at earthly rewards alone. I can do things much cheaper and faster my own way. Perhaps that is why the Apostle said that "if there is no afterlife, then Christians are of all men, most miserable"! Perhaps in the next life the accounts will finally be balanced.

And man, can God make seemingly impossible demands! Someone close to you dies and in your grief, along comes God and asks you to do something for Him. You're like "God, how could you be so insensitive! I'm mourning xyz here and you're asking me to do this other thing that's entirely unrelated?" It is at this point that we take offence and label God unfair. However, in the parallel world, one thing has absolutely nothing to do with the other. In that world, what God is asking of you has nothing to do with the death of the loved one. Kinda like how in the Military, when a job has to be done, you put aside personal stuff and just get it done. That's the life of a soldier.

But again, God simply watches and waits for you to make a decision.

I've had to make counterintuitive decisions in the last few years and one thing i've realised is they don't go away. They come back again and again till you choose - one way or the other. You can't ignore them and in making your choice you must be fully committed to the choice you make or else you'll be miserable thereafter as you second guess your decision.

It hasn't been easy and i need my friends more than ever at this point. Interestingly, it is at this point that my friends are far away. All my intellectual connections are failing and those who i need to be brave have become timid preferring to hide their heads in the sand than question fundamental principles. Therefore i have decided to eschew worry and simply throw myself at the Master's feet in humility as I plead for the mercy to be prevented from making the wrong decisions, no matter how well-intentioned.

In this place

2008-01-17T13:38:00.001+01:00

There is peace in this place
Peace I have searched for and ached for

There is knowledge in this place
One far beyond my years
Insight that refuses to leave me alone
Get out of my head or relent in its intensity

There is sadness & regret in this place
But hard-earned lessons have been learned
And a better me has emerged

There is nobody in this place
It is devoid of human understanding
And friendship

I dare to be me in this place
I refuse to pretend or apologise
And in this place there are no negotiations
Trade-offs or bartering

There is a future in this place
I can see it, smell it
But I just can't seem to taste it

There is dissatisfaction in this place
I am not doing enough
But I can do much more

I must let go in this place
I am not in control
I keep telling myself this over and over

There is music in this place
I can hear it, sing it but i can't write it
I miss the wonderful melodies I have not written in years

There is salvation in this place
Maybe I can do it this year
Triumph, overcome, sacrifice and become

Perhaps I will find purpose in this place

There is solitude in this place
I am losing my ability to speak
For I do it so rarely and have lost all capacity for small talk

I am too serious in this place
There are too many rules, principles and standards
And I have no one to look up to
No teacher, no big brother

I am lost in this place
Lost and alone
For the higher I go
The fewer companions I see along the way

I would really like to fall in love in this place
But I am a doggone realist
Falling in love with a friend
Is a rare but wonderful thing

I am waiting in this place
I need to hear it, read it
Understand it
Know the right thing to do

Please speak to me in this place
I am troubled and afraid

I am crying in this place
Always on the inside
No one knows and no one sees
And it never lasts very long

For I must function in this place
Do what needs doing
Get the job done
Perform. Lead

I’m no longer fighting in this place
I will not expend needless emotional energy

I am buying new things in this place
Surrounding myself with the comfort and beauty

I worry about my family in this place
But I pray, simply pray

I am changing in this place
Becoming better, kinder

I see the hearts of men in this place
Their goodness, strength, kindness and frailty

I admit my failings in this place
The gross inadequacies of the female in me

I have tried to be a better woman in this place
I keep trying and trying
But there’s no one to tell me if I am succeeding

I am feeling sorry for myself in this place
It is a strange condition
And somehow it seems cowardly

I will not make the same mistakes in this place
Enough is enough is enough

I fear morning in this place
The harsh light of judgment
And the desolation it brings

Perhaps someday I will eventually leave this place
This place of sadness, sorrow and hopefulness

My Middle East & South East Asia Tour (Part 1: Dubai, UAE)

2008-01-11T14:41:00.000+01:00

This year, my vacation period was at the end of the year. Because i can't stand the cold, i usually need to choose a holiday destination in a warm region. I chose the Middle East and South East Asia. The deciding factors for me were a friend in Singapore and the promise of a good massage in Malaysia.

My trip began with a couple of days in the UAE and a quick swing through Oman (and back to the UAE). First stop - Dubai.

Dubai is one of 7 emirates in the UAE. While Abu Dhabi is the capital and the richest emirate due to its vast reserves of oil, Dubai IS the tourism city. Dubai's oil reserves are expected to run out in 10 years hence the diversification into tourism and real estate. Abu Dhabi has another 100 years.

Everything and i mean everything in Dubai is designed to make you spend money. The city is pretty well organised and ultra clean; new developments abound; there are signs indicating everything and the people are tourist friendly. English is also wiely spoken. Customs was a breeze; was picked up by the tour operator - Arabian Adventures and given a welcome pack; money changers (Bureaux de Change) were a few minutes from my hotel and a well stocked mall with an ugly exterior but great variety (Burjuman Centre) . I wasn't able to get a hang of the local transport system as the tour operator took me everywhere (or i walked), but taxis seem to be the best way to get around. The "car" of choice is Toyota or a bicycle. The tour operators are always on time. When they say 7.15pm, they are at your door by 7.05pm!

Smoking seems to be the "national past time" in Dubai and the weather was cooooooooold. In Dubai, it's either very hot or cold (the 2 extremes of the desert), depending on the time of year you visit.

The best place to eat is the Bastak or Old Town by the creek. The creek separates the two sides of Dubai: the city and Deira. Bastakiah Nights restaurant is highly recommended or the Dhowa Floating Restaurants.

Dhowas are wooden ships that were used to transport goods once-upon-a-time. The Bastak has a good nightlife and many of the old buildings are made from Coral. Apparently the building technology was taught by the Iranians. The Museum is also at the Bastak. You can have drinks by the waterside at the Heritage or Diving Village or sit quietly by the Silk Plaza to gist. The food in Dubai is very similar to what you'll find anywhere else in the wood. They have versions of savoury rice, meatballs, lasagna, stew, even something that tastes like tapioca pudding.

