When a man loses his way, he loses parts of himself.
But when he finds his way, he may not always find himself.
His innocence is shattered, his heart bruised
And only self-forgiveness and the love of another
Can heal him
Subomi Plumptre's Blog: Thoughts, beliefs and expressions
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
A Man Who Lives in Sadness
I know a man who lives in sadness
He’s built his battlements there
An impenetrable façade of okayisms and alrights
Battered and bruised by SYCDAA (situations you can’t do anything about)
He seeks a window, a reprieve
He longs for hope and love
A promise of something beyond the misery
That has become a constant refrain
A life lesson in futility and perplexity
I know a man who lives in sadness
A strong man, a good man, a lone man
I know this man intimately
For he is my father and my friend
He’s built his battlements there
An impenetrable façade of okayisms and alrights
Battered and bruised by SYCDAA (situations you can’t do anything about)
He seeks a window, a reprieve
He longs for hope and love
A promise of something beyond the misery
That has become a constant refrain
A life lesson in futility and perplexity
I know a man who lives in sadness
A strong man, a good man, a lone man
I know this man intimately
For he is my father and my friend
An Impossible Love
My hands fit perfectly in yours. They are at home there
My body likes your body. When it's wrapped around you
I forget its imperfections and blemishes
And revel in pleasurable warmth
And blissful, irresponsible abandon
My thoughts like your thoughts
The perfect blend of the irreverent, corny
Deep and classically funny
My words love to intermingle with yours
In endless explorations
Of new worlds of words
My lips adore your lips
As we fight the curious battle
Of tongue, teeth and liquid fire
How I love to inhale you and get lost in you
I love your house and the peace that it holds
A haven, a restaurant, a cinema, a home
I marvel at your heart
True, large and filled with compassion
It’s amazing how many things I have come
To like and love about you
So it hurts to know I cannot love you anymore
Not like this, not here, not now
My body likes your body. When it's wrapped around you
I forget its imperfections and blemishes
And revel in pleasurable warmth
And blissful, irresponsible abandon
My thoughts like your thoughts
The perfect blend of the irreverent, corny
Deep and classically funny
My words love to intermingle with yours
In endless explorations
Of new worlds of words
My lips adore your lips
As we fight the curious battle
Of tongue, teeth and liquid fire
How I love to inhale you and get lost in you
I love your house and the peace that it holds
A haven, a restaurant, a cinema, a home
I marvel at your heart
True, large and filled with compassion
It’s amazing how many things I have come
To like and love about you
So it hurts to know I cannot love you anymore
Not like this, not here, not now
Different Categories of Friends
I’ve been studying and categorising my friends lately. (Don’t mind me. It’s a throwback to my days as a Microbiologist and studies on Taxonomy).
Anyway, I’ve identified 4 broad categories, so far:
Category One: Friends Who Radiate Peace
Category Two: Friends Who Exhaust
Category Three: Toxic Material
Category Four: The Blatantly Annoying
Category One friends radiate an inner peace or stability. They are kind, strong, can take care of themselves and take care of business. They give, are always ready to help out in a jam and are very efficient and reliable. They also adore you - the feeling is usually mutual – and are ready to spoil you when you’re down and out and need it.
Category Two Friends are really in 2 sub-categories. The 1st sub-category comprises those who will argue and argue with you, remaining stubborn till you’re exhausted, sad and defeated. They also give you physical headache. These individuals are sometimes children of lecturers or are men who don’t have sisters and hence have never learnt the finer points of fraternal diplomacy. They simply cannot lose an argument, hate apologizing and will batter you with a viewpoint till you give in out of sheer exhaustion. I’ve always thought that a highlight of humility is the ability to concede you may be wrong even when you know you’re right – just for the sake of peace and harmony. You’re man enough to allow time to vindicate you.
In the 2nd sub-category are those who are so deep and intellectual that you can’t quite take it all in. They’re usually emotional, needy and demanding and will literally tire you out. This sub-category also includes men and women who love people that don’t love them back and those who constantly pressure you for sex. Only God can fully meet their emotional needs.
With Category Three, you find yourself doing and saying things you wouldn’t ordinarily do or say. You spend the night partying with them or you wake up beside them in the harsh light of the morning and find yourself saying: “What am I doing here”?
Category Four are in a class of their own. I must settle in to write about them.
These are people who try to control you and make you fit their narrow-minded view of the world. I tend to ask: “If I’m not trying to make you like me, why on earth are you trying to make me like you? Can’t you simply accept that I will never be you, don’t subscribe to your values and think that you’re an overbearing and self-righteous idiot to deny me my fundamental right to be different from you”! Okay, I don’t quite put it like that. (Smile).
It’s interesting that when you resist and dig you’re foot in; they consider you stubborn or proud. I will never respond favourably to people trying to MAKE ME change. I’ve learnt that you can’t change anyone. Only love can – not emotional blackmail. Even God has a hard time changing us, so who the heck are you?!
If a person cannot accept me holistically then he/she should bloody well leave me alone, after all I didn’t come looking for you.
