Journey to the UK & US Part Two

I will be impolitic again and mention that my first impression of the US on arrival from the UK was that the public spaces were less pristine, the people less fashion conscious and much bigger. Truth be told, and I’m shamelessly generalizing here, Americans apparently don’t bother to dress up. They look like they just rolled out of bed and don’t give a damn about it. Baggy clothes are the de facto uniform in this part of the world and I must admit, I was influenced by this trend during the latter part of my stay.

Having been frustrated by Apple Itunes in Nigeria, I was finally able to open an Itunes account in the US and using my login name, I can use it wherever I am, even here in Naija. Apple needs to have its head examined…I can’t add songs to my Iphone from another computer, so now my flash drive is my “library” and I have to carry it everywhere I go!!! Furthermore, I can only authorize 5 computers with my Itunes account and any music I buy on Itunes can’t be changed into MP3s. What’s the point of having a sophisticated Iphone? With the old Ipod, at least you can transfer music at will. Naija babe in bitching frenzy. Word!

New Jersey can be a bit depressing. I had a wonderful time visiting my friend but for about a week, I was on edge. I realized it was because I had this nagging sensation that I was in "Surulere", even though I had paid hundreds of thousands of Naira to “go abroad”. There were Naijas everywhere (and to be fair also a good number of Latinos & Portuguese), African shops, hairdressing salons everywhere you turn…common! Now I better understand how Nigerians can travel and the country they visit doesn’t really pass through them! They remain so cloistered in the Nigerian community: eat, go to school, go to church, befriend & live with one another….

A major difference between Asia and UK/America is that in Asia, one rarely sees black faces and you get the sense you’re in an exotic locale…truly abroad. I bet you may also feel like that in some primarily Caucasian European countries.

I value new experiences. I respect the ability to reach out to embrace and understand the best of other cultures while junking the worst of yours…and a lot of what I saw exhibiting as African culture in NJ was (…insert something very unkind here).

I don’t know who infected who, ‘cause even the names of the churches in NJ are suspect – “Aroma of Christ Ministries (Deliverance Chapel)”, “Deliverance Jesus Is Coming Church” and “United Prayer Of All People Church”!

The transportation system in America is not as extensive as Europe’s, though the train system in NY is pretty good and there’s a stop sign at almost every bus stop in NJ, giving you time to figure out where you are. As in Europe, get a pay-as-you-go transport card or deal with bringing out the exact change for every trip! The UK is definitely more structured than the US. On public escalators, you get a sense of order. If you want to simply stand, you stay on the far right making room for people who want to walk up. Enroute the tube, there are distinct pathways for people going to and fro.

It was weird watching TV in America…seeing and hearing about places you had just visited and realizing the Obama-McCain debacle was going on right there…figuratively just next door.

Travelling really helped me appreciate the progress we’ve made in Naija. We’ve really come a long way. What is lacking are 3 major things – Systems (Law & Order, Security, Checks & Balances Against Corruption/Power Abuse), Infrastructure (Particularly Power & Transportation) and Global Consumer Brands (Sometimes, just seeing a MacDonald’s or Starbucks evokes a feeling of development). Without intelligent, resolute and compassionate leadership, we cannot have any of these things.

After spending some time in New Jersey, I was off to Michigan, a land of wide open spaces and beautiful fall colours. There are trees in Michigan! On the way to my host’s home, I noticed a curious sign advertising an Adult SUPERSTORE. I reasoned it must be a store with a very very wide selection of porn! :-) In NJ, there are advertisements asking you to donate your car (I learnt you can get a tax break if you donate a used car to a school). In Michigan, you’re asked to donate your boat!

The best way to see America is to drive. There are pretty good directional signs on the highways and armed with a GPS, you can go anywhere. But, be prepared for holdups during rush hour, especially at tolls. America is a land of regions with distinct customs, accents, habits and cultures – the Mid-West, Down South, The City…A key difference from Nigeria is that because there is one common language and destiny, while customs and cultures thrive, there is no “tribalism”. Americans tend to cluster around things like sports, food and events like Thanksgiving. There are a lot of self-service functions in America – Gas Stations, Ticketing Stands; even the Gym may be unmanned! The cinemas show full 15 minute previews, so you can afford to stroll in a bit late.

On a curious note, peeing in the open is a sexual offence in Michigan (a variant of Indecent Exposure). If you’re caught, you will be registered as a sex offender. In Europe/America, weather reports are important! A few degrees matter. When it’s cold, it’s freeeeeeeeeezing.

