This is an updated list of books that you may read to improve your cultural literacy, understanding of diversity and general exposure.
You may choose to read one a month or every couple of months.
Foundational
1. A Short History of Nearly Everything - Bill Bryson
2. Every Other Book Written by Bill Bryson
3. Books on World History and African History e.g A history of Nigeria by Toyin Falola and Matthew M. Heaton
4. African Classics which include:
a. Things Fall Apart - Chinua Achebe
b. Sosu's Call - Meshack Asare
c. Une Si Longue Lettre (Trans. So Long A Letter)- Mariama BÂ
d. Terra Sonambula - Mia Couto
e. Nervous Conditions- Tsitsi Dangarembga
f. Antériorité Des Civilisations Nègres- Cheikh Anta Diop
g. L'Amour La Fantasia - Assia Djebar
h. The Cairo Trilogy - Naguib Mahfouz
i. Chaka - Thomas Mokopu Mofolo
j. A Grain Of Wheat- Ngugi wa Thiong'o
k. Oeuvre Poétique- Léopold Sédar Senghor
l. Ake: The Years of Childhood - Wole Soyinka
See a fuller list here: http://africanhistory.about.com/library/bl/bl100BestBooksA.htm
Or here: http://www.amazon.com/Great-African-Novels/lm/R1X0DX5OEHL21P
General
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hossein
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Facory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
Subomi Plumptre's Blog: Thoughts, beliefs and expressions
Thursday, December 08, 2011
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
Notes for SMEs
It's amazing how people want the best but aren't willing to pay for it. It's okay for them to prosper but not those who help them.
These are principles SMEs must imbibe or else they'll always be afraid to charge for their services and will never aspire to greatness:
1. The fact that you need my services means you can't do it all and that your success is influenced by the services I provide. Therefore, I am worthy of respect and should be treated like a professional
2. When I come to your company, it never occurs to you to give me your services free; therefore kindly do not expect the same from me
3. If my services can help you make millions of dollars, do not begrudge me if I use the same brain to make billions of dollars for myself. We are both businessmen
4. My charges reflect the value I place on myself and my services. If you don't want to pay, kindly do not threaten me with walking away. Someone else will pay. Furthermore, you are not the source of my prosperity, God is
5. I may be small today but have plans to be great. Therefore, if you see me driving a new car or flying in first class someday; It is not the money you paid me that facilitated it - I have other clients besides you. Don't envy me
6. A service provider is not synonymous with servant. How would you like it if your clients looked down on you too?
7. I will never price myself at a loss to please you or because of our relationship. If you really mean well for me, you wouldn't ask me to commit business suicide
These are principles SMEs must imbibe or else they'll always be afraid to charge for their services and will never aspire to greatness:
1. The fact that you need my services means you can't do it all and that your success is influenced by the services I provide. Therefore, I am worthy of respect and should be treated like a professional
2. When I come to your company, it never occurs to you to give me your services free; therefore kindly do not expect the same from me
3. If my services can help you make millions of dollars, do not begrudge me if I use the same brain to make billions of dollars for myself. We are both businessmen
4. My charges reflect the value I place on myself and my services. If you don't want to pay, kindly do not threaten me with walking away. Someone else will pay. Furthermore, you are not the source of my prosperity, God is
5. I may be small today but have plans to be great. Therefore, if you see me driving a new car or flying in first class someday; It is not the money you paid me that facilitated it - I have other clients besides you. Don't envy me
6. A service provider is not synonymous with servant. How would you like it if your clients looked down on you too?
7. I will never price myself at a loss to please you or because of our relationship. If you really mean well for me, you wouldn't ask me to commit business suicide
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Random Excerpts from my Upcoming Book: No Bullshit Volume Two
On Women & Sexuality
1. Comfort has as much to do with the individual as the surroundings. If your lace negligee is always getting hooked in the crease of your arse or slipping annoyingly off one shoulder, you’re going to be distracted. Ditch it. Buy clothes that fit; that you’re comfortable in and feel sexy in. Come to terms with your body, one way or an...other. Go for a hairstyle that suits you and that you wear very well. Avoid that elaborate weave that sheds fibres in your man’s eyes and mouth when you’re “doing it”. Insist on clean sheets and an orderly room if they’re things you care about. If romance, wine and candlelight turn you on, initiate or ask for them. Also offer to put together the music playlist, if you have audio preferences. But, the ultimate comfort, I think, is being with a friend. The bedroom is perhaps the worst place to receive criticism. A wrong word can deflate self esteem – yours or his. When you’re with a friend, it’s easier for both of you to state where to touch, how and for how long. Lovemaking ceases to be a competition - there’s no point to prove. Rather, it’s about making each other happy. When you’re with a friend, you play and laugh. Laughter is a great aphrodisiac.
2. Women who work in creative fields or play leadership roles typically have high sex drives. The act of creating or leading produces an adrenaline rush or a need to be nurtured when they’re spent. These feelings can be channeled through great sex. These women also tend to be well read, exposed and open to new experiences. Chances are they’re fuelled by Red Bull and so have er…stamina.
1. Comfort has as much to do with the individual as the surroundings. If your lace negligee is always getting hooked in the crease of your arse or slipping annoyingly off one shoulder, you’re going to be distracted. Ditch it. Buy clothes that fit; that you’re comfortable in and feel sexy in. Come to terms with your body, one way or an...other. Go for a hairstyle that suits you and that you wear very well. Avoid that elaborate weave that sheds fibres in your man’s eyes and mouth when you’re “doing it”. Insist on clean sheets and an orderly room if they’re things you care about. If romance, wine and candlelight turn you on, initiate or ask for them. Also offer to put together the music playlist, if you have audio preferences. But, the ultimate comfort, I think, is being with a friend. The bedroom is perhaps the worst place to receive criticism. A wrong word can deflate self esteem – yours or his. When you’re with a friend, it’s easier for both of you to state where to touch, how and for how long. Lovemaking ceases to be a competition - there’s no point to prove. Rather, it’s about making each other happy. When you’re with a friend, you play and laugh. Laughter is a great aphrodisiac.
2. Women who work in creative fields or play leadership roles typically have high sex drives. The act of creating or leading produces an adrenaline rush or a need to be nurtured when they’re spent. These feelings can be channeled through great sex. These women also tend to be well read, exposed and open to new experiences. Chances are they’re fuelled by Red Bull and so have er…stamina.
Saturday, October 01, 2011
419 Reasons to Like Nigeria
For too long, Nigeria and Nigerians have been readily associated with the online scams, financial crime and impersonation - termed ‘419’. However, beyond the unfortunate stereotyping, there are several positive characteristics and cogent intriguing traits of the country, Nigeria and its people, some of which are highlighted below as part of the ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ campaign which enlisted 100 volunteers and bloggers to share reasons why they like Nigeria. These reasons echo the voices of Nigerians, with resonating similar themes. The campaign is being facilitated in partnership with ‘The 419Positive Project’.
