Loneliness, pigheadedness and the dating conundrum

When loneliness hits you, it’s easy to throw high minded, high falutin idealistic concepts out the window and just settle for what’s available. When you’re young, ‘nailing’ a suitor is almost a reflexive action. As you get older and suitors become far and in between, in your desperation, you surprisingly begin to accommodate all sorts of crap.

I’ve had a couple of ‘near misses’ with love. Somehow, love hasn’t quite been able to hold on to me yet, but I have experienced the pain of ‘the end’. In the midst of the end of a relationship, my heart feels like it’s going to explode and I literally ache for the object of my desire. So you can imagine my surprise when a few months later the desire cools and I’m right back to normal. It’s as if the relationship never burned as hot and it was all a dream.

I think that romance is a make-believe phenomenon where everything is a product of fertile imagination and deliberate actions, and things exist simply because you want them to. The relationship eventually sours when the other person stops acting according to a pre-programmed script and begins to ‘malfunction’.

Lately, I don’t have the reserves of emotional energy to build a relationship with someone that’s difficult to communicate with or whose temperament or method of processing information is fundamentally different from mine. I do not desire to speak Latin to someone who’s only fluent in Greek. I’m learning that there’s a thin line between love and hate called ‘perpetual conflict’. There are some people that you seem to always fight with. I’m not quite sure how it happens. Maybe it’s an unspoken negotiation or battle of wits or just plain pride and stubbornness. But you begin to argue about everything and anything, even after a wonderful day together. The amount of headache, emotional heartache, bitterness and friction that ensues is simply not worth it.

People who may have otherwise become good friends suddenly become sworn enemies. If you’re in such a relationship, get out fast! The arguments never end and eventually, the relationship will break up, with much pain, bitterness and scars. It’s obvious that one or both of you are immature, proud and superior and no one wants to give in. Even if someone eventually gives in, it will be grudgingly and with resentment, so just get out and look for someone you can be with without all that ‘agro’.

I’ve been considering the dating conundrum as well. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I seem to possess the gift of being able to tell the substance a person is made of within minutes of meeting. Sometimes, I don’t even need to speak with them. I can just tell by observation alone. What this means is I can usually tell whether a relationship with a guy will turn into something serious right off the bat. Strangely, even when I give the guy the benefit of the doubt, ignoring my instincts and allowing for a period to get to know him, the things that eventually break up the relationship are the things I chose to ignore at the beginning. So now, I find myself in a quandary. Is it fair to date a guy when you know the relationship can never lead to anything meaningful? Doesn’t that amount to using him? And how do you parallax that with your needs – loneliness, horniness and the need for male companionship? Sometimes, a body simply longs to be held! I’m not sure what the solution is. If anyone has any suggestions I’m all ears.