I can’t tell you when I fell in love with God’s Word. As a child, I attended Sunday School and read Bible stories like anyone else. And they were just that, stories. I can’t tell you exactly when the word of God became essential to my being; when I began to look forward to reading it every day; when it became essential to me.
Perhaps, it was when the words began to impact me specifically and not generally. I would study the Word and it would be relevant to my circumstances and challenges. It became an active and responsive thing. And no, it wasn’t some variation of lotto where I’d drop the Bible on the bed and take the first random thing that opened up as gospel truth! After all, the Word of God is not a diviner’s stone. But, in my daily readings, God began to speak to me.
The subject didn’t matter – Relationships, work, family, sadness – there was always a word for me. I remember I used to muse in difficult times, “If only I can spend some time listening to God and reading the Word, I’ll find the answer”. And so, the Word of God became my comfort, direction and instruction (this part I resisted:)). It began to shape my character and worldview; opening up my mind. My brain virtually became prised open as ideas, intellect and inspiration poured in. It is assumed that I am intelligent, but very few people know I became more intelligent and discerning because of a consistent consumption of the Word of God. Nothing else has impacted my life like it.
Funny thing about the Word of God – being open-minded and reading other things enhances your understanding of it.
If you read poetry, you’ll gain a deeper understanding of the Psalms.
If you learn about the nomadic habits of shepherds, you’ll appreciate some of the factors that shaped King David’s youth.
If you understand science, you’ll better appreciate Moses’ and Apostle Paul’s references to cosmology.
The Proverbs exhort us to “buy wisdom, buy education, buy insight”. You wouldn’t need to buy it, if it were free or could easily be downloaded from the internet. The most specialised courses, schools, research material etc. often need to be paid for or at the very least worked for. You must exchange something for it – time, effort, sacrifice or money. Wisdom is very precious and at a certain level the Word of God builds both your intellect and wisdom. Yes, the Holy Spirit gives insight and understanding, but it’s hard to communicate concepts and contexts that you don’t have any reference for. Don’t get me wrong. You’ll still be personally blessed by the Word, but your application of it in wider contexts e.g. Business, politics etc. will be severely limited. You’ll become one of those Christians that don’t make sense and can’t effectively function outside of Church.
If you cannot read and interpret the Word, then you are at the mercy of the one doing the reading to your hearing. Even when the Holy Spirit reveals a word to you, you will not have the intellectual base to effectively implement it. “In all thy getting, get understanding”.
One of the main reasons why I remain a born again Christian is because of an abiding love for God’s Word. I’m not a theologian and can’t tell you the specifics of how the Word became flesh, but I can testify of its life transforming power."
I leave you with Apostle Paul's prayer:
"I ask — ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him — endless energy, boundless strength!
It would be my honour to tell you a little bit more about God, the intelligent one-on-one. Let’s begin a conversation: subomiplumptre@yahoo.com.
(Follow me @subomiplumptre or join the conversation at #MakingGodFamous,#ShoSpeaks)
Subomi Plumptre's Blog: Thoughts, beliefs and expressions
Tuesday, August 07, 2012
The God Chronicles Part 2: Not Afraid to Ask Why
It is assumed that if we bring God down to “our level” or demystify him, people will either take him for granted or fail to accord him the reverence he deserves. They may even deign to treat the things that are holy as carnal. Thus, Christianity has evolved into this abstract, irrelevant, and sectarian club.
Perhaps we failed to understand that very few human beings can relate to abstract concepts. And so, a student may read a voluminous textbook prior to an exam because he can readily relate the work required to the desired outcome. It’s clear-cut. But, ask the same student to read his bible cover-to-cover with the same intensity and dedication and he honestly can’t understand why. He’s not being lazy or unserious as some Christians would accuse. His dedication to other pursuits disproves this. His love hasn’t “waxed cold” (when in truth, it was never properly forged, in the first place). He just hasn’t been brought to a place of understanding, where he sees the desired outcome of Christianity in real terms, beyond the snake oil skin merchants of prosperity or deliverance.
I am not advocating that we containerise God so our mortal minds can understand him or that we belittle exalted things. But I ask that we actively reveal those aspects of him that will help people truly relate to him. Jesus called himself friend, brother and son. God revealed himself as healer, deliverer and the one who is ever present. God consistently stoops to conquer. In the same vein, as Christians, we must be willing to address thorny questions and answer people’s queries about Christianity when they ask. We must stop shutting people up, condescending to them or patronising them. A simple “I don’t know” will suffice if in truth we don't, and we must then point them in the direction of someone who does know.
We mustn’t seek to have the last word in every discussion about our Father. Like Socrates, we must be willing to dissect issues, whittling them to their core essence. We must shake off every facade of piety and refrain from keeping up appearances of strength when we are most frail. Instead, we should acknowledge that we are saved by the kind grace of God.
I cannot claim to be God’s personal best friend or to comprehensively love him (for if the measure of love is obedience, then I fall short). But, I’m trying to get to know him; to build a personal, elemental relationship with him and to live for his purposes. That journey began with many questions and will grow through a desire to know and be known.
And so, I dare to call him by what i personally know about him; what has been revealed to me. I call him God, the Intelligent.
(Follow me @subomiplumptre or join the conversation at #MakingGodFamous,#ShoSpeaks)
Perhaps we failed to understand that very few human beings can relate to abstract concepts. And so, a student may read a voluminous textbook prior to an exam because he can readily relate the work required to the desired outcome. It’s clear-cut. But, ask the same student to read his bible cover-to-cover with the same intensity and dedication and he honestly can’t understand why. He’s not being lazy or unserious as some Christians would accuse. His dedication to other pursuits disproves this. His love hasn’t “waxed cold” (when in truth, it was never properly forged, in the first place). He just hasn’t been brought to a place of understanding, where he sees the desired outcome of Christianity in real terms, beyond the snake oil skin merchants of prosperity or deliverance.
I am not advocating that we containerise God so our mortal minds can understand him or that we belittle exalted things. But I ask that we actively reveal those aspects of him that will help people truly relate to him. Jesus called himself friend, brother and son. God revealed himself as healer, deliverer and the one who is ever present. God consistently stoops to conquer. In the same vein, as Christians, we must be willing to address thorny questions and answer people’s queries about Christianity when they ask. We must stop shutting people up, condescending to them or patronising them. A simple “I don’t know” will suffice if in truth we don't, and we must then point them in the direction of someone who does know.
We mustn’t seek to have the last word in every discussion about our Father. Like Socrates, we must be willing to dissect issues, whittling them to their core essence. We must shake off every facade of piety and refrain from keeping up appearances of strength when we are most frail. Instead, we should acknowledge that we are saved by the kind grace of God.
I cannot claim to be God’s personal best friend or to comprehensively love him (for if the measure of love is obedience, then I fall short). But, I’m trying to get to know him; to build a personal, elemental relationship with him and to live for his purposes. That journey began with many questions and will grow through a desire to know and be known.
And so, I dare to call him by what i personally know about him; what has been revealed to me. I call him God, the Intelligent.
(Follow me @subomiplumptre or join the conversation at #MakingGodFamous,#ShoSpeaks)
Monday, July 30, 2012
The God Chronicles Part 1: This is My Story
I've decided to do a blog series about my journey of discovery with God.
About 15 years after I first got to know him, I'd had enough of 2nd hand Christianity. You know the kind where God is referred to in reported speech or patiently explained to you by third parties. I no longer wanted to know the God in church, books or choruses. I needed to know him for myself, talk to him, ask him questions, relate with him. I wanted to be the author of those books and choruses - telling my own experiential stories of what God had done and who he was.
You see, I became bored with the routine church going (though I was still enamoured by the Word). Perhaps because I never really knew why we went to church in the first place or why it had the structure it did. (I knew the scripted reason, but didn't really 'get' it. And anyway, school church was so much more fun and real.)
So began my journey of discovery. I would soon realise that my deepest epiphanies would occur during periods of great crisis.
This blog series will seek to share those personal insights. In some places, the actors will be referred to obliquely (as I'm not sure they'd like their names in the social media space).
Kindly follow me as I share. This is My Story. This is My Song...
(Follow me @subomiplumptre or join the conversation at #MakingGodFamous, #ShoSpeaks)
About 15 years after I first got to know him, I'd had enough of 2nd hand Christianity. You know the kind where God is referred to in reported speech or patiently explained to you by third parties. I no longer wanted to know the God in church, books or choruses. I needed to know him for myself, talk to him, ask him questions, relate with him. I wanted to be the author of those books and choruses - telling my own experiential stories of what God had done and who he was.
You see, I became bored with the routine church going (though I was still enamoured by the Word). Perhaps because I never really knew why we went to church in the first place or why it had the structure it did. (I knew the scripted reason, but didn't really 'get' it. And anyway, school church was so much more fun and real.)
So began my journey of discovery. I would soon realise that my deepest epiphanies would occur during periods of great crisis.
This blog series will seek to share those personal insights. In some places, the actors will be referred to obliquely (as I'm not sure they'd like their names in the social media space).
Kindly follow me as I share. This is My Story. This is My Song...
(Follow me @subomiplumptre or join the conversation at #MakingGodFamous, #ShoSpeaks)
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
25 Entrepreneurial Lessons
1. Integrity matters. Build goodwill capital. You’ll need it to attract finance for business expansion or a crucial job recommendation.
2. Focus. Become very skilled at and known for something. It will generate referrals and significantly reduce your cost of marketing.
3. Read. Study. Be exposed. Your business can't rise above the level of your thinking and life concept.
4. Gain international perspectives and use international benchmarks which can be sourced from magazines, blogs etc. If you can, engage international interns.
5. Gain generational perspective: Hire young people.
6. Sometimes, you need to ignore industry chatter. Especially when you're cooking a breakthrough model.
7. Control your HR costs. Hire staff who can play BOTH professional and admin roles. This also creates a sense of ownership.
8. Corpers with potential are cost-efficient hires. To retain them, adopt an incentive program with the following features: Mission, responsibility, exposure, access, reduced cost of living & bonuses.
9. An entrepreneur cannot afford to NOT pay for performance. Include a trial period in your hiring process.
10. Identify protégées. They are your future managers. Pour yourself into them. Someday you won't have the energy to work at your current pace.
11. Adopt financial discipline. Constantly review actual figures not estimates. Never underbid or under price. Always cover your admin expenses.
12. Delicately manage 3 sources of income: Cash flow for operations, bulk capital for major purchases & project finance for expansion.
13. Proactively manage your culture. Use family meetings, life sessions & time outs. Create a company legend or story.
14. Institute annual strategy or review sessions. Review the numbers and lessons. Set goals and achieve them.
15. Hold monthly financial meetings. They provide an early warning signal when your company is in trouble.
16. Weekly management meetings are essential. It's a time to set goals for the week and review those for the previous week. It's also a great HR performance tracker.
17. Provide your staff with a periodic measure of progress. It helps you to identify those that are just coasting or who are lost within the system.
18. Documentation will save you. It professionalises you, increases your brand profile and provides hard evidence in times of trouble.
19. A CEO must serve & put the needs of others first. He must be accountable and relinquish the day to day financials after putting in place adequate controls.
20. Structure is key. Put in place requisite regulatory, legal, accounting & HR structures as you move from a Stage 1 to Stage 2 enterprise.
21. You need staff that can represent the company when the CEO is not around. The brand must become independent of the CEO.
22. Craft an expansion strategy for the future. It shows vision. When it's time, co-opt people in your network as strategic advisors.
23. Family matters. Staff can't work when there's trouble at home or their spouses oppose them. Develop programmes to help them understand the company. Programmes include bring-your-child to-work-day, annual family picnic, food & welfare packs for junior staff etc.
24. Review suggestions from your staff on how to make work better. But filter what they say for 'freebie' tendencies and presumption.
25. If you’re lucky, your company will attain institutional positioning. It will become the industry leader and set the standard.
2. Focus. Become very skilled at and known for something. It will generate referrals and significantly reduce your cost of marketing.
3. Read. Study. Be exposed. Your business can't rise above the level of your thinking and life concept.
4. Gain international perspectives and use international benchmarks which can be sourced from magazines, blogs etc. If you can, engage international interns.