The full list of ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ is available here (http://www.419Positive.org/)
The list of contributors to ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ is available here (http://www.419positive.org/419-reasons-to-like-nigeria-contributors/)
If you would like to say something positive about Nigerians and Nigeria, please visit the website.
NIGERIA - THE LAND OF POTENTIAL AND OPPORTUNITY
I like Nigeria because it is a land of endless opportunities and possibilities. Nigeria is one country whose true potentials I believe the world is yet to experience. I believe Nigerians are sharp, brilliant and accommodating people. Given the right enabling environment the world will marvel at what Nigeria will become.
Nigeria is the most populous black nation - and a buying one at that. From a capitalist point of view, this makes for great investment opportunities.
The fact that Nigeria currently lags behind so much - in infrastructure and developmental terms - hints at the size of the potential for innovation and transformation, and at the huge number of vacancies that exist for 'transformers'. What I think this means is that the world will be hearing a lot about Nigeria and high-achieving Nigerians (in the public and private sectors) in the near future.
NIGERIA - THE COUNTRY
The Nigerian Green and White flag is a notable national symbol. The green colour symbolises agriculture, seeing that the country is endowed with masses of arable land, while the white colour signifies unity and peace. Other national symbols include the Nigerian Coat of Arms, which depicts an eagle on a black shield, trisected by two wavy silver bands, and supported on either side by two chargers. The national motto underlies the coat-of -arms: "Unity and Faith, Peace and Progress." Her national symbols convey great meaning to its people.
The Nigerian accent is currently ranked by CNN Global Experiences as the 5th sexiest accent in the world.
Nigeria is home to Nollywood, one of the world's biggest film industries.
NIGERIA - THE CULTURE, THE FOOD, THE WAY OF LIFE
Something great to like about Nigeria is our cultural diversity. A strong affinity exists, despite our differences. Learning about other ethnic cultures in my country really helped me personally relate to other cultures when abroad.
I think the food is tastier in Nigeria than that I have found in other countries.
Nigerians live a communal life style. The extended family is part of the immediate family in a Nigerian home.
NIGERIA - THE MUSIC, THE MOVIES, THE DANCE, THE ART
Nigeria has produced many world class musicians. A notable mention in this regard is Fela Anikulapo Kuti. A Broadway show titled ‘FELA!’ was produced in 2009 depicting the life and times of the Afrobeat musician.
Nigeria’s movie industry, Nollywood, is reputedly the 3rd largest film industry after Hollywood and Bollywood, and has grown gradually into a $250 million industry in more than 10 years.
Nigerian indigenous musical instruments are unique, soulful and rhythmic. They comprise the popular Talking Drum, producing proverbial and storytelling sounds, the Shaker (shekere), the Udu drum, the Lute, the leg and arm Rattle, the Omele, the Ogene (Gong originating in Eastern Nigeria), the Ekwe drum and the Kakaki (A 4m metal trumpet popular in Northern Nigeria). Many of these instruments have been incorporated in South American music over the years.
NIGERIA - GEOGRAPHY and NATURAL RESOURCES
Nigeria is a nation blessed with rich human and natural resources. As the 8th largest exporter of Oil in the world, with the 10th largest proven reserves, our blessings cannot be overemphasised. No earthquakes, no tsunamis, no droughts, an evergreen land. The rest of the world should live here.
The beauty of the Nigerian state cannot but leave one in awe, being blessed with captivating physical features and abundant wild life. From the rolling hills to the vast plains in the North Central Nigeria and the forests in the South, the beautiful scenery of the country is more than breathtaking. With the wildlife spread all over the country, Nigeria is surely a beauty to behold and a tourist's delight all year round.
Nigeria is blessed with tremendous agricultural resources. Cotton in the North, Cocoa & Oil palm in the South amongst many others. The flag is green for a reason.
NIGERIA - WEST AFRICA, AFRICA and THE WORLD
Nigeria has the largest population of any country in Africa. Approximately 1 out of every 2 West Africans, 1 out of every 4 Africans, and 1 out of every 5 persons of African origin is a Nigerian.
Nigeria is the largest contributor of troops to the ECOWAS Monitoring Group (ECOMOG) and by extension, is the largest force for peace and stability in West Africa.
A Nigerian will stand out anywhere you find him/her, from Libya to London, Tokyo to Timbuktu. Well known examples include Hakeem Olajuwon (Houston Rockets, USA), Olumide Oyedeji (Seattle Sonics), Tunde Baiyewu (Lighthouse Family), Sunday Adelaja (Ukraine), Chris Aire (US), etc.
NIGERIA - INDUSTRIOUS, INNOVATIVE and ENTERPRISING, with ACHIEVEMENTS
Nigerians are intelligent, brilliant minds who have proven their mettle in various fields - Wole Soyinka was the first African to win the much coveted Nobel Prize for literature in 1986. Chinua Achebe’s classic novel ‘Things Fall Apart’ was ranked as number 14 in a list of top 100 books in the world by Newsdesk in 2009. Others include Cyprian Ekwensi, Mabel Segun, Chimamanda Adichie and Helon Habila whose literary works have won both international and local awards at various times.
We have budding fashion designers. Yes! It's a line every Bunmi, Amaka and Amina has decided to tow but to disregard the effort and originality of our Fashion Designers would be disrespectful. Tiffany Amber, Lanre Da Silva and Deola Sagoe are building world renowned brands, not to mention the legacy developed by the likes of Abba Folawiyo, Maureen Onigbanjo, Remi Lagos and Zizzi Cardow.
Nigerians have excelled in the fields of economics and finance, managing well established global bodies. Ngozi Okonjo Iweala, the current Minister of Finance, was until recently a Managing Director at The World Bank. Obiageli Ezekwisili is currently the Vice President for Africa at The World Bank. Mr Adebayo Ogunlesi is a first class graduate of Oxford, and Managing Partner of Global infrastructure Partner (GIP), a concessionaire of London’s Gatwick International Airport.
We take technology and expand it in ways those who created it could not have imagined. For instance, take the BlackBerry Messenger (BBM) which allows you to send broadcast messages to all addresses on your contacts list; Nigerians recently found a unique way of advertising the different businesses they do. Someone started a message highlighting the fact that many people in Nigeria are entrepreneurs or provide a service and included his BB PIN in the message and sent to all his contacts with the charge that they state the service they provide, include their PIN and send on to all their contacts too. This seemingly small campaign has gone “viral” with whole lists of entrepreneurs and their BB PINs being passed from phone to phone. This is a clear sign of the ingenuity of Nigerians!
NIGERIA – GREAT PEOPLE
Nigeria is the 7th most populous nation in the world (over 160 million) and most populous in Africa - a gold mine of energetic, determined and talented people in each and every field. From Lagos to Aba to Kano, the Nigerian business spirit and desire to succeed is visible. It just requires proper harnessing of these human resources for Nigeria to become the super power she is meant to be.
Nigerians are passionate, friendly, welcoming, hospitable, and well cultured people. The average Nigerian reflects a combination of vivacity, intelligence, energy, talent, and resolution.