As you travel, you tend to collect/need an odd assortment of information at your fingertips– tourist locations you’d like to revisit, credit/debit card numbers, log in details for various websites, bank account numbers, internet banking log in details, hotel honours numbers, frequent flier numbers, passport number, phone numbers, addresses…the list goes on…I wish there was some way to manage this stuff without worrying about them falling into the wrong hands…

Journey to the UK & US Part One - Updated Sept '12

I will begin this blog by stating the obvious: The UK and US aren’t like what many people think. As tourist destinations and lands of opportunity, many countries outclass them, by far. However, knowing this didn’t dissuade me from visiting these countries and sure as hell won’t dissuade anyone else either. So, I shall attempt to provide the would-be traveler with a few subjective insights.

I have found that the formula for surviving/enjoying a trip to any developed city is pretty much the same.

First ACCOMODATION…(this does not apply to you if you’re staying with family or friends though). Before you go, do a search online or ask around for the major shopping district or city centre. Usually, there’is a street or region that captures the city’s sights and sounds. For example, Oxford Steet in London or 5th Avenue in New York. It will be expensive to stay in the actual area, but the trick is to look for a hotel just “off” the street – say 5 to 10 minutes walk from the centre. That way, you’re not only safely inured from the hustle and bustle, but you save hundreds of dollars on hotel expenses. You’re also minutes away from shopping, the cinema, the spa, eateries, tourist attractions, train station…everything! Finding the ideal hotel location is absolutely key when you go on vacation. I always look for a hotel close to a cinema and Borders or Barnes & Nobles. Yes, am a book worm and love coffee.

Now, COMMUNICATION. For business travelers, you may find it useful to roam your country phone while having another handy for a local sim card. Buy a sim card and top up on credits at the airport when you arrive. Be sure to read the fine print and ask for special offers, which operators can SMS seamlessly with your country’s networks etc. If you plan to visit the country frequently, it may be cheaper to simply get a contract line or bundled minutes using your host’s contact details on the registration form (with his consent, of course).

As per MOBILITY, there are some cities that have great public transportation networks e.g Singapore and London. Go to a train station and buy a pay-as-you-go card or travel card. It works on both trains and buses and saves you from having to count out the exact change for every trip. If you’re going to be all over the place within a few days then a “fixed period travel card” is a better option, but if you’re not sure how often you’ll be on the road or you plan to revisit the city, the pay-as-you-go card is a safer bet. You can top it up when needed and use it for years.

On your first day in a new city, it may be nice to do a guided city tour just to get a feel of the city before striking off on your own. There are many guided tours available online or through your hotel. During the tourist season, book a few days in advance for the most popular tours.

London reminds me of Singapore with a multitude of bicycles! It makes sense when you remember that Singapore was a British Colony. The architecture and feel’s the same. You can also stroll to most places as every where’s connected! To my amazement, the people really love to eat…and eat…standing up, walking, in the park, leaning against the wall…This is truly the city of sandwiches. And yet everyone seems so trim. Maybe because they walk about so much. I love pie so I proceeded to sample a different type each morning at the nearest café. Also, try to sample gourmet pizza at a Pizza Express. I attended a Brand Conference while in London (where I was the only black participant). One of the speakers from Pizza Express so extolled the virtues of their gastronomic delights that I just had to taste one. I wasn’t disappointed! There’s one at Dean Street, just off Oxford Street ( by Oxford Circus Station). When I travel, I never have issues with food. I love rice based dishes and anything crusty so can do Italian (pizza and pasta), as well as chinese and thai (rice, chicken). I always find stuff to eat. Tap water is safe to drink in the UK, but I noticed that when I ask for tap water with my meal at a restaurant…I get a side glance that says…”you cheapskate, you can’t order spring water”? For where? Asko!

For bar hoppers, The Slug & Lettuce isn’t a bad place to visit. Kinda reminds me of News Café. There’s one not too far from Bank Station. For clubbers, try Abacus or Revolution in the same area. At the train station, everyone rushes to the train platform…why I don’t know, as there’s a train about every 5 minutes…so what’s the rush? The cold? The truth is, it’s hard to truly destresss in a modern city. ‘Tis better to retire to a lake in Italy or a farm in Texas.