A very romantic thing to do would be to rent a ship for the night and have a romantic dinner for two while sailing, then fall asleep under the stars. The tour company can also organise a fireside dinner in the desert with traditional music and dancers. Dubai is ideally a city for romance and shopping NOT quiet contemplation. It's too noisy. I fear it may become overcrowded like Singapore.

If you're with a tour guide, the best tours to go for are the City Tour, Desert Safari and Burj Dubai tour. If you're the shopping type, it may be best to stay near the Mercata Mall or the Wafi Shopping Centre by the Grand Hyatt and Citigroup. That way you can simply walk to the malls.

On an interesting note - there are no mosquitoes in Dubai. Water is more expensive than oil (it's the desert!) hence no pools of water for them to breed. I also noticed that there were no condoms in the convenience stores in the more conservative emirates. And i saw an "ELEGANZA" apartments! It's a 24hr city and well lit and like Abuja, Nigeria, there are hotels!hotels!hotels!

At the Airport enroute Singapore, i noticed my flight wasn't called directly. Apparently it was a connecting flight to Australia?, so the airport staff kept announcing Australia NOT singapore. I made my flight though.

View full pictures on facebook

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=35356&id=609146082

Things I Dislike/That Irritate/Trouble Me

2007-12-06T16:35:00.001+01:00

This is a follow up to the writeup, Things I Adore (http://www.subomiplumptre.blogspot.com/2008/03/things-i-adore.html). It was interesting to learn that i dislike far fewer things than i adore :-p

1. Tyranny & oppression
2. Narrow-mindedness
3. Judgmental people
4. Ignorance
5. Intellectual laziness
6. Religiosity
7. Tradition
8. Mediocrity
9. Cheap religious/cultural home decorations
10. Monday mornings
11. Being kept waiting
12. Unseriousness
13. Country music
14. Manipulative bastards
15. Pride (mine and other people's)
16. Stupidity
17. Child abuse
18. Unfairness
19. Lies & deceit
20. Approximations
21. Chaos & disorder
22. Conflicting signals
23. Being stalked/crowded
24. Indecisiveness
25. Sadness
26. Emptiness
27. Loneliness
28. Putting things off till a more "appropriate" time
29. Quiet, brooding melancholics & inexpressive people
30. Procrastination
31. My inadequacies

An Irrational Fear

2007-10-30T06:44:00.000+01:00

Over the weekend and the better part of Monday, i was terribly ill. In my illness, i understood how people with migraines cease to function. I also experienced a strange empathy for ulcer ridden individuals because of the acid constantly churning in my stomach.

I was ill because i was worried and gripped by an irrational fear.

Fear paralyses the mind and motor functions. All you want to do is escape, sleep, be saved, have it over and done with. But how can you overcome a situation that is totally out of your control and all you can do is wait for the outcome? I felt impotent, blindsided, like i was on the edge of a precipice and at any moment my life could take a sharp, ugly, unpredictable turn. How could i be so stupid? Could i really have gone into this with my eyes open? Despite the warning bells in my head, could i have proceeded so rebelliously?

I became humbled and humiliated as i begged, negotiated and wept to the unseen Holies. I pledged to get off my pedestal, to empathise more, shut up, talk less, judge none. I promised to do better if i was given a second (or is it third) chance. To be more responsible, wiser, restrained.

It is extremely hard to succeed in life. For many, the sheer fear and weight of uncertainty cripples initiative and action. The comfort zone is preferred to the great unknown.

In my fear i broke boundaries i had determined never to cross. In my desperate negotiations and scenario planning, i broached outcomes i had vowed never to contemplate. I became a despicable nothing, as life continued unrelentingly and unconcerned around me. I became human, a woman, a gnat.

If faith is the opposite of fear and love overcomes it then my faith and love must be measly things. I know that now. As midnight approached and salvation was handed to me, i felt relief but also a deep sadness and shame at the lessons i had failed and the person i saw myself becoming. But, i understood. I understood humanity better; my heart and head expanded to accomodate actions and inactions, flaws and irrational selfish evils. It was a lesson well taught though horribly learned. I am determined to never come back to this place. Never. Never. Until next time, that is.

Men & Women at their "STUPIDEST"!

2007-10-25T07:18:00.000+01:00

I've been tired this week and a bit soul weary. I really didn't feel like writing a blog anytime soon, even though thoughts have been buzzing through my mind incessantly. It would seem that my mind rarely stops working, no matter how tired my body seems to be.

A while ago, it occured to me that if you want to observe a man at his "stupidest", watch him when he's fighting with another man. Closely observe the arrogant boastings and sputtered declarative statements. The chest heaving and nostril flaring. The sheer pride, arrogance and affronted vanity. The desire to impose will and self. The irrational anger. The attempt to reconstruct moves watched long ago in a kung-fu film. The pretense, posturing and excuses. And, the shame thereafter.

With women, it's when they're in love. They seem to enter into a mental state that blinds them to the truth. Or maybe they are just seeking some happiness. Consider the excuses for bad behaviour. The "I've gone too far. I can't turn back now" despair. The thinking that the opinions of people who have known and loved them for 20-odd years don't matter in the light of a love they've had for 3 months. The idolisation. The clinging. And, the shame thereafter

Why is it that men will proclaim another a pal or best friend even when that friend is a shitty excuse for a human being. Someone who repeatedly stabs them in the back, treats their girlfriend like dirt, often beating her up and cheating on her with the friend's full knowledge. I understand the concept of loyalty, especially to someone who's been there for you. But loyalty can be exercised from afar, not in such close quarters. If it's possible to know a person by the friends they keep then, what do the actions of your friend (and your ability to stomach them) say about you? Perhaps, that you're a person with double standards. Eventually that friend will turn around to bite you in the ass. I remember how a particular boyfriend of mine used to be so tight with his best friend. After, the friend hit on me, i realised that not only did my boyfriend choose to be deliberately blind to the true nature of his friend, but that the friend would eventually continue his habit of betrayal in years to come. Eventually, i cut off from both.

As i write this, I wonder whether my blogs serve their purpose. Originally they were conceived as a catharsis for my soul. A place to let go of pain, confusion, inconsistencies and troubling thoughts. Now i wonder if they don't just amplify them. If they are like desperate shouts in a vacuum that return no echo, no corresponding notes.