We are a nation of people that can hardly hide their excitement at seeing family and friends. Some misconstrue this thinking we are loud but let's just say we are EXPRESSIVE! If you see us on the streets of New York making a big ruckus and hugging? No sweat. We are just happy to see each other.
NIGERIA – THE RESILIENT SPIRIT
The Giant of Africa: Not ignoring the current challenges, eventually, when we get our acts right, we will reign supreme on the global scene. We have the potential and as is much touted by the Warri people - "Naija no dey carry last"
The 'survivor-mentality' is hard-wired into the DNA of Nigeria's people. The fact is that against all the odds (and there are many of them), Nigerians continue to live, hustle and seek to triumph. It is not by mistake that Nigeria is regarded as one of the "happiest" countries in the world, despite its challenging economic and social conditions.
We are hardy. The average Nigerian does business under circumstances that are unimaginable to people from other parts. In a place where there is no power, no credit, and scant regulation, people do business and do very well for themselves too. If you can make it in Nigeria, you can make it anywhere in the world.
NIGERIA – TOURISM and SPORTS
Nigeria is an amazing tourist haven and is home to the Obudu Cattle Ranch, located in Calabar. It is only 45 miles from the Cameroon border. The Obudu Plateau is spread over 40 sq. miles and is 5,200 feet above sea level. The Obudu resort features a Gorilla Camp where tourists may observe gorillas in their natural habitat.
Nigeria has two UNESCO world heritage sites, the Osun Osogbo Sacred Grove and the Sukur Cultural Landscape in Adamawa. UNESCO world heritage sites are places designated as being of cultural significance.
Nigeria has produced great footballers like Teslim “Thunder” Balogun (the first Nigerian to play for an English Club – QPR), Segun Odegbami, Muda Lawal, Stephen Keshi, Rashidi Yekini (who scored Nigeria’s first ever goal at the World Cup), Nwankwo Kanu, Austin 'Jay Jay' Okocha, John Mikel Obi, Osaze Odemwingie, to mention but a few.
Nigeria has excelled in athletics over the years, still holding continental records in the 100m men and women, 4x100m men and women, 400m men and women, among others. Over 100 skilled Nigerian professional footballers played in First Division leagues in different countries all over Europe in the 2010/2011 season, 9 in England; 8 each in Finland, Norway; 10 in Ukraine and 7 in Sweden.
NIGERIA – UNITY in DIVERSITY
Nigerians, despite our diversity, are a united people who always strive to help one another. With 774 local government areas, multi religious and ethnic affiliations, 36 States, and population of over 160 million, we still stand undeterred to move forward together.
Even outside the country, Nigerians remain united. This gives a quiet assurance somewhat that you can get on a plane and go to any country of the world and find a Nigerian there who will not only make you feel welcome but will go out of their way to be of really good help. I have experienced this several times on my travels and each time it amazes me how all I need to be is a Nigerian, not Igbo, Yoruba or Hausa and once I run into another Nigerian, I will immediately feel at home.
Our greatest strength lies in our diversity.
The ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ Campaign is in partnership with ‘The 419Positive Project’.
The full list of ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ is available here (http://www.419Positive.org/)
The list of contributors to ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ is available here (http://www.419positive.org/419-reasons-to-like-nigeria-contributors/)
If you would like to say something positive about Nigerians and Nigeria, please visit the website.
NIGERIA - THE LAND OF POTENTIAL AND OPPORTUNITY
I like Nigeria because it is a land of endless opportunities and possibilities. Nigeria is one country whose true potentials I believe the world is yet to experience. I believe Nigerians are sharp, brilliant and accommodating people. Given the right enabling environment the world will marvel at what Nigeria will become.
Nigeria is the most populous black nation - and a buying one at that. From a capitalist point of view, this makes for great investment opportunities.
The fact that Nigeria currently lags behind so much - in infrastructure and developmental terms - hints at the size of the potential for innovation and transformation, and at the huge number of vacancies that exist for 'transformers'. What I think this means is that the world will be hearing a lot about Nigeria and high-achieving Nigerians (in the public and private sectors) in the near future.
NIGERIA - THE COUNTRY
The Nigerian Green and White flag is a notable national symbol. The green colour symbolises agriculture, seeing that the country is endowed with masses of arable land, while the white colour signifies unity and peace. Other national symbols include the Nigerian Coat of Arms, which depicts an eagle on a black shield, trisected by two wavy silver bands, and supported on either side by two chargers. The national motto underlies the coat-of -arms: "Unity and Faith, Peace and Progress." Her national symbols convey great meaning to its people.
The Nigerian accent is currently ranked by CNN Global Experiences as the 5th sexiest accent in the world.
Nigeria is home to Nollywood, one of the world's biggest film industries.
NIGERIA - THE CULTURE, THE FOOD, THE WAY OF LIFE
Something great to like about Nigeria is our cultural diversity. A strong affinity exists, despite our differences. Learning about other ethnic cultures in my country really helped me personally relate to other cultures when abroad.
I think the food is tastier in Nigeria than that I have found in other countries.
Nigerians live a communal life style. The extended family is part of the immediate family in a Nigerian home.
NIGERIA - THE MUSIC, THE MOVIES, THE DANCE, THE ART
Nigeria has produced many world class musicians. A notable mention in this regard is Fela Anikulapo Kuti. A Broadway show titled ‘FELA!’ was produced in 2009 depicting the life and times of the Afrobeat musician.
Nigeria’s movie industry, Nollywood, is reputedly the 3rd largest film industry after Hollywood and Bollywood, and has grown gradually into a $250 million industry in more than 10 years.
Nigerian indigenous musical instruments are unique, soulful and rhythmic. They comprise the popular Talking Drum, producing proverbial and storytelling sounds, the Shaker (shekere), the Udu drum, the Lute, the leg and arm Rattle, the Omele, the Ogene (Gong originating in Eastern Nigeria), the Ekwe drum and the Kakaki (A 4m metal trumpet popular in Northern Nigeria). Many of these instruments have been incorporated in South American music over the years.
NIGERIA - GEOGRAPHY and NATURAL RESOURCES
Nigeria is a nation blessed with rich human and natural resources. As the 8th largest exporter of Oil in the world, with the 10th largest proven reserves, our blessings cannot be overemphasised. No earthquakes, no tsunamis, no droughts, an evergreen land. The rest of the world should live here.
The beauty of the Nigerian state cannot but leave one in awe, being blessed with captivating physical features and abundant wild life. From the rolling hills to the vast plains in the North Central Nigeria and the forests in the South, the beautiful scenery of the country is more than breathtaking. With the wildlife spread all over the country, Nigeria is surely a beauty to behold and a tourist's delight all year round.
Nigeria is blessed with tremendous agricultural resources. Cotton in the North, Cocoa & Oil palm in the South amongst many others. The flag is green for a reason.
NIGERIA - WEST AFRICA, AFRICA and THE WORLD
Nigeria has the largest population of any country in Africa. Approximately 1 out of every 2 West Africans, 1 out of every 4 Africans, and 1 out of every 5 persons of African origin is a Nigerian.