Another particularly annoying group is men who constantly badger women to go out with them. This is a rather common overpopulated group. If a woman says no – take the hint and drop all this African nonsense about being persistent and “women meaning yes when they say no”. In my opinion, a woman who does that is significantly confused and should be avoided, ‘cause she almost always has the gift of telling lies too! If a determined woman says no, accept it. If she changes her mind, trust me, you’ll know. She’ll throw out so many “come hither” signals that are very hard to miss.
So, that’s my spiel about friends. With every sense of gratitude, I must admit, I’ve met my fair share of wonderful people. I meet new ones at the oddest times too. But will I ever meet THE ONE? I’ll keep my fingers crossed. (Smile).
Anyway, I’ve identified 4 broad categories, so far:
Category One: Friends Who Radiate Peace
Category Two: Friends Who Exhaust
Category Three: Toxic Material
Category Four: The Blatantly Annoying
Category One friends radiate an inner peace or stability. They are kind, strong, can take care of themselves and take care of business. They give, are always ready to help out in a jam and are very efficient and reliable. They also adore you - the feeling is usually mutual – and are ready to spoil you when you’re down and out and need it.
Category Two Friends are really in 2 sub-categories. The 1st sub-category comprises those who will argue and argue with you, remaining stubborn till you’re exhausted, sad and defeated. They also give you physical headache. These individuals are sometimes children of lecturers or are men who don’t have sisters and hence have never learnt the finer points of fraternal diplomacy. They simply cannot lose an argument, hate apologizing and will batter you with a viewpoint till you give in out of sheer exhaustion. I’ve always thought that a highlight of humility is the ability to concede you may be wrong even when you know you’re right – just for the sake of peace and harmony. You’re man enough to allow time to vindicate you.
In the 2nd sub-category are those who are so deep and intellectual that you can’t quite take it all in. They’re usually emotional, needy and demanding and will literally tire you out. This sub-category also includes men and women who love people that don’t love them back and those who constantly pressure you for sex. Only God can fully meet their emotional needs.
With Category Three, you find yourself doing and saying things you wouldn’t ordinarily do or say. You spend the night partying with them or you wake up beside them in the harsh light of the morning and find yourself saying: “What am I doing here”?
Category Four are in a class of their own. I must settle in to write about them.
These are people who try to control you and make you fit their narrow-minded view of the world. I tend to ask: “If I’m not trying to make you like me, why on earth are you trying to make me like you? Can’t you simply accept that I will never be you, don’t subscribe to your values and think that you’re an overbearing and self-righteous idiot to deny me my fundamental right to be different from you”! Okay, I don’t quite put it like that. (Smile).
It’s interesting that when you resist and dig you’re foot in; they consider you stubborn or proud. I will never respond favourably to people trying to MAKE ME change. I’ve learnt that you can’t change anyone. Only love can – not emotional blackmail. Even God has a hard time changing us, so who the heck are you?!
If a person cannot accept me holistically then he/she should bloody well leave me alone, after all I didn’t come looking for you.
Another particularly annoying group is men who constantly badger women to go out with them. This is a rather common overpopulated group. If a woman says no – take the hint and drop all this African nonsense about being persistent and “women meaning yes when they say no”. In my opinion, a woman who does that is significantly confused and should be avoided, ‘cause she almost always has the gift of telling lies too! If a determined woman says no, accept it. If she changes her mind, trust me, you’ll know. She’ll throw out so many “come hither” signals that are very hard to miss.
So, that’s my spiel about friends. With every sense of gratitude, I must admit, I’ve met my fair share of wonderful people. I meet new ones at the oddest times too. But will I ever meet THE ONE? I’ll keep my fingers crossed. (Smile).
I Gotta Get This Off My Chest
There’s something I must get off my chest. I will probably offend quite a few people by doing so but it’s really got to stop. What exactly I’m I talking about? It’s the rise and rise of non-creative, forwarded text messages!
I know that guys, you probably mean well and would like to be sweet and brighten up my day, but pllllllllllllssssss NOT AT 5 AM IN THE FRIGGIN’ MORNING! And definitely not last thing at night.
I particularly hate those text messages that are of a religious variety. You don’t have to wax poetic. Simply speak your heart (in good English please). And quit dogging me throughout the day. I once had a particularly persistent fellow say hello to me in the morning, send “uplifting” messages throughout the day, wish me safe journey as I boarded the plane to Abuja and by the time I landed and switched on my phone, his was the first message I received. Talk about “phone stalking”!
And callers, please stop flashing me.....I can see your missed call the first time. If I don’t call back it’s because I DON’T WANT TO. Take the hint.
Phew... !
I know that guys, you probably mean well and would like to be sweet and brighten up my day, but pllllllllllllssssss NOT AT 5 AM IN THE FRIGGIN’ MORNING! And definitely not last thing at night.
I particularly hate those text messages that are of a religious variety. You don’t have to wax poetic. Simply speak your heart (in good English please). And quit dogging me throughout the day. I once had a particularly persistent fellow say hello to me in the morning, send “uplifting” messages throughout the day, wish me safe journey as I boarded the plane to Abuja and by the time I landed and switched on my phone, his was the first message I received. Talk about “phone stalking”!
