I am perhaps one of very few women who actually experience joy at the realisation that they didn’t get married in their 20s. The thought of being married without knowing what I know now positively frightens me, especially having been privy to the internal workings of quite a few marriages and breakups.
I wouldn’t trade the character forging, humility and wisdom that have been garnered, nor the painful lessons learned for anything.
I admit that there are challenges this 30-odd urban female experiences that I didn’t even think about when I was 20-something. I thank the Lord that certain troubles come during specific phases of life. I am pained when I see young people dealing with the problems of older folk, most especially when their parents die young or they are traumatically stripped of their childhood innocence – rape or sudden poverty will do that to you.
Today, I began thinking about my 20s because of a question a friend sent to me by SMS this morning. He wanted to know what I now do when I’m horny, having been privy to my internal struggles on the subject in the last couple of years. In preparing to answer his question, I was struck by a terrifying realisation – I hadn’t been earth-shatteringly, intensely horny in a while…I mean there were respectable rumblings…but not of the irrational-give me any live man- variety.
Now I know all my relevant anatomical parts are in good condition so it can’t be a medical issue. Could I be tired from work and psychologically traumatised by Lagos traffic? Was it because I had been down with the flu a few weeks back and only had thoughts of getting well? What happened to the glorious horny state of my 20s? Was it the recent lack of use of my equipment?!! Will getting laid bring back those sunny rainbow moments?:-) Sigh!
But wait, I digress.
Having thought about my friend’s question for a while, I responded by saying that I hadn’t summarily turned off the font from which all sexual desire spouts. I was just a bit weary. Weary of the incessant conflict between principle and desire; moral rectitude and pulsating hormones. Weary of navigating the aggressive or unspoken needs of men; of studying the pros and cons of barrier and hormonal prophylactics; of having to ask whether I’m pro-life or not; of considering and dealing with substitutable relievers like masturbation and oddly named contraptions…I was just tired.
A decade ago, I entered a brave new world of sexual awareness and discovery…now my brain and heart work overtime as they overflow with words like fairness, commitment, friendship, love, passion, gentleness…
My priorities have shifted. The older I grow, the more aware I am of purpose and of doing things that truly matter. I am more interested in giving and sharing. I have less patience for the intrigues of relationships or the subtleties of a frail ego. I am quick to speak the truth and more eager to hear it. I am no longer uncomfortable with my unwillingness to be uncomfortable nor do I shy away from the fact that I have means which aren’t depleting anytime soon. Interestingly, I am more willing to be a better person and to understand people than I used to be. I have been shown my shortcomings too often to be prideful.
I think a shift in priorities and maybe a greater focus on TRUTH has replaced the passionate storm with a quiet rumble. Or maybe I’m just old:-)
Finally, I mentioned to my friend that not having an outlet forces you to harness your passions or run mad. Having said a teary goodbye to fire, ice & dynamite without purpose or at the very least mental engagement, my options are sorely limited. It’s easier to resist temptation when it just isn’t there, isn’t it?:-) What thinkest thou?
