My Middle East & South East Asia Tour (Part 4: Malaysia)

Official airport taxis are EXPENSIVE in Malaysia, so simply do what we do in Nigeria, bargain with the touts and get a good deal. The airport is pretty far from the city centre and not as intuitively labeled as Changi Airport, Singapore. (Changi Airport must be the most thoroughly labeled airport in the world!)

I found that it’s hard to go to a new city to relax. There’s just too much to see and too little time. The solution may be to lock yourself up in a spa retreat for a week before/after the shopping and sightseeing binge. Instructively, many world famous sites look better on paper than in reality. I guess that’s the power of professional photography!

The hotel I stayed at in Kuala Lumpur– Hotel Capitol – is very very good. It’s right in the centre of Bukit Bintang where everything is – shopping malls, cinemas, restaurants, clubs, spas – everything! But, it doesn’t have an in-house gym. That’s no problem if you walk everywhere. Then, you’ll get sufficient exercise.

The English in Malaysia’s not as good as Singapore and some signs are only in Malay. However, while Singapore is a 4-language country (in the sense that official sighs are usually written in English, Malay, Chinese and Indian), Malaysia’s a 2-language country (Malay and English). You can get by with Minglish – a combination of distinct words and gesticulations to get your message across.

Unemployment is very low here and there are vacancy ads everywhere without enough people to fill the spaces. I was informed that a lot of guest workers come in from other South East Asian countries, though emigration is quite a difficult process. However, foreigners can gain residency status by purchasing property worth about RM250,000.

The national pastimes are foot reflexology, body massage, shopping and karaoke. By the way, reflexology is another name for massage by knuckling, pinching and pounding!

Enroute the Hindu temple at Batu Caves (where I climbed 272 steps), I discovered that Malaysia is deeply religious (the dominant religion is Islam and Hindu’s also big too). You are defined by religion and race. So, when a stranger’s trying to get to know you, he usually asks about your religion. That way, he can determine your cultural and traditional leanings. My braids and beads were a big hit.

One of the “low points” of my trip was using a pit latrine after 20 years. In Government facilities, you pay 20c to use the toilet and tissue costs 30c. It’s advisable to carry your own hand wash when going out. The floors of the mall toilets are sometimes wet because of the hoses used in purification during prayers.

I enjoyed my visit to the Batik factory. Interestingly there are so many different ways to use a scarf. They should make instructional videos as you’re not allowed to take photographs. At the factory, they also have a nice selection of pearls and jade. In Asia, if your bust size is bigger than 40 inches, finding the right size is hard. Go everywhere with your tape measure as sizes can be deceptive and there aren’t always changing rooms.

I visited Selwyn Pewter, home of all things Tin, the War Memorial at Lake Garden, passed the National Theatre by Lakeside, the National Art Gallery and the city’s largest Mosque.

The national flower of Malaysia is the Hibiscus (in Singapore, it’s the Orchid). 8 is a prosperous number in Chinese culture – that’s why the Petronas Tower has 8 floors in each tower. At Beryl’s Chocolate Factory, I sampled free chocolate delights – Chili Chocolate, Tiramisu, Milk Chocolate, Almond – yum yum!

I took a couple of pictures with the Royal Guard at the King’s palace – 1 of 9 Sultan’s who rotate the title. Yellow is the royal colour and if you are invited to a meal with a member of the royal family, avoid the colour yellow.

There were quite a number of backpackers in Malaysia – you can tell who they are by the maps they constantly refer to when walking around.

A major mall to visit is Starhill at the Marriot where every floor is an experience. Malaysia’s a night city and you have folks lining the street at 1 am “hawking” reflexology. At one point I was concerned they were selling more than massage – after all I was asked whether I wanted a man or a woman to do mine.

The food is very edible – fried rice, stewed meat etc. Because of space constraints, parking’s usually on the rooftop or in the basement of buildings. The couples are very affectionate, like Singapore. The youth are into punk rock dressing here – spiky hair and all. Malysians like their women slim. Slimming therapy is good business. Malaysia/Singapore is tropical fruit heaven. There are so many varieties of fruit.

The taxis are the locally produced car – the Proton – which runs on gas. The gas tank is under the hood. Tourism is the 5th largest foreign exchange earner after Oil, Gas, Rubber and Timber.

During my trip, I finally understood why people don’t want to come back to Nigeria when they get the chance to go abroad. It’s the law and order, low cost of living, caring nature of Government, safety at night, lack of ostentatious displays of wealth and power, dignity of labour, low unemployment, opportunities for the bright and ambitious, progressive nature of the state and leaders, good transport and telecoms networks, constant power, light traffic – it’s just everything. In a foreign country, you pray less for inanities – things that should be taken for granted, like not being robbed during an inter-state journey.

On my way back to Nigeria, I was so ashamed of my countrymen. I shouldn’t be but I was struck by a deep profound sense of shame. The rush, the horrible way we dress when traveling (like refugees). Our national problems run deep and they’ve impacted the fragile psyche of generations. We need political, military, legal, business, intellectual and moral leadership to get out of this deep deep mess. Sigh!