5. Gain generational perspective: Hire young people.
6. Sometimes, you need to ignore industry chatter. Especially when you're cooking a breakthrough model.
7. Control your HR costs. Hire staff who can play BOTH professional and admin roles. This also creates a sense of ownership.
8. Corpers with potential are cost-efficient hires. To retain them, adopt an incentive program with the following features: Mission, responsibility, exposure, access, reduced cost of living & bonuses.
9. An entrepreneur cannot afford to NOT pay for performance. Include a trial period in your hiring process.
10. Identify protégées. They are your future managers. Pour yourself into them. Someday you won't have the energy to work at your current pace.
11. Adopt financial discipline. Constantly review actual figures not estimates. Never underbid or under price. Always cover your admin expenses.
12. Delicately manage 3 sources of income: Cash flow for operations, bulk capital for major purchases & project finance for expansion.
13. Proactively manage your culture. Use family meetings, life sessions & time outs. Create a company legend or story.
14. Institute annual strategy or review sessions. Review the numbers and lessons. Set goals and achieve them.
15. Hold monthly financial meetings. They provide an early warning signal when your company is in trouble.
16. Weekly management meetings are essential. It's a time to set goals for the week and review those for the previous week. It's also a great HR performance tracker.
17. Provide your staff with a periodic measure of progress. It helps you to identify those that are just coasting or who are lost within the system.
18. Documentation will save you. It professionalises you, increases your brand profile and provides hard evidence in times of trouble.
19. A CEO must serve & put the needs of others first. He must be accountable and relinquish the day to day financials after putting in place adequate controls.
20. Structure is key. Put in place requisite regulatory, legal, accounting & HR structures as you move from a Stage 1 to Stage 2 enterprise.
21. You need staff that can represent the company when the CEO is not around. The brand must become independent of the CEO.
22. Craft an expansion strategy for the future. It shows vision. When it's time, co-opt people in your network as strategic advisors.
23. Family matters. Staff can't work when there's trouble at home or their spouses oppose them. Develop programmes to help them understand the company. Programmes include bring-your-child to-work-day, annual family picnic, food & welfare packs for junior staff etc.
24. Review suggestions from your staff on how to make work better. But filter what they say for 'freebie' tendencies and presumption.
25. If you’re lucky, your company will attain institutional positioning. It will become the industry leader and set the standard.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Lessons from a CS Lewis Tweet
I subscribe to @CSLewisDaily on twitter. A while ago, a tweet caught my eye which I meditated on this morning: "God cannot give you happiness outside of himself".
If he could, he would. The nature of God's kindness is such that he would do almost anything to ensure his beloved are happy. However, the limitation of our human design is that we cannot attain it outside of a relationship and constant fellowship with him. It's written in our DNA.
The best way I can describe it is to use marriage as an analogy. In marriage, you make a conscious decision to entrust the provision of your deepest emotional needs to your spouse. That's the way marriage is designed. If for instance, a woman's emotional need is conversation, a husband could choose to ignore it due to his punishing schedule. He could say: I can't adjust my habits and personality for my wife. After all she knew who I was before she married me". The decision not to change effectively sentences the wife to a lifetime of unhappiness. The man suffers too, for as every good man knows, when his wife is not happy, he isn't as well.
It's the same thing with a relationship with God. We could ask: Why did you enter a relationship with Him, if you weren't willing to accept the parameters"? If you choose not to change and make time for him, you sentence yourself to a lifetime of misery and hurt him too.
Try a little experiment. Spend 5 minutes each morning for a week, just talking to him - Letting him know what you think of him, what confuses you about him. Tell him your fears, challenges, hopes and dreams. I'd like to know how it goes. Tell me in a week.
If he could, he would. The nature of God's kindness is such that he would do almost anything to ensure his beloved are happy. However, the limitation of our human design is that we cannot attain it outside of a relationship and constant fellowship with him. It's written in our DNA.
The best way I can describe it is to use marriage as an analogy. In marriage, you make a conscious decision to entrust the provision of your deepest emotional needs to your spouse. That's the way marriage is designed. If for instance, a woman's emotional need is conversation, a husband could choose to ignore it due to his punishing schedule. He could say: I can't adjust my habits and personality for my wife. After all she knew who I was before she married me". The decision not to change effectively sentences the wife to a lifetime of unhappiness. The man suffers too, for as every good man knows, when his wife is not happy, he isn't as well.
It's the same thing with a relationship with God. We could ask: Why did you enter a relationship with Him, if you weren't willing to accept the parameters"? If you choose not to change and make time for him, you sentence yourself to a lifetime of misery and hurt him too.
Try a little experiment. Spend 5 minutes each morning for a week, just talking to him - Letting him know what you think of him, what confuses you about him. Tell him your fears, challenges, hopes and dreams. I'd like to know how it goes. Tell me in a week.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Shosho's Incomplete Guide to Personal Development
I’ve been meaning to develop a personal development guide for some time now. (Personal development in this context means random and useful information). But, I’ve been busy and quite honestly lazy; which means I probably need my own advice.
While I’m no expert on the subject, I regularly meet hugely talented people who struggle with entrepreneurship, career or life projects unnecessarily. Many times, the only thing standing in the way of success is information, exposure, and the willingness to accept new knowledge while ditching existing paradigms. They need access to the right information, some support and the humility to change. What complicates matters is that having access to the right information at the right time is not guaranteed. Sometimes it’s simply an act of God’s kindness. (There is such a thing as ignorant bliss!)
First Thing’s First, Google it!
We live in the era of Social Enlightenment where access to knowledge is at unprecedented levels. Therefore, one of the most important tools in any personal development quest is Google. Many solutions can literally be found at the click of a mouse. But, if you hate to read or sift through data, there’s not much Google can do for you. The magnitude of information on the web and the limited nature of time are such that the ability to separate relevant information from worthless junk is a key requirement for the effective use of Google. The world is very unforgiving to those who need to be spoon-fed.
Study Popular Culture
You must be aware of and in tune with popular culture if you plan to sell anything to this (or the next generation). While time-held principles remain relevant; their application, presentation and communication change from generation to generation. It will be difficult to successfully sell a product to an audience you do not understand or you have a high level of disdain for. They will sense your patronizing attitude. And, they hate hypocrisy.
To bring yourself up to speed on popular culture, I recommend the following: Use “generational communication tools”. There are cultural mindsets that you’ll never understand if you don’t chat, have a data-enabled phone and Facebook & Twitter accounts. Access to instantaneous and multiple streams of information is very much a hallmark of this generation.
Subscribe to relevant RSS feeds from informational websites. That way, 10 minutes after you long on to the internet, you’ll have read bite-size highlights of what’s going on in the world and in the sectors you’re most interested in.
To ensure proper online representation (especially if you’re a public figure or plan to be one), develop a combination of the following: A structured Linked In Page, Wikipedia Page, Blog, Website, Facebook Page and Twitter Page. When people meet you, they’re more than likely to Google you immediately after. When they do, the first page that comes up should be your “official” web presence not random chatter on Twitter! You may consider professional portraits for your online pages or something creative. But, please do not use a grainy passport photo!
Try to log into Social Networks e.g. Twitter at least once a day (preferably in the morning) to “listen” to generational chatter and to feel the pulse of the middle class. It’ll give you insight into what topics are hot as well as popular lingo. Also pay attention to media, in general. The media is the voice of this generation.
For music, online sites like Billboard.com and the iTunes Charts tell you what’s happening on the global scene, while Notjustok.com (and any number of other entertainment aggregators) curate Nigerian music. Listening to local radio stations keeps you up-to-date, particularly drive-time shows. Buying music on a regular basis helps you to assess shifts in musical styles, as generational tastes morph very quickly. A hot single may not give you the full experience; you’ve got to listen to the entire album. Finally, at least 1 hour of music videos on a contemporary music station once or twice a week should give you a good feel of visual pop culture. Try Soundcity, MTV Base or Trace Urban.
For all things youth, subscribe to magazines like Ynaija. (You may also browse the online version). To gain a “feel” for popular fashion, spend some time observing people at the Mall. Just visit every now and then; sit and watch young people pass by. You’ll learn a lot about this generation from the way they walk, gesture, talk and dress.
For more refined fashion tastes, you may subscribe to British GQ (Not the American edition), Vogue and Vanity Fair. Read the articles; don’t just look at the pretty pictures. I especially like the way foreign magazines imprint certain standards of quality in your subconscious. After a while, you instinctively develop an aversion to things that are tacky or razz.
For the business minded, Fast Company is a must-read. Few other magazines write about the business world in popular language or emphasise business innovation. Reading the Economist and Fortune regularly for at least a year will teach you the fine art of business communication and writing. They will help you to develop structured and logical presentation which are invaluable for business correspondence. They are tedious to read, but subconsciously develop your vocabulary.
I encourage you to also watch movies, preferably at the cinema. It’s a lifestyle, not a waste of money.
Travel as Much as You Are Able to
Whenever you can afford it, travel. I heartily recommend a visit to all the geopolitical zones in Nigeria. It will greatly broaden your understanding of your fellow citizens. A trip to the hinterland will transform your thinking about what it means to be a Nigerian. Traveling to exotic international locales is all well and good, however, if you’ve never ventured beyond our shores before, I recommend Ghana as your first stop and then perhaps the UK and US! Travelling to Yankee or Jand will hopefully cure you of the fear of visa applications and the excitement of “travelling abroad”. There’s something in Nigerians that idolizes travelling abroad. You might as well do it and get it over with.
Learning the basic protocols of travelling will come in handy for years to come. For example, the seemingly little things like buying a sim card at the airport; changing only a small amount of Forex there because you get better rates in town, dealing with immigration and requisite travel documentation, understanding a city’s transportation system and route maps, learning which cities allow you to drive with a Nigerian license, knowing how to open a non-resident bank account so you have a backup debit card to your Nigerian one, using travel sites like Trip Advisor to check hotel reviews etc.
One thing about travelling though – the cultural exposure matters, not just shopping. Sometimes, it pays to pre-book tours BEFORE you leave for your trip or else the slots may be filled for days by the time you get there. Do not depend on your host to show you around. Many residents have never taken a tour of the cities they live in. Almost every country or city has an official tour company, e.g. Arabian Adventures for Dubai. Ideally, your first 2 days should be dedicated to tours. On the first day, try a city bus tour or a walking tour. It’s best to go in a group, especially if you’re travelling alone. It’s a wonderful way to meet new people while minimizing the risks of exploring alone. Nowadays, you can do almost anything you want to in a foreign country via a tour. There are even pre-packaged tours for a night out on the town.
When you return, you’ll find you’ve gained a better understanding of and tolerance for human differences. Your heart and mind will expand. Don’t ask me how; they just do.
The Language of International Business
If you’re thinking of expanding your business globally and do not wish to retain the services of an interpreter, you may need to brush up on our lingua franca, English or a foreign language. Your proposals shouldn’t be liberally sprinkled with dangerous artillery.
There are many organisations and tools that can help you with spoken and written business communication. Use them.
First Impressions
If you are hopeless with fashion and you’ll like someone to help you to design your own personal style and look, kindly contact a personal shopper or lifestyle consultant. There are many affordable ones. You don’t even need a professional. You may have a colleague or sibling who loves to shop and has a great sense of taste. Give them your shopping money and a little extra to cover their transportation costs and they’ll gladly shop for you. Trust me, they know where all the bargains are.
Sometimes it helps if you go online to identify the kind of things you like to make their shopping easier or to familiarize yourself with what’s available. Everybody looks good in Nigerian fabric and nowadays you can make contemporary stuff that’s suitable for both formal and informal occasions. Clothing made from understated high quality fabric is acceptable at almost any formal event in Nigeria. Simply add a dash of personal style.
Guys, please learn how to knot a tie and open a bottle of wine. And learn how to drive competently. For some reason, women associate competent driving with competence in “certain other areas that will go unmentioned”. Ladies, do learn how to cook the major food groups . Even if you hate cooking, there’s no point to prove. It’s just nice to not look lost in a kitchen.