Nigeria is the largest contributor of troops to the ECOWAS Monitoring Group (ECOMOG) and by extension, is the largest force for peace and stability in West Africa.
A Nigerian will stand out anywhere you find him/her, from Libya to London, Tokyo to Timbuktu. Well known examples include Hakeem Olajuwon (Houston Rockets, USA), Olumide Oyedeji (Seattle Sonics), Tunde Baiyewu (Lighthouse Family), Sunday Adelaja (Ukraine), Chris Aire (US), etc.
NIGERIA - INDUSTRIOUS, INNOVATIVE and ENTERPRISING, with ACHIEVEMENTS
Nigerians are intelligent, brilliant minds who have proven their mettle in various fields - Wole Soyinka was the first African to win the much coveted Nobel Prize for literature in 1986. Chinua Achebe’s classic novel ‘Things Fall Apart’ was ranked as number 14 in a list of top 100 books in the world by Newsdesk in 2009. Others include Cyprian Ekwensi, Mabel Segun, Chimamanda Adichie and Helon Habila whose literary works have won both international and local awards at various times.
We have budding fashion designers. Yes! It's a line every Bunmi, Amaka and Amina has decided to tow but to disregard the effort and originality of our Fashion Designers would be disrespectful. Tiffany Amber, Lanre Da Silva and Deola Sagoe are building world renowned brands, not to mention the legacy developed by the likes of Abba Folawiyo, Maureen Onigbanjo, Remi Lagos and Zizzi Cardow.
Nigerians have excelled in the fields of economics and finance, managing well established global bodies. Ngozi Okonjo Iweala, the current Minister of Finance, was until recently a Managing Director at The World Bank. Obiageli Ezekwisili is currently the Vice President for Africa at The World Bank. Mr Adebayo Ogunlesi is a first class graduate of Oxford, and Managing Partner of Global infrastructure Partner (GIP), a concessionaire of London’s Gatwick International Airport.
We take technology and expand it in ways those who created it could not have imagined. For instance, take the BlackBerry Messenger (BBM) which allows you to send broadcast messages to all addresses on your contacts list; Nigerians recently found a unique way of advertising the different businesses they do. Someone started a message highlighting the fact that many people in Nigeria are entrepreneurs or provide a service and included his BB PIN in the message and sent to all his contacts with the charge that they state the service they provide, include their PIN and send on to all their contacts too. This seemingly small campaign has gone “viral” with whole lists of entrepreneurs and their BB PINs being passed from phone to phone. This is a clear sign of the ingenuity of Nigerians!
NIGERIA – GREAT PEOPLE
Nigeria is the 7th most populous nation in the world (over 160 million) and most populous in Africa - a gold mine of energetic, determined and talented people in each and every field. From Lagos to Aba to Kano, the Nigerian business spirit and desire to succeed is visible. It just requires proper harnessing of these human resources for Nigeria to become the super power she is meant to be.
Nigerians are passionate, friendly, welcoming, hospitable, and well cultured people. The average Nigerian reflects a combination of vivacity, intelligence, energy, talent, and resolution.
We are a nation of people that can hardly hide their excitement at seeing family and friends. Some misconstrue this thinking we are loud but let's just say we are EXPRESSIVE! If you see us on the streets of New York making a big ruckus and hugging? No sweat. We are just happy to see each other.
NIGERIA – THE RESILIENT SPIRIT
The Giant of Africa: Not ignoring the current challenges, eventually, when we get our acts right, we will reign supreme on the global scene. We have the potential and as is much touted by the Warri people - "Naija no dey carry last"
The 'survivor-mentality' is hard-wired into the DNA of Nigeria's people. The fact is that against all the odds (and there are many of them), Nigerians continue to live, hustle and seek to triumph. It is not by mistake that Nigeria is regarded as one of the "happiest" countries in the world, despite its challenging economic and social conditions.
We are hardy. The average Nigerian does business under circumstances that are unimaginable to people from other parts. In a place where there is no power, no credit, and scant regulation, people do business and do very well for themselves too. If you can make it in Nigeria, you can make it anywhere in the world.
NIGERIA – TOURISM and SPORTS
Nigeria is an amazing tourist haven and is home to the Obudu Cattle Ranch, located in Calabar. It is only 45 miles from the Cameroon border. The Obudu Plateau is spread over 40 sq. miles and is 5,200 feet above sea level. The Obudu resort features a Gorilla Camp where tourists may observe gorillas in their natural habitat.
Nigeria has two UNESCO world heritage sites, the Osun Osogbo Sacred Grove and the Sukur Cultural Landscape in Adamawa. UNESCO world heritage sites are places designated as being of cultural significance.
Nigeria has produced great footballers like Teslim “Thunder” Balogun (the first Nigerian to play for an English Club – QPR), Segun Odegbami, Muda Lawal, Stephen Keshi, Rashidi Yekini (who scored Nigeria’s first ever goal at the World Cup), Nwankwo Kanu, Austin 'Jay Jay' Okocha, John Mikel Obi, Osaze Odemwingie, to mention but a few.
Nigeria has excelled in athletics over the years, still holding continental records in the 100m men and women, 4x100m men and women, 400m men and women, among others. Over 100 skilled Nigerian professional footballers played in First Division leagues in different countries all over Europe in the 2010/2011 season, 9 in England; 8 each in Finland, Norway; 10 in Ukraine and 7 in Sweden.
NIGERIA – UNITY in DIVERSITY
Nigerians, despite our diversity, are a united people who always strive to help one another. With 774 local government areas, multi religious and ethnic affiliations, 36 States, and population of over 160 million, we still stand undeterred to move forward together.
Even outside the country, Nigerians remain united. This gives a quiet assurance somewhat that you can get on a plane and go to any country of the world and find a Nigerian there who will not only make you feel welcome but will go out of their way to be of really good help. I have experienced this several times on my travels and each time it amazes me how all I need to be is a Nigerian, not Igbo, Yoruba or Hausa and once I run into another Nigerian, I will immediately feel at home.
Our greatest strength lies in our diversity.
The ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ Campaign is in partnership with ‘The 419Positive Project’.
Monday, June 13, 2011
The Million Dollar List
Everyone has one. A list of things they'll do in a heartbeat if they won the million dollar lottery.
It's a selfish list. It's not the what-i-would-do-to-change-the-world-if-i-had-a-million-dollars list. That's another list entirely and I have one of those. This is a purely avaricious list. It's the what-indulgent-impracticable-and-unneccessary-thing-would-i-do-if-i-had-a-million-dollars list. It's just that I'll need much more than 10 million.
So, here goes my list:
1. I would record and distribute a song written by Dianne Warren
2. I would buy that bad-ass Ducati
3. I would buy a sustainable farm in a genteel country with a helicopter for my city-farm commute
4. I would buy a significant stake in a media empire. I wouldn't want to own it; just control it
5.I would go on a shopping spree that will make Paris Hilton jealous
6. I would finally take that Europe yacht tour and that American road trip.
Now, seeing that I really don't have much more to add to the selfish list, let me present my what-i-would-do-to-change-the-world-list.