My Middle East & South East Asia Tour (Part 3: Singapore)

After a I hr stop-over at Colombo, Sri Lanka, we were off to Singapore on Emirates Airlines. Customs at Singapore’s not as “breezy” as Dubai. The guys at Dubai had stamped my visa on an obscure page of my passport, so the customs guy and I spent several minutes looking for it! For a moment, my heart was in my throat and I thought to myself – “this guy will think, these naija guys have come again”! Eventually, the stamp was found and I was let through (after the guy had ascertained exactly how much I had on me, counted the money and looked at my hotel booking).

One thing I noted on my trips was that no one at the different airports asked to see baggage claim tags, meaning anyone could have picked up any piece of luggage on the conveyor belt and walked out, without being challenged!

Singapore isn’t as shiny and new as Dubai and there was obvious security at the airport (soldiers with guns). My friend picked me up and we left for my hotel via train. At some point in my trip, I bought a tourist pass from a major train station -Bugis - which provides unlimited rides on trains and buses over a 3-day period as well as a list of places to go and a map. Very useful for a tourist. On a sad note, I learnt from my friend that Singapore required a deposit on every ride (which you reclaim at your destination), because Nigerians had once defrauded the system, necessitating the new rules. Sigh! You can’t eat or drink on the train or bus and there are constant terrorism advisories.

In the evening, I sampled my first local meal. Trust me, you never want to see how the food is cooked. Everything swims in broth and you eat with a fork and spoon or chopsticks– no knife or serviettes – you come with yours. There’s really nothing to cut anyway as everything’s bite-sized. The food isn’t peppery, as their chilli is sweet not hot.

On my second day, we visited the Esplanade (a cultural centre for plays and events) where there’s a Haagen Dasz store (I still dream of sampling the fondue) and Suntec Plaza –site of the Fountain of Wealth, the world’s biggest fountain and haven to restaurants featuring food from across Asia. In Asia, the food names are largely unpronounceable, so simply point at what you want or observe what someone’s eating; if you like the look of it, ask for it. But, don’t point with your forefinger – it’s impolite – point with your thumb instead.

There are few black faces in Singapore. Although, the city has the largest port in the world, hence is a centre for trade, I guess many traders prefer China – for cheaper goods. Many Nigerians congregate around Mustafa’s in Little India, a 24-hr supermarket close to an African Kitchen. My friend advised me to steer clear cause of the negative reputation that Nigerians have developed in Singapore.

There are people EVERYWHERE in Singapore! At times, I wished God could mysteriously zap about a quarter so I could walk at a leisurely pace. However, despite their numbers, I was told the city has a shrinking population, as childbirth is dropping. Yet, they are strict on immigration, preferring guest workers from other Asian countries.

The weather is hot (and when it’s not, it’s raining), Singapore has a lot of underpasses and with the train system, you rarely get to see the scenery go by. But, the city is relatively compact so you can walk everywhere if you know the way.

The top hotels are on Orchard Road (Singapore’s Rodeo Drive) or if you prefer Old World charm, try the Raffles Hotel in the Colonial District (Stamford Raffles founded modern Singapore). The national pastime in Singapore is eating. There’s food everywhere, yet it’s so healthy, you don’t put on any weight. The Singaporeans don't have a cooking culture, so everyone eats out - you'll see an entire family with babies and grandparents in tow at the Food Courts.

The young ladies are VERY fashionable and will rival any UNILAG babe and they love to shop! Also, because of the heat, this is the city of the scantily clad. Casual clothes are a hit here, especially jeans shorts and flip flops. Bad news though, the women are “very modestly endowed” and there are language difficulties. Only a few are spectacularly beautiful according to subjective Western standards and are usually of mixed race. There are 3 main tribes in Singapore – Chinese, Malay and Indian. Women wear their hair long and well endowed people with short hair are not considered beautiful. Singaporeans are openly affectionate, canoodling and holding hands and sex begins at a young age. But because of very strict birth control and education, you rarely see unwed mothers. Some hotels are known to provide hourly rates for quickies and it’s done openly.

Singapore is very organized – there are signs everywhere, street shops, public utilities and WIFI. Contemporary hip-hop is the rage. If you’re visiting the Singapore Zoo or Jurong Bird Park, you’ll be well advised to wear trousers and socks as there are sand flies in the “jungle”. Most parks open at about 9am and usually have specialised shows through the day, so it’s pretty much a day trip, although the Night Safari attached to the zoo has a great show at night. I sampled the famous “Singapore Sling” at Sentosa Island, where there’s an underwater show (which I was late for unfortunately). The Sling is kinda like Chapman, but it’s fruit juice and gin. I did note that the Food Courts are usually at the entrance to the theme park, so even if you don’t want to pay to enter and just need food, they do a brisk business anyway.

Singapore is a good place to go to, but you can take it all in, in a few days and rarely need to stay much longer than a week.