If you need help determining what hair style or cut suits you, go to any highly recommended salon or barber and ASK them to advise on what looks good on you. Please do not go on a weekend if you require personalized attention. It’s usually a mad rush. Women can learn how to apply makeup or buy appropriate skin care products from any notable makeup artist. (Basic tip – Avoid lining eyebrows or applying layers of foundation. They make women look angry. Also replace soap with a cream cleanser for your face).
Choose perfume or cologne that’s attractive to the opposite sex and not just one you personally like. Whenever a woman hugs a guy and unconsciously snuggles or goes, “you smell nice”, that’s his perfect scent. He should stick with it.
A manicure and pedicure never hurt anyone. And the spa’s perfect for those who don’t know how to destress and need it beaten out of them (a.k.a Massage).
Try having drinks in a hotel bar or if you can afford it, do dinner. It helps you “escape” Nigeria for a while. You’ll observe people from different countries and absorb interesting habits. Importantly, you’ll become familiar with formal place setting (the correct positioning of cutlery). Like we all learnt from the movie, Pretty Woman, when dining formally, you use your cutlery from the outside-in; beginning with those furthest away from your plate and working your way in from course to course (Appetizer to Dessert). Sometimes, the dessert spoon may be placed above the plate and your wine/juice glass is different from your water glass.
Eating Right and Exercising
If you can’t go to the gym religiously, check out online sites for simple exercise plans you can do at home and tips on what not to eat. The basic rules are drink at least a litre of water a day, eat fruits everyday, cut out starches and increase your lean protein intake. Stop skipping breakfast but keep it light (e.g. Cereal and fruit), exercise at least 30 minutes 3 times a week and oh…one more thing…everything that tastes good is bad for you.
Buying Gifts
If you’re terrible at picking gifts, let others do it for you. Or if you have a creative gift concept you’d like to bring to life, let others execute it for you. Try Konnektors as a starting point. Also, if you’re not sure about what to buy for someone, try talking to their sibling or someone who’s close to them to get the inside scoop on what they truly desire right now.
And of Course Sex Matters
If you missed your integrated science class in Form 1, you really need to begin with the book, Every Woman, just to know where all the equipment is and their functions. (I personally find it amusing when guys mix up ovulation and menstruation). There are many professionally written books about sex like The Magic of Sex by Mariam Stoppard. Popular fiction (novels) will provide an overview of popular sexual terminology - It helps to know what the popular names for fellatio or cunninlingus are.
Birth control or family planning options abound and speaking to a professional is advised. I suggest you personally Google and research everything you’re told by your Doctor, as many myths abound. Personally, birth control options that don’t mess with a woman’s hormones or those 5 glorious days of ovulation are preferred.
Coming Home
Home should be a haven and sanctuary. Simply put, you are affected by what you consistently surround yourself with and it’s hard to truly relax when you live in the midst of chaos. It’s better to leave a room bare than to stock it with junk. Serenity and comfort are hallmarks of a great home. Even if you live with others, your room or personal space should reflect the quality of your mind and soul. Your living space and the inside of your car send a strong signal about the level of disorder you’re willing to tolerate. Also, stop wearing rags at home. A mentor once told me to dress in such a way that when a visitor comes, you don’t have to change first before opening the door.
There are companies who’ll do affordable interior decorating consultations. Speak to one if you need to.
Catching up on all You’ve Missed
If you’d like to catch up on popular culture, try Time Magazine’s The All Time Best 100 (http://www.time.com/time/specials/2007/0,28757,1662224,00.html). There are many other online resources:
For movies: http://www.slashfilm.com/yahoos-100-movies-to-see-before-you-die/
For music: http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/datablog/2009/mar/20/1 (Click on the full list to view).
You can buy in stores or download at “you-know-where”.
For books: http://tinyurl.com/myreadinglist
If you read a new book every month or two, you’ll gradually become more knowledgeable and your worldview will expand.
For travel: http://www.tripadvisor.com/GoListDetail-i17106-100_places_to_see_before_I_die.html
Finally, who you know still matters
In business, who you know doesn’t necessarily determine your trajectory but it helps. People are comfortable doing business with people they know or have a trusted reference for. It impacts access, clout and influence. This is even more important in a business climate like Nigeria’s, where a lot of business is done informally.
You really don’t need to join a club to “belong”. There are several social, professional and business networks that will suffice. Try volunteering on the event organizing committee of a network like Wimbiz for example, or your school’s Old Boy’s/Girl’s Association. You’ll be amazed how many people will feel predisposed to listening to your business idea, when they’ve witnessed first-hand how committed and dedicated you are to a cause. And if you can’t serve on the committee, give something.
There are several entrepreneurial networks who meet regularly and have become a family of sorts.
If you’re an up and coming business person and you’re on the outside looking in, join a network fast and stop relying solely on “mentors” to help you.
Conclusion
It will be nice if people can share links and resources that may prove helpful to others. Feel free to post those links under comments.
Thank you for reading.
While I’m no expert on the subject, I regularly meet hugely talented people who struggle with entrepreneurship, career or life projects unnecessarily. Many times, the only thing standing in the way of success is information, exposure, and the willingness to accept new knowledge while ditching existing paradigms. They need access to the right information, some support and the humility to change. What complicates matters is that having access to the right information at the right time is not guaranteed. Sometimes it’s simply an act of God’s kindness. (There is such a thing as ignorant bliss!)
First Thing’s First, Google it!
We live in the era of Social Enlightenment where access to knowledge is at unprecedented levels. Therefore, one of the most important tools in any personal development quest is Google. Many solutions can literally be found at the click of a mouse. But, if you hate to read or sift through data, there’s not much Google can do for you. The magnitude of information on the web and the limited nature of time are such that the ability to separate relevant information from worthless junk is a key requirement for the effective use of Google. The world is very unforgiving to those who need to be spoon-fed.
Study Popular Culture
You must be aware of and in tune with popular culture if you plan to sell anything to this (or the next generation). While time-held principles remain relevant; their application, presentation and communication change from generation to generation. It will be difficult to successfully sell a product to an audience you do not understand or you have a high level of disdain for. They will sense your patronizing attitude. And, they hate hypocrisy.
To bring yourself up to speed on popular culture, I recommend the following: Use “generational communication tools”. There are cultural mindsets that you’ll never understand if you don’t chat, have a data-enabled phone and Facebook & Twitter accounts. Access to instantaneous and multiple streams of information is very much a hallmark of this generation.
Subscribe to relevant RSS feeds from informational websites. That way, 10 minutes after you long on to the internet, you’ll have read bite-size highlights of what’s going on in the world and in the sectors you’re most interested in.
To ensure proper online representation (especially if you’re a public figure or plan to be one), develop a combination of the following: A structured Linked In Page, Wikipedia Page, Blog, Website, Facebook Page and Twitter Page. When people meet you, they’re more than likely to Google you immediately after. When they do, the first page that comes up should be your “official” web presence not random chatter on Twitter! You may consider professional portraits for your online pages or something creative. But, please do not use a grainy passport photo!
Try to log into Social Networks e.g. Twitter at least once a day (preferably in the morning) to “listen” to generational chatter and to feel the pulse of the middle class. It’ll give you insight into what topics are hot as well as popular lingo. Also pay attention to media, in general. The media is the voice of this generation.
For music, online sites like Billboard.com and the iTunes Charts tell you what’s happening on the global scene, while Notjustok.com (and any number of other entertainment aggregators) curate Nigerian music. Listening to local radio stations keeps you up-to-date, particularly drive-time shows. Buying music on a regular basis helps you to assess shifts in musical styles, as generational tastes morph very quickly. A hot single may not give you the full experience; you’ve got to listen to the entire album. Finally, at least 1 hour of music videos on a contemporary music station once or twice a week should give you a good feel of visual pop culture. Try Soundcity, MTV Base or Trace Urban.
For all things youth, subscribe to magazines like Ynaija. (You may also browse the online version). To gain a “feel” for popular fashion, spend some time observing people at the Mall. Just visit every now and then; sit and watch young people pass by. You’ll learn a lot about this generation from the way they walk, gesture, talk and dress.
For more refined fashion tastes, you may subscribe to British GQ (Not the American edition), Vogue and Vanity Fair. Read the articles; don’t just look at the pretty pictures. I especially like the way foreign magazines imprint certain standards of quality in your subconscious. After a while, you instinctively develop an aversion to things that are tacky or razz.
For the business minded, Fast Company is a must-read. Few other magazines write about the business world in popular language or emphasise business innovation. Reading the Economist and Fortune regularly for at least a year will teach you the fine art of business communication and writing. They will help you to develop structured and logical presentation which are invaluable for business correspondence. They are tedious to read, but subconsciously develop your vocabulary.
I encourage you to also watch movies, preferably at the cinema. It’s a lifestyle, not a waste of money.
Travel as Much as You Are Able to
Whenever you can afford it, travel. I heartily recommend a visit to all the geopolitical zones in Nigeria. It will greatly broaden your understanding of your fellow citizens. A trip to the hinterland will transform your thinking about what it means to be a Nigerian. Traveling to exotic international locales is all well and good, however, if you’ve never ventured beyond our shores before, I recommend Ghana as your first stop and then perhaps the UK and US! Travelling to Yankee or Jand will hopefully cure you of the fear of visa applications and the excitement of “travelling abroad”. There’s something in Nigerians that idolizes travelling abroad. You might as well do it and get it over with.
Learning the basic protocols of travelling will come in handy for years to come. For example, the seemingly little things like buying a sim card at the airport; changing only a small amount of Forex there because you get better rates in town, dealing with immigration and requisite travel documentation, understanding a city’s transportation system and route maps, learning which cities allow you to drive with a Nigerian license, knowing how to open a non-resident bank account so you have a backup debit card to your Nigerian one, using travel sites like Trip Advisor to check hotel reviews etc.
One thing about travelling though – the cultural exposure matters, not just shopping. Sometimes, it pays to pre-book tours BEFORE you leave for your trip or else the slots may be filled for days by the time you get there. Do not depend on your host to show you around. Many residents have never taken a tour of the cities they live in. Almost every country or city has an official tour company, e.g. Arabian Adventures for Dubai. Ideally, your first 2 days should be dedicated to tours. On the first day, try a city bus tour or a walking tour. It’s best to go in a group, especially if you’re travelling alone. It’s a wonderful way to meet new people while minimizing the risks of exploring alone. Nowadays, you can do almost anything you want to in a foreign country via a tour. There are even pre-packaged tours for a night out on the town.
When you return, you’ll find you’ve gained a better understanding of and tolerance for human differences. Your heart and mind will expand. Don’t ask me how; they just do.
The Language of International Business
If you’re thinking of expanding your business globally and do not wish to retain the services of an interpreter, you may need to brush up on our lingua franca, English or a foreign language. Your proposals shouldn’t be liberally sprinkled with dangerous artillery.
There are many organisations and tools that can help you with spoken and written business communication. Use them.
First Impressions
If you are hopeless with fashion and you’ll like someone to help you to design your own personal style and look, kindly contact a personal shopper or lifestyle consultant. There are many affordable ones. You don’t even need a professional. You may have a colleague or sibling who loves to shop and has a great sense of taste. Give them your shopping money and a little extra to cover their transportation costs and they’ll gladly shop for you. Trust me, they know where all the bargains are.
Sometimes it helps if you go online to identify the kind of things you like to make their shopping easier or to familiarize yourself with what’s available. Everybody looks good in Nigerian fabric and nowadays you can make contemporary stuff that’s suitable for both formal and informal occasions. Clothing made from understated high quality fabric is acceptable at almost any formal event in Nigeria. Simply add a dash of personal style.
Guys, please learn how to knot a tie and open a bottle of wine. And learn how to drive competently. For some reason, women associate competent driving with competence in “certain other areas that will go unmentioned”. Ladies, do learn how to cook the major food groups . Even if you hate cooking, there’s no point to prove. It’s just nice to not look lost in a kitchen.
If you need help determining what hair style or cut suits you, go to any highly recommended salon or barber and ASK them to advise on what looks good on you. Please do not go on a weekend if you require personalized attention. It’s usually a mad rush. Women can learn how to apply makeup or buy appropriate skin care products from any notable makeup artist. (Basic tip – Avoid lining eyebrows or applying layers of foundation. They make women look angry. Also replace soap with a cream cleanser for your face).