And callers, please stop flashing me.....I can see your missed call the first time. If I don’t call back it’s because I DON’T WANT TO. Take the hint.
Phew... !
Treadmill
The last 2 weeks have been B.U.S.Y! I’ve been shuttling to and fro Abuja, working on-site, while coordinating activities in Lagos via phone and email. I’ve also had a couple of 7-day work weeks. To say the least, sleep has become a lusted after delight that keeps shifting from my grasp.
I always thought that as you become better at what you do and train others, the work load becomes more manageable. I must have been dreaming! It only gets more demanding, sophisticated and intense!
There’ll never be a convenient enough time to take a break, raise a family, get a 2nd degree, execute that personal project or get to know God. Everything has to go on concurrently. You must find time for it all and something has gotta give. I spend less time sleeping, eat on the run (oftentimes substituting lunch for a bottle of coke) and rarely watch TV. I also spend more money – talking to friends on the phone, going to the movies for emergency distressing or sharing drinks with a friend in a beautiful restaurant. I read more to escape the world and get inspired, especially on planes.
Finally, I’m beginning to experience the peace that comes with solitude, (as well as the loneliness). I’m purposeful, my life counts for “something” and I’m happier. I’m giving more too (money) and being there for my friends, while demanding that they’re there for me too – friendship is such a joy.
Life will bring surprises but when they hit, I will be well equipped to meet them. Bring it on, baby!
I always thought that as you become better at what you do and train others, the work load becomes more manageable. I must have been dreaming! It only gets more demanding, sophisticated and intense!
There’ll never be a convenient enough time to take a break, raise a family, get a 2nd degree, execute that personal project or get to know God. Everything has to go on concurrently. You must find time for it all and something has gotta give. I spend less time sleeping, eat on the run (oftentimes substituting lunch for a bottle of coke) and rarely watch TV. I also spend more money – talking to friends on the phone, going to the movies for emergency distressing or sharing drinks with a friend in a beautiful restaurant. I read more to escape the world and get inspired, especially on planes.
Finally, I’m beginning to experience the peace that comes with solitude, (as well as the loneliness). I’m purposeful, my life counts for “something” and I’m happier. I’m giving more too (money) and being there for my friends, while demanding that they’re there for me too – friendship is such a joy.
Life will bring surprises but when they hit, I will be well equipped to meet them. Bring it on, baby!
Infidelity
I was having drinks with a friend the other day – Heineken for him, Red Bull & Coke for me – and he brought up the issue of infidelity. Now, infidelity is a subject I understand but do not accept…Understanding and acceptance – 2 seemingly distinct states of mind that must be in harmony for me to find peace. Harmony typically comes to me after much analysis (and an eventual resolution) or if I believe/trust/have faith in someone I respect.
My friend attempted to trace infidelity’s roots by exploring the concept of Polygamy in Africa. Essentially he posits that Polygamy is an African concept which was abolished by the Missionaries. Ever since, African males have had to wrap their brains around and discipline their groins to accept a monogamous lifestyle. Women on the other hand have always hated sharing so they readily embraced the concept of Monogamy!
It’s intriguing that in the Bible, man evolved from Monogamy to Polygamy (and back to Monogamy. Perhaps we’ll return to Polygamy someday). God also placed a spiritual structure in place to accommodate the issue of Polygamy – Headship. In the New Testament, Paul recognizes that there were Christians with more than one wife but advises that if a man should desire a leadership position in the church (specifically deaconhood), he should be Monogamous.
My stand on the issue is this: Adhere to the Law of the Land. God respects norms, customs and laws. If you get married in a Court of Law, Polygamy becomes a crime. However, if you choose the Native Law & Custom route alone, I wish you luck!
Personally, I prefer Monogamy. Perhaps it’s my idealistic/romantic side. Perhaps it’s because I invest so much in a relationship. I understand the “art of detachment” though– the ability to sleep with someone when you’re in love with someone else, (yes, I do admit I have a cold streak), but I have made a deliberate choice to adopt fidelity, and I hope to stick with it. I can relate to why Men sleep around – it usually finds its roots in boredom, the need for adventure, rage or trouble at home. With women, it’s typically loneliness and the desire for validation or kindness. Practical wisdom can usually avert disaster in many relationships, but unfortunately it doesn’t prevent the horny philandering person who deliberately decides to screw around, if they so please!
It’s interesting that when people cheat, we say – He/she cheated on ME! At that point it ceases to be about the person who lost his way and is in need of mercy. It’s about YOU. We hurt God everyday and he forgives. Period. It’s our job to help the cheating one up – we may not get any reward for it on this earth, but showing true love is an uncommon honour that we show to God.
I’m not advocating that people should cheat with impunity. But, conceptually speaking, I used to think that the only thing that could hold people back from sin was a love for and fear of God. But I know better now. Love is not a good enough reason to keep people from sin. People love their spouses yet cheat everyday. David loved God and was a man after God’s heart. Indeed, God said he had a perfect heart, yet he was a murderer and adulterer. So love is not enough.