My Middle East & South East Asia Tour (Part 2: Eastern Coast, UAE & Oman)

Shajah Emirate, UAE

Shajah is one of 7 emirates in the UAE and is on the eastern coast. Known as the dry emirate, liquor isn’t allowed within its borders. Shajah kinda reminds me of Kubwa (hope I got the spelling right) in Abuja, Nigeria. Accommodation is cheaper there than in Dubai and although it’s technically about 30 minutes away, because of traffic, it’s a 2hr journey during rush hour.

Shajah is the market for 2nd hand stuff in the UAE and you can get household goods at great prices here. They also produce Gas; have solid minerals and rear racing camels.

The tourist attractions are the volcanic mountains and Friday Market (for fruits and carpets). A Guggenheim Museum is also planned. English is not as widely spoken here as in Dubai, but most signs are in Arabic and English.

Fujeirah Emirate, UAE

Fujeirah is another Emirate on the eastern coast of the UAE. It’s a coastal emirate so water sports and fishing are main attractions. You have a choice of a luxury Japanese Resort or the more mainstream Sandy Beach Resort or Rotana Hotel. There’s scuba diving, kayaking and spas.

On an interesting note, I noticed that during the tours, the guides speak both German and English. Is it because Germans are involved in a number of building projects in the UAE or the fact that they just get around a lot?

Sultanate of Oman

The area of Oman that I visited was by the Indian Ocean. Apparently it is one of the most fertile areas in Oman with a lot of dates and “Dongonyaro” trees (Neem Trees). In that particular area, camel milk and flesh is sold and fishing is a major industry.

The Emotionally Selfish

I have a group of new friends that I term - Emotionally Selfish. They are a bunch of good people and i truly admire a few in particular, but they are plagued by an odd brew of emotional manipulation that may be unknown to even them.

Have you ever met people who call you one moment all bubbly and cheerful, you gist for hours and they're like - "i missed you so much" etc - then they don't speak with you again for the next month. It is those people I'm referring to.

I don't think they mean any harm, perhaps they are just relationally limited, stunted or ignorant. But a few are actually quite knowing and selfish. They only call you when THEY feel like talking and at their convenience. At other times, they are too busy, not in the mood or unavailable. They are unpredictable, forgetful, spaced out, treat your friendship like a yoyo and are moody. In truth, they are unworthy of good friendships but for the fact that they have really wonderful hearts and in rare moments of lucidity will do anything for a friend.

Sometimes, i think their ability to withold emotional response and favour is a subtle manipulative technique. As in, if they control how fast the pace of the friendship should go, then they are effectively in control. They are the type of people you can't call at 2am when you really need them. In fact, by then, they'll be fast asleep with their phones off! They haven't grasped the simple truth that friendship is about availability, consistency and giving.

The caveat of course, is those who don't want to be friends. In that case, they should simply say so and stop the cat and mouse, indirect, dont-want-to-hurt-my-feelings nonsense.

My attitude towards such people is simple. If i find i'm the one who's always calling and they never call, or writing and they never reply - on time - or sharing and they never say more than two words, then i summarily delete all their contacts and remove them from the hallowed halls of my memory.

Counterintuitive Decisions

God's commands or leading are counterintuitive and very hard. Sometimes he may pitch loving someone against doing what you know is right. Then he takes a "siddon look" attitude and waits for you to make a decision - your decision.

He sends no flash of lightning nor does he influence your choice. He simply waits. Afterall, he's given you more than enough data to make an informed decision.

In my mind, i have imagined what i want and what God wants to be like 2 distinct worlds separated by an unbridgeable chasm. Both worlds exist in parallel, one rarely disturbing the other and both are quite legitimate. Anyone who has tried to make money the "normal" way and those who have tried to do it the "sowing and reaping" route know that eventually both lead to money and success. But the methodologies are different, the experiences and rewards different. And it's ultimately a choice.

Going down God's route will only fully make sense in the afterlife. Face it, on earth, the output is usually not commensurate with the input. The headaches, sickness, poverty, scorn and persecution are simply not worth it if one were to look at earthly rewards alone. I can do things much cheaper and faster my own way. Perhaps that is why the Apostle said that "if there is no afterlife, then Christians are of all men, most miserable"! Perhaps in the next life the accounts will finally be balanced.

And man, can God make seemingly impossible demands! Someone close to you dies and in your grief, along comes God and asks you to do something for Him. You're like "God, how could you be so insensitive! I'm mourning xyz here and you're asking me to do this other thing that's entirely unrelated?" It is at this point that we take offence and label God unfair. However, in the parallel world, one thing has absolutely nothing to do with the other. In that world, what God is asking of you has nothing to do with the death of the loved one. Kinda like how in the Military, when a job has to be done, you put aside personal stuff and just get it done. That's the life of a soldier.

But again, God simply watches and waits for you to make a decision.