Choose perfume or cologne that’s attractive to the opposite sex and not just one you personally like. Whenever a woman hugs a guy and unconsciously snuggles or goes, “you smell nice”, that’s his perfect scent. He should stick with it.
A manicure and pedicure never hurt anyone. And the spa’s perfect for those who don’t know how to destress and need it beaten out of them (a.k.a Massage).
Try having drinks in a hotel bar or if you can afford it, do dinner. It helps you “escape” Nigeria for a while. You’ll observe people from different countries and absorb interesting habits. Importantly, you’ll become familiar with formal place setting (the correct positioning of cutlery). Like we all learnt from the movie, Pretty Woman, when dining formally, you use your cutlery from the outside-in; beginning with those furthest away from your plate and working your way in from course to course (Appetizer to Dessert). Sometimes, the dessert spoon may be placed above the plate and your wine/juice glass is different from your water glass.
Eating Right and Exercising
If you can’t go to the gym religiously, check out online sites for simple exercise plans you can do at home and tips on what not to eat. The basic rules are drink at least a litre of water a day, eat fruits everyday, cut out starches and increase your lean protein intake. Stop skipping breakfast but keep it light (e.g. Cereal and fruit), exercise at least 30 minutes 3 times a week and oh…one more thing…everything that tastes good is bad for you.
Buying Gifts
If you’re terrible at picking gifts, let others do it for you. Or if you have a creative gift concept you’d like to bring to life, let others execute it for you. Try Konnektors as a starting point. Also, if you’re not sure about what to buy for someone, try talking to their sibling or someone who’s close to them to get the inside scoop on what they truly desire right now.
And of Course Sex Matters
If you missed your integrated science class in Form 1, you really need to begin with the book, Every Woman, just to know where all the equipment is and their functions. (I personally find it amusing when guys mix up ovulation and menstruation). There are many professionally written books about sex like The Magic of Sex by Mariam Stoppard. Popular fiction (novels) will provide an overview of popular sexual terminology - It helps to know what the popular names for fellatio or cunninlingus are.
Birth control or family planning options abound and speaking to a professional is advised. I suggest you personally Google and research everything you’re told by your Doctor, as many myths abound. Personally, birth control options that don’t mess with a woman’s hormones or those 5 glorious days of ovulation are preferred.
Coming Home
Home should be a haven and sanctuary. Simply put, you are affected by what you consistently surround yourself with and it’s hard to truly relax when you live in the midst of chaos. It’s better to leave a room bare than to stock it with junk. Serenity and comfort are hallmarks of a great home. Even if you live with others, your room or personal space should reflect the quality of your mind and soul. Your living space and the inside of your car send a strong signal about the level of disorder you’re willing to tolerate. Also, stop wearing rags at home. A mentor once told me to dress in such a way that when a visitor comes, you don’t have to change first before opening the door.
There are companies who’ll do affordable interior decorating consultations. Speak to one if you need to.
Catching up on all You’ve Missed
If you’d like to catch up on popular culture, try Time Magazine’s The All Time Best 100 (http://www.time.com/time/specials/2007/0,28757,1662224,00.html). There are many other online resources:
For movies: http://www.slashfilm.com/yahoos-100-movies-to-see-before-you-die/
For music: http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/datablog/2009/mar/20/1 (Click on the full list to view).
You can buy in stores or download at “you-know-where”.
For books: http://tinyurl.com/myreadinglist
If you read a new book every month or two, you’ll gradually become more knowledgeable and your worldview will expand.
For travel: http://www.tripadvisor.com/GoListDetail-i17106-100_places_to_see_before_I_die.html
Finally, who you know still matters
In business, who you know doesn’t necessarily determine your trajectory but it helps. People are comfortable doing business with people they know or have a trusted reference for. It impacts access, clout and influence. This is even more important in a business climate like Nigeria’s, where a lot of business is done informally.
You really don’t need to join a club to “belong”. There are several social, professional and business networks that will suffice. Try volunteering on the event organizing committee of a network like Wimbiz for example, or your school’s Old Boy’s/Girl’s Association. You’ll be amazed how many people will feel predisposed to listening to your business idea, when they’ve witnessed first-hand how committed and dedicated you are to a cause. And if you can’t serve on the committee, give something.
There are several entrepreneurial networks who meet regularly and have become a family of sorts.
If you’re an up and coming business person and you’re on the outside looking in, join a network fast and stop relying solely on “mentors” to help you.
Conclusion
It will be nice if people can share links and resources that may prove helpful to others. Feel free to post those links under comments.
Thank you for reading.
Thursday, December 08, 2011
The Reading List
This is an updated list of books that you may read to improve your cultural literacy, understanding of diversity and general exposure.
You may choose to read one a month or every couple of months.
Foundational
1. A Short History of Nearly Everything - Bill Bryson
2. Every Other Book Written by Bill Bryson
3. Books on World History and African History e.g A history of Nigeria by Toyin Falola and Matthew M. Heaton
4. African Classics which include:
a. Things Fall Apart - Chinua Achebe
b. Sosu's Call - Meshack Asare
c. Une Si Longue Lettre (Trans. So Long A Letter)- Mariama BÂ
d. Terra Sonambula - Mia Couto
e. Nervous Conditions- Tsitsi Dangarembga
f. Antériorité Des Civilisations Nègres- Cheikh Anta Diop
g. L'Amour La Fantasia - Assia Djebar
h. The Cairo Trilogy - Naguib Mahfouz
i. Chaka - Thomas Mokopu Mofolo
j. A Grain Of Wheat- Ngugi wa Thiong'o
k. Oeuvre Poétique- Léopold Sédar Senghor
l. Ake: The Years of Childhood - Wole Soyinka
See a fuller list here: http://africanhistory.about.com/library/bl/bl100BestBooksA.htm
Or here: http://www.amazon.com/Great-African-Novels/lm/R1X0DX5OEHL21P
General
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hossein
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Facory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
You may choose to read one a month or every couple of months.
Foundational
1. A Short History of Nearly Everything - Bill Bryson
2. Every Other Book Written by Bill Bryson
3. Books on World History and African History e.g A history of Nigeria by Toyin Falola and Matthew M. Heaton
4. African Classics which include:
a. Things Fall Apart - Chinua Achebe
b. Sosu's Call - Meshack Asare
c. Une Si Longue Lettre (Trans. So Long A Letter)- Mariama BÂ
d. Terra Sonambula - Mia Couto
e. Nervous Conditions- Tsitsi Dangarembga
f. Antériorité Des Civilisations Nègres- Cheikh Anta Diop
g. L'Amour La Fantasia - Assia Djebar
h. The Cairo Trilogy - Naguib Mahfouz
i. Chaka - Thomas Mokopu Mofolo
j. A Grain Of Wheat- Ngugi wa Thiong'o
k. Oeuvre Poétique- Léopold Sédar Senghor
l. Ake: The Years of Childhood - Wole Soyinka
See a fuller list here: http://africanhistory.about.com/library/bl/bl100BestBooksA.htm
Or here: http://www.amazon.com/Great-African-Novels/lm/R1X0DX5OEHL21P
General
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hossein
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Facory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
Notes for SMEs
It's amazing how people want the best but aren't willing to pay for it. It's okay for them to prosper but not those who help them.
These are principles SMEs must imbibe or else they'll always be afraid to charge for their services and will never aspire to greatness:
1. The fact that you need my services means you can't do it all and that your success is influenced by the services I provide. Therefore, I am worthy of respect and should be treated like a professional
2. When I come to your company, it never occurs to you to give me your services free; therefore kindly do not expect the same from me
3. If my services can help you make millions of dollars, do not begrudge me if I use the same brain to make billions of dollars for myself. We are both businessmen
4. My charges reflect the value I place on myself and my services. If you don't want to pay, kindly do not threaten me with walking away. Someone else will pay. Furthermore, you are not the source of my prosperity, God is
5. I may be small today but have plans to be great. Therefore, if you see me driving a new car or flying in first class someday; It is not the money you paid me that facilitated it - I have other clients besides you. Don't envy me
6. A service provider is not synonymous with servant. How would you like it if your clients looked down on you too?
7. I will never price myself at a loss to please you or because of our relationship. If you really mean well for me, you wouldn't ask me to commit business suicide
These are principles SMEs must imbibe or else they'll always be afraid to charge for their services and will never aspire to greatness:
1. The fact that you need my services means you can't do it all and that your success is influenced by the services I provide. Therefore, I am worthy of respect and should be treated like a professional
2. When I come to your company, it never occurs to you to give me your services free; therefore kindly do not expect the same from me
3. If my services can help you make millions of dollars, do not begrudge me if I use the same brain to make billions of dollars for myself. We are both businessmen
4. My charges reflect the value I place on myself and my services. If you don't want to pay, kindly do not threaten me with walking away. Someone else will pay. Furthermore, you are not the source of my prosperity, God is
5. I may be small today but have plans to be great. Therefore, if you see me driving a new car or flying in first class someday; It is not the money you paid me that facilitated it - I have other clients besides you. Don't envy me
6. A service provider is not synonymous with servant. How would you like it if your clients looked down on you too?
7. I will never price myself at a loss to please you or because of our relationship. If you really mean well for me, you wouldn't ask me to commit business suicide
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Random Excerpts from my Upcoming Book: No Bullshit Volume Two
On Women & Sexuality
1. Comfort has as much to do with the individual as the surroundings. If your lace negligee is always getting hooked in the crease of your arse or slipping annoyingly off one shoulder, you’re going to be distracted. Ditch it. Buy clothes that fit; that you’re comfortable in and feel sexy in. Come to terms with your body, one way or an...other. Go for a hairstyle that suits you and that you wear very well. Avoid that elaborate weave that sheds fibres in your man’s eyes and mouth when you’re “doing it”. Insist on clean sheets and an orderly room if they’re things you care about. If romance, wine and candlelight turn you on, initiate or ask for them. Also offer to put together the music playlist, if you have audio preferences. But, the ultimate comfort, I think, is being with a friend. The bedroom is perhaps the worst place to receive criticism. A wrong word can deflate self esteem – yours or his. When you’re with a friend, it’s easier for both of you to state where to touch, how and for how long. Lovemaking ceases to be a competition - there’s no point to prove. Rather, it’s about making each other happy. When you’re with a friend, you play and laugh. Laughter is a great aphrodisiac.
2. Women who work in creative fields or play leadership roles typically have high sex drives. The act of creating or leading produces an adrenaline rush or a need to be nurtured when they’re spent. These feelings can be channeled through great sex. These women also tend to be well read, exposed and open to new experiences. Chances are they’re fuelled by Red Bull and so have er…stamina.
1. Comfort has as much to do with the individual as the surroundings. If your lace negligee is always getting hooked in the crease of your arse or slipping annoyingly off one shoulder, you’re going to be distracted. Ditch it. Buy clothes that fit; that you’re comfortable in and feel sexy in. Come to terms with your body, one way or an...other. Go for a hairstyle that suits you and that you wear very well. Avoid that elaborate weave that sheds fibres in your man’s eyes and mouth when you’re “doing it”. Insist on clean sheets and an orderly room if they’re things you care about. If romance, wine and candlelight turn you on, initiate or ask for them. Also offer to put together the music playlist, if you have audio preferences. But, the ultimate comfort, I think, is being with a friend. The bedroom is perhaps the worst place to receive criticism. A wrong word can deflate self esteem – yours or his. When you’re with a friend, it’s easier for both of you to state where to touch, how and for how long. Lovemaking ceases to be a competition - there’s no point to prove. Rather, it’s about making each other happy. When you’re with a friend, you play and laugh. Laughter is a great aphrodisiac.
2. Women who work in creative fields or play leadership roles typically have high sex drives. The act of creating or leading produces an adrenaline rush or a need to be nurtured when they’re spent. These feelings can be channeled through great sex. These women also tend to be well read, exposed and open to new experiences. Chances are they’re fuelled by Red Bull and so have er…stamina.
Saturday, October 01, 2011
419 Reasons to Like Nigeria
For too long, Nigeria and Nigerians have been readily associated with the online scams, financial crime and impersonation - termed ‘419’. However, beyond the unfortunate stereotyping, there are several positive characteristics and cogent intriguing traits of the country, Nigeria and its people, some of which are highlighted below as part of the ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ campaign which enlisted 100 volunteers and bloggers to share reasons why they like Nigeria. These reasons echo the voices of Nigerians, with resonating similar themes. The campaign is being facilitated in partnership with ‘The 419Positive Project’.