Like in all good cities, there are directional signs everywhere and many things are automated, though you may ask for help. Many service positions are manned by the young, friendly and earnest and they’re usually up-to-date and competent.

The Monuments are a bit disappointing…apparently pictures do better justice than the real thing. At the Tower of London, I took one look at the “family jewels” and thought…”is this it?” By the way, I will never do the London Eye again. Perhaps, it’s an activity for photographers, as it’s incredibly slow and boring and I don’t give a flying fig about a “panoramic view of the city”. Madam Tussaud’s was worth it though. You really can’t tell who’s real and who’s not in the dim lightingJ.

I came across some intriguing business names in London – Jupiter (a financial services firm with the payoff: We are on this planet to perform!), The Couch Bar, Eat..the real food company, St. Mary’s Axe.

Another point to note – excellence and good taste have no geographical demarcation. Good taste traverses cultural barriers…a point I’ll speak more on when I get to my US observations.

The UK and US are cities of offers. Everywhere you go, you’re asked to buy 2 for the price of 1.5 or a bigger size to save money. At a time, I felt like shouting: “It’s my money! I don’t want two…just one and I don’t mind paying for it”!

Suffice to say, I did the whole tourist thing in London which I won’t bore you with. Unfortunately, I didn’t do much shopping (I did that in the US) so I can’t comment much on that. From London, I took a train to Bradford to visit my sister who’s studying there. Bradford is an old sleepy erstwhile industrial town. It’s quite peaceful and basically a university town now. I also visited Saltaire in West Yorskshire (Aire: River, so…Salt River). It’s a UN Heritage site built by a miller who used the river as a source of hydro-electric power. He sorta reminded me of Hershey and Heinz: 2 great socially responsible entrepreneurs. Now, I’m going to be impolitic by mentioning that Bradford is also cheekily known as the Islamic Community of Bradford or Bradistan because of the large Middle Eastern Population. If that is so, then perhaps Peckham should be known as Naijaland!

I like the British. They exude a sense of responsibility, politeness, order and quiet efficiency. They mind their business, but are very helpful and do so with a smile. They do unglamorous jobs with thoughtfulness and efficiency. And the city reflects this thoughtfulness…sidewalks with wheelchair access, public toilets everywhere, directional signs, public transportation. Parking space is still an issue and there are congestion charges in the West End.

In summary, London is an okay place to visit ENROUTE some place else…it’s not a place to stay. Perhaps if I had visited more cultural sites like Stonehenge, I may have had a richer experience.

Travel Musings

Kindness will make me fall in love, but a sense of purposefulness and a heart after God will keep me there.

My big sister is a really kind, responsible person. She kinda reminds me of my Dad.

My Nokia phone with the numeric keyboard is my handiest tool – it’s my reminder, alarm clock, communicator, diary, notepad, sms machine…

Why must bed sheets have strange flower patterns? They remind me of paramecia, protozoa or amoeba or something…

Books never go out of fashion. Unlike clothes, in 50 years, you can still find a book.

Men try to do what they think women like. Sometimes, we’re quite clueless and it helps to periodically check to see whether we’ve changed our minds about that thing we like.

Anytime I get depressed, I think of all the books I haven’t read, the new music I haven’t heard and the interesting people I haven’t met and I cheer up again.

Give it to me

Give it to me
Anyhow, anyway, strong, black or brown
Just give it to me right now!

I need to do it
I crave the way it feels
Rushing through me, in me

So, who's gonna do it, drive me, ride me
Till i'm tired and can't do it any more?
Who's gonna call me on
My Blackberry, PC or phone?

Who's gonna demand more
Insist that i do it this way or that?
Go further than anyone else
Turn me into an unfeeling performing machine?

Who's gonna pull me and push me
This way and that

Who's gonna bend me over backward
And keep at it till I'm spent, worn out, exhausted?

Just give it to me
Anyway, anyhow, strong, black or brown
Give me that potent brew
of exquisite, hot coffee!

Pain

My pain speaks a subtle language
It exclaims in the aches and pains in my joints
It whispers in the tears that escape the corners of my eyes
It sighs in the breath from my front teeth
It pounds in my temples & the back of my neck

My pain speaks a subtle language
It is the language of silence, grief and emptiness


*Composed at a client strategy session as part of an impromptu poetry exercise

Random Thoughts 2

1. I did not lose music.
Music lost me.

I did not betray friendship.
Friendship betrayed me.