1. Endow a foundation solely focused on developing and implementing strategies for Teacher Training and Supply in Nigeria
2. Endow a foundation solely focused on developing, empowering, sponsoring and sustaining Politicians, Technocrats and Political Parties with values, ideas and clear agenda
3. Endow a foundation solely focused on helping the 'forgotten' - those people that are left for dead on bridges and street corners
4. Endow a foundation solely focused on promoting and distributing the best, most creative, values based media content there is
5. Endow a foundation solely focused on creative social enterprise
6. Endow a foundation solely dedicated to cultural & religious understanding, inter-tribal marriage and inter-tribal/faith dialogue
7. Endow a foundation solely dedicated to infrastructural development and support in Nigerian States
It's a selfish list. It's not the what-i-would-do-to-change-the-world-if-i-had-a-million-dollars list. That's another list entirely and I have one of those. This is a purely avaricious list. It's the what-indulgent-impracticable-and-unneccessary-thing-would-i-do-if-i-had-a-million-dollars list. It's just that I'll need much more than 10 million.
So, here goes my list:
1. I would record and distribute a song written by Dianne Warren
2. I would buy that bad-ass Ducati
3. I would buy a sustainable farm in a genteel country with a helicopter for my city-farm commute
4. I would buy a significant stake in a media empire. I wouldn't want to own it; just control it
5.I would go on a shopping spree that will make Paris Hilton jealous
6. I would finally take that Europe yacht tour and that American road trip.
Now, seeing that I really don't have much more to add to the selfish list, let me present my what-i-would-do-to-change-the-world-list.
1. Endow a foundation solely focused on developing and implementing strategies for Teacher Training and Supply in Nigeria
2. Endow a foundation solely focused on developing, empowering, sponsoring and sustaining Politicians, Technocrats and Political Parties with values, ideas and clear agenda
3. Endow a foundation solely focused on helping the 'forgotten' - those people that are left for dead on bridges and street corners
4. Endow a foundation solely focused on promoting and distributing the best, most creative, values based media content there is
5. Endow a foundation solely focused on creative social enterprise
6. Endow a foundation solely dedicated to cultural & religious understanding, inter-tribal marriage and inter-tribal/faith dialogue
7. Endow a foundation solely dedicated to infrastructural development and support in Nigerian States
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
My Ongoing Thoughts on Nigeria and Yeah...Solutions Too.
Nigeria is beset by two twin problems which have become a cancer in its soul – Iniquity & Inequity. (Where iniquity is a continuing breakdown of law & order and inequity connotes injustice).
Over the years, the problems that have come to define the image of our country include 419, Yahoo Yahoo, Terrorism, Sporadic Power Supply, Decaying Infrastructure, Corruption, Kidnapping, Degraded Educational System, Lack of Job Opportunities, Lack of Finance for Fledgling Businesses –and the list goes on and on. But, my argument is that these things are just symptoms of a deepening disease not the disease itself. The disease can be traced to just two things: Iniquity & Inequity.
If our law enforcement agencies worked, for instance, (and by law enforcement agencies, I mean the Police, Customs, Judiciary, Military etc.), corruption would significantly reduce, allowing our national and state institutions to work more efficiently. As long as crime continues to pay; 419, kidnapping and the like will proliferate. It’s a simply law of economics – as long as output far outweighs input, you have a viable business. The minute the consequence for a crime far outweighs the crime itself, and once that consequence is consistently and regularly meted out, the crime will reduce.
Today, we have law enforcement agencies that are poorly trained and motivated and so do not give a damn about crime. With the right amounts of money, you can ease the passage of any type of good across Nigeria. Nigeria has no credible national database, no fingerprint registry or forensics department worth their salt. Criminals can disappear across state borders without ever getting caught. Suspicious characters can bring in explosives registered to construction companies in containers and clear them through customs. Embassies can bring in weapons like the Iranian diplomats did for the Boko Haram terrorists. Fertilizers can be imported en masse by agricultural concerns and used to make bombs with little oversight. I doubt if bulk shipments are tagged. A West African can easily get a Nigerian passport from the Immigration Service for N18, 000, commit a crime in Europe, dump his Nigerian passport and travel home with a passport from his country of origin.
Interestingly, it’s also our lack of national databases that limits the ability of entrepreneurs to get loans. We have no credit bureau, no credit history, no way of tracking people’s addresses, assets or identities. Checking job histories is cumbersome and ineffective as a recently deposed DG of a Securities Regulatory Institution has taught us:). Where there is no credit history, there are no low interest leases or mortgages.
I recently heard of a bank that offers a purported “12%” low-interest facility to the staff of a few selected corporations. The corporations take on the burden of “vetting” their staff for creditworthiness. If the staff members default, the organisation’s corporate relationship with the bank stands at risk (and perhaps future credit lines). With a lot riding on their “vetting” process, I’m not sure many staff will get the clearance required to access the loans. Or perhaps their gratuities or pension funds will be used as “collateral”.
On the education front, this cancer of iniquity is bred at home as parents aid their children in cheating on exams. Government officials embezzle the monies meant for classrooms; teachers fail to show up for school and face no consequence.
Injustice is bred as we fail to practice true federalism. States are prevented from keeping the bulk of what they produce while remitting only what is necessary to run the federal government. They are also prevented from taking charge of their destinies and so our states continue to remain uncompetitive. Religious and ethnic violence/repression is rarely dealt with impartially. Crimes against vulnerable groups are ignored. There are no social safety nets for the poor, aged and mentally unsound and many Nigerians die like cockroaches. We do not protect intellectual property rights and creative endeavour is cheapened. And in our society, you are only assured of basic services and rights when you are considered a “Big Man”. The concepts of service, self-esteem, individuality and self-respect seem to have been bludgeoned to death by our law enforcement agencies, particularly the military.
We have failed to breed a national unity and identity that takes into consideration our diversity. We have tried to build a nation without recognising the individual tribes, without apologising for the atrocities of history and forgiving one another.
If I were president I would focus on 4 major things:
Instituting True Federalism: Yes, I would push for State Police. I would support the states retaining the bulk of what they make. It will end all the gawdamn excuses about the federal government not doing enough. If your state does not work, look at your thriving neighbour next door, then go stone your thieving Governor. It will also shut up the ethnic groups that keep saying they’re being marginalised – Once you’ve been “set free” - produce and work for your survival
Revamping Our Law Enforcement Agencies: I would focus on welfare first. I would ensure that I have on my desk a signed but undated letter of resignation from the officials in charge of setting up a sustainable welfare structure for our law enforcement agencies. I would happily jail anyone who steals their pay. As per corruption within those agencies, I would institute the stiffest penalties and ensure public shame. In terms of training, I would ensure aggressive skills transfer from the international agencies that work
Developing a National Records Database: If you commit a crime, you will be caught because I would institute the development of a robust national database, and I’m not talking about a pork barrel national identity card project. I will put in place a credit bureau to encourage leases and credit lines. And, I will encourage the stiffest penalties for the misuse of individuals’ data. The data must not reside in a government agency, so it does not become a tool of oppression.