The full list of ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ is available here (http://www.419Positive.org/)
The list of contributors to ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ is available here (http://www.419positive.org/419-reasons-to-like-nigeria-contributors/)
If you would like to say something positive about Nigerians and Nigeria, please visit the website.
NIGERIA - THE LAND OF POTENTIAL AND OPPORTUNITY
I like Nigeria because it is a land of endless opportunities and possibilities. Nigeria is one country whose true potentials I believe the world is yet to experience. I believe Nigerians are sharp, brilliant and accommodating people. Given the right enabling environment the world will marvel at what Nigeria will become.
Nigeria is the most populous black nation - and a buying one at that. From a capitalist point of view, this makes for great investment opportunities.
The fact that Nigeria currently lags behind so much - in infrastructure and developmental terms - hints at the size of the potential for innovation and transformation, and at the huge number of vacancies that exist for 'transformers'. What I think this means is that the world will be hearing a lot about Nigeria and high-achieving Nigerians (in the public and private sectors) in the near future.
NIGERIA - THE COUNTRY
The Nigerian Green and White flag is a notable national symbol. The green colour symbolises agriculture, seeing that the country is endowed with masses of arable land, while the white colour signifies unity and peace. Other national symbols include the Nigerian Coat of Arms, which depicts an eagle on a black shield, trisected by two wavy silver bands, and supported on either side by two chargers. The national motto underlies the coat-of -arms: "Unity and Faith, Peace and Progress." Her national symbols convey great meaning to its people.
The Nigerian accent is currently ranked by CNN Global Experiences as the 5th sexiest accent in the world.
Nigeria is home to Nollywood, one of the world's biggest film industries.
NIGERIA - THE CULTURE, THE FOOD, THE WAY OF LIFE
Something great to like about Nigeria is our cultural diversity. A strong affinity exists, despite our differences. Learning about other ethnic cultures in my country really helped me personally relate to other cultures when abroad.
I think the food is tastier in Nigeria than that I have found in other countries.
Nigerians live a communal life style. The extended family is part of the immediate family in a Nigerian home.
NIGERIA - THE MUSIC, THE MOVIES, THE DANCE, THE ART
Nigeria has produced many world class musicians. A notable mention in this regard is Fela Anikulapo Kuti. A Broadway show titled ‘FELA!’ was produced in 2009 depicting the life and times of the Afrobeat musician.
Nigeria’s movie industry, Nollywood, is reputedly the 3rd largest film industry after Hollywood and Bollywood, and has grown gradually into a $250 million industry in more than 10 years.
Nigerian indigenous musical instruments are unique, soulful and rhythmic. They comprise the popular Talking Drum, producing proverbial and storytelling sounds, the Shaker (shekere), the Udu drum, the Lute, the leg and arm Rattle, the Omele, the Ogene (Gong originating in Eastern Nigeria), the Ekwe drum and the Kakaki (A 4m metal trumpet popular in Northern Nigeria). Many of these instruments have been incorporated in South American music over the years.
NIGERIA - GEOGRAPHY and NATURAL RESOURCES
Nigeria is a nation blessed with rich human and natural resources. As the 8th largest exporter of Oil in the world, with the 10th largest proven reserves, our blessings cannot be overemphasised. No earthquakes, no tsunamis, no droughts, an evergreen land. The rest of the world should live here.
The beauty of the Nigerian state cannot but leave one in awe, being blessed with captivating physical features and abundant wild life. From the rolling hills to the vast plains in the North Central Nigeria and the forests in the South, the beautiful scenery of the country is more than breathtaking. With the wildlife spread all over the country, Nigeria is surely a beauty to behold and a tourist's delight all year round.
Nigeria is blessed with tremendous agricultural resources. Cotton in the North, Cocoa & Oil palm in the South amongst many others. The flag is green for a reason.
NIGERIA - WEST AFRICA, AFRICA and THE WORLD
Nigeria has the largest population of any country in Africa. Approximately 1 out of every 2 West Africans, 1 out of every 4 Africans, and 1 out of every 5 persons of African origin is a Nigerian.
Nigeria is the largest contributor of troops to the ECOWAS Monitoring Group (ECOMOG) and by extension, is the largest force for peace and stability in West Africa.
A Nigerian will stand out anywhere you find him/her, from Libya to London, Tokyo to Timbuktu. Well known examples include Hakeem Olajuwon (Houston Rockets, USA), Olumide Oyedeji (Seattle Sonics), Tunde Baiyewu (Lighthouse Family), Sunday Adelaja (Ukraine), Chris Aire (US), etc.
NIGERIA - INDUSTRIOUS, INNOVATIVE and ENTERPRISING, with ACHIEVEMENTS
Nigerians are intelligent, brilliant minds who have proven their mettle in various fields - Wole Soyinka was the first African to win the much coveted Nobel Prize for literature in 1986. Chinua Achebe’s classic novel ‘Things Fall Apart’ was ranked as number 14 in a list of top 100 books in the world by Newsdesk in 2009. Others include Cyprian Ekwensi, Mabel Segun, Chimamanda Adichie and Helon Habila whose literary works have won both international and local awards at various times.
We have budding fashion designers. Yes! It's a line every Bunmi, Amaka and Amina has decided to tow but to disregard the effort and originality of our Fashion Designers would be disrespectful. Tiffany Amber, Lanre Da Silva and Deola Sagoe are building world renowned brands, not to mention the legacy developed by the likes of Abba Folawiyo, Maureen Onigbanjo, Remi Lagos and Zizzi Cardow.
Nigerians have excelled in the fields of economics and finance, managing well established global bodies. Ngozi Okonjo Iweala, the current Minister of Finance, was until recently a Managing Director at The World Bank. Obiageli Ezekwisili is currently the Vice President for Africa at The World Bank. Mr Adebayo Ogunlesi is a first class graduate of Oxford, and Managing Partner of Global infrastructure Partner (GIP), a concessionaire of London’s Gatwick International Airport.
We take technology and expand it in ways those who created it could not have imagined. For instance, take the BlackBerry Messenger (BBM) which allows you to send broadcast messages to all addresses on your contacts list; Nigerians recently found a unique way of advertising the different businesses they do. Someone started a message highlighting the fact that many people in Nigeria are entrepreneurs or provide a service and included his BB PIN in the message and sent to all his contacts with the charge that they state the service they provide, include their PIN and send on to all their contacts too. This seemingly small campaign has gone “viral” with whole lists of entrepreneurs and their BB PINs being passed from phone to phone. This is a clear sign of the ingenuity of Nigerians!
NIGERIA – GREAT PEOPLE
Nigeria is the 7th most populous nation in the world (over 160 million) and most populous in Africa - a gold mine of energetic, determined and talented people in each and every field. From Lagos to Aba to Kano, the Nigerian business spirit and desire to succeed is visible. It just requires proper harnessing of these human resources for Nigeria to become the super power she is meant to be.
Nigerians are passionate, friendly, welcoming, hospitable, and well cultured people. The average Nigerian reflects a combination of vivacity, intelligence, energy, talent, and resolution.
We are a nation of people that can hardly hide their excitement at seeing family and friends. Some misconstrue this thinking we are loud but let's just say we are EXPRESSIVE! If you see us on the streets of New York making a big ruckus and hugging? No sweat. We are just happy to see each other.
NIGERIA – THE RESILIENT SPIRIT
The Giant of Africa: Not ignoring the current challenges, eventually, when we get our acts right, we will reign supreme on the global scene. We have the potential and as is much touted by the Warri people - "Naija no dey carry last"
The 'survivor-mentality' is hard-wired into the DNA of Nigeria's people. The fact is that against all the odds (and there are many of them), Nigerians continue to live, hustle and seek to triumph. It is not by mistake that Nigeria is regarded as one of the "happiest" countries in the world, despite its challenging economic and social conditions.
We are hardy. The average Nigerian does business under circumstances that are unimaginable to people from other parts. In a place where there is no power, no credit, and scant regulation, people do business and do very well for themselves too. If you can make it in Nigeria, you can make it anywhere in the world.
NIGERIA – TOURISM and SPORTS
Nigeria is an amazing tourist haven and is home to the Obudu Cattle Ranch, located in Calabar. It is only 45 miles from the Cameroon border. The Obudu Plateau is spread over 40 sq. miles and is 5,200 feet above sea level. The Obudu resort features a Gorilla Camp where tourists may observe gorillas in their natural habitat.
Nigeria has two UNESCO world heritage sites, the Osun Osogbo Sacred Grove and the Sukur Cultural Landscape in Adamawa. UNESCO world heritage sites are places designated as being of cultural significance.
Nigeria has produced great footballers like Teslim “Thunder” Balogun (the first Nigerian to play for an English Club – QPR), Segun Odegbami, Muda Lawal, Stephen Keshi, Rashidi Yekini (who scored Nigeria’s first ever goal at the World Cup), Nwankwo Kanu, Austin 'Jay Jay' Okocha, John Mikel Obi, Osaze Odemwingie, to mention but a few.
Nigeria has excelled in athletics over the years, still holding continental records in the 100m men and women, 4x100m men and women, 400m men and women, among others. Over 100 skilled Nigerian professional footballers played in First Division leagues in different countries all over Europe in the 2010/2011 season, 9 in England; 8 each in Finland, Norway; 10 in Ukraine and 7 in Sweden.
NIGERIA – UNITY in DIVERSITY
Nigerians, despite our diversity, are a united people who always strive to help one another. With 774 local government areas, multi religious and ethnic affiliations, 36 States, and population of over 160 million, we still stand undeterred to move forward together.
Even outside the country, Nigerians remain united. This gives a quiet assurance somewhat that you can get on a plane and go to any country of the world and find a Nigerian there who will not only make you feel welcome but will go out of their way to be of really good help. I have experienced this several times on my travels and each time it amazes me how all I need to be is a Nigerian, not Igbo, Yoruba or Hausa and once I run into another Nigerian, I will immediately feel at home.
Our greatest strength lies in our diversity.
The ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ Campaign is in partnership with ‘The 419Positive Project’.
The full list of ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ is available here (http://www.419Positive.org/)
The list of contributors to ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ is available here (http://www.419positive.org/419-reasons-to-like-nigeria-contributors/)
If you would like to say something positive about Nigerians and Nigeria, please visit the website.
NIGERIA - THE LAND OF POTENTIAL AND OPPORTUNITY
I like Nigeria because it is a land of endless opportunities and possibilities. Nigeria is one country whose true potentials I believe the world is yet to experience. I believe Nigerians are sharp, brilliant and accommodating people. Given the right enabling environment the world will marvel at what Nigeria will become.
Nigeria is the most populous black nation - and a buying one at that. From a capitalist point of view, this makes for great investment opportunities.
The fact that Nigeria currently lags behind so much - in infrastructure and developmental terms - hints at the size of the potential for innovation and transformation, and at the huge number of vacancies that exist for 'transformers'. What I think this means is that the world will be hearing a lot about Nigeria and high-achieving Nigerians (in the public and private sectors) in the near future.
NIGERIA - THE COUNTRY
The Nigerian Green and White flag is a notable national symbol. The green colour symbolises agriculture, seeing that the country is endowed with masses of arable land, while the white colour signifies unity and peace. Other national symbols include the Nigerian Coat of Arms, which depicts an eagle on a black shield, trisected by two wavy silver bands, and supported on either side by two chargers. The national motto underlies the coat-of -arms: "Unity and Faith, Peace and Progress." Her national symbols convey great meaning to its people.
The Nigerian accent is currently ranked by CNN Global Experiences as the 5th sexiest accent in the world.
Nigeria is home to Nollywood, one of the world's biggest film industries.
NIGERIA - THE CULTURE, THE FOOD, THE WAY OF LIFE
Something great to like about Nigeria is our cultural diversity. A strong affinity exists, despite our differences. Learning about other ethnic cultures in my country really helped me personally relate to other cultures when abroad.
I think the food is tastier in Nigeria than that I have found in other countries.