I did not write the words.
The words wrote me.

I did not seek God.
God sought me.

2. I sleep better in hotels. I can control the environment i wake up in. No waking up to the sound of workmen in the uncompleted building outside my window, the sound of my brother reading aloud or blaring loud music. Even better, no waking up to an unexplained bat flying around my room or spine-tingling rustling sounds under my bed.

3. I sleep worse in hotels. I hate the vast empty bed and the quiet room after a long day of meetings in a foreign town.

4. I am a culturally illiterate African. I am learning more and more that language is a thought pattern and lifestyle. For example, the concept of "Ori" in Yoruba is much deeper than just a "Head" and "Aiye Loja" goes much deeper than simply "Earth is a market".

I don't speak Yoruba thus i don't think in Yoruba. I now realise that this has its pros and cons. As i cannot undo the past, i choose to focus more on the pros. I don't have any cultural baggage, have a bulletpoint brain, do not speak in lenghty code and can comfortably lead people much older than i am. Conversely, i can be tactless, am uncomfortable around family and find it difficult to relate to metaphoric poetry. You see, many languages paint pictures and one word may mean an entire story. I will probably never be able to truly appreciate this side of poetry. I also find it difficult to understand inuendos. I once read that in Japanese culture, grunts and gestures speak a thousand words. I would probably not be able to relate to this.

Deep random thoughts

I am so so so tired, that i will not pretend to structure this post at all. I'll simply document on paper, my thoughts over the last few weeks.

1. As a kid, I considered Barney quite stupid. I still do.

2. A song will make me buy a CD
A verse, a book of poetry
A great vacation, a home in a foreign country
And an act of kindness may birth a friendship that lasts a lifetime

3. I am a strange thing in a woman’s world: Sure, strong, efficient, a leader. Yet, I long to simply be a woman - to be led and held by someone greater than I. If nature abhors a vacuum then life has turned me into something of a control freak. When I’m surrounded by incompetence, my instinctive reaction is to step in to avoid someone else, for even a second, destroying the very things I value/ennoble and subjecting me to the scourge of mediocrity.

4. I had my first real consciousness of being emotionally lonely at 28. I realize now that “everything” I have done since then, has been in a bid to escape this cloying, overwhelming thing. I have chased shadows. Quite frankly, I cannot say I regret anything but it is finally time for my head to “correct”.

5. If you don’t feed love, it dies. That’s how I know that all love-induced hurt eventually fades away. Pain stays buried deep inside until you provide a channel for it to dissipate. I usually have a soundtrack/verse for all the painful periods in my life. They are my channels. Although the dull ache remains, when love comes again, it heals, reaffirms and makes me stronger.

6. My brain/life is in overdrive. It must be the side-effects of reading, particularly reading the Word of God. The Word changes, elevates, equips, makes you intelligent, deep & wise. It also gives you incredible faith. You become passionate and bold. You believe God for incredible, wonderful, impossible things.

7. Disobedience, disbelief, anger, worry and guilt are all related. Someday, I shall tell you about it.

8. My new motto for people who annoy me: “I will surely kill you before you kill me”.

9. The difference between a man and a male: Leadership and responsibility. I would like to learn what critically differentiates a woman from a female. Any ideas?

10. Three ways I determine what makes a person tick/what kind of person they are: a.What they are passionate about is what defines them. b. Their speech and words reveal their level of education, cultural exposure and open-mindedness. c. The animation in their eyes reveals whether they are driven, self-aware or defeated.

11. I didn’t know it would be like this.

12. The people we don’t love, but who love us remind us why we should never love those people who don’t seem to love us back.

13. The loved can never ignore his lover. The lover always desires his loved.

14. Text messages have revealed a lot about my “friends”.

15. The only way to stop loving is to replace the love with indifference or pulsating anger.

16. I’ve seen some of the best acting on World Wrestling Entertainment.

17. Many times, maturity is only attained in your 30s. There are some things God will not entrust to you until you’re mature.

18. I finally “get” authority.

19. I “got” friendship a long time ago.

20. Three ways God teaches us: His word, relationships and experiences. He exalts his word above his name (his manifestations/experiences). Experience is a horrible and expensive teacher. Instruction is cheaper.

21. Excellence is a way of life, not an act or accomplishment. Excellence in this life is simply practice for an eternity of excellence. If you don’t learn it now, you will be forced to live it then. But, you will be placed under the authority of others who were more excellent than you were. Authority doesn’t end on earth. Get used to it.

