I am ovulating. This means that my horny state of mind has now become a physical reality. The distant rumbling has become a louder growl which rudely cuts into my internal conversations. At times, I feel like telling Shosho (my alter ego) to simply quiet down...After all, can’t you see I’m busy here!
My previous tome ended with the observation that it’s easy to resist temptation when it just isn’t there. You see, as I emerged from my teeny bopper years, a strange thing happened to me. I stopped being physically attracted to guys just because they looked like Denzel Washington. My first crush was a tall, serious looking guy with gorgeous stubble - a physical archetype that I confess my heart still goes aflutter over. But, as I grew older and my brain became my primary sexual organ, the level of sexual attraction was usually determined five minutes into the conversation, whether by text, phone call, chat or face-to-face. I've discovered that there are male versions of “dumb blondes”, good to look at – veritable eye candy – but essentially cold water to any form of fire. I call them preening peaCOCKS:-) It’s different for guys, I suppose – the ability to separate a physical need from good conversation and company, but for me, it just makes for very boring intimacy.
My friend was teasing me yesterday about offering his 'services' to me free-of-charge. I had mentioned that it’d been a while since I was thoroughly kissed. Yes, there’s some attraction, but like a buddy once told me – and then what? What happens next? After you get your groove on, then...? Perhaps I desire something of the more permanent variety.
I’m thinking this blog should help me think about what is really important to me in a guy. They say every lady has a LIST – you know the proverbial list of things that she desires in a man. Well, my list has evolved and been whittled down so much over the years that I need to stop for a moment to figure out what’s there right now. I will do two separate lists: What Makes Me Sexually Attracted To A Guy and What Makes A Guy Relationship Material.
I’m doing separate lists because I learnt that sexual attraction is amoral. It flares up and takes hold of your brain (and nether parts) irrespective of whether the guy is physically attractive, unattractive, single, married, of another religious or political bias or if he simply annoys you. Once certain factors are present in a guy, YOU WILL be attracted to him, despite your denial. All you can do is DECIDE whether or not you’ll respond to the attraction or how fast you’ll flee. Just because you're attracted to a guy doesn't make him good relationship material.
So, here goes my lists:
LIST ONE: WHAT MAKES ME SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO A GUY
1. Confidence: I’m not sure where guys get their confidence: Money, Intellectual Firepower, Self Esteem, Good Upbringing, Height, Good Looks, A Knowledge of Being Loved and Accepted...whatever it is...the thought of a guy who's truly not intimidated by me, doesn’t have anything to prove, can tell me exactly what he’s going to do to me and then grab me to whisk me off to bed to summarily show me, is quite intoxicating
2. Intellect & wisdom: I value deep unhurried conversations
3. Exposure: Cultural exposure is important to me. I love to joust verbally and also enjoy witty crazy conversations that make my sides burst with laughter. It’s hard to do this with a guy who’s not well read and exposed. Also, like a friend said: if you enjoy a man talking dirty to you, it sort of spoils the fun if he does so with a thick Yoruba accent!
4. Wit: An ability to make me laugh and feel like a mischievous child again. Someone who brings out Shosho, and gives Subomi a break for a change
5. A good heart: Someone I intuitively trust
LIST TWO: WHAT MAKES A GUY RELATIONSHIP MATERIAL
1. All of the above
2. His ideology: Should be non-traditional and completely centred on the teachings of a Jewish Carpenter who dared to be God
3. Obvious prosperity: I am allergic to poverty
4. Kindness and long suffering: Em...I can be em.. .difficult at times:-)
5. Friendship: Someone who has proven his friendship over time
So, there's my list. Mmn...who'd have thought?
6 comments:
CREATIVE WORK OF ART, BUT LIFE IS A JOURNEY OF PICKING THE REMAINING PIECE WE DROPED DOWN IN THE DAYS OF IGNORANCE....THAT IS IF WE WILL EVER DO.RELATIONSHIPS,CHOICE AND MARRIAGE ARE INSEPERATABLE CONCEPTS....UNFORTUNATELY WE NEED ALL OF THEM.
Thank you.
Beautiful piece and quite sincere!Doesn't take 2 long 2 know you are intelligent except it seems to me,every girl i know is holding the picture of the same guy and calling him "my kinda guy" feels like walking into a Nike shoe store and asking 4 a pair of sporting shoes.Isn't that too general?There are volley shoes, squash,football e.t.c.Shouln't the sport determine the shoes.should't there be something more than....i don't know.i don't know much.just food for thought
I find your list very interesting... I'm sure a few blokes have gone through it only to come to the harsh reality that they fall short...
just "discovered" you - like you, girl.
thinking about my lists, and i think they have to do with "experience" more than anything. example, i recently met a "confident" guy who turned out not to be so, so now i'm probably wary of that type. i have also some "studies" that show that colour, height, size...don't really matter. On colour, I've never liked "yellow" on Nigerians/Blacks. But I love a dark Caucasian/white person, i.e. brown hair brown eyes. But since I've never gone redhead, I'm curious about the red hair green eyes. I find blonde hair blue eyes too oyinbo. Whatever. In the end, looks don't stay.
I like the things that endure, basically someone to hang out with and have good sex with. Kindness. Be a gentle person. Don't have a temper, anywhere. I'm not here for drama.
As for money, if it's like the long-term thing, cos in the short term it doesn't matter: If I'm not rich yet, bring some money with you. Don't have a job that keeps us apart half the time, cos I would get somebody else, or somebody extra. If you have work that we can do together, that's nice. So no list really, just kind, gentle.
I don't cook. I can, but I'm not interested in doing more than once a week or once a month. If you have a solution - you're a chef, you love good restaurants, you buy great take-out, that helps.
blah blah blah. its your blog, not mine, signing out.
i am laughing so hard thers tears in my ears right now.....let me catch my breath.I quite agree with Muyiwa though...cos this is the default list, so i will ignore all of that and just simply enjoy the piece, for it was well written (insoghtful) and simply ShoSho...and T....u rock...loved your comments as well....(dont i know you from......
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