I've had to make counterintuitive decisions in the last few years and one thing i've realised is they don't go away. They come back again and again till you choose - one way or the other. You can't ignore them and in making your choice you must be fully committed to the choice you make or else you'll be miserable thereafter as you second guess your decision.

It hasn't been easy and i need my friends more than ever at this point. Interestingly, it is at this point that my friends are far away. All my intellectual connections are failing and those who i need to be brave have become timid preferring to hide their heads in the sand than question fundamental principles. Therefore i have decided to eschew worry and simply throw myself at the Master's feet in humility as I plead for the mercy to be prevented from making the wrong decisions, no matter how well-intentioned.

In this place

There is peace in this place
Peace I have searched for and ached for

There is knowledge in this place
One far beyond my years
Insight that refuses to leave me alone
Get out of my head or relent in its intensity

There is sadness & regret in this place
But hard-earned lessons have been learned
And a better me has emerged

There is nobody in this place
It is devoid of human understanding
And friendship

I dare to be me in this place
I refuse to pretend or apologise
And in this place there are no negotiations
Trade-offs or bartering

There is a future in this place
I can see it, smell it
But I just can't seem to taste it

There is dissatisfaction in this place
I am not doing enough
But I can do much more

I must let go in this place
I am not in control
I keep telling myself this over and over

There is music in this place
I can hear it, sing it but i can't write it
I miss the wonderful melodies I have not written in years

There is salvation in this place
Maybe I can do it this year
Triumph, overcome, sacrifice and become

Perhaps I will find purpose in this place

There is solitude in this place
I am losing my ability to speak
For I do it so rarely and have lost all capacity for small talk

I am too serious in this place
There are too many rules, principles and standards
And I have no one to look up to
No teacher, no big brother

I am lost in this place
Lost and alone
For the higher I go
The fewer companions I see along the way

I would really like to fall in love in this place
But I am a doggone realist
Falling in love with a friend
Is a rare but wonderful thing

I am waiting in this place
I need to hear it, read it
Understand it
Know the right thing to do

Please speak to me in this place
I am troubled and afraid

I am crying in this place
Always on the inside
No one knows and no one sees
And it never lasts very long

For I must function in this place
Do what needs doing
Get the job done
Perform. Lead

I’m no longer fighting in this place
I will not expend needless emotional energy

I am buying new things in this place
Surrounding myself with the comfort and beauty

I worry about my family in this place
But I pray, simply pray

I am changing in this place
Becoming better, kinder

I see the hearts of men in this place
Their goodness, strength, kindness and frailty

I admit my failings in this place
The gross inadequacies of the female in me

I have tried to be a better woman in this place
I keep trying and trying
But there’s no one to tell me if I am succeeding

I am feeling sorry for myself in this place
It is a strange condition
And somehow it seems cowardly

I will not make the same mistakes in this place
Enough is enough is enough

I fear morning in this place
The harsh light of judgment
And the desolation it brings

Perhaps someday I will eventually leave this place
This place of sadness, sorrow and hopefulness

My Middle East & South East Asia Tour (Part 1: Dubai, UAE) - Updated with Details of New Visits in February, 2012

This year, my vacation period was at the end of the year. Because i can't stand the cold, i usually need to choose a holiday destination in a warm region. I chose the Middle East and South East Asia. The deciding factors for me were a friend in Singapore and the promise of a good massage in Malaysia.

My trip began with a couple of days in the UAE and a quick swing through Oman (and back to the UAE). First stop - Dubai.

Dubai is one of 7 emirates in the UAE. While Abu Dhabi is the capital and the richest emirate due to its vast reserves of oil, Dubai IS the tourism city. Dubai's oil reserves are expected to run out in 10 years hence the diversification into tourism and real estate. Abu Dhabi has another 100 years.

Everything and i mean everything in Dubai is designed to make you spend money. The city is pretty well organised and ultra clean; new developments abound; there are signs indicating everything and the people are tourist friendly. English is also widely spoken. Customs was a breeze; was picked up by the tour operator - Arabian Adventures and given a welcome pack; money changers (Bureaux de Change) were a few minutes from my hotel and a well stocked mall with an ugly exterior but great variety (Burjuman Centre) . I wasn't able to get a hang of the local transport system as the tour operator took me everywhere (or i walked), but taxis seem to be the best way to get around. The "car" of choice is Toyota or a bicycle. The tour operators are always on time. When they say 7.15pm, they are at your door by 7.05pm!

Smoking seems to be the "national past time" in Dubai and the weather was cooooooooold. In Dubai, it's either very hot or cold (the 2 extremes of the desert), depending on the time of year you visit.

The best place to eat is the Bastak or Old Town by the creek. The creek separates the two sides of Dubai: the city and Deira. Bastakiah Nights restaurant is highly recommended or the Dhowa Floating Restaurants.

Dhowas are wooden ships that were used to transport goods once-upon-a-time. The Bastak has a good nightlife and many of the old buildings are made from Coral. Apparently the building technology was taught by the Iranians. The Museum is also at the Bastak. You can have drinks by the waterside at the Heritage or Diving Village or sit quietly by the Silk Plaza to gist. The food in Dubai is very similar to what you'll find anywhere else in the wood. They have versions of savoury rice, meatballs, lasagna, stew, even something that tastes like tapioca pudding.