I do know i am not a lone voice. There are other "mad people out there". Perhaps, their medium is not words, yet they stand tall and proud on some other tract of universe. Mmn...

Contemporary Christianity

2007-10-17T10:46:00.000+01:00

I've been mulling over a lot of issues lately; looking at the lives and hearts of christians and wondering whether we are really any different from unbelievers. I've also been reading Ted Dekker's Slumber of Christianity.

I know that the incorruptible seed of God that is in us. Also the righteousness we have in Jesus that is entirely by grace and irreversible. I also acknowledge that we will never truly attain the apogee of God's image until the afterlife. Much of what we do now is a seed towards when we come back to earth to finally live the life we were meant to and reign with Christ. Heaven will not house us forever. There will be a new heaven and earth and we will come back to earth. But, in the meantime, some things bug me.

It would seem that there is a sharp divide in the church. You have the "churchy/holy" types who seem far removed from the issues of this world and spend most of their lives in church. They really don't impact the world/economy/political space or lives of the unchurched - hence not fully actualising God's command to "occupy until i come" - a political/economic term in the original language.

They also do not inspire unbelievers to want to be like them. At the other extreme are the "carnal christians" - believers who are so unserious/entrenched in a stubborn extreme liberty doctrine as to be mistaken for unbelievers. I worry we don't have too many contemporary christians who are sound internally, love God and yet can command the economic/political space. And if we do, we're not talking to/hanging out with/encouraging one another.

We have many hypocritical Peters ( cf. his double standard on the uncircumcised believers), but few intellectual Pauls or Daniels or politically powerful Josephs. I recognise that being born again does not change a mindset overnight or cultural barriers. If a man is simply not brilliant, interested in business, lazy or unexposed, he won't change overnight, just because he became a christian. He will most likely still fail in business unless God takes a special interest.

Sometimes I think that most people who do well in the world and are born again, had the potential/personality BEFORE they became born again (e.g Paul). Being born again simply accentuated it. And those who hide in church were simply the unexposed, condemnatory, thou-shalt-not, shy types before they became born again. Being born again simply provided a further excuse to be "exclusive".

My main concern however is this - if you take a look around - we (christians) seem to do just about everything unbelievers do. We have the same problems, use the same solutions, don't have much more faith, our prayers rarely move mountains, we drink like they do, go to the same clubs, have sex like they do, make out like they do, read the same things, watch/listen to the same things, talk like they do, watch porn like they do....WHATS THE DIFFERENCE?

I think something is critically missing, because it's not an overnight phenomenon. I talk to a lot of christians and really, most do not have a personal, cordial relationship with God. They simply do not know him for real. He doesn't talk to them specifically (even through the word/Spirit) they don't know his mind, he doesnt direct them, influence their decisions/actions. They're dissatisfied like everyone else, unhappy, worried, stressed....They spend so much time praying/fasting without commensurate output. It's like toiling with minimal results. They envy people who seem to be making it more than they do and condemn them by saying it's because they're compromising or using 'juju'.

Beyond church, beyond the crowd, beyond the traditions...we may need to reexamine the fundamentals of our relationship with God and the amount of his influence/power in our lives. Nemo dat quod non habet - you cannot give what you don't have. And perhaps, it is true that "garbage in, garbage out". There are times i know i've ingested too much of the world and need a break from it all to recharge/refill. What i hear, see, dwell on truly affect me - maybe it's because am a words/sound/thought person. We seem to think we can hang around people who really don't love God and somehow impact them, win them over, forgetting that "evil communication corrupts good manners". We may win them over, but unless we have other sources feeding us, building us up, strengthening us, invariably the "corruption" will erode who we are and we will change around them.

We need to build a strong network of people who love God/his word. Or else, the world will simply overwhelm us. Family is so important. God takes particular interest in families. The church is essentially a family. We need strong surrogate families and friends who stick closer than brothers, hence become family. Without this structure, we will begin thinking/acting like the world and it will happen quite normally.

Beware the day we start thinking they are normal and we are the odd ones out - the ones who need to get with the programme, conform, chill out. I know that i am gradually despairing, losing my mind, testing waters that are poisonous to my belly, so perhaps maybe this is as much a cry for help as it is a collection of thoughts. I simply cannot remember the last time i had a sensible discussion about God/his word or spent quality time with serious christians who aren't ashamed to be. If i didnt have a strong church, some core friends and conscientious colleagues, i would be crazy by now. Perhaps in that regard, God saves me each day. But some people are truly alone out there. Some will shrug this off as another lengthy diatribe. Others will do something. May God in his infinite mercy show us the way. Amen.

Music - my new cure-all for horniness

2007-10-09T07:35:00.001+01:00

Okay, I admit it, I'm horny and have explored just about every conventional (and some unconventional) solutions to stay sane, without jumping every bloke I'm attracted to.

To make matters worse, i sometimes work 19 hour days - adrenaline pumping, exciting, knowledge filled days - that leave my body screaming for an outlet. But the resulting tiredness of the day generally precludes most activity based outlets - try doing anything rational when your tired AND horny. Recently, i discovered the soothing powers of music.

Music (particularly new music) engages me. When i hear something i like, i literally stop whatever I'm doing to listen to it. Therefore, it's a wonderful distraction. It also provides an emotional channel for my swirling internal maelstrom. Finally, it just soothes and rocks me ever so gently or loudly to sleep.

I'm interested in other cure-alls. Anybody with any ideas? And yes, am ALREADY aware of the three-letter and 12-letter options, so get creative, will ya?

THE BIBLE EXPERIENCE New Testament

2007-10-09T07:17:00.001+01:00

Saturday Thoughts

2007-10-08T14:50:00.000+01:00

I greatly value the peace, comfort, excitement & support God/friends provide. Living is so much easier, days not so empty, tasks not so gargantuan. The things i HAVE to do but hate to do are easier to bear. Thinking about God/friends makes it all bearable as well as the knowledge that when it's over and done with, I'm coming home to them.

Friendship is very selective. I recently decided that i would stop pointing out the things i don't like in others or try to change them. Why? 1. It's not my place to judge or try to change them 2. It hurts like hell. Friends who have known you long enough know when they're doing wrong. If they choose to continue, it's because they're unwilling/unable to change. You need to make a decision to stop having stupid arguments about what they do or don't do. Love them as is, or exit and leave them the heck alone!

