On Friendship

This note began as an innocuous status update on Facebook, which I shall paraphrase here: “Adesubomi Plumptre is thinking that we do not appreciate friendship and its life changing impact enough. In the next few weeks I will be writing notes to my friends describing what I absolutely love about them and what they mean to me”.

My status update has got me thinking about the true value of friends.

There are friends we get along superbly with; people we’re completely comfortable with and can say just about anything to; friends who make us laugh At some point in your life, you may have had one or two and they have enriched your life greatly.

A rarer kind of friend is the one that inspires you; always speaks the truth and provides a mirror that challenges you to be better than you are. They help you grow; are a font of wisdom and teach you something new anytime you’re with them. In your quiet moments, you acknowledge that your life has been changed because of something they said or did. You know you’ll never be the same because you met them. In some measure, you became who you are today because of them.

These are the friends you should especially hold on to, for dear life. They are precious beyond measure. Just like sexual attraction, if a friendship isn’t fed, the bonds weaken and the individuals eventually drift apart. Friendship demands a definite rhythm and schedule.

I have found a parallel in my relationship with God. Anytime I set out a specific day or time to talk to him, after a couple of weeks, I find that he’s there waiting for me. It’s almost like he’s excited that I came when I said I would. Friendships are like that. We unconsciously reserve a space in our lives, hearts and schedules for those who strike a definite friendship rhythm with us.

For some, it’s football matches on Saturdays, for others it’s drinks every Thursday. For others, it’s a once-in-a month lunch or a once-in-a year reunion. Whatever it is, regularity and consistency help you maintain the bonds of friendship. And it takes effort to maintain that rhythm, for we are all ostensibly busy.

I have heard it said that some friendships are meant to fulfill a specific purpose in your life, after which they fade away. Perhaps. But don’t be so quick to throw away your friendships. I know your heart can only hold so many people, but still maintain cordial relationships. I am learning this. I never used to be the acquaintance type. You were either a friend or not. I am changing. I am learning to celebrate friends, to give gifts to them, to go out of my way to make them happy, make them laugh or feel loved. I plan to begin with those notes I promised in my status update.