A very romantic thing to do would be to rent a ship for the night and have a romantic dinner for two while sailing, then fall asleep under the stars. The tour company can also organise a fireside dinner in the desert with traditional music and dancers. Dubai is ideally a city for romance and shopping NOT quiet contemplation. It's too noisy. I fear it may become overcrowded like Singapore.

If you're with a tour guide, the best tours to go for are the City Tour, Desert Safari and Burj Dubai tour. If you're the shopping type, it may be best to stay near the Mercata Mall or the Wafi Shopping Centre by the Grand Hyatt and Citigroup. That way you can simply walk to the malls.

On an interesting note - there are no mosquitoes in Dubai. Water is more expensive than oil (it's the desert!) hence no pools of water for them to breed. I also noticed that there were no condoms in the convenience stores in the more conservative emirates. And i saw an "ELEGANZA" apartments! It's a 24hr city and well lit and like Abuja, Nigeria, there are hotels!hotels!hotels!

At the Airport enroute Singapore, i noticed my flight wasn't called directly. Apparently it was a connecting flight to Australia?, so the airport staff kept announcing Australia NOT singapore. I made my flight though.

I've updated my photos on Facebook for my second trip in February, 2012. This time i did the Desert Safari which was just wonderful! You need to have a strong stomach for it though. It's what i imagine a rollercoaster ride would be like! There are belly dancers and great food at the end of the safari.

View full pictures

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=35356&id=609146082

Things I Dislike/That Irritate/Trouble Me

This is a follow up to the writeup, Things I Adore (http://www.subomiplumptre.blogspot.com/2008/03/things-i-adore.html). It was interesting to learn that i dislike far fewer things than i adore :-p

1. Tyranny & oppression
2. Narrow-mindedness
3. Judgmental people
4. Ignorance
5. Intellectual laziness
6. Religiosity
7. Tradition
8. Mediocrity
9. Cheap religious/cultural home decorations
10. Monday mornings
11. Being kept waiting
12. Unseriousness
13. Country music
14. Manipulative bastards
15. Pride (mine and other people's)
16. Stupidity
17. Child abuse
18. Unfairness
19. Lies & deceit
20. Approximations
21. Chaos & disorder
22. Conflicting signals
23. Being stalked/crowded
24. Indecisiveness
25. Sadness
26. Emptiness
27. Loneliness
28. Putting things off till a more "appropriate" time
29. Quiet, brooding melancholics & inexpressive people
30. Procrastination
31. My inadequacies

An Irrational Fear

Over the weekend and the better part of Monday, i was terribly ill. In my illness, i understood how people with migraines cease to function. I also experienced a strange empathy for ulcer ridden individuals because of the acid constantly churning in my stomach.

I was ill because i was worried and gripped by an irrational fear.

Fear paralyses the mind and motor functions. All you want to do is escape, sleep, be saved, have it over and done with. But how can you overcome a situation that is totally out of your control and all you can do is wait for the outcome? I felt impotent, blindsided, like i was on the edge of a precipice and at any moment my life could take a sharp, ugly, unpredictable turn. How could i be so stupid? Could i really have gone into this with my eyes open? Despite the warning bells in my head, could i have proceeded so rebelliously?

I became humbled and humiliated as i begged, negotiated and wept to the unseen Holies. I pledged to get off my pedestal, to empathise more, shut up, talk less, judge none. I promised to do better if i was given a second (or is it third) chance. To be more responsible, wiser, restrained.

It is extremely hard to succeed in life. For many, the sheer fear and weight of uncertainty cripples initiative and action. The comfort zone is preferred to the great unknown.

In my fear i broke boundaries i had determined never to cross. In my desperate negotiations and scenario planning, i broached outcomes i had vowed never to contemplate. I became a despicable nothing, as life continued unrelentingly and unconcerned around me. I became human, a woman, a gnat.

If faith is the opposite of fear and love overcomes it then my faith and love must be measly things. I know that now. As midnight approached and salvation was handed to me, i felt relief but also a deep sadness and shame at the lessons i had failed and the person i saw myself becoming. But, i understood. I understood humanity better; my heart and head expanded to accomodate actions and inactions, flaws and irrational selfish evils. It was a lesson well taught though horribly learned. I am determined to never come back to this place. Never. Never. Until next time, that is.

Men & Women at their "STUPIDEST"!

I've been tired this week and a bit soul weary. I really didn't feel like writing a blog anytime soon, even though thoughts have been buzzing through my mind incessantly. It would seem that my mind rarely stops working, no matter how tired my body seems to be.