Moral standards and conscience are also not good enough. Many so-called virgins will get to heaven then realize that they have no reward. They stayed celibate not because of God per se or faith, but because of the fear of sin, getting pregnant, upbringing etc. And many have acted out the entire thing in their minds anyway. With God, thinking carries the same weight as doing. In fact, lying, gossip, nastiness etc carry the same weight as fornication or masturbation. It is only among Christian people and moralists that sex is considered the greatest sin on earth. BULLSHIT.
Recently, I’ve been thinking that the only thing that keeps a man from sinning is the Word of God. There’s a particularly beautiful scripture I know – it says “Thy Word have I hid in my heart that I may not sin against you” (Psalms 119:11).
The Word of God does many things. It renews the mind and changes the heart’s motivations and inclinations, it stabilizes and makes you strong, it changes your very nature and most importantly, through it, God breathes revelation to an otherwise callous mind.
If you’re prone to a particular vice and you fill your heart with the word of God about the subject, someday, your heart and mind will open to the truth. I’m not talking about head knowledge. I mean deep, gut wrenching truth that only God’s word can give. I tell people that the only reason (okay, one of the reasons) I read my bible regularly, is because my mind craves for truth. It stabilizes me. I’m very deep and creative. I have an above average curiosity and sexuality, so you could say I need some sort of gyrostat. Am I using it as a crutch? Perhaps. I’m not proud and readily admit my imperfections and weaknesses. I think the Word of God is the key. It must be – without Faith, it is impossible to please God and faith comes by hearing the word of God.
I’m also particular about what my conscience can handle. All things are lawful, but not all things are expedient. I’m not a fool and I will not try to be anyone else, in a bid to be acceptable, liberal and hip! I may be able to do a lot of things, but are they really “me”? Can I do them with the same confidence with which I am writing this piece? This is me. Some things aren’t. Whatever your conscience considers sin, will be sin to you, even though it may not be sin to another. There may be general standards, but the truth is David ate the hallowed showbread and went away unharmed, while Uzziah attempted to perform a sacrifice and was struck with leprosy. Go figure.
Infidelity will always be a prickly subject. There are no hard and fast rules. Some will decide to opt out of the relationship, others will choose to forgive and forget. There is honour & dignity in both.
My friend attempted to trace infidelity’s roots by exploring the concept of Polygamy in Africa. Essentially he posits that Polygamy is an African concept which was abolished by the Missionaries. Ever since, African males have had to wrap their brains around and discipline their groins to accept a monogamous lifestyle. Women on the other hand have always hated sharing so they readily embraced the concept of Monogamy!
It’s intriguing that in the Bible, man evolved from Monogamy to Polygamy (and back to Monogamy. Perhaps we’ll return to Polygamy someday). God also placed a spiritual structure in place to accommodate the issue of Polygamy – Headship. In the New Testament, Paul recognizes that there were Christians with more than one wife but advises that if a man should desire a leadership position in the church (specifically deaconhood), he should be Monogamous.
My stand on the issue is this: Adhere to the Law of the Land. God respects norms, customs and laws. If you get married in a Court of Law, Polygamy becomes a crime. However, if you choose the Native Law & Custom route alone, I wish you luck!
Personally, I prefer Monogamy. Perhaps it’s my idealistic/romantic side. Perhaps it’s because I invest so much in a relationship. I understand the “art of detachment” though– the ability to sleep with someone when you’re in love with someone else, (yes, I do admit I have a cold streak), but I have made a deliberate choice to adopt fidelity, and I hope to stick with it. I can relate to why Men sleep around – it usually finds its roots in boredom, the need for adventure, rage or trouble at home. With women, it’s typically loneliness and the desire for validation or kindness. Practical wisdom can usually avert disaster in many relationships, but unfortunately it doesn’t prevent the horny philandering person who deliberately decides to screw around, if they so please!
It’s interesting that when people cheat, we say – He/she cheated on ME! At that point it ceases to be about the person who lost his way and is in need of mercy. It’s about YOU. We hurt God everyday and he forgives. Period. It’s our job to help the cheating one up – we may not get any reward for it on this earth, but showing true love is an uncommon honour that we show to God.
I’m not advocating that people should cheat with impunity. But, conceptually speaking, I used to think that the only thing that could hold people back from sin was a love for and fear of God. But I know better now. Love is not a good enough reason to keep people from sin. People love their spouses yet cheat everyday. David loved God and was a man after God’s heart. Indeed, God said he had a perfect heart, yet he was a murderer and adulterer. So love is not enough.
Moral standards and conscience are also not good enough. Many so-called virgins will get to heaven then realize that they have no reward. They stayed celibate not because of God per se or faith, but because of the fear of sin, getting pregnant, upbringing etc. And many have acted out the entire thing in their minds anyway. With God, thinking carries the same weight as doing. In fact, lying, gossip, nastiness etc carry the same weight as fornication or masturbation. It is only among Christian people and moralists that sex is considered the greatest sin on earth. BULLSHIT.