Encouragement of National Dialogue: I am not referring to a national constitutional conference, for in truth, we have not even learnt to talk to or listen to one another. Instead, I would encourage different Nigerian groups to talk to one another, with trained moderators. I will encourage our people to admit to the mistakes of the past without embarking on a witch-hunt. I will document long buried but relevant national history so that we will never again forget the lessons of the past and together I will encourage us to design our collective future.
Over the years, the problems that have come to define the image of our country include 419, Yahoo Yahoo, Terrorism, Sporadic Power Supply, Decaying Infrastructure, Corruption, Kidnapping, Degraded Educational System, Lack of Job Opportunities, Lack of Finance for Fledgling Businesses –and the list goes on and on. But, my argument is that these things are just symptoms of a deepening disease not the disease itself. The disease can be traced to just two things: Iniquity & Inequity.
If our law enforcement agencies worked, for instance, (and by law enforcement agencies, I mean the Police, Customs, Judiciary, Military etc.), corruption would significantly reduce, allowing our national and state institutions to work more efficiently. As long as crime continues to pay; 419, kidnapping and the like will proliferate. It’s a simply law of economics – as long as output far outweighs input, you have a viable business. The minute the consequence for a crime far outweighs the crime itself, and once that consequence is consistently and regularly meted out, the crime will reduce.
Today, we have law enforcement agencies that are poorly trained and motivated and so do not give a damn about crime. With the right amounts of money, you can ease the passage of any type of good across Nigeria. Nigeria has no credible national database, no fingerprint registry or forensics department worth their salt. Criminals can disappear across state borders without ever getting caught. Suspicious characters can bring in explosives registered to construction companies in containers and clear them through customs. Embassies can bring in weapons like the Iranian diplomats did for the Boko Haram terrorists. Fertilizers can be imported en masse by agricultural concerns and used to make bombs with little oversight. I doubt if bulk shipments are tagged. A West African can easily get a Nigerian passport from the Immigration Service for N18, 000, commit a crime in Europe, dump his Nigerian passport and travel home with a passport from his country of origin.
Interestingly, it’s also our lack of national databases that limits the ability of entrepreneurs to get loans. We have no credit bureau, no credit history, no way of tracking people’s addresses, assets or identities. Checking job histories is cumbersome and ineffective as a recently deposed DG of a Securities Regulatory Institution has taught us:). Where there is no credit history, there are no low interest leases or mortgages.
I recently heard of a bank that offers a purported “12%” low-interest facility to the staff of a few selected corporations. The corporations take on the burden of “vetting” their staff for creditworthiness. If the staff members default, the organisation’s corporate relationship with the bank stands at risk (and perhaps future credit lines). With a lot riding on their “vetting” process, I’m not sure many staff will get the clearance required to access the loans. Or perhaps their gratuities or pension funds will be used as “collateral”.
On the education front, this cancer of iniquity is bred at home as parents aid their children in cheating on exams. Government officials embezzle the monies meant for classrooms; teachers fail to show up for school and face no consequence.
Injustice is bred as we fail to practice true federalism. States are prevented from keeping the bulk of what they produce while remitting only what is necessary to run the federal government. They are also prevented from taking charge of their destinies and so our states continue to remain uncompetitive. Religious and ethnic violence/repression is rarely dealt with impartially. Crimes against vulnerable groups are ignored. There are no social safety nets for the poor, aged and mentally unsound and many Nigerians die like cockroaches. We do not protect intellectual property rights and creative endeavour is cheapened. And in our society, you are only assured of basic services and rights when you are considered a “Big Man”. The concepts of service, self-esteem, individuality and self-respect seem to have been bludgeoned to death by our law enforcement agencies, particularly the military.
We have failed to breed a national unity and identity that takes into consideration our diversity. We have tried to build a nation without recognising the individual tribes, without apologising for the atrocities of history and forgiving one another.
If I were president I would focus on 4 major things:
Instituting True Federalism: Yes, I would push for State Police. I would support the states retaining the bulk of what they make. It will end all the gawdamn excuses about the federal government not doing enough. If your state does not work, look at your thriving neighbour next door, then go stone your thieving Governor. It will also shut up the ethnic groups that keep saying they’re being marginalised – Once you’ve been “set free” - produce and work for your survival
Revamping Our Law Enforcement Agencies: I would focus on welfare first. I would ensure that I have on my desk a signed but undated letter of resignation from the officials in charge of setting up a sustainable welfare structure for our law enforcement agencies. I would happily jail anyone who steals their pay. As per corruption within those agencies, I would institute the stiffest penalties and ensure public shame. In terms of training, I would ensure aggressive skills transfer from the international agencies that work
Developing a National Records Database: If you commit a crime, you will be caught because I would institute the development of a robust national database, and I’m not talking about a pork barrel national identity card project. I will put in place a credit bureau to encourage leases and credit lines. And, I will encourage the stiffest penalties for the misuse of individuals’ data. The data must not reside in a government agency, so it does not become a tool of oppression.
Encouragement of National Dialogue: I am not referring to a national constitutional conference, for in truth, we have not even learnt to talk to or listen to one another. Instead, I would encourage different Nigerian groups to talk to one another, with trained moderators. I will encourage our people to admit to the mistakes of the past without embarking on a witch-hunt. I will document long buried but relevant national history so that we will never again forget the lessons of the past and together I will encourage us to design our collective future.
Monday, January 10, 2011
The Nigerian Constitution
As I read the Nigerian Constitution, I’m realising the critical importance of the National and State Houses of Assembly.
Without them, there can be no meaningful long term political, regulatory or policy change in Nigeria.
By extension therefore, our Political Parties are equally important. If we were to nurture Parties with sound ideologies, strategies and values; and if those Parties were to throw up Legislators with integrity and ideas then they would propose and vote for sound laws.
A dream scenario would be to have the right Party with a majority (or strategic alliance) in the Legislature that is interested in sustainable change and not just having a deadlock on power like we have today.
Instead of being so fixated about the Central Government, perhaps we should also examine the structures that produce a sound Presidency – the Political Parties that sponsor him and the Legislators that limit or enhance his ability to make laws.
Without them, there can be no meaningful long term political, regulatory or policy change in Nigeria.
By extension therefore, our Political Parties are equally important. If we were to nurture Parties with sound ideologies, strategies and values; and if those Parties were to throw up Legislators with integrity and ideas then they would propose and vote for sound laws.
A dream scenario would be to have the right Party with a majority (or strategic alliance) in the Legislature that is interested in sustainable change and not just having a deadlock on power like we have today.
Instead of being so fixated about the Central Government, perhaps we should also examine the structures that produce a sound Presidency – the Political Parties that sponsor him and the Legislators that limit or enhance his ability to make laws.
What's in a Name?