A while ago, it occured to me that if you want to observe a man at his "stupidest", watch him when he's fighting with another man. Closely observe the arrogant boastings and sputtered declarative statements. The chest heaving and nostril flaring. The sheer pride, arrogance and affronted vanity. The desire to impose will and self. The irrational anger. The attempt to reconstruct moves watched long ago in a kung-fu film. The pretense, posturing and excuses. And, the shame thereafter.

With women, it's when they're in love. They seem to enter into a mental state that blinds them to the truth. Or maybe they are just seeking some happiness. Consider the excuses for bad behaviour. The "I've gone too far. I can't turn back now" despair. The thinking that the opinions of people who have known and loved them for 20-odd years don't matter in the light of a love they've had for 3 months. The idolisation. The clinging. And, the shame thereafter

Why is it that men will proclaim another a pal or best friend even when that friend is a shitty excuse for a human being. Someone who repeatedly stabs them in the back, treats their girlfriend like dirt, often beating her up and cheating on her with the friend's full knowledge. I understand the concept of loyalty, especially to someone who's been there for you. But loyalty can be exercised from afar, not in such close quarters. If it's possible to know a person by the friends they keep then, what do the actions of your friend (and your ability to stomach them) say about you? Perhaps, that you're a person with double standards. Eventually that friend will turn around to bite you in the ass. I remember how a particular boyfriend of mine used to be so tight with his best friend. After, the friend hit on me, i realised that not only did my boyfriend choose to be deliberately blind to the true nature of his friend, but that the friend would eventually continue his habit of betrayal in years to come. Eventually, i cut off from both.

As i write this, I wonder whether my blogs serve their purpose. Originally they were conceived as a catharsis for my soul. A place to let go of pain, confusion, inconsistencies and troubling thoughts. Now i wonder if they don't just amplify them. If they are like desperate shouts in a vacuum that return no echo, no corresponding notes.

I do know i am not a lone voice. There are other "mad people out there". Perhaps, their medium is not words, yet they stand tall and proud on some other tract of universe. Mmn...

Contemporary Christianity

I've been mulling over a lot of issues lately; looking at the lives and hearts of christians and wondering whether we are really any different from unbelievers. I've also been reading Ted Dekker's Slumber of Christianity.

I know that the incorruptible seed of God that is in us. Also the righteousness we have in Jesus that is entirely by grace and irreversible. I also acknowledge that we will never truly attain the apogee of God's image until the afterlife. Much of what we do now is a seed towards when we come back to earth to finally live the life we were meant to and reign with Christ. Heaven will not house us forever. There will be a new heaven and earth and we will come back to earth. But, in the meantime, some things bug me.

It would seem that there is a sharp divide in the church. You have the "churchy/holy" types who seem far removed from the issues of this world and spend most of their lives in church. They really don't impact the world/economy/political space or lives of the unchurched - hence not fully actualising God's command to "occupy until i come" - a political/economic term in the original language.

They also do not inspire unbelievers to want to be like them. At the other extreme are the "carnal christians" - believers who are so unserious/entrenched in a stubborn extreme liberty doctrine as to be mistaken for unbelievers. I worry we don't have too many contemporary christians who are sound internally, love God and yet can command the economic/political space. And if we do, we're not talking to/hanging out with/encouraging one another.

We have many hypocritical Peters ( cf. his double standard on the uncircumcised believers), but few intellectual Pauls or Daniels or politically powerful Josephs. I recognise that being born again does not change a mindset overnight or cultural barriers. If a man is simply not brilliant, interested in business, lazy or unexposed, he won't change overnight, just because he became a christian. He will most likely still fail in business unless God takes a special interest.

Sometimes I think that most people who do well in the world and are born again, had the potential/personality BEFORE they became born again (e.g Paul). Being born again simply accentuated it. And those who hide in church were simply the unexposed, condemnatory, thou-shalt-not, shy types before they became born again. Being born again simply provided a further excuse to be "exclusive".

My main concern however is this - if you take a look around - we (christians) seem to do just about everything unbelievers do. We have the same problems, use the same solutions, don't have much more faith, our prayers rarely move mountains, we drink like they do, go to the same clubs, have sex like they do, make out like they do, read the same things, watch/listen to the same things, talk like they do, watch porn like they do....WHATS THE DIFFERENCE?

I think something is critically missing, because it's not an overnight phenomenon. I talk to a lot of christians and really, most do not have a personal, cordial relationship with God. They simply do not know him for real. He doesn't talk to them specifically (even through the word/Spirit) they don't know his mind, he doesnt direct them, influence their decisions/actions. They're dissatisfied like everyone else, unhappy, worried, stressed....They spend so much time praying/fasting without commensurate output. It's like toiling with minimal results. They envy people who seem to be making it more than they do and condemn them by saying it's because they're compromising or using 'juju'.

Beyond church, beyond the crowd, beyond the traditions...we may need to reexamine the fundamentals of our relationship with God and the amount of his influence/power in our lives. Nemo dat quod non habet - you cannot give what you don't have. And perhaps, it is true that "garbage in, garbage out". There are times i know i've ingested too much of the world and need a break from it all to recharge/refill. What i hear, see, dwell on truly affect me - maybe it's because am a words/sound/thought person. We seem to think we can hang around people who really don't love God and somehow impact them, win them over, forgetting that "evil communication corrupts good manners". We may win them over, but unless we have other sources feeding us, building us up, strengthening us, invariably the "corruption" will erode who we are and we will change around them.