Recently, I’ve been thinking that the only thing that keeps a man from sinning is the Word of God. There’s a particularly beautiful scripture I know – it says “Thy Word have I hid in my heart that I may not sin against you” (Psalms 119:11).
The Word of God does many things. It renews the mind and changes the heart’s motivations and inclinations, it stabilizes and makes you strong, it changes your very nature and most importantly, through it, God breathes revelation to an otherwise callous mind.
If you’re prone to a particular vice and you fill your heart with the word of God about the subject, someday, your heart and mind will open to the truth. I’m not talking about head knowledge. I mean deep, gut wrenching truth that only God’s word can give. I tell people that the only reason (okay, one of the reasons) I read my bible regularly, is because my mind craves for truth. It stabilizes me. I’m very deep and creative. I have an above average curiosity and sexuality, so you could say I need some sort of gyrostat. Am I using it as a crutch? Perhaps. I’m not proud and readily admit my imperfections and weaknesses. I think the Word of God is the key. It must be – without Faith, it is impossible to please God and faith comes by hearing the word of God.
I’m also particular about what my conscience can handle. All things are lawful, but not all things are expedient. I’m not a fool and I will not try to be anyone else, in a bid to be acceptable, liberal and hip! I may be able to do a lot of things, but are they really “me”? Can I do them with the same confidence with which I am writing this piece? This is me. Some things aren’t. Whatever your conscience considers sin, will be sin to you, even though it may not be sin to another. There may be general standards, but the truth is David ate the hallowed showbread and went away unharmed, while Uzziah attempted to perform a sacrifice and was struck with leprosy. Go figure.
Infidelity will always be a prickly subject. There are no hard and fast rules. Some will decide to opt out of the relationship, others will choose to forgive and forget. There is honour & dignity in both.
Life, oh life!
Stop trying to make the WORLD work for you. It doesn't stop for you to get your act together. It moves on without you.
You are forced to listen to ignorant people everyday, when you have so much more on the inside. But, they have just one advantage they know how to express themselves. You don't.
Trying to make friends with a know-it-all is the single most frustrating relationship experience. There's nothing as annoying as having to listen to someone talk about himself all the time. And when he does allow you to get a word in, he only does so, so he can catch his breath, promptly forget everything you've said, and continue to monopolise the conversation.
Why do guys like girls and girls reciprocate? Why do girls 'hate' guys and guys heartily reciprocate? Why do guys after hating girls then fall hopelessly in love with them?
Why do guys and girls pretend not to like one another, play the age old “cat and mouse” game of fencing, and then fall hopelessly in love with one other?
Why me? Why the heck not you? You're no different from the 10 million other people it happened to!”
You are forced to listen to ignorant people everyday, when you have so much more on the inside. But, they have just one advantage they know how to express themselves. You don't.
Trying to make friends with a know-it-all is the single most frustrating relationship experience. There's nothing as annoying as having to listen to someone talk about himself all the time. And when he does allow you to get a word in, he only does so, so he can catch his breath, promptly forget everything you've said, and continue to monopolise the conversation.
Why do guys like girls and girls reciprocate? Why do girls 'hate' guys and guys heartily reciprocate? Why do guys after hating girls then fall hopelessly in love with them?
Why do guys and girls pretend not to like one another, play the age old “cat and mouse” game of fencing, and then fall hopelessly in love with one other?
Why me? Why the heck not you? You're no different from the 10 million other people it happened to!”
Excerpt from my book
I'm a Nubian queen, a paragon of black beauty, the epitome of unbleached elegance (she laughs!)
I am a black female. A woman am I.”
I am a black female. A woman am I.”
Oh glorious sex!
“It’s not fair! Mama never said there’ll be days like this when your body literally screams to be touched, right here, right now in as many ways as can be fathomed by the human imagination. And, she particularly left out the part about the ache going on for days on end till your body becomes one single-minded pulsating organ. Sigh! I must be going mad! All this because a person’s trying to live right or please God? Comon God, there must be an easier way! I’m only 20-something. Are you saying this is going to go on for an indeterminate period of time? Hell no! I’ve run out of distractions, meditation tricks, scriptures, mental and emotional strength. I am very weary and all I want right now is my very own exclusive dick!”
Phew!! A few weeks ago, this tirade was a constant refrain. I kept on thinking…there must be a better way (read easier way). There must be. Recently, I think I finally found something or perhaps more accurately, it found me.
I had been studying Romans Chapters 6 – 8 and it suddenly hit me! The solution may exist after all! For my non-religious folks, I implore you to just bear it out and read through the following verses. They contain the substance of a logical presentation of a solution for dealing with sexual pressure and other controlling appetites.
The desperation, conflicting passions and persistent desire: Romans 7
15 For I do not understand my own actions [I am baffled, bewildered]. I do not practice or accomplish what I wish, but I do the very thing that I loathe [which my moral instinct condemns].
