Deep random thoughts

I am so so so tired, that i will not pretend to structure this post at all. I'll simply document on paper, my thoughts over the last few weeks.

1. As a kid, I considered Barney quite stupid. I still do.

2. A song will make me buy a CD
A verse, a book of poetry
A great vacation, a home in a foreign country
And an act of kindness may birth a friendship that lasts a lifetime

3. I am a strange thing in a woman’s world: Sure, strong, efficient, a leader. Yet, I long to simply be a woman - to be led and held by someone greater than I. If nature abhors a vacuum then life has turned me into something of a control freak. When I’m surrounded by incompetence, my instinctive reaction is to step in to avoid someone else, for even a second, destroying the very things I value/ennoble and subjecting me to the scourge of mediocrity.

4. I had my first real consciousness of being emotionally lonely at 28. I realize now that “everything” I have done since then, has been in a bid to escape this cloying, overwhelming thing. I have chased shadows. Quite frankly, I cannot say I regret anything but it is finally time for my head to “correct”.

5. If you don’t feed love, it dies. That’s how I know that all love-induced hurt eventually fades away. Pain stays buried deep inside until you provide a channel for it to dissipate. I usually have a soundtrack/verse for all the painful periods in my life. They are my channels. Although the dull ache remains, when love comes again, it heals, reaffirms and makes me stronger.

6. My brain/life is in overdrive. It must be the side-effects of reading, particularly reading the Word of God. The Word changes, elevates, equips, makes you intelligent, deep & wise. It also gives you incredible faith. You become passionate and bold. You believe God for incredible, wonderful, impossible things.

7. Disobedience, disbelief, anger, worry and guilt are all related. Someday, I shall tell you about it.

8. My new motto for people who annoy me: “I will surely kill you before you kill me”.

9. The difference between a man and a male: Leadership and responsibility. I would like to learn what critically differentiates a woman from a female. Any ideas?

10. Three ways I determine what makes a person tick/what kind of person they are: a.What they are passionate about is what defines them. b. Their speech and words reveal their level of education, cultural exposure and open-mindedness. c. The animation in their eyes reveals whether they are driven, self-aware or defeated.

11. I didn’t know it would be like this.

12. The people we don’t love, but who love us remind us why we should never love those people who don’t seem to love us back.

13. The loved can never ignore his lover. The lover always desires his loved.

14. Text messages have revealed a lot about my “friends”.

15. The only way to stop loving is to replace the love with indifference or pulsating anger.

16. I’ve seen some of the best acting on World Wrestling Entertainment.

17. Many times, maturity is only attained in your 30s. There are some things God will not entrust to you until you’re mature.

18. I finally “get” authority.

19. I “got” friendship a long time ago.

20. Three ways God teaches us: His word, relationships and experiences. He exalts his word above his name (his manifestations/experiences). Experience is a horrible and expensive teacher. Instruction is cheaper.

21. Excellence is a way of life, not an act or accomplishment. Excellence in this life is simply practice for an eternity of excellence. If you don’t learn it now, you will be forced to live it then. But, you will be placed under the authority of others who were more excellent than you were. Authority doesn’t end on earth. Get used to it.

22. Purpose is locational. Success is about purpose. You can only be truly successful when you have achieved your purpose. And purpose is always within a certain context/location. It is interesting that Joseph (Zaphnathpaaneah) was declared “a successful man” while he was still in “Jail”. Come to think of it, he was always well “located”. Everything else – the glory, riches etc. were simply outflows. If he had died in prison, even then, God would have considered him successful. The glory wasn’t his success.

There will be many successful labourers and unsuccessful millionaires. Many rich men will desire favours from Lazaruses.