Adam started it when he renamed us Mother in the Garden.
Since then we’ve been called Bad Mama Jama, Sexy Thang, Cherie Coco and Baby Doll.
We’ve been likened to a Jeep, Ride and Bank Account.
We’ve been flippantly termed Wifey, Roni or Shorty.
Some call us Bitch, Slut or Cunt.
To others we’re Brown Sugar, Sweetie Pie, Honey or Sugar.
In this part of the world, we’re Kokolette, Agbalumo, Tomato Jos, Omoge or Okpeke.
While we understand that some of these appellations are terms of endearment,
every once in a while, we’d like you to just call us WOMAN.
Since then we’ve been called Bad Mama Jama, Sexy Thang, Cherie Coco and Baby Doll.
We’ve been likened to a Jeep, Ride and Bank Account.
We’ve been flippantly termed Wifey, Roni or Shorty.
Some call us Bitch, Slut or Cunt.
To others we’re Brown Sugar, Sweetie Pie, Honey or Sugar.
In this part of the world, we’re Kokolette, Agbalumo, Tomato Jos, Omoge or Okpeke.
While we understand that some of these appellations are terms of endearment,
every once in a while, we’d like you to just call us WOMAN.
I Will Love You
I will love you
With a love that surpasses my devotion to music
With an obsession beyond my attentiveness to a detailed brief
With a fascination I apply only to words
With the wonder I express at the mysteries of God
With a sense of adventure I display in strange lands
I will make love to you
With thorough abandon
With the energy I find on an adrenaline high
With the creativity with which I craft my finest prose
With the devotion found in my deepest friendships
With the joy expressed in shared laughter
To be continued...
With a love that surpasses my devotion to music
With an obsession beyond my attentiveness to a detailed brief
With a fascination I apply only to words
With the wonder I express at the mysteries of God
With a sense of adventure I display in strange lands
I will make love to you
With thorough abandon
With the energy I find on an adrenaline high
With the creativity with which I craft my finest prose
With the devotion found in my deepest friendships
With the joy expressed in shared laughter
To be continued...
Cataloguing things i am not
I am not gifted at event planning and execution
I am not considered warm by most people
I suck at clothes shopping
I am not gifted in the art of interior decorating and have been told I have no taste
I do not enjoy cooking or domestic responsibilities
I am not crazy about children
I do not enjoy praying for long stretches of time
I do not like dealing with too many people at a time-i am not a crowd person
I do not like to be disturbed when I've just come back from work-and have been known to snap on occasion
I often forget to say good morning and pick up conversations the next day from where i left off the day before
I am not classically beautiful
I am not diplomatic or tactful
I am not a naturally happy person
I am not considered warm by most people
I suck at clothes shopping
I am not gifted in the art of interior decorating and have been told I have no taste
I do not enjoy cooking or domestic responsibilities
I am not crazy about children
I do not enjoy praying for long stretches of time
I do not like dealing with too many people at a time-i am not a crowd person
I do not like to be disturbed when I've just come back from work-and have been known to snap on occasion
I often forget to say good morning and pick up conversations the next day from where i left off the day before
I am not classically beautiful
I am not diplomatic or tactful
I am not a naturally happy person
Crazy Exercise on Songs on My MP3
Got this from a facebook friend. It works like this: You write down the first 20 songs on your mp3 player or pc when you select shuffle mode. You then tag a bunch of peeps. Here's my list:
I will be there, Kevin MacDougall
Somewhere a voice is calling, Frank Sinatra
Take your hand, Usher
When a woman's fed up, R.Kelly
Moti test eh, ID Cabasa Ft. Durella
Orobo, Sound Sultan
Your body, R.Kelly
Na me be fine boi, Sauce Kid
My pain, Sheyman
Unforgettable, Nat King Cole
Interlude 6, Lauryn Hill
Falling in love, Cece Winans
Intro, 2Face Idibia
I'm about to break, Linkin Park
Storm away, Bobby Brown
Pump that, KJ-52
Call 911, Sean Kingston
I needed you, Chris Brown
Sensuality, Avant
Involve yourself, Avant
I will be there, Kevin MacDougall
Somewhere a voice is calling, Frank Sinatra
Take your hand, Usher
When a woman's fed up, R.Kelly
Moti test eh, ID Cabasa Ft. Durella
Orobo, Sound Sultan
Your body, R.Kelly
Na me be fine boi, Sauce Kid
My pain, Sheyman
Unforgettable, Nat King Cole
Interlude 6, Lauryn Hill
Falling in love, Cece Winans
Intro, 2Face Idibia
I'm about to break, Linkin Park
Storm away, Bobby Brown
Pump that, KJ-52
Call 911, Sean Kingston
I needed you, Chris Brown
Sensuality, Avant
Involve yourself, Avant
Top Rejected City Slogans by Jason Roth
New Orleans
The city that really kicks ass. (But unfortunately also smells like it.)
Montreal
The most pretension, socialist politics, and annoying French accents you can get this side of the Atlantic.
Bombay
The land of untold riches and leprosy.
Cairo
Sit back,eat a pita, and see some of the most beautiful monuments to slavery in existence.
Orlando
The poor man's Las Vegas.
San Francisco
I left my HIV-positive test results in San Francisco.
London
Bitter: it's more than our beer. It's a way of life.
Moscow
The fine line between Happy Meals and gulags.
Rio de Janeiro
On our beaches and in our churches: worshipping flabby, loin cloth-covered asses 365 days a year.
Atlanta
The city that never wakes.
Naples
Don't think of our chicks as elderly, think of them as "sun roasted".
Tijuana
Where waking up in a jail cell with a broken rib cage, a dozen venereal diseases, and wearing nothing but a sombrero is only the beginning.
Hoboken
Just because Sinatra was born here doesn't mean we have any class.
Bangkok
If it's crispy, has a sticky red sauce, and smells like fish, you've come to the right whorehouse.
Florence
We brought the Renaissance into this world. We can take it out.
Hollywood
You don't need fake tits to make it in this town. Only a fake soul.
Hong Kong
As free as ancient Chinese dragon. (Just before it's chopped up, injected with MSG, and served with chopsticks.)
Seattle
The home of coffee, rain, grunge music, cigarette butts, vomit, and drug-induced suicide.
Cape Town
Getting screwed by the white man for over six centuries. (Starting with the crummy prices they paid on the slaves we sold them.)
Woodstock
Where littering, freeloading, sex with strangers, trashing people's property, and tripping out naked in the mud never sounded more romantic.
The city that really kicks ass. (But unfortunately also smells like it.)
Montreal
The most pretension, socialist politics, and annoying French accents you can get this side of the Atlantic.
Bombay
The land of untold riches and leprosy.
Cairo
Sit back,eat a pita, and see some of the most beautiful monuments to slavery in existence.
Orlando
The poor man's Las Vegas.
San Francisco
I left my HIV-positive test results in San Francisco.
London
Bitter: it's more than our beer. It's a way of life.
Moscow
The fine line between Happy Meals and gulags.