22. Purpose is locational. Success is about purpose. You can only be truly successful when you have achieved your purpose. And purpose is always within a certain context/location. It is interesting that Joseph (Zaphnathpaaneah) was declared “a successful man” while he was still in “Jail”. Come to think of it, he was always well “located”. Everything else – the glory, riches etc. were simply outflows. If he had died in prison, even then, God would have considered him successful. The glory wasn’t his success.

There will be many successful labourers and unsuccessful millionaires. Many rich men will desire favours from Lazaruses.

Things i adore

Sunlight streaming into a room
Friendship
A good bear hug
A star-filled sky
Cuddling up on a rainy day
Soft kisses
Laughter
R 'n' B slow jams
Beauty
The knowledge of being loved
Doing the right thing
Order
A much needed cold coke
Knowledge & wisdom
Kindness & gentleness
Mind sharpening conversation
Purple
Mischief
"Chemistry"
Quietness
Accomplishment
Efficiency
The smell of dust & talc
A full moon
Washing my hair
Freshly laundered sheets
A clean bathroom
Wide spaces
Words
Being at peace with my world
Walking barefoot
Holidays
Nice tasting toothpaste
Projects & more projects
Liberty & the freedom to be
Ice cream
Going out on a date in a musical environment
Movies
Jim Henson's Muppets
Purpose & direction
Birthdays (but only when friends are around)
Celebrations
New experiences
Committed & reliable people
Clean hands
My shorts
Cake I can sink my teeth into (no raisins please)
Chin-chin
Being talked or read to sleep
Someone gently pulling at the little curls at the back of my head
A good head & foot massage
Real people
Sincerity
Guys who are secure
Fresh tomatoes and pepper
Good service
Music and more music
Easy to use gadgets
Living
Resolution
When God is near
When troubles are finally over and done with
Killing, annihilating & squashing anything with six legs
Justice
Mercy
Completion
Interesting questionnaires
The smell of rain
Avenues
Newly sprung grass
Board games
New music
24 hr services and stores
When people tell it like it really is
When I have 3 hours more & the fun has just begun
Helping people actualise their dreams
Watches that have 'everything" - date, day etc.
The guitar & trumpet
Coming home to my favourite meal - rice

Untitled

In rage I bellow at the elements by which I am proscribed
I spit in the face of the inevitables and unmovables
I rant, rave and curse the invisibles that mock my pain
And I puff in puerile futility at the internal inferno that consumes me

In relief I embrace the kisses of the morning
I revel in accomplishments old & new
I rediscover old forgotten consorts
And accept life’s gifts with grudging acknowledgment

In sadness, I ponder missed opportunities
Goals unattained
Mistakes unforgiven
And consider unremarkable chapters of an incidental past

I wonder, is joy to be found in deep reflection and intellectual pursuits?
And peace within the regimented life of a disciple?
Does happiness accompany self-correction & self-righteousness?
Is laughter friend to resolute will and determination?

I think not
For surely laughter is for fools
And levity for the simple and childlike
They bear no burdens, ask nothing and understand little
Troubling not fate, they are seldom tasked by Life

Reaching for nothing; gaining naught
Existing; failing to live
Plodding in soldierly fashion; constituting the plebeian rank & file

Little wonder then at my desperate flight, reach & aspiration
The profligate spending of soul and sweat currency
My bold Archillean quest for immortality
And my liberal use of the crimson ink of legacy

For I reach for glory, remembrance & permanence
And ruthlessly disown my twin brothers of fear and uncertainty

My Middle East & South East Asia Tour (Part 4: Malaysia)

Official airport taxis are EXPENSIVE in Malaysia, so simply do what we do in Nigeria, bargain with the touts and get a good deal. The airport is pretty far from the city centre and not as intuitively labeled as Changi Airport, Singapore. (Changi Airport must be the most thoroughly labeled airport in the world!)

I found that it’s hard to go to a new city to relax. There’s just too much to see and too little time. The solution may be to lock yourself up in a spa retreat for a week before/after the shopping and sightseeing binge. Instructively, many world famous sites look better on paper than in reality. I guess that’s the power of professional photography!

The hotel I stayed at in Kuala Lumpur– Hotel Capitol – is very very good. It’s right in the centre of Bukit Bintang where everything is – shopping malls, cinemas, restaurants, clubs, spas – everything! But, it doesn’t have an in-house gym. That’s no problem if you walk everywhere. Then, you’ll get sufficient exercise.