Nigerians live a communal life style. The extended family is part of the immediate family in a Nigerian home.
NIGERIA - THE MUSIC, THE MOVIES, THE DANCE, THE ART
Nigeria has produced many world class musicians. A notable mention in this regard is Fela Anikulapo Kuti. A Broadway show titled ‘FELA!’ was produced in 2009 depicting the life and times of the Afrobeat musician.
Nigeria’s movie industry, Nollywood, is reputedly the 3rd largest film industry after Hollywood and Bollywood, and has grown gradually into a $250 million industry in more than 10 years.
Nigerian indigenous musical instruments are unique, soulful and rhythmic. They comprise the popular Talking Drum, producing proverbial and storytelling sounds, the Shaker (shekere), the Udu drum, the Lute, the leg and arm Rattle, the Omele, the Ogene (Gong originating in Eastern Nigeria), the Ekwe drum and the Kakaki (A 4m metal trumpet popular in Northern Nigeria). Many of these instruments have been incorporated in South American music over the years.
NIGERIA - GEOGRAPHY and NATURAL RESOURCES
Nigeria is a nation blessed with rich human and natural resources. As the 8th largest exporter of Oil in the world, with the 10th largest proven reserves, our blessings cannot be overemphasised. No earthquakes, no tsunamis, no droughts, an evergreen land. The rest of the world should live here.
The beauty of the Nigerian state cannot but leave one in awe, being blessed with captivating physical features and abundant wild life. From the rolling hills to the vast plains in the North Central Nigeria and the forests in the South, the beautiful scenery of the country is more than breathtaking. With the wildlife spread all over the country, Nigeria is surely a beauty to behold and a tourist's delight all year round.
Nigeria is blessed with tremendous agricultural resources. Cotton in the North, Cocoa & Oil palm in the South amongst many others. The flag is green for a reason.
NIGERIA - WEST AFRICA, AFRICA and THE WORLD
Nigeria has the largest population of any country in Africa. Approximately 1 out of every 2 West Africans, 1 out of every 4 Africans, and 1 out of every 5 persons of African origin is a Nigerian.
Nigeria is the largest contributor of troops to the ECOWAS Monitoring Group (ECOMOG) and by extension, is the largest force for peace and stability in West Africa.
A Nigerian will stand out anywhere you find him/her, from Libya to London, Tokyo to Timbuktu. Well known examples include Hakeem Olajuwon (Houston Rockets, USA), Olumide Oyedeji (Seattle Sonics), Tunde Baiyewu (Lighthouse Family), Sunday Adelaja (Ukraine), Chris Aire (US), etc.
NIGERIA - INDUSTRIOUS, INNOVATIVE and ENTERPRISING, with ACHIEVEMENTS
Nigerians are intelligent, brilliant minds who have proven their mettle in various fields - Wole Soyinka was the first African to win the much coveted Nobel Prize for literature in 1986. Chinua Achebe’s classic novel ‘Things Fall Apart’ was ranked as number 14 in a list of top 100 books in the world by Newsdesk in 2009. Others include Cyprian Ekwensi, Mabel Segun, Chimamanda Adichie and Helon Habila whose literary works have won both international and local awards at various times.
We have budding fashion designers. Yes! It's a line every Bunmi, Amaka and Amina has decided to tow but to disregard the effort and originality of our Fashion Designers would be disrespectful. Tiffany Amber, Lanre Da Silva and Deola Sagoe are building world renowned brands, not to mention the legacy developed by the likes of Abba Folawiyo, Maureen Onigbanjo, Remi Lagos and Zizzi Cardow.
Nigerians have excelled in the fields of economics and finance, managing well established global bodies. Ngozi Okonjo Iweala, the current Minister of Finance, was until recently a Managing Director at The World Bank. Obiageli Ezekwisili is currently the Vice President for Africa at The World Bank. Mr Adebayo Ogunlesi is a first class graduate of Oxford, and Managing Partner of Global infrastructure Partner (GIP), a concessionaire of London’s Gatwick International Airport.
We take technology and expand it in ways those who created it could not have imagined. For instance, take the BlackBerry Messenger (BBM) which allows you to send broadcast messages to all addresses on your contacts list; Nigerians recently found a unique way of advertising the different businesses they do. Someone started a message highlighting the fact that many people in Nigeria are entrepreneurs or provide a service and included his BB PIN in the message and sent to all his contacts with the charge that they state the service they provide, include their PIN and send on to all their contacts too. This seemingly small campaign has gone “viral” with whole lists of entrepreneurs and their BB PINs being passed from phone to phone. This is a clear sign of the ingenuity of Nigerians!
NIGERIA – GREAT PEOPLE
Nigeria is the 7th most populous nation in the world (over 160 million) and most populous in Africa - a gold mine of energetic, determined and talented people in each and every field. From Lagos to Aba to Kano, the Nigerian business spirit and desire to succeed is visible. It just requires proper harnessing of these human resources for Nigeria to become the super power she is meant to be.
Nigerians are passionate, friendly, welcoming, hospitable, and well cultured people. The average Nigerian reflects a combination of vivacity, intelligence, energy, talent, and resolution.
We are a nation of people that can hardly hide their excitement at seeing family and friends. Some misconstrue this thinking we are loud but let's just say we are EXPRESSIVE! If you see us on the streets of New York making a big ruckus and hugging? No sweat. We are just happy to see each other.
NIGERIA – THE RESILIENT SPIRIT
The Giant of Africa: Not ignoring the current challenges, eventually, when we get our acts right, we will reign supreme on the global scene. We have the potential and as is much touted by the Warri people - "Naija no dey carry last"
The 'survivor-mentality' is hard-wired into the DNA of Nigeria's people. The fact is that against all the odds (and there are many of them), Nigerians continue to live, hustle and seek to triumph. It is not by mistake that Nigeria is regarded as one of the "happiest" countries in the world, despite its challenging economic and social conditions.
We are hardy. The average Nigerian does business under circumstances that are unimaginable to people from other parts. In a place where there is no power, no credit, and scant regulation, people do business and do very well for themselves too. If you can make it in Nigeria, you can make it anywhere in the world.
NIGERIA – TOURISM and SPORTS
Nigeria is an amazing tourist haven and is home to the Obudu Cattle Ranch, located in Calabar. It is only 45 miles from the Cameroon border. The Obudu Plateau is spread over 40 sq. miles and is 5,200 feet above sea level. The Obudu resort features a Gorilla Camp where tourists may observe gorillas in their natural habitat.
Nigeria has two UNESCO world heritage sites, the Osun Osogbo Sacred Grove and the Sukur Cultural Landscape in Adamawa. UNESCO world heritage sites are places designated as being of cultural significance.
Nigeria has produced great footballers like Teslim “Thunder” Balogun (the first Nigerian to play for an English Club – QPR), Segun Odegbami, Muda Lawal, Stephen Keshi, Rashidi Yekini (who scored Nigeria’s first ever goal at the World Cup), Nwankwo Kanu, Austin 'Jay Jay' Okocha, John Mikel Obi, Osaze Odemwingie, to mention but a few.
Nigeria has excelled in athletics over the years, still holding continental records in the 100m men and women, 4x100m men and women, 400m men and women, among others. Over 100 skilled Nigerian professional footballers played in First Division leagues in different countries all over Europe in the 2010/2011 season, 9 in England; 8 each in Finland, Norway; 10 in Ukraine and 7 in Sweden.
NIGERIA – UNITY in DIVERSITY
Nigerians, despite our diversity, are a united people who always strive to help one another. With 774 local government areas, multi religious and ethnic affiliations, 36 States, and population of over 160 million, we still stand undeterred to move forward together.
Even outside the country, Nigerians remain united. This gives a quiet assurance somewhat that you can get on a plane and go to any country of the world and find a Nigerian there who will not only make you feel welcome but will go out of their way to be of really good help. I have experienced this several times on my travels and each time it amazes me how all I need to be is a Nigerian, not Igbo, Yoruba or Hausa and once I run into another Nigerian, I will immediately feel at home.
Our greatest strength lies in our diversity.
The ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ Campaign is in partnership with ‘The 419Positive Project’.
Monday, June 13, 2011
The Million Dollar List
Everyone has one. A list of things they'll do in a heartbeat if they won the million dollar lottery.
It's a selfish list. It's not the what-i-would-do-to-change-the-world-if-i-had-a-million-dollars list. That's another list entirely and I have one of those. This is a purely avaricious list. It's the what-indulgent-impracticable-and-unneccessary-thing-would-i-do-if-i-had-a-million-dollars list. It's just that I'll need much more than 10 million.
So, here goes my list:
1. I would record and distribute a song written by Dianne Warren
2. I would buy that bad-ass Ducati
3. I would buy a sustainable farm in a genteel country with a helicopter for my city-farm commute
4. I would buy a significant stake in a media empire. I wouldn't want to own it; just control it
5.I would go on a shopping spree that will make Paris Hilton jealous
6. I would finally take that Europe yacht tour and that American road trip.
Now, seeing that I really don't have much more to add to the selfish list, let me present my what-i-would-do-to-change-the-world-list.
1. Endow a foundation solely focused on developing and implementing strategies for Teacher Training and Supply in Nigeria
2. Endow a foundation solely focused on developing, empowering, sponsoring and sustaining Politicians, Technocrats and Political Parties with values, ideas and clear agenda
3. Endow a foundation solely focused on helping the 'forgotten' - those people that are left for dead on bridges and street corners
4. Endow a foundation solely focused on promoting and distributing the best, most creative, values based media content there is
5. Endow a foundation solely focused on creative social enterprise
6. Endow a foundation solely dedicated to cultural & religious understanding, inter-tribal marriage and inter-tribal/faith dialogue
7. Endow a foundation solely dedicated to infrastructural development and support in Nigerian States
It's a selfish list. It's not the what-i-would-do-to-change-the-world-if-i-had-a-million-dollars list. That's another list entirely and I have one of those. This is a purely avaricious list. It's the what-indulgent-impracticable-and-unneccessary-thing-would-i-do-if-i-had-a-million-dollars list. It's just that I'll need much more than 10 million.
So, here goes my list:
1. I would record and distribute a song written by Dianne Warren
2. I would buy that bad-ass Ducati
3. I would buy a sustainable farm in a genteel country with a helicopter for my city-farm commute
4. I would buy a significant stake in a media empire. I wouldn't want to own it; just control it
5.I would go on a shopping spree that will make Paris Hilton jealous
6. I would finally take that Europe yacht tour and that American road trip.
Now, seeing that I really don't have much more to add to the selfish list, let me present my what-i-would-do-to-change-the-world-list.
1. Endow a foundation solely focused on developing and implementing strategies for Teacher Training and Supply in Nigeria
2. Endow a foundation solely focused on developing, empowering, sponsoring and sustaining Politicians, Technocrats and Political Parties with values, ideas and clear agenda
3. Endow a foundation solely focused on helping the 'forgotten' - those people that are left for dead on bridges and street corners
4. Endow a foundation solely focused on promoting and distributing the best, most creative, values based media content there is
5. Endow a foundation solely focused on creative social enterprise
6. Endow a foundation solely dedicated to cultural & religious understanding, inter-tribal marriage and inter-tribal/faith dialogue
7. Endow a foundation solely dedicated to infrastructural development and support in Nigerian States
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
My Ongoing Thoughts on Nigeria and Yeah...Solutions Too.
Nigeria is beset by two twin problems which have become a cancer in its soul – Iniquity & Inequity. (Where iniquity is a continuing breakdown of law & order and inequity connotes injustice).
Over the years, the problems that have come to define the image of our country include 419, Yahoo Yahoo, Terrorism, Sporadic Power Supply, Decaying Infrastructure, Corruption, Kidnapping, Degraded Educational System, Lack of Job Opportunities, Lack of Finance for Fledgling Businesses –and the list goes on and on. But, my argument is that these things are just symptoms of a deepening disease not the disease itself. The disease can be traced to just two things: Iniquity & Inequity.