Some people hold fast to particular viewpoints. When they are presented with another or a superior one or theirs is assaulted, they're so pained/affronted/can't handle it/assume you're the one who's wrong. Be patient if they're important to you. Sometimes, they do come around. If they refuse to give an inch, leave them be.

Losing your way?

2007-09-30T18:00:00.000+01:00

When a man loses his way, he loses parts of himself.
But when he finds his way, he may not always find himself.

His innocence is shattered, his heart bruised
And only self-forgiveness and the love of another
Can heal him

A Man Who Lives in Sadness

2007-09-27T09:46:00.000+01:00

I know a man who lives in sadness
He’s built his battlements there
An impenetrable façade of okayisms and alrights

Battered and bruised by SYCDAA (situations you can’t do anything about)
He seeks a window, a reprieve
He longs for hope and love
A promise of something beyond the misery
That has become a constant refrain
A life lesson in futility and perplexity

I know a man who lives in sadness
A strong man, a good man, a lone man
I know this man intimately
For he is my father and my friend

An Impossible Love

2007-09-27T09:44:00.001+01:00

My hands fit perfectly in yours. They are at home there

My body likes your body. When it's wrapped around you
I forget its imperfections and blemishes
And revel in pleasurable warmth
And blissful, irresponsible abandon

My thoughts like your thoughts
The perfect blend of the irreverent, corny
Deep and classically funny

My words love to intermingle with yours
In endless explorations
Of new worlds of words

My lips adore your lips
As we fight the curious battle
Of tongue, teeth and liquid fire
How I love to inhale you and get lost in you

I love your house and the peace that it holds
A haven, a restaurant, a cinema, a home
I marvel at your heart
True, large and filled with compassion

It’s amazing how many things I have come
To like and love about you
So it hurts to know I cannot love you anymore
Not like this, not here, not now

Different Categories of Friends

2007-09-27T09:43:00.000+01:00

I’ve been studying and categorising my friends lately. (Don’t mind me. It’s a throwback to my days as a Microbiologist and studies on Taxonomy).

Anyway, I’ve identified 4 broad categories, so far:

Category One: Friends Who Radiate Peace

Category Two: Friends Who Exhaust

Category Three: Toxic Material

Category Four: The Blatantly Annoying

Category One friends radiate an inner peace or stability. They are kind, strong, can take care of themselves and take care of business. They give, are always ready to help out in a jam and are very efficient and reliable. They also adore you - the feeling is usually mutual – and are ready to spoil you when you’re down and out and need it.

Category Two Friends are really in 2 sub-categories. The 1st sub-category comprises those who will argue and argue with you, remaining stubborn till you’re exhausted, sad and defeated. They also give you physical headache. These individuals are sometimes children of lecturers or are men who don’t have sisters and hence have never learnt the finer points of fraternal diplomacy. They simply cannot lose an argument, hate apologizing and will batter you with a viewpoint till you give in out of sheer exhaustion. I’ve always thought that a highlight of humility is the ability to concede you may be wrong even when you know you’re right – just for the sake of peace and harmony. You’re man enough to allow time to vindicate you.

In the 2nd sub-category are those who are so deep and intellectual that you can’t quite take it all in. They’re usually emotional, needy and demanding and will literally tire you out. This sub-category also includes men and women who love people that don’t love them back and those who constantly pressure you for sex. Only God can fully meet their emotional needs.

With Category Three, you find yourself doing and saying things you wouldn’t ordinarily do or say. You spend the night partying with them or you wake up beside them in the harsh light of the morning and find yourself saying: “What am I doing here”?

Category Four are in a class of their own. I must settle in to write about them.

These are people who try to control you and make you fit their narrow-minded view of the world. I tend to ask: “If I’m not trying to make you like me, why on earth are you trying to make me like you? Can’t you simply accept that I will never be you, don’t subscribe to your values and think that you’re an overbearing and self-righteous idiot to deny me my fundamental right to be different from you”! Okay, I don’t quite put it like that. (Smile).

It’s interesting that when you resist and dig you’re foot in; they consider you stubborn or proud. I will never respond favourably to people trying to MAKE ME change. I’ve learnt that you can’t change anyone. Only love can – not emotional blackmail. Even God has a hard time changing us, so who the heck are you?!

If a person cannot accept me holistically then he/she should bloody well leave me alone, after all I didn’t come looking for you.

Another particularly annoying group is men who constantly badger women to go out with them. This is a rather common overpopulated group. If a woman says no – take the hint and drop all this African nonsense about being persistent and “women meaning yes when they say no”. In my opinion, a woman who does that is significantly confused and should be avoided, ‘cause she almost always has the gift of telling lies too! If a determined woman says no, accept it. If she changes her mind, trust me, you’ll know. She’ll throw out so many “come hither” signals that are very hard to miss.

So, that’s my spiel about friends. With every sense of gratitude, I must admit, I’ve met my fair share of wonderful people. I meet new ones at the oddest times too. But will I ever meet THE ONE? I’ll keep my fingers crossed. (Smile).

I Gotta Get This Off My Chest

2007-09-27T09:42:00.001+01:00

There’s something I must get off my chest. I will probably offend quite a few people by doing so but it’s really got to stop. What exactly I’m I talking about? It’s the rise and rise of non-creative, forwarded text messages!

I know that guys, you probably mean well and would like to be sweet and brighten up my day, but pllllllllllllssssss NOT AT 5 AM IN THE FRIGGIN’ MORNING! And definitely not last thing at night.

I particularly hate those text messages that are of a religious variety. You don’t have to wax poetic. Simply speak your heart (in good English please). And quit dogging me throughout the day. I once had a particularly persistent fellow say hello to me in the morning, send “uplifting” messages throughout the day, wish me safe journey as I boarded the plane to Abuja and by the time I landed and switched on my phone, his was the first message I received. Talk about “phone stalking”!

And callers, please stop flashing me.....I can see your missed call the first time. If I don’t call back it’s because I DON’T WANT TO. Take the hint.

Phew... !