Rio de Janeiro
On our beaches and in our churches: worshipping flabby, loin cloth-covered asses 365 days a year.
Atlanta
The city that never wakes.
Naples
Don't think of our chicks as elderly, think of them as "sun roasted".
Tijuana
Where waking up in a jail cell with a broken rib cage, a dozen venereal diseases, and wearing nothing but a sombrero is only the beginning.
Hoboken
Just because Sinatra was born here doesn't mean we have any class.
Bangkok
If it's crispy, has a sticky red sauce, and smells like fish, you've come to the right whorehouse.
Florence
We brought the Renaissance into this world. We can take it out.
Hollywood
You don't need fake tits to make it in this town. Only a fake soul.
Hong Kong
As free as ancient Chinese dragon. (Just before it's chopped up, injected with MSG, and served with chopsticks.)
Seattle
The home of coffee, rain, grunge music, cigarette butts, vomit, and drug-induced suicide.
Cape Town
Getting screwed by the white man for over six centuries. (Starting with the crummy prices they paid on the slaves we sold them.)
Woodstock
Where littering, freeloading, sex with strangers, trashing people's property, and tripping out naked in the mud never sounded more romantic.
Hilarious City Names in America
Believe it or not, these were real city names/landmarks in America. Thankfully many of them have been changed (Culled from: Made in America by Bill Bryson)
Delirium Tremens
You bet
Git-up-and-get
Puke and shitbritches creek
Whiskey dick mountain, Washington
Dead bastard peak, Wyoming
Two tits, Carlifornia
Tickle cunt branch, North Carolina
Coldass creek
Sugar tit
Who'd a thought it, Alabama
Eek, Alaska
What cheer, Iowa
Ok, Kentucky
Bug, Kentucky
Number Nine, Maryland
Tightwad; Peculiar & Jerk trail, Missouri
Hot coffee & Goodfood, Mississipi
Wynot, Nebraska
Knockemstiff; Pee Pee; Lickskillet & Bowlegs, Oklahoma
East due west, South Carolina
Yell; Gizzards Cove & Zu Zu, Tenessee
Chocolate bayou; Jot 'em down & Cut and shoot, Texas
Lick fork; Unthanks & Tizzle flats, Virginia
Superior bottom, West Virginia
Embarrass, Wisconsin
Delirium Tremens
You bet
Git-up-and-get
Puke and shitbritches creek
Whiskey dick mountain, Washington
Dead bastard peak, Wyoming
Two tits, Carlifornia
Tickle cunt branch, North Carolina
Coldass creek
Sugar tit
Who'd a thought it, Alabama
Eek, Alaska
What cheer, Iowa
Ok, Kentucky
Bug, Kentucky
Number Nine, Maryland
Tightwad; Peculiar & Jerk trail, Missouri
Hot coffee & Goodfood, Mississipi
Wynot, Nebraska
Knockemstiff; Pee Pee; Lickskillet & Bowlegs, Oklahoma
East due west, South Carolina
Yell; Gizzards Cove & Zu Zu, Tenessee
Chocolate bayou; Jot 'em down & Cut and shoot, Texas
Lick fork; Unthanks & Tizzle flats, Virginia
Superior bottom, West Virginia
Embarrass, Wisconsin
Half-price movie night
If you're cheap like I am, you probably go to the movies on half-price (or free popcorn) movie night. A side benefit to going on this special day of the week is that you meet and observe so many interesting personalities. Because Nigerians generally love freebies, half-price movie night is always packed.
These are some of the people i've observed:
First, there's the high school grad who couldn't bother to get dressed up for the movies. Chances are he stiill has a comb stuck in his hair (I kid you not), is wearing sagging trousers (and sporting boxers of an uncertain color) or skintight pencil trousers that he wrestled to get into. This outfit is completed by the requisite unlaced fluorescent coloured high top sneakers, sweater top and big nerdy goggles. You'll typically find high schoolers huddled in groups of 3 or 4.
Then there's the bored college chick who's overdressed or underdressed depending on how you look at it and is probably thinking in her head: Notice me damn it! I didn't hang out half my boobs and apply liberal coats of makeup just for fun! If she's interested in the guy she's with, you'll probably hear her high pitched fake laughter from across the room. If she's not, she can often be sported wearing a nonchalant look and playing the brick game on her Nokia phone, thinking: Whatever!
Then there's the music star who always comes with a posse and sports dark glasses. In his head, he's thinking: I'm a star. Bow down and worship me. I'm popular. Make way before me. I have cash. I can be as loud and obnoxious as I want.
I especially like the suited corporeaucrat with the casually loosened tie and expensive shoes who strides in with an air of: I am important. The rest of you are little kids. I'm only here to destress from several technical deals that you wouldn't understand even if I mentioned them slowly. I'm not cheap. I can afford to come on any other night besides half-price night, but my obviously beautiful trophy girlfriend insisted we come today.I shall now stalk around with an obvious I-couldn't-care-less attitude. Dick!
Let's not forget the very pregnant young married woman who clutches on to her well dressed former jock husband who's still shellshocked over the fact that he's married and hence 'settled down'. Only his pot belly belies the fact that his glory fine-boy days are over.
These are just some of the folks i met yesterday at the movies. Now who says watching people ain't interesting?
These are some of the people i've observed:
First, there's the high school grad who couldn't bother to get dressed up for the movies. Chances are he stiill has a comb stuck in his hair (I kid you not), is wearing sagging trousers (and sporting boxers of an uncertain color) or skintight pencil trousers that he wrestled to get into. This outfit is completed by the requisite unlaced fluorescent coloured high top sneakers, sweater top and big nerdy goggles. You'll typically find high schoolers huddled in groups of 3 or 4.
Then there's the bored college chick who's overdressed or underdressed depending on how you look at it and is probably thinking in her head: Notice me damn it! I didn't hang out half my boobs and apply liberal coats of makeup just for fun! If she's interested in the guy she's with, you'll probably hear her high pitched fake laughter from across the room. If she's not, she can often be sported wearing a nonchalant look and playing the brick game on her Nokia phone, thinking: Whatever!
Then there's the music star who always comes with a posse and sports dark glasses. In his head, he's thinking: I'm a star. Bow down and worship me. I'm popular. Make way before me. I have cash. I can be as loud and obnoxious as I want.
I especially like the suited corporeaucrat with the casually loosened tie and expensive shoes who strides in with an air of: I am important. The rest of you are little kids. I'm only here to destress from several technical deals that you wouldn't understand even if I mentioned them slowly. I'm not cheap. I can afford to come on any other night besides half-price night, but my obviously beautiful trophy girlfriend insisted we come today.I shall now stalk around with an obvious I-couldn't-care-less attitude. Dick!
Let's not forget the very pregnant young married woman who clutches on to her well dressed former jock husband who's still shellshocked over the fact that he's married and hence 'settled down'. Only his pot belly belies the fact that his glory fine-boy days are over.
These are just some of the folks i met yesterday at the movies. Now who says watching people ain't interesting?
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