If our law enforcement agencies worked, for instance, (and by law enforcement agencies, I mean the Police, Customs, Judiciary, Military etc.), corruption would significantly reduce, allowing our national and state institutions to work more efficiently. As long as crime continues to pay; 419, kidnapping and the like will proliferate. It’s a simply law of economics – as long as output far outweighs input, you have a viable business. The minute the consequence for a crime far outweighs the crime itself, and once that consequence is consistently and regularly meted out, the crime will reduce.
Today, we have law enforcement agencies that are poorly trained and motivated and so do not give a damn about crime. With the right amounts of money, you can ease the passage of any type of good across Nigeria. Nigeria has no credible national database, no fingerprint registry or forensics department worth their salt. Criminals can disappear across state borders without ever getting caught. Suspicious characters can bring in explosives registered to construction companies in containers and clear them through customs. Embassies can bring in weapons like the Iranian diplomats did for the Boko Haram terrorists. Fertilizers can be imported en masse by agricultural concerns and used to make bombs with little oversight. I doubt if bulk shipments are tagged. A West African can easily get a Nigerian passport from the Immigration Service for N18, 000, commit a crime in Europe, dump his Nigerian passport and travel home with a passport from his country of origin.
Interestingly, it’s also our lack of national databases that limits the ability of entrepreneurs to get loans. We have no credit bureau, no credit history, no way of tracking people’s addresses, assets or identities. Checking job histories is cumbersome and ineffective as a recently deposed DG of a Securities Regulatory Institution has taught us:). Where there is no credit history, there are no low interest leases or mortgages.
I recently heard of a bank that offers a purported “12%” low-interest facility to the staff of a few selected corporations. The corporations take on the burden of “vetting” their staff for creditworthiness. If the staff members default, the organisation’s corporate relationship with the bank stands at risk (and perhaps future credit lines). With a lot riding on their “vetting” process, I’m not sure many staff will get the clearance required to access the loans. Or perhaps their gratuities or pension funds will be used as “collateral”.
On the education front, this cancer of iniquity is bred at home as parents aid their children in cheating on exams. Government officials embezzle the monies meant for classrooms; teachers fail to show up for school and face no consequence.
Injustice is bred as we fail to practice true federalism. States are prevented from keeping the bulk of what they produce while remitting only what is necessary to run the federal government. They are also prevented from taking charge of their destinies and so our states continue to remain uncompetitive. Religious and ethnic violence/repression is rarely dealt with impartially. Crimes against vulnerable groups are ignored. There are no social safety nets for the poor, aged and mentally unsound and many Nigerians die like cockroaches. We do not protect intellectual property rights and creative endeavour is cheapened. And in our society, you are only assured of basic services and rights when you are considered a “Big Man”. The concepts of service, self-esteem, individuality and self-respect seem to have been bludgeoned to death by our law enforcement agencies, particularly the military.
We have failed to breed a national unity and identity that takes into consideration our diversity. We have tried to build a nation without recognising the individual tribes, without apologising for the atrocities of history and forgiving one another.
If I were president I would focus on 4 major things:
Instituting True Federalism: Yes, I would push for State Police. I would support the states retaining the bulk of what they make. It will end all the gawdamn excuses about the federal government not doing enough. If your state does not work, look at your thriving neighbour next door, then go stone your thieving Governor. It will also shut up the ethnic groups that keep saying they’re being marginalised – Once you’ve been “set free” - produce and work for your survival
Revamping Our Law Enforcement Agencies: I would focus on welfare first. I would ensure that I have on my desk a signed but undated letter of resignation from the officials in charge of setting up a sustainable welfare structure for our law enforcement agencies. I would happily jail anyone who steals their pay. As per corruption within those agencies, I would institute the stiffest penalties and ensure public shame. In terms of training, I would ensure aggressive skills transfer from the international agencies that work
Developing a National Records Database: If you commit a crime, you will be caught because I would institute the development of a robust national database, and I’m not talking about a pork barrel national identity card project. I will put in place a credit bureau to encourage leases and credit lines. And, I will encourage the stiffest penalties for the misuse of individuals’ data. The data must not reside in a government agency, so it does not become a tool of oppression.
Encouragement of National Dialogue: I am not referring to a national constitutional conference, for in truth, we have not even learnt to talk to or listen to one another. Instead, I would encourage different Nigerian groups to talk to one another, with trained moderators. I will encourage our people to admit to the mistakes of the past without embarking on a witch-hunt. I will document long buried but relevant national history so that we will never again forget the lessons of the past and together I will encourage us to design our collective future.
Over the years, the problems that have come to define the image of our country include 419, Yahoo Yahoo, Terrorism, Sporadic Power Supply, Decaying Infrastructure, Corruption, Kidnapping, Degraded Educational System, Lack of Job Opportunities, Lack of Finance for Fledgling Businesses –and the list goes on and on. But, my argument is that these things are just symptoms of a deepening disease not the disease itself. The disease can be traced to just two things: Iniquity & Inequity.
If our law enforcement agencies worked, for instance, (and by law enforcement agencies, I mean the Police, Customs, Judiciary, Military etc.), corruption would significantly reduce, allowing our national and state institutions to work more efficiently. As long as crime continues to pay; 419, kidnapping and the like will proliferate. It’s a simply law of economics – as long as output far outweighs input, you have a viable business. The minute the consequence for a crime far outweighs the crime itself, and once that consequence is consistently and regularly meted out, the crime will reduce.
Today, we have law enforcement agencies that are poorly trained and motivated and so do not give a damn about crime. With the right amounts of money, you can ease the passage of any type of good across Nigeria. Nigeria has no credible national database, no fingerprint registry or forensics department worth their salt. Criminals can disappear across state borders without ever getting caught. Suspicious characters can bring in explosives registered to construction companies in containers and clear them through customs. Embassies can bring in weapons like the Iranian diplomats did for the Boko Haram terrorists. Fertilizers can be imported en masse by agricultural concerns and used to make bombs with little oversight. I doubt if bulk shipments are tagged. A West African can easily get a Nigerian passport from the Immigration Service for N18, 000, commit a crime in Europe, dump his Nigerian passport and travel home with a passport from his country of origin.
Interestingly, it’s also our lack of national databases that limits the ability of entrepreneurs to get loans. We have no credit bureau, no credit history, no way of tracking people’s addresses, assets or identities. Checking job histories is cumbersome and ineffective as a recently deposed DG of a Securities Regulatory Institution has taught us:). Where there is no credit history, there are no low interest leases or mortgages.
I recently heard of a bank that offers a purported “12%” low-interest facility to the staff of a few selected corporations. The corporations take on the burden of “vetting” their staff for creditworthiness. If the staff members default, the organisation’s corporate relationship with the bank stands at risk (and perhaps future credit lines). With a lot riding on their “vetting” process, I’m not sure many staff will get the clearance required to access the loans. Or perhaps their gratuities or pension funds will be used as “collateral”.
On the education front, this cancer of iniquity is bred at home as parents aid their children in cheating on exams. Government officials embezzle the monies meant for classrooms; teachers fail to show up for school and face no consequence.
Injustice is bred as we fail to practice true federalism. States are prevented from keeping the bulk of what they produce while remitting only what is necessary to run the federal government. They are also prevented from taking charge of their destinies and so our states continue to remain uncompetitive. Religious and ethnic violence/repression is rarely dealt with impartially. Crimes against vulnerable groups are ignored. There are no social safety nets for the poor, aged and mentally unsound and many Nigerians die like cockroaches. We do not protect intellectual property rights and creative endeavour is cheapened. And in our society, you are only assured of basic services and rights when you are considered a “Big Man”. The concepts of service, self-esteem, individuality and self-respect seem to have been bludgeoned to death by our law enforcement agencies, particularly the military.
We have failed to breed a national unity and identity that takes into consideration our diversity. We have tried to build a nation without recognising the individual tribes, without apologising for the atrocities of history and forgiving one another.
If I were president I would focus on 4 major things:
Instituting True Federalism: Yes, I would push for State Police. I would support the states retaining the bulk of what they make. It will end all the gawdamn excuses about the federal government not doing enough. If your state does not work, look at your thriving neighbour next door, then go stone your thieving Governor. It will also shut up the ethnic groups that keep saying they’re being marginalised – Once you’ve been “set free” - produce and work for your survival
Revamping Our Law Enforcement Agencies: I would focus on welfare first. I would ensure that I have on my desk a signed but undated letter of resignation from the officials in charge of setting up a sustainable welfare structure for our law enforcement agencies. I would happily jail anyone who steals their pay. As per corruption within those agencies, I would institute the stiffest penalties and ensure public shame. In terms of training, I would ensure aggressive skills transfer from the international agencies that work
Developing a National Records Database: If you commit a crime, you will be caught because I would institute the development of a robust national database, and I’m not talking about a pork barrel national identity card project. I will put in place a credit bureau to encourage leases and credit lines. And, I will encourage the stiffest penalties for the misuse of individuals’ data. The data must not reside in a government agency, so it does not become a tool of oppression.
Encouragement of National Dialogue: I am not referring to a national constitutional conference, for in truth, we have not even learnt to talk to or listen to one another. Instead, I would encourage different Nigerian groups to talk to one another, with trained moderators. I will encourage our people to admit to the mistakes of the past without embarking on a witch-hunt. I will document long buried but relevant national history so that we will never again forget the lessons of the past and together I will encourage us to design our collective future.
Monday, January 10, 2011
The Nigerian Constitution
As I read the Nigerian Constitution, I’m realising the critical importance of the National and State Houses of Assembly.
Without them, there can be no meaningful long term political, regulatory or policy change in Nigeria.
By extension therefore, our Political Parties are equally important. If we were to nurture Parties with sound ideologies, strategies and values; and if those Parties were to throw up Legislators with integrity and ideas then they would propose and vote for sound laws.
A dream scenario would be to have the right Party with a majority (or strategic alliance) in the Legislature that is interested in sustainable change and not just having a deadlock on power like we have today.
Instead of being so fixated about the Central Government, perhaps we should also examine the structures that produce a sound Presidency – the Political Parties that sponsor him and the Legislators that limit or enhance his ability to make laws.
Without them, there can be no meaningful long term political, regulatory or policy change in Nigeria.
By extension therefore, our Political Parties are equally important. If we were to nurture Parties with sound ideologies, strategies and values; and if those Parties were to throw up Legislators with integrity and ideas then they would propose and vote for sound laws.
A dream scenario would be to have the right Party with a majority (or strategic alliance) in the Legislature that is interested in sustainable change and not just having a deadlock on power like we have today.
Instead of being so fixated about the Central Government, perhaps we should also examine the structures that produce a sound Presidency – the Political Parties that sponsor him and the Legislators that limit or enhance his ability to make laws.
What's in a Name?
Adam started it when he renamed us Mother in the Garden.
Since then we’ve been called Bad Mama Jama, Sexy Thang, Cherie Coco and Baby Doll.
We’ve been likened to a Jeep, Ride and Bank Account.
We’ve been flippantly termed Wifey, Roni or Shorty.
Some call us Bitch, Slut or Cunt.
To others we’re Brown Sugar, Sweetie Pie, Honey or Sugar.
In this part of the world, we’re Kokolette, Agbalumo, Tomato Jos, Omoge or Okpeke.
While we understand that some of these appellations are terms of endearment,
every once in a while, we’d like you to just call us WOMAN.
Since then we’ve been called Bad Mama Jama, Sexy Thang, Cherie Coco and Baby Doll.
We’ve been likened to a Jeep, Ride and Bank Account.
We’ve been flippantly termed Wifey, Roni or Shorty.
Some call us Bitch, Slut or Cunt.
To others we’re Brown Sugar, Sweetie Pie, Honey or Sugar.
In this part of the world, we’re Kokolette, Agbalumo, Tomato Jos, Omoge or Okpeke.
While we understand that some of these appellations are terms of endearment,
every once in a while, we’d like you to just call us WOMAN.
I Will Love You
I will love you
With a love that surpasses my devotion to music
With an obsession beyond my attentiveness to a detailed brief
With a fascination I apply only to words
With the wonder I express at the mysteries of God
With a sense of adventure I display in strange lands
I will make love to you
With thorough abandon
With the energy I find on an adrenaline high
With the creativity with which I craft my finest prose
With the devotion found in my deepest friendships
With the joy expressed in shared laughter
To be continued...