Treadmill

2007-09-27T09:32:00.000+01:00

The last 2 weeks have been B.U.S.Y! I’ve been shuttling to and fro Abuja, working on-site, while coordinating activities in Lagos via phone and email. I’ve also had a couple of 7-day work weeks. To say the least, sleep has become a lusted after delight that keeps shifting from my grasp.
I always thought that as you become better at what you do and train others, the work load becomes more manageable. I must have been dreaming! It only gets more demanding, sophisticated and intense!

There’ll never be a convenient enough time to take a break, raise a family, get a 2nd degree, execute that personal project or get to know God. Everything has to go on concurrently. You must find time for it all and something has gotta give. I spend less time sleeping, eat on the run (oftentimes substituting lunch for a bottle of coke) and rarely watch TV. I also spend more money – talking to friends on the phone, going to the movies for emergency distressing or sharing drinks with a friend in a beautiful restaurant. I read more to escape the world and get inspired, especially on planes.

Finally, I’m beginning to experience the peace that comes with solitude, (as well as the loneliness). I’m purposeful, my life counts for “something” and I’m happier. I’m giving more too (money) and being there for my friends, while demanding that they’re there for me too – friendship is such a joy.

Life will bring surprises but when they hit, I will be well equipped to meet them. Bring it on, baby!

Infidelity

2007-09-27T09:21:00.000+01:00

I was having drinks with a friend the other day – Heineken for him, Red Bull & Coke for me – and he brought up the issue of infidelity. Now, infidelity is a subject I understand but do not accept…Understanding and acceptance – 2 seemingly distinct states of mind that must be in harmony for me to find peace. Harmony typically comes to me after much analysis (and an eventual resolution) or if I believe/trust/have faith in someone I respect.

My friend attempted to trace infidelity’s roots by exploring the concept of Polygamy in Africa. Essentially he posits that Polygamy is an African concept which was abolished by the Missionaries. Ever since, African males have had to wrap their brains around and discipline their groins to accept a monogamous lifestyle. Women on the other hand have always hated sharing so they readily embraced the concept of Monogamy!

It’s intriguing that in the Bible, man evolved from Monogamy to Polygamy (and back to Monogamy. Perhaps we’ll return to Polygamy someday). God also placed a spiritual structure in place to accommodate the issue of Polygamy – Headship. In the New Testament, Paul recognizes that there were Christians with more than one wife but advises that if a man should desire a leadership position in the church (specifically deaconhood), he should be Monogamous.
My stand on the issue is this: Adhere to the Law of the Land. God respects norms, customs and laws. If you get married in a Court of Law, Polygamy becomes a crime. However, if you choose the Native Law & Custom route alone, I wish you luck!

Personally, I prefer Monogamy. Perhaps it’s my idealistic/romantic side. Perhaps it’s because I invest so much in a relationship. I understand the “art of detachment” though– the ability to sleep with someone when you’re in love with someone else, (yes, I do admit I have a cold streak), but I have made a deliberate choice to adopt fidelity, and I hope to stick with it. I can relate to why Men sleep around – it usually finds its roots in boredom, the need for adventure, rage or trouble at home. With women, it’s typically loneliness and the desire for validation or kindness. Practical wisdom can usually avert disaster in many relationships, but unfortunately it doesn’t prevent the horny philandering person who deliberately decides to screw around, if they so please!

It’s interesting that when people cheat, we say – He/she cheated on ME! At that point it ceases to be about the person who lost his way and is in need of mercy. It’s about YOU. We hurt God everyday and he forgives. Period. It’s our job to help the cheating one up – we may not get any reward for it on this earth, but showing true love is an uncommon honour that we show to God.
I’m not advocating that people should cheat with impunity. But, conceptually speaking, I used to think that the only thing that could hold people back from sin was a love for and fear of God. But I know better now. Love is not a good enough reason to keep people from sin. People love their spouses yet cheat everyday. David loved God and was a man after God’s heart. Indeed, God said he had a perfect heart, yet he was a murderer and adulterer. So love is not enough.

Moral standards and conscience are also not good enough. Many so-called virgins will get to heaven then realize that they have no reward. They stayed celibate not because of God per se or faith, but because of the fear of sin, getting pregnant, upbringing etc. And many have acted out the entire thing in their minds anyway. With God, thinking carries the same weight as doing. In fact, lying, gossip, nastiness etc carry the same weight as fornication or masturbation. It is only among Christian people and moralists that sex is considered the greatest sin on earth. BULLSHIT.

Recently, I’ve been thinking that the only thing that keeps a man from sinning is the Word of God. There’s a particularly beautiful scripture I know – it says “Thy Word have I hid in my heart that I may not sin against you” (Psalms 119:11).

The Word of God does many things. It renews the mind and changes the heart’s motivations and inclinations, it stabilizes and makes you strong, it changes your very nature and most importantly, through it, God breathes revelation to an otherwise callous mind.

If you’re prone to a particular vice and you fill your heart with the word of God about the subject, someday, your heart and mind will open to the truth. I’m not talking about head knowledge. I mean deep, gut wrenching truth that only God’s word can give. I tell people that the only reason (okay, one of the reasons) I read my bible regularly, is because my mind craves for truth. It stabilizes me. I’m very deep and creative. I have an above average curiosity and sexuality, so you could say I need some sort of gyrostat. Am I using it as a crutch? Perhaps. I’m not proud and readily admit my imperfections and weaknesses. I think the Word of God is the key. It must be – without Faith, it is impossible to please God and faith comes by hearing the word of God.

I’m also particular about what my conscience can handle. All things are lawful, but not all things are expedient. I’m not a fool and I will not try to be anyone else, in a bid to be acceptable, liberal and hip! I may be able to do a lot of things, but are they really “me”? Can I do them with the same confidence with which I am writing this piece? This is me. Some things aren’t. Whatever your conscience considers sin, will be sin to you, even though it may not be sin to another. There may be general standards, but the truth is David ate the hallowed showbread and went away unharmed, while Uzziah attempted to perform a sacrifice and was struck with leprosy. Go figure.

Infidelity will always be a prickly subject. There are no hard and fast rules. Some will decide to opt out of the relationship, others will choose to forgive and forget. There is honour & dignity in both.

Life, oh life!