19 For I fail to practice the good deeds I desire to do, but the evil deeds that I do not desire to do are what I am [ever] doing.
24 Unhappy and pitiable and wretched man that I am! Who will release and deliver me from [the shackles of] this body of death?
Glimmer of hope. A realization that things can be different and one can be in control after all: Romans 6
11 Even so consider yourselves also dead to sin and your relation to it broken, but alive to God [living in unbroken fellowship with Him] in Christ Jesus.
12 Let not sin therefore rule as king in your mortal (short-lived, perishable) bodies, to make you yield to its cravings and be subject to its lusts and evil passions.
14 For sin shall not [any longer] exert dominion over you, since now you are not under Law [as slaves], but under grace [as subjects of God's favor and mercy].
The solution. The strength to live and do right: Romans 8
2 For the law of the Spirit of life [which is] in Christ Jesus [the law of our new being] has freed me from the law of sin and of death.
3 For God has done what the Law could not do, [its power] being weakened by the flesh [the entire nature of man without the Holy Spirit]. Sending His own Son in the guise of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, [God] condemned sin in the flesh [[subdued, overcame, deprived it of its power over all who accept that sacrifice],
5 For those who are according to the flesh and are controlled by its unholy desires set their minds on and pursue those things which gratify the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit and are controlled by the desires of the Spirit set their minds on and seek those things which gratify the [Holy] Spirit.
6 Now the mind of the flesh [which is sense and reason without the Holy Spirit] is death [death that comprises all the miseries arising from sin, both here and hereafter]. But the mind of the [Holy] Spirit is life and [soul] peace [both now and forever].
7[That is] because the mind of the flesh [with its carnal thoughts and purposes] is hostile to God, for it does not submit itself to God's Law; indeed it cannot.
8 So then those who are living the life of the flesh [catering to the appetites and impulses of their carnal nature] cannot please or satisfy God, or be acceptable to Him.
9 But you are not living the life of the flesh, you are living the life of the Spirit, if the [Holy] Spirit of God [really] dwells within you [directs and controls you]. But if anyone does not possess the [Holy] Spirit of Christ, he is none of His [he does not belong to Christ, is not truly a child of God].
14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. [Actual translation reads: “mature” sons of God]
26 So too the [Holy] Spirit comes to our aid and bears us up in our weakness; for we do not know what prayer to offer nor how to offer it worthily as we ought, but the Spirit Himself goes to meet our supplication and pleads in our behalf with unspeakable yearnings and groanings too deep for utterance.
Summarily, it is my submission that the Holy Spirit is the answer. He will provide the strength and energy to beat every raging passion that mystifies me, because the truth is those things can’t dominate me unless I let them. But I have to set my thoughts on him and less on the unwholesome stuff I feed my mind. I guess the truism holds sway – “garbage in, garbage out”.
There’s nothing that renews the mind and toughens you mentally like the Word of God. It’s liberating, joyful, surprising, and oh so deep. It is life itself. As I become more mature and my relationship with God grows, he progressively reveals His truths and directs my steps and thoughts. He strengthens me and increases my capacity to handle the pressures of life and perhaps best of all; he fills me with a peace and stillness that is incomparable.
My exploration of this subject is progressive and I’m still thinking and turning it over in my mind. Contributions and better still, insight will be welcome.
Lessons from my toothpaste tube
It’s 9am on a busy Saturday morning and I’m considering that the only time I get to squeeze out my toothpaste properly, from the bottom up, is on weekends. That’s when I finally smoothen and straighten out a week’s worth of wrinkles and perfunctory squeezes from the side, front, wherever.
This week was a particularly tiring one. I was kept going by a particularly potent synergy of tourine and caffeine (for the uninitiated – Red Bull in the morning, coffee later in the day).
Eventually, as my body woke up after a few vigorous brushes, my mind shifted to a completely unrelated topic, as rambling minds often do. I ruminated on the subject of integrity. Not the kind commonly associated with moral rectitude, but a certain quality that describes a person whose every part is in sync, a man who lives out what he says and who is who he says he is. A man whose actions follow the logical progression of his desires, dreams and thoughts and who possesses a certain measure of singularity and predictability.
I have often found that we are quick to state our position on a matter or express desires, but not as quick to do what it takes to establish them. A person desires professional success but goes to bed exhausted every night without reading a single material that will advance his cause. That cannot be integrity. It must lie within the realm of something else. A man desires to marry Miss World but cannot afford to spend the requisite $1,000 a month on cosmetics to maintain her premium visage. He desires a freak in bed, an uninhibited feminine creation but cannot abide confident women who are at the top of their game. He decries his racist treatment in a foreign country but will deny his daughter’s right to marry from a tribe not his own. A woman desires only the rich & successful; the tall, dark and handsome but is 30 pounds overweight.
If cause truly leads to effect and sowing begets reaping, perhaps we are all delusional or perhaps very very hopeful (translate foolish). Why do we want parts of people and resist accepting the whole -when the seeming undesirables are a critical component of the whole. It is every factor working together that produces the whole. The cons provide a background from which the pros are projected and if the cons are totally annihilated, will the whole still remain?