We need to build a strong network of people who love God/his word. Or else, the world will simply overwhelm us. Family is so important. God takes particular interest in families. The church is essentially a family. We need strong surrogate families and friends who stick closer than brothers, hence become family. Without this structure, we will begin thinking/acting like the world and it will happen quite normally.

Beware the day we start thinking they are normal and we are the odd ones out - the ones who need to get with the programme, conform, chill out. I know that i am gradually despairing, losing my mind, testing waters that are poisonous to my belly, so perhaps maybe this is as much a cry for help as it is a collection of thoughts. I simply cannot remember the last time i had a sensible discussion about God/his word or spent quality time with serious christians who aren't ashamed to be. If i didnt have a strong church, some core friends and conscientious colleagues, i would be crazy by now. Perhaps in that regard, God saves me each day. But some people are truly alone out there. Some will shrug this off as another lengthy diatribe. Others will do something. May God in his infinite mercy show us the way. Amen.

Music - my new cure-all for horniness

Okay, I admit it, I'm horny and have explored just about every conventional (and some unconventional) solutions to stay sane, without jumping every bloke I'm attracted to.

To make matters worse, i sometimes work 19 hour days - adrenaline pumping, exciting, knowledge filled days - that leave my body screaming for an outlet. But the resulting tiredness of the day generally precludes most activity based outlets - try doing anything rational when your tired AND horny. Recently, i discovered the soothing powers of music.

Music (particularly new music) engages me. When i hear something i like, i literally stop whatever I'm doing to listen to it. Therefore, it's a wonderful distraction. It also provides an emotional channel for my swirling internal maelstrom. Finally, it just soothes and rocks me ever so gently or loudly to sleep.

I'm interested in other cure-alls. Anybody with any ideas? And yes, am ALREADY aware of the three-letter and 12-letter options, so get creative, will ya?

THE BIBLE EXPERIENCE New Testament

Saturday Thoughts

I greatly value the peace, comfort, excitement & support God/friends provide. Living is so much easier, days not so empty, tasks not so gargantuan. The things i HAVE to do but hate to do are easier to bear. Thinking about God/friends makes it all bearable as well as the knowledge that when it's over and done with, I'm coming home to them.

Friendship is very selective. I recently decided that i would stop pointing out the things i don't like in others or try to change them. Why? 1. It's not my place to judge or try to change them 2. It hurts like hell. Friends who have known you long enough know when they're doing wrong. If they choose to continue, it's because they're unwilling/unable to change. You need to make a decision to stop having stupid arguments about what they do or don't do. Love them as is, or exit and leave them the heck alone!

Some people hold fast to particular viewpoints. When they are presented with another or a superior one or theirs is assaulted, they're so pained/affronted/can't handle it/assume you're the one who's wrong. Be patient if they're important to you. Sometimes, they do come around. If they refuse to give an inch, leave them be.

Losing your way?

When a man loses his way, he loses parts of himself.
But when he finds his way, he may not always find himself.

His innocence is shattered, his heart bruised
And only self-forgiveness and the love of another
Can heal him

A Man Who Lives in Sadness

I know a man who lives in sadness
He’s built his battlements there
An impenetrable façade of okayisms and alrights

Battered and bruised by SYCDAA (situations you can’t do anything about)
He seeks a window, a reprieve
He longs for hope and love
A promise of something beyond the misery
That has become a constant refrain
A life lesson in futility and perplexity

I know a man who lives in sadness
A strong man, a good man, a lone man
I know this man intimately
For he is my father and my friend

An Impossible Love

My hands fit perfectly in yours. They are at home there

My body likes your body. When it's wrapped around you
I forget its imperfections and blemishes
And revel in pleasurable warmth
And blissful, irresponsible abandon

My thoughts like your thoughts
The perfect blend of the irreverent, corny
Deep and classically funny

My words love to intermingle with yours
In endless explorations
Of new worlds of words

My lips adore your lips
As we fight the curious battle
Of tongue, teeth and liquid fire
How I love to inhale you and get lost in you

I love your house and the peace that it holds
A haven, a restaurant, a cinema, a home
I marvel at your heart
True, large and filled with compassion

It’s amazing how many things I have come
To like and love about you
So it hurts to know I cannot love you anymore
Not like this, not here, not now

Different Categories of Friends

I’ve been studying and categorising my friends lately. (Don’t mind me. It’s a throwback to my days as a Microbiologist and studies on Taxonomy).