2007-09-27T09:17:00.000+01:00

Stop trying to make the WORLD work for you. It doesn't stop for you to get your act together. It moves on without you.

You are forced to listen to ignorant people everyday, when you have so much more on the inside. But, they have just one advantage they know how to express themselves. You don't.

Trying to make friends with a know-it-all is the single most frustrating relationship experience. There's nothing as annoying as having to listen to someone talk about himself all the time. And when he does allow you to get a word in, he only does so, so he can catch his breath, promptly forget everything you've said, and continue to monopolise the conversation.

Why do guys like girls and girls reciprocate? Why do girls 'hate' guys and guys heartily reciprocate? Why do guys after hating girls then fall hopelessly in love with them?

Why do guys and girls pretend not to like one another, play the age old “cat and mouse” game of fencing, and then fall hopelessly in love with one other?

Why me? Why the heck not you? You're no different from the 10 million other people it happened to!”

Excerpt from my book

2007-09-27T09:14:00.000+01:00

I'm a Nubian queen, a paragon of black beauty, the epitome of unbleached elegance (she laughs!)

I am a black female. A woman am I.”

Oh glorious sex!

2007-09-27T09:06:00.000+01:00

“It’s not fair! Mama never said there’ll be days like this when your body literally screams to be touched, right here, right now in as many ways as can be fathomed by the human imagination. And, she particularly left out the part about the ache going on for days on end till your body becomes one single-minded pulsating organ. Sigh! I must be going mad! All this because a person’s trying to live right or please God? Comon God, there must be an easier way! I’m only 20-something. Are you saying this is going to go on for an indeterminate period of time? Hell no! I’ve run out of distractions, meditation tricks, scriptures, mental and emotional strength. I am very weary and all I want right now is my very own exclusive dick!”

Phew!! A few weeks ago, this tirade was a constant refrain. I kept on thinking…there must be a better way (read easier way). There must be. Recently, I think I finally found something or perhaps more accurately, it found me.

I had been studying Romans Chapters 6 – 8 and it suddenly hit me! The solution may exist after all! For my non-religious folks, I implore you to just bear it out and read through the following verses. They contain the substance of a logical presentation of a solution for dealing with sexual pressure and other controlling appetites.

The desperation, conflicting passions and persistent desire: Romans 7
15 For I do not understand my own actions [I am baffled, bewildered]. I do not practice or accomplish what I wish, but I do the very thing that I loathe [which my moral instinct condemns].
19 For I fail to practice the good deeds I desire to do, but the evil deeds that I do not desire to do are what I am [ever] doing.
24 Unhappy and pitiable and wretched man that I am! Who will release and deliver me from [the shackles of] this body of death?

Glimmer of hope. A realization that things can be different and one can be in control after all: Romans 6
11 Even so consider yourselves also dead to sin and your relation to it broken, but alive to God [living in unbroken fellowship with Him] in Christ Jesus.
12 Let not sin therefore rule as king in your mortal (short-lived, perishable) bodies, to make you yield to its cravings and be subject to its lusts and evil passions.
14 For sin shall not [any longer] exert dominion over you, since now you are not under Law [as slaves], but under grace [as subjects of God's favor and mercy].

The solution. The strength to live and do right: Romans 8
2 For the law of the Spirit of life [which is] in Christ Jesus [the law of our new being] has freed me from the law of sin and of death.
3 For God has done what the Law could not do, [its power] being weakened by the flesh [the entire nature of man without the Holy Spirit]. Sending His own Son in the guise of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, [God] condemned sin in the flesh [[subdued, overcame, deprived it of its power over all who accept that sacrifice],
5 For those who are according to the flesh and are controlled by its unholy desires set their minds on and pursue those things which gratify the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit and are controlled by the desires of the Spirit set their minds on and seek those things which gratify the [Holy] Spirit.
6 Now the mind of the flesh [which is sense and reason without the Holy Spirit] is death [death that comprises all the miseries arising from sin, both here and hereafter]. But the mind of the [Holy] Spirit is life and [soul] peace [both now and forever].
7[That is] because the mind of the flesh [with its carnal thoughts and purposes] is hostile to God, for it does not submit itself to God's Law; indeed it cannot.
8 So then those who are living the life of the flesh [catering to the appetites and impulses of their carnal nature] cannot please or satisfy God, or be acceptable to Him.
9 But you are not living the life of the flesh, you are living the life of the Spirit, if the [Holy] Spirit of God [really] dwells within you [directs and controls you]. But if anyone does not possess the [Holy] Spirit of Christ, he is none of His [he does not belong to Christ, is not truly a child of God].
14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. [Actual translation reads: “mature” sons of God]
26 So too the [Holy] Spirit comes to our aid and bears us up in our weakness; for we do not know what prayer to offer nor how to offer it worthily as we ought, but the Spirit Himself goes to meet our supplication and pleads in our behalf with unspeakable yearnings and groanings too deep for utterance.

Summarily, it is my submission that the Holy Spirit is the answer. He will provide the strength and energy to beat every raging passion that mystifies me, because the truth is those things can’t dominate me unless I let them. But I have to set my thoughts on him and less on the unwholesome stuff I feed my mind. I guess the truism holds sway – “garbage in, garbage out”.

There’s nothing that renews the mind and toughens you mentally like the Word of God. It’s liberating, joyful, surprising, and oh so deep. It is life itself. As I become more mature and my relationship with God grows, he progressively reveals His truths and directs my steps and thoughts. He strengthens me and increases my capacity to handle the pressures of life and perhaps best of all; he fills me with a peace and stillness that is incomparable.

My exploration of this subject is progressive and I’m still thinking and turning it over in my mind. Contributions and better still, insight will be welcome.

Lessons from my toothpaste tube

2007-09-27T08:57:00.000+01:00

It’s 9am on a busy Saturday morning and I’m considering that the only time I get to squeeze out my toothpaste properly, from the bottom up, is on weekends. That’s when I finally smoothen and straighten out a week’s worth of wrinkles and perfunctory squeezes from the side, front, wherever.

This week was a particularly tiring one. I was kept going by a particularly potent synergy of tourine and caffeine (for the uninitiated – Red Bull in the morning, coffee later in the day).