With a love that surpasses my devotion to music
With an obsession beyond my attentiveness to a detailed brief
With a fascination I apply only to words
With the wonder I express at the mysteries of God
With a sense of adventure I display in strange lands
I will make love to you
With thorough abandon
With the energy I find on an adrenaline high
With the creativity with which I craft my finest prose
With the devotion found in my deepest friendships
With the joy expressed in shared laughter
To be continued...
Cataloguing things i am not
I am not gifted at event planning and execution
I am not considered warm by most people
I suck at clothes shopping
I am not gifted in the art of interior decorating and have been told I have no taste
I do not enjoy cooking or domestic responsibilities
I am not crazy about children
I do not enjoy praying for long stretches of time
I do not like dealing with too many people at a time-i am not a crowd person
I do not like to be disturbed when I've just come back from work-and have been known to snap on occasion
I often forget to say good morning and pick up conversations the next day from where i left off the day before
I am not classically beautiful
I am not diplomatic or tactful
I am not a naturally happy person
I am not considered warm by most people
I suck at clothes shopping
I am not gifted in the art of interior decorating and have been told I have no taste
I do not enjoy cooking or domestic responsibilities
I am not crazy about children
I do not enjoy praying for long stretches of time
I do not like dealing with too many people at a time-i am not a crowd person
I do not like to be disturbed when I've just come back from work-and have been known to snap on occasion
I often forget to say good morning and pick up conversations the next day from where i left off the day before
I am not classically beautiful
I am not diplomatic or tactful
I am not a naturally happy person
Crazy Exercise on Songs on My MP3
Got this from a facebook friend. It works like this: You write down the first 20 songs on your mp3 player or pc when you select shuffle mode. You then tag a bunch of peeps. Here's my list:
I will be there, Kevin MacDougall
Somewhere a voice is calling, Frank Sinatra
Take your hand, Usher
When a woman's fed up, R.Kelly
Moti test eh, ID Cabasa Ft. Durella
Orobo, Sound Sultan
Your body, R.Kelly
Na me be fine boi, Sauce Kid
My pain, Sheyman
Unforgettable, Nat King Cole
Interlude 6, Lauryn Hill
Falling in love, Cece Winans
Intro, 2Face Idibia
I'm about to break, Linkin Park
Storm away, Bobby Brown
Pump that, KJ-52
Call 911, Sean Kingston
I needed you, Chris Brown
Sensuality, Avant
Involve yourself, Avant
I will be there, Kevin MacDougall
Somewhere a voice is calling, Frank Sinatra
Take your hand, Usher
When a woman's fed up, R.Kelly
Moti test eh, ID Cabasa Ft. Durella
Orobo, Sound Sultan
Your body, R.Kelly
Na me be fine boi, Sauce Kid
My pain, Sheyman
Unforgettable, Nat King Cole
Interlude 6, Lauryn Hill
Falling in love, Cece Winans
Intro, 2Face Idibia
I'm about to break, Linkin Park
Storm away, Bobby Brown
Pump that, KJ-52
Call 911, Sean Kingston
I needed you, Chris Brown
Sensuality, Avant
Involve yourself, Avant
Top Rejected City Slogans by Jason Roth
New Orleans
The city that really kicks ass. (But unfortunately also smells like it.)
Montreal
The most pretension, socialist politics, and annoying French accents you can get this side of the Atlantic.
Bombay
The land of untold riches and leprosy.
Cairo
Sit back,eat a pita, and see some of the most beautiful monuments to slavery in existence.
Orlando
The poor man's Las Vegas.
San Francisco
I left my HIV-positive test results in San Francisco.
London
Bitter: it's more than our beer. It's a way of life.
Moscow
The fine line between Happy Meals and gulags.
Rio de Janeiro
On our beaches and in our churches: worshipping flabby, loin cloth-covered asses 365 days a year.
Atlanta
The city that never wakes.
Naples
Don't think of our chicks as elderly, think of them as "sun roasted".
Tijuana
Where waking up in a jail cell with a broken rib cage, a dozen venereal diseases, and wearing nothing but a sombrero is only the beginning.
Hoboken
Just because Sinatra was born here doesn't mean we have any class.
Bangkok
If it's crispy, has a sticky red sauce, and smells like fish, you've come to the right whorehouse.
Florence
We brought the Renaissance into this world. We can take it out.
Hollywood
You don't need fake tits to make it in this town. Only a fake soul.
Hong Kong
As free as ancient Chinese dragon. (Just before it's chopped up, injected with MSG, and served with chopsticks.)
Seattle
The home of coffee, rain, grunge music, cigarette butts, vomit, and drug-induced suicide.
Cape Town
Getting screwed by the white man for over six centuries. (Starting with the crummy prices they paid on the slaves we sold them.)
Woodstock
Where littering, freeloading, sex with strangers, trashing people's property, and tripping out naked in the mud never sounded more romantic.
The city that really kicks ass. (But unfortunately also smells like it.)
Montreal
The most pretension, socialist politics, and annoying French accents you can get this side of the Atlantic.
Bombay
The land of untold riches and leprosy.
Cairo
Sit back,eat a pita, and see some of the most beautiful monuments to slavery in existence.
Orlando
The poor man's Las Vegas.
San Francisco
I left my HIV-positive test results in San Francisco.
London
Bitter: it's more than our beer. It's a way of life.
Moscow
The fine line between Happy Meals and gulags.
Rio de Janeiro
On our beaches and in our churches: worshipping flabby, loin cloth-covered asses 365 days a year.
Atlanta
The city that never wakes.
Naples
Don't think of our chicks as elderly, think of them as "sun roasted".
Tijuana
Where waking up in a jail cell with a broken rib cage, a dozen venereal diseases, and wearing nothing but a sombrero is only the beginning.
Hoboken
Just because Sinatra was born here doesn't mean we have any class.
Bangkok
If it's crispy, has a sticky red sauce, and smells like fish, you've come to the right whorehouse.
Florence
We brought the Renaissance into this world. We can take it out.
Hollywood
You don't need fake tits to make it in this town. Only a fake soul.
Hong Kong
As free as ancient Chinese dragon. (Just before it's chopped up, injected with MSG, and served with chopsticks.)
Seattle
The home of coffee, rain, grunge music, cigarette butts, vomit, and drug-induced suicide.
Cape Town
Getting screwed by the white man for over six centuries. (Starting with the crummy prices they paid on the slaves we sold them.)
Woodstock
Where littering, freeloading, sex with strangers, trashing people's property, and tripping out naked in the mud never sounded more romantic.
Hilarious City Names in America
Believe it or not, these were real city names/landmarks in America. Thankfully many of them have been changed (Culled from: Made in America by Bill Bryson)
Delirium Tremens
You bet
Git-up-and-get
Puke and shitbritches creek
Whiskey dick mountain, Washington
Dead bastard peak, Wyoming
Two tits, Carlifornia
Tickle cunt branch, North Carolina
Coldass creek
Sugar tit
Who'd a thought it, Alabama
Eek, Alaska
What cheer, Iowa
Ok, Kentucky
Bug, Kentucky
Number Nine, Maryland
Tightwad; Peculiar & Jerk trail, Missouri
Hot coffee & Goodfood, Mississipi
Wynot, Nebraska
Knockemstiff; Pee Pee; Lickskillet & Bowlegs, Oklahoma
East due west, South Carolina
Yell; Gizzards Cove & Zu Zu, Tenessee
Chocolate bayou; Jot 'em down & Cut and shoot, Texas
Lick fork; Unthanks & Tizzle flats, Virginia
Superior bottom, West Virginia
Embarrass, Wisconsin
Delirium Tremens
You bet
Git-up-and-get
Puke and shitbritches creek
Whiskey dick mountain, Washington
Dead bastard peak, Wyoming
Two tits, Carlifornia
Tickle cunt branch, North Carolina
Coldass creek
Sugar tit
Who'd a thought it, Alabama
Eek, Alaska
What cheer, Iowa
Ok, Kentucky
Bug, Kentucky
Number Nine, Maryland
Tightwad; Peculiar & Jerk trail, Missouri
Hot coffee & Goodfood, Mississipi
Wynot, Nebraska
Knockemstiff; Pee Pee; Lickskillet & Bowlegs, Oklahoma
East due west, South Carolina
Yell; Gizzards Cove & Zu Zu, Tenessee
Chocolate bayou; Jot 'em down & Cut and shoot, Texas
Lick fork; Unthanks & Tizzle flats, Virginia
Superior bottom, West Virginia
Embarrass, Wisconsin
Half-price movie night
If you're cheap like I am, you probably go to the movies on half-price (or free popcorn) movie night. A side benefit to going on this special day of the week is that you meet and observe so many interesting personalities. Because Nigerians generally love freebies, half-price movie night is always packed.
These are some of the people i've observed:
First, there's the high school grad who couldn't bother to get dressed up for the movies. Chances are he stiill has a comb stuck in his hair (I kid you not), is wearing sagging trousers (and sporting boxers of an uncertain color) or skintight pencil trousers that he wrestled to get into. This outfit is completed by the requisite unlaced fluorescent coloured high top sneakers, sweater top and big nerdy goggles. You'll typically find high schoolers huddled in groups of 3 or 4.
Then there's the bored college chick who's overdressed or underdressed depending on how you look at it and is probably thinking in her head: Notice me damn it! I didn't hang out half my boobs and apply liberal coats of makeup just for fun! If she's interested in the guy she's with, you'll probably hear her high pitched fake laughter from across the room. If she's not, she can often be sported wearing a nonchalant look and playing the brick game on her Nokia phone, thinking: Whatever!
Then there's the music star who always comes with a posse and sports dark glasses. In his head, he's thinking: I'm a star. Bow down and worship me. I'm popular. Make way before me. I have cash. I can be as loud and obnoxious as I want.
I especially like the suited corporeaucrat with the casually loosened tie and expensive shoes who strides in with an air of: I am important. The rest of you are little kids. I'm only here to destress from several technical deals that you wouldn't understand even if I mentioned them slowly. I'm not cheap. I can afford to come on any other night besides half-price night, but my obviously beautiful trophy girlfriend insisted we come today.I shall now stalk around with an obvious I-couldn't-care-less attitude. Dick!
Let's not forget the very pregnant young married woman who clutches on to her well dressed former jock husband who's still shellshocked over the fact that he's married and hence 'settled down'. Only his pot belly belies the fact that his glory fine-boy days are over.
These are just some of the folks i met yesterday at the movies. Now who says watching people ain't interesting?
These are some of the people i've observed:
First, there's the high school grad who couldn't bother to get dressed up for the movies. Chances are he stiill has a comb stuck in his hair (I kid you not), is wearing sagging trousers (and sporting boxers of an uncertain color) or skintight pencil trousers that he wrestled to get into. This outfit is completed by the requisite unlaced fluorescent coloured high top sneakers, sweater top and big nerdy goggles. You'll typically find high schoolers huddled in groups of 3 or 4.
Then there's the bored college chick who's overdressed or underdressed depending on how you look at it and is probably thinking in her head: Notice me damn it! I didn't hang out half my boobs and apply liberal coats of makeup just for fun! If she's interested in the guy she's with, you'll probably hear her high pitched fake laughter from across the room. If she's not, she can often be sported wearing a nonchalant look and playing the brick game on her Nokia phone, thinking: Whatever!
Then there's the music star who always comes with a posse and sports dark glasses. In his head, he's thinking: I'm a star. Bow down and worship me. I'm popular. Make way before me. I have cash. I can be as loud and obnoxious as I want.
I especially like the suited corporeaucrat with the casually loosened tie and expensive shoes who strides in with an air of: I am important. The rest of you are little kids. I'm only here to destress from several technical deals that you wouldn't understand even if I mentioned them slowly. I'm not cheap. I can afford to come on any other night besides half-price night, but my obviously beautiful trophy girlfriend insisted we come today.I shall now stalk around with an obvious I-couldn't-care-less attitude. Dick!
Let's not forget the very pregnant young married woman who clutches on to her well dressed former jock husband who's still shellshocked over the fact that he's married and hence 'settled down'. Only his pot belly belies the fact that his glory fine-boy days are over.
These are just some of the folks i met yesterday at the movies. Now who says watching people ain't interesting?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)