Anyway, I’ve identified 4 broad categories, so far:

Category One: Friends Who Radiate Peace

Category Two: Friends Who Exhaust

Category Three: Toxic Material

Category Four: The Blatantly Annoying

Category One friends radiate an inner peace or stability. They are kind, strong, can take care of themselves and take care of business. They give, are always ready to help out in a jam and are very efficient and reliable. They also adore you - the feeling is usually mutual – and are ready to spoil you when you’re down and out and need it.

Category Two Friends are really in 2 sub-categories. The 1st sub-category comprises those who will argue and argue with you, remaining stubborn till you’re exhausted, sad and defeated. They also give you physical headache. These individuals are sometimes children of lecturers or are men who don’t have sisters and hence have never learnt the finer points of fraternal diplomacy. They simply cannot lose an argument, hate apologizing and will batter you with a viewpoint till you give in out of sheer exhaustion. I’ve always thought that a highlight of humility is the ability to concede you may be wrong even when you know you’re right – just for the sake of peace and harmony. You’re man enough to allow time to vindicate you.

In the 2nd sub-category are those who are so deep and intellectual that you can’t quite take it all in. They’re usually emotional, needy and demanding and will literally tire you out. This sub-category also includes men and women who love people that don’t love them back and those who constantly pressure you for sex. Only God can fully meet their emotional needs.

With Category Three, you find yourself doing and saying things you wouldn’t ordinarily do or say. You spend the night partying with them or you wake up beside them in the harsh light of the morning and find yourself saying: “What am I doing here”?

Category Four are in a class of their own. I must settle in to write about them.

These are people who try to control you and make you fit their narrow-minded view of the world. I tend to ask: “If I’m not trying to make you like me, why on earth are you trying to make me like you? Can’t you simply accept that I will never be you, don’t subscribe to your values and think that you’re an overbearing and self-righteous idiot to deny me my fundamental right to be different from you”! Okay, I don’t quite put it like that. (Smile).

It’s interesting that when you resist and dig you’re foot in; they consider you stubborn or proud. I will never respond favourably to people trying to MAKE ME change. I’ve learnt that you can’t change anyone. Only love can – not emotional blackmail. Even God has a hard time changing us, so who the heck are you?!

If a person cannot accept me holistically then he/she should bloody well leave me alone, after all I didn’t come looking for you.

Another particularly annoying group is men who constantly badger women to go out with them. This is a rather common overpopulated group. If a woman says no – take the hint and drop all this African nonsense about being persistent and “women meaning yes when they say no”. In my opinion, a woman who does that is significantly confused and should be avoided, ‘cause she almost always has the gift of telling lies too! If a determined woman says no, accept it. If she changes her mind, trust me, you’ll know. She’ll throw out so many “come hither” signals that are very hard to miss.

So, that’s my spiel about friends. With every sense of gratitude, I must admit, I’ve met my fair share of wonderful people. I meet new ones at the oddest times too. But will I ever meet THE ONE? I’ll keep my fingers crossed. (Smile).

I Gotta Get This Off My Chest

There’s something I must get off my chest. I will probably offend quite a few people by doing so but it’s really got to stop. What exactly I’m I talking about? It’s the rise and rise of non-creative, forwarded text messages!

I know that guys, you probably mean well and would like to be sweet and brighten up my day, but pllllllllllllssssss NOT AT 5 AM IN THE FRIGGIN’ MORNING! And definitely not last thing at night.

I particularly hate those text messages that are of a religious variety. You don’t have to wax poetic. Simply speak your heart (in good English please). And quit dogging me throughout the day. I once had a particularly persistent fellow say hello to me in the morning, send “uplifting” messages throughout the day, wish me safe journey as I boarded the plane to Abuja and by the time I landed and switched on my phone, his was the first message I received. Talk about “phone stalking”!

And callers, please stop flashing me.....I can see your missed call the first time. If I don’t call back it’s because I DON’T WANT TO. Take the hint.

Phew... !

Treadmill

The last 2 weeks have been B.U.S.Y! I’ve been shuttling to and fro Abuja, working on-site, while coordinating activities in Lagos via phone and email. I’ve also had a couple of 7-day work weeks. To say the least, sleep has become a lusted after delight that keeps shifting from my grasp.
I always thought that as you become better at what you do and train others, the work load becomes more manageable. I must have been dreaming! It only gets more demanding, sophisticated and intense!

There’ll never be a convenient enough time to take a break, raise a family, get a 2nd degree, execute that personal project or get to know God. Everything has to go on concurrently. You must find time for it all and something has gotta give. I spend less time sleeping, eat on the run (oftentimes substituting lunch for a bottle of coke) and rarely watch TV. I also spend more money – talking to friends on the phone, going to the movies for emergency distressing or sharing drinks with a friend in a beautiful restaurant. I read more to escape the world and get inspired, especially on planes.

Finally, I’m beginning to experience the peace that comes with solitude, (as well as the loneliness). I’m purposeful, my life counts for “something” and I’m happier. I’m giving more too (money) and being there for my friends, while demanding that they’re there for me too – friendship is such a joy.

Life will bring surprises but when they hit, I will be well equipped to meet them. Bring it on, baby!