Eventually, as my body woke up after a few vigorous brushes, my mind shifted to a completely unrelated topic, as rambling minds often do. I ruminated on the subject of integrity. Not the kind commonly associated with moral rectitude, but a certain quality that describes a person whose every part is in sync, a man who lives out what he says and who is who he says he is. A man whose actions follow the logical progression of his desires, dreams and thoughts and who possesses a certain measure of singularity and predictability.

I have often found that we are quick to state our position on a matter or express desires, but not as quick to do what it takes to establish them. A person desires professional success but goes to bed exhausted every night without reading a single material that will advance his cause. That cannot be integrity. It must lie within the realm of something else. A man desires to marry Miss World but cannot afford to spend the requisite $1,000 a month on cosmetics to maintain her premium visage. He desires a freak in bed, an uninhibited feminine creation but cannot abide confident women who are at the top of their game. He decries his racist treatment in a foreign country but will deny his daughter’s right to marry from a tribe not his own. A woman desires only the rich & successful; the tall, dark and handsome but is 30 pounds overweight.

If cause truly leads to effect and sowing begets reaping, perhaps we are all delusional or perhaps very very hopeful (translate foolish). Why do we want parts of people and resist accepting the whole -when the seeming undesirables are a critical component of the whole. It is every factor working together that produces the whole. The cons provide a background from which the pros are projected and if the cons are totally annihilated, will the whole still remain?

Perhaps I speak from an uninformed, female perspective, for I find that within the context of relationships, men are always “hopeful” of comprises while women “think” they can change a man. Pray tell, if God did not succeed in changing a man for 30 odd years, what sort of “bottom power” does a woman hope to exert that will perform this feat literally overnight?

I find that it’s quite plausible that many times, we do not even “see” the inconsistencies and lack of integrity. Many times, we aren’t aware anything’s wrong. Perhaps it’s because our thinking has been conditioned to believe and live a lie. Perhaps we are too proud to admit that we are lacking. Perhaps it is culture or religion (not faith) that blinds us. I find that culture and religion will make a man irrational. Having been steeped in them since infancy, he has gradually become programmed. In all honesty, he knows no better. It is only when he opens his heart to understanding and wisdom, when he opens his eyes, when he receives knowledge, when he queries his elders and steps away from the known to the unknown, when he embraces the simple principles of faith, truth, loyalty and such stuff that span cultures and peoples that he can finally become whole.

I so much long to meet people who are quite simply who they are. People who strive to be the best they can be, not the best “someone else”. I long to converse with an individual who will heartily confront the tough questions instead of brushing them aside. Someone who will narrow in on the important and not the fashionable. A Braveheart, a Patriot, an Arthur.

If knowledge and environment are the two things that save us from ourselves, then I pray that God (yes I do believe in Him) will continually grant me the faculty to seek and love knowledge and the strength to escape from every stifling environment. As I grow and mature; as I change and evolve, may my life be an inspiration to many, may my words sear and challenge paradigms and may I never lose my way in this undulating journey we call life.(All this from a toothpaste tube? Na....!)

Loneliness, pigheadedness and the dating conundrum

2007-09-27T08:53:00.000+01:00

When loneliness hits you, it’s easy to throw high minded, high falutin idealistic concepts out the window and just settle for what’s available. When you’re young, ‘nailing’ a suitor is almost a reflexive action. As you get older and suitors become far and in between, in your desperation, you surprisingly begin to accommodate all sorts of crap.

I’ve had a couple of ‘near misses’ with love. Somehow, love hasn’t quite been able to hold on to me yet, but I have experienced the pain of ‘the end’. In the midst of the end of a relationship, my heart feels like it’s going to explode and I literally ache for the object of my desire. So you can imagine my surprise when a few months later the desire cools and I’m right back to normal. It’s as if the relationship never burned as hot and it was all a dream.

I think that romance is a make-believe phenomenon where everything is a product of fertile imagination and deliberate actions, and things exist simply because you want them to. The relationship eventually sours when the other person stops acting according to a pre-programmed script and begins to ‘malfunction’.

Lately, I don’t have the reserves of emotional energy to build a relationship with someone that’s difficult to communicate with or whose temperament or method of processing information is fundamentally different from mine. I do not desire to speak Latin to someone who’s only fluent in Greek. I’m learning that there’s a thin line between love and hate called ‘perpetual conflict’. There are some people that you seem to always fight with. I’m not quite sure how it happens. Maybe it’s an unspoken negotiation or battle of wits or just plain pride and stubbornness. But you begin to argue about everything and anything, even after a wonderful day together. The amount of headache, emotional heartache, bitterness and friction that ensues is simply not worth it.

People who may have otherwise become good friends suddenly become sworn enemies. If you’re in such a relationship, get out fast! The arguments never end and eventually, the relationship will break up, with much pain, bitterness and scars. It’s obvious that one or both of you are immature, proud and superior and no one wants to give in. Even if someone eventually gives in, it will be grudgingly and with resentment, so just get out and look for someone you can be with without all that ‘agro’.

I’ve been considering the dating conundrum as well. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I seem to possess the gift of being able to tell the substance a person is made of within minutes of meeting. Sometimes, I don’t even need to speak with them. I can just tell by observation alone. What this means is I can usually tell whether a relationship with a guy will turn into something serious right off the bat. Strangely, even when I give the guy the benefit of the doubt, ignoring my instincts and allowing for a period to get to know him, the things that eventually break up the relationship are the things I chose to ignore at the beginning. So now, I find myself in a quandary. Is it fair to date a guy when you know the relationship can never lead to anything meaningful? Doesn’t that amount to using him? And how do you parallax that with your needs – loneliness, horniness and the need for male companionship? Sometimes, a body simply longs to be held! I’m not sure what the solution is. If anyone has any suggestions I’m all ears.

2007-09-27T08:17:00.000+01:00

Marriage: Populist Notions vs. Christianity

2007-04-24T08:44:00.001+01:00

For most of my life I've tried to come to a definite philosophical position on marriage. An unshakable ideology that will guide my decision to get married and keep me married. I'd listened to all the populist notions about marriage but found them lacking.