Perhaps I speak from an uninformed, female perspective, for I find that within the context of relationships, men are always “hopeful” of comprises while women “think” they can change a man. Pray tell, if God did not succeed in changing a man for 30 odd years, what sort of “bottom power” does a woman hope to exert that will perform this feat literally overnight?
I find that it’s quite plausible that many times, we do not even “see” the inconsistencies and lack of integrity. Many times, we aren’t aware anything’s wrong. Perhaps it’s because our thinking has been conditioned to believe and live a lie. Perhaps we are too proud to admit that we are lacking. Perhaps it is culture or religion (not faith) that blinds us. I find that culture and religion will make a man irrational. Having been steeped in them since infancy, he has gradually become programmed. In all honesty, he knows no better. It is only when he opens his heart to understanding and wisdom, when he opens his eyes, when he receives knowledge, when he queries his elders and steps away from the known to the unknown, when he embraces the simple principles of faith, truth, loyalty and such stuff that span cultures and peoples that he can finally become whole.
I so much long to meet people who are quite simply who they are. People who strive to be the best they can be, not the best “someone else”. I long to converse with an individual who will heartily confront the tough questions instead of brushing them aside. Someone who will narrow in on the important and not the fashionable. A Braveheart, a Patriot, an Arthur.
If knowledge and environment are the two things that save us from ourselves, then I pray that God (yes I do believe in Him) will continually grant me the faculty to seek and love knowledge and the strength to escape from every stifling environment. As I grow and mature; as I change and evolve, may my life be an inspiration to many, may my words sear and challenge paradigms and may I never lose my way in this undulating journey we call life.(All this from a toothpaste tube? Na....!)
This week was a particularly tiring one. I was kept going by a particularly potent synergy of tourine and caffeine (for the uninitiated – Red Bull in the morning, coffee later in the day).
Eventually, as my body woke up after a few vigorous brushes, my mind shifted to a completely unrelated topic, as rambling minds often do. I ruminated on the subject of integrity. Not the kind commonly associated with moral rectitude, but a certain quality that describes a person whose every part is in sync, a man who lives out what he says and who is who he says he is. A man whose actions follow the logical progression of his desires, dreams and thoughts and who possesses a certain measure of singularity and predictability.
I have often found that we are quick to state our position on a matter or express desires, but not as quick to do what it takes to establish them. A person desires professional success but goes to bed exhausted every night without reading a single material that will advance his cause. That cannot be integrity. It must lie within the realm of something else. A man desires to marry Miss World but cannot afford to spend the requisite $1,000 a month on cosmetics to maintain her premium visage. He desires a freak in bed, an uninhibited feminine creation but cannot abide confident women who are at the top of their game. He decries his racist treatment in a foreign country but will deny his daughter’s right to marry from a tribe not his own. A woman desires only the rich & successful; the tall, dark and handsome but is 30 pounds overweight.
If cause truly leads to effect and sowing begets reaping, perhaps we are all delusional or perhaps very very hopeful (translate foolish). Why do we want parts of people and resist accepting the whole -when the seeming undesirables are a critical component of the whole. It is every factor working together that produces the whole. The cons provide a background from which the pros are projected and if the cons are totally annihilated, will the whole still remain?
Perhaps I speak from an uninformed, female perspective, for I find that within the context of relationships, men are always “hopeful” of comprises while women “think” they can change a man. Pray tell, if God did not succeed in changing a man for 30 odd years, what sort of “bottom power” does a woman hope to exert that will perform this feat literally overnight?
I find that it’s quite plausible that many times, we do not even “see” the inconsistencies and lack of integrity. Many times, we aren’t aware anything’s wrong. Perhaps it’s because our thinking has been conditioned to believe and live a lie. Perhaps we are too proud to admit that we are lacking. Perhaps it is culture or religion (not faith) that blinds us. I find that culture and religion will make a man irrational. Having been steeped in them since infancy, he has gradually become programmed. In all honesty, he knows no better. It is only when he opens his heart to understanding and wisdom, when he opens his eyes, when he receives knowledge, when he queries his elders and steps away from the known to the unknown, when he embraces the simple principles of faith, truth, loyalty and such stuff that span cultures and peoples that he can finally become whole.
I so much long to meet people who are quite simply who they are. People who strive to be the best they can be, not the best “someone else”. I long to converse with an individual who will heartily confront the tough questions instead of brushing them aside. Someone who will narrow in on the important and not the fashionable. A Braveheart, a Patriot, an Arthur.
If knowledge and environment are the two things that save us from ourselves, then I pray that God (yes I do believe in Him) will continually grant me the faculty to seek and love knowledge and the strength to escape from every stifling environment. As I grow and mature; as I change and evolve, may my life be an inspiration to many, may my words sear and challenge paradigms and may I never lose my way in this undulating journey we call life.(All this from a toothpaste tube? Na....!)