If these populist, Oprah-centric assertions are true & sure then America wouldn't have a divorce rate of over 50%! Husbands wouldn't be cheating on their wives at the alarming rate they do. [A visit to a popular bar may very well reveal your married male friends (without their wedding bands) consorting with “women of easy virtue!” Alternatively, you may be prone to regular bouts of depression because your male friends always seem to be confessing their "sexual misdemenours" when they're thousands of miles away from their wives!] And the wives are not exempt. They’re equally screwing around!

Many of the populist notions instruct you that marriage is simply about the following: Companionship, ensuring your bloodline, marrying your best friend, not being alone, legal sex, maturity, responsibility... the list is endless. For those who don't really have a clue, they say it's just something to do when you get to a certain age. It's natural. Apparently, populist theory posits that marriage is a “no-brainer”. Simply follow the directions and everything will turn out just right. [What a load of surface crap!]

I've listened to and researched the populist ideas - some are plausible, others are just plain nonsense. So, as I try to form an ideology on marriage, I return to the fundamentals of my existence, the thing that defines me, my raison d'etre. I return to God. For you see as a Christian, everything I do must take place within the confines of my faith or else I might as well not bear Christ's name or confess to living within the boundaries of his principles. I may as well live my life according to the principles of the world and at least maintain some measure of singularity and integrity. I must be true to who I am, even on the subject of marriage. Anything else is chaos in the making.

As I consider God's word about marriage - things I've learnt & things I've discovered - matters have become much clearer. At this point i must admit that everything sensible that i know is a result of the different environments i've found myself in - my family, church, school, work, friends - I can't claim any credit for anything. What I've learned over the years is this - Marriage has more to do with accomplishing God's purpose than just a contractual or romantic arrangement. He created the institution, so if I am to do it right, I must go to the Design Architect for directions.

The first step I think, is to find out what God wants me to do in life. Why am I here? Which direction would he have me go? Perhaps if I discover that, then I may learn to my surprise that marriage may not even be in the picture at all (for example, Paul the Apostle). Why are we humans so presumptuous that we always go off to "plan our lives" and do what we want to do without due recourse to the one who owns our very existence, the one who bought us completely with someone else's sacrifice? I really do not know. But this I do know, no one should get married until he's mature enough to know exactly where he's going and what direction God is leading him. It makes a hell of a difference in your choice of a spouse, as you tend to be more selective about whom you marry. And it means you don't take another precious human being along on a wild goose chase.

If God's plan for me includes marriage, then I must delve into his mind concerning the subject. A woman is meant to be a helper, right? Then it means that in a marriage, the primary objective should be achieving the purpose of God for the man. Your success as a wife as defined by God, is how far you were able to "help" the man accomplish God's plan for his life. That's the order in marriage. In a war, you cannot have two primary objectives: there's only one. The others are secondary objectives. And it may be that God's design is that as you help the man to achieve His plan, God himself ensures that you achieve your dreams as well. Because if you obey, God honours you. I think that's what the principle of headship is all about. The picture of marriage in scripture is the picture of Jesus and his bride-the church. Jesus is the head of the church. The man is the head of the home, the captain; he provides direction for the family, the same way Jesus provides direction for the church. The church doesn't fulfill its own agenda. It exists to "help" Jesus fulfill his agenda on earth. Perhaps if we look more closely at the relationship of the church with Jesus, it may become easier for women to understand what "submission" is all about and we may just stop resisting so much!

In terms of choosing a husband, again I refer to the Design Architect. If Jesus has a clear agenda for the church to execute, the first thing I need to look for in a man is his purpose, vision and dreams. Is he clear about what he wants to do in life or is he still searching and scattered - unstable. Does he really know how he fits into God's overarching plan? Or is he still young and immature - chasing shadows? Is he strong, a leader? Like Jesus, does he know how to love, lay down his life for me or is he selfish and proud? Like Jesus, is he better than me, more prosperous, more mature? Does he have what it takes to lead me, perfect me; present me spotless and unblemished to my Father?

Perhaps these considerations are the starting point not all the "stuff" populist philosophy tells us to look out for.

On the subject of in-laws, does the man understand that he is instructed to "leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife" or will his wife simply be a minor equation in a larger extended family?

As per children, it would seem to me that the era of being fruitful and multiplying is over, at least in Africa. That directive was given when there were just 2 people on a big earth. With the population problems in Africa, I'm not sure that’s the primary objective anymore. I think that in this dispensation, God is more concerned about generational imperatives, raising children to impact their generations and fulfill God's plan on earth. It's interesting that the Design Architect tells us to "train up a child in the way he should go so that he may be true to that instruction when he's all grown up". In other words, the success of parenting will be measured by how much of God's word and instruction the parents were able to transfer and how useful that child eventually becomes in his generation. In church, I learnt that one of the reasons God was willing to reveal secrets to Abraham was because he knew he would teach his children to follow God. I haven't worked it all out yet.

Sometimes I really get troubled at the pressures young, urban Christians face. We seem to be marrying out of a need to escape loneliness and sexual pressure. I'm a rational being so even in the midst of emotional turmoil; I know what the right thing to do is, even if I deliberately choose wrong. I try to identify the ideal and strive for that even if I fall short, time and again. I will never be perfect and quite honestly I’m not even sure it’s something I aspire to on this earth. I think a lot of the mistakes we make are as a result of limited information, cultural and religious conditioning. I think the greatest deliverance God does in a man's life is to flood his mind with TRUTH. Only truth can make you free. It means we are all in progressive stages of bondage and the more truth we imbibe the freer we become. I never want to lose the gift of being able to challenge assumptions and ask questions. I never want to lose the precious privilege of having people around me who I can share my troubles and questions with.

I think as more urban Christians speak out, come out of their shells and simply just TALK, we will learn from the collective intelligence, experiences and truth we have imbibed and perhaps be saved from the traumatic mistakes that can wipe out an entire generation of potential. Everyday I pray, I do not become like the Israelites who wasted an entire generation roaming around in blind ignorance of the weight of what they had missed, because their minds were too closed and fearful to believe the truth staring them in the face. I pray that God may continually beat me over the head with truth so that even when I'm downright stubborn and disobedient, he may still show me his love by lighting a very hot fire under my chair till I get up!I'm hoping to get married someday. I don’t know when or to whom. But everyday, my purpose becomes much clearer and surer and for that first step, I am eternally grateful