Loneliness, pigheadedness and the dating conundrum
When loneliness hits you, it’s easy to throw high minded, high falutin idealistic concepts out the window and just settle for what’s available. When you’re young, ‘nailing’ a suitor is almost a reflexive action. As you get older and suitors become far and in between, in your desperation, you surprisingly begin to accommodate all sorts of crap.
I’ve had a couple of ‘near misses’ with love. Somehow, love hasn’t quite been able to hold on to me yet, but I have experienced the pain of ‘the end’. In the midst of the end of a relationship, my heart feels like it’s going to explode and I literally ache for the object of my desire. So you can imagine my surprise when a few months later the desire cools and I’m right back to normal. It’s as if the relationship never burned as hot and it was all a dream.
I think that romance is a make-believe phenomenon where everything is a product of fertile imagination and deliberate actions, and things exist simply because you want them to. The relationship eventually sours when the other person stops acting according to a pre-programmed script and begins to ‘malfunction’.
Lately, I don’t have the reserves of emotional energy to build a relationship with someone that’s difficult to communicate with or whose temperament or method of processing information is fundamentally different from mine. I do not desire to speak Latin to someone who’s only fluent in Greek. I’m learning that there’s a thin line between love and hate called ‘perpetual conflict’. There are some people that you seem to always fight with. I’m not quite sure how it happens. Maybe it’s an unspoken negotiation or battle of wits or just plain pride and stubbornness. But you begin to argue about everything and anything, even after a wonderful day together. The amount of headache, emotional heartache, bitterness and friction that ensues is simply not worth it.
People who may have otherwise become good friends suddenly become sworn enemies. If you’re in such a relationship, get out fast! The arguments never end and eventually, the relationship will break up, with much pain, bitterness and scars. It’s obvious that one or both of you are immature, proud and superior and no one wants to give in. Even if someone eventually gives in, it will be grudgingly and with resentment, so just get out and look for someone you can be with without all that ‘agro’.
I’ve been considering the dating conundrum as well. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I seem to possess the gift of being able to tell the substance a person is made of within minutes of meeting. Sometimes, I don’t even need to speak with them. I can just tell by observation alone. What this means is I can usually tell whether a relationship with a guy will turn into something serious right off the bat. Strangely, even when I give the guy the benefit of the doubt, ignoring my instincts and allowing for a period to get to know him, the things that eventually break up the relationship are the things I chose to ignore at the beginning. So now, I find myself in a quandary. Is it fair to date a guy when you know the relationship can never lead to anything meaningful? Doesn’t that amount to using him? And how do you parallax that with your needs – loneliness, horniness and the need for male companionship? Sometimes, a body simply longs to be held! I’m not sure what the solution is. If anyone has any suggestions I’m all ears.
I’ve had a couple of ‘near misses’ with love. Somehow, love hasn’t quite been able to hold on to me yet, but I have experienced the pain of ‘the end’. In the midst of the end of a relationship, my heart feels like it’s going to explode and I literally ache for the object of my desire. So you can imagine my surprise when a few months later the desire cools and I’m right back to normal. It’s as if the relationship never burned as hot and it was all a dream.
I think that romance is a make-believe phenomenon where everything is a product of fertile imagination and deliberate actions, and things exist simply because you want them to. The relationship eventually sours when the other person stops acting according to a pre-programmed script and begins to ‘malfunction’.
Lately, I don’t have the reserves of emotional energy to build a relationship with someone that’s difficult to communicate with or whose temperament or method of processing information is fundamentally different from mine. I do not desire to speak Latin to someone who’s only fluent in Greek. I’m learning that there’s a thin line between love and hate called ‘perpetual conflict’. There are some people that you seem to always fight with. I’m not quite sure how it happens. Maybe it’s an unspoken negotiation or battle of wits or just plain pride and stubbornness. But you begin to argue about everything and anything, even after a wonderful day together. The amount of headache, emotional heartache, bitterness and friction that ensues is simply not worth it.
People who may have otherwise become good friends suddenly become sworn enemies. If you’re in such a relationship, get out fast! The arguments never end and eventually, the relationship will break up, with much pain, bitterness and scars. It’s obvious that one or both of you are immature, proud and superior and no one wants to give in. Even if someone eventually gives in, it will be grudgingly and with resentment, so just get out and look for someone you can be with without all that ‘agro’.
I’ve been considering the dating conundrum as well. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I seem to possess the gift of being able to tell the substance a person is made of within minutes of meeting. Sometimes, I don’t even need to speak with them. I can just tell by observation alone. What this means is I can usually tell whether a relationship with a guy will turn into something serious right off the bat. Strangely, even when I give the guy the benefit of the doubt, ignoring my instincts and allowing for a period to get to know him, the things that eventually break up the relationship are the things I chose to ignore at the beginning. So now, I find myself in a quandary. Is it fair to date a guy when you know the relationship can never lead to anything meaningful? Doesn’t that amount to using him? And how do you parallax that with your needs – loneliness, horniness and the need for male companionship? Sometimes, a body simply longs to be held! I’m not sure what the solution is. If anyone has any suggestions I’m all ears.
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