The English in Malaysia’s not as good as Singapore and some signs are only in Malay. However, while Singapore is a 4-language country (in the sense that official sighs are usually written in English, Malay, Chinese and Indian), Malaysia’s a 2-language country (Malay and English). You can get by with Minglish – a combination of distinct words and gesticulations to get your message across.

Unemployment is very low here and there are vacancy ads everywhere without enough people to fill the spaces. I was informed that a lot of guest workers come in from other South East Asian countries, though emigration is quite a difficult process. However, foreigners can gain residency status by purchasing property worth about RM250,000.

The national pastimes are foot reflexology, body massage, shopping and karaoke. By the way, reflexology is another name for massage by knuckling, pinching and pounding!

Enroute the Hindu temple at Batu Caves (where I climbed 272 steps), I discovered that Malaysia is deeply religious (the dominant religion is Islam and Hindu’s also big too). You are defined by religion and race. So, when a stranger’s trying to get to know you, he usually asks about your religion. That way, he can determine your cultural and traditional leanings. My braids and beads were a big hit.

One of the “low points” of my trip was using a pit latrine after 20 years. In Government facilities, you pay 20c to use the toilet and tissue costs 30c. It’s advisable to carry your own hand wash when going out. The floors of the mall toilets are sometimes wet because of the hoses used in purification during prayers.

I enjoyed my visit to the Batik factory. Interestingly there are so many different ways to use a scarf. They should make instructional videos as you’re not allowed to take photographs. At the factory, they also have a nice selection of pearls and jade. In Asia, if your bust size is bigger than 40 inches, finding the right size is hard. Go everywhere with your tape measure as sizes can be deceptive and there aren’t always changing rooms.

I visited Selwyn Pewter, home of all things Tin, the War Memorial at Lake Garden, passed the National Theatre by Lakeside, the National Art Gallery and the city’s largest Mosque.

The national flower of Malaysia is the Hibiscus (in Singapore, it’s the Orchid). 8 is a prosperous number in Chinese culture – that’s why the Petronas Tower has 8 floors in each tower. At Beryl’s Chocolate Factory, I sampled free chocolate delights – Chili Chocolate, Tiramisu, Milk Chocolate, Almond – yum yum!

I took a couple of pictures with the Royal Guard at the King’s palace – 1 of 9 Sultan’s who rotate the title. Yellow is the royal colour and if you are invited to a meal with a member of the royal family, avoid the colour yellow.

There were quite a number of backpackers in Malaysia – you can tell who they are by the maps they constantly refer to when walking around.

A major mall to visit is Starhill at the Marriot where every floor is an experience. Malaysia’s a night city and you have folks lining the street at 1 am “hawking” reflexology. At one point I was concerned they were selling more than massage – after all I was asked whether I wanted a man or a woman to do mine.

The food is very edible – fried rice, stewed meat etc. Because of space constraints, parking’s usually on the rooftop or in the basement of buildings. The couples are very affectionate, like Singapore. The youth are into punk rock dressing here – spiky hair and all. Malysians like their women slim. Slimming therapy is good business. Malaysia/Singapore is tropical fruit heaven. There are so many varieties of fruit.

The taxis are the locally produced car – the Proton – which runs on gas. The gas tank is under the hood. Tourism is the 5th largest foreign exchange earner after Oil, Gas, Rubber and Timber.

During my trip, I finally understood why people don’t want to come back to Nigeria when they get the chance to go abroad. It’s the law and order, low cost of living, caring nature of Government, safety at night, lack of ostentatious displays of wealth and power, dignity of labour, low unemployment, opportunities for the bright and ambitious, progressive nature of the state and leaders, good transport and telecoms networks, constant power, light traffic – it’s just everything. In a foreign country, you pray less for inanities – things that should be taken for granted, like not being robbed during an inter-state journey.

On my way back to Nigeria, I was so ashamed of my countrymen. I shouldn’t be but I was struck by a deep profound sense of shame. The rush, the horrible way we dress when traveling (like refugees). Our national problems run deep and they’ve impacted the fragile psyche of generations. We need political, military, legal, business, intellectual and moral leadership to get out of this deep deep mess. Sigh!

My Middle East & South East Asia Tour (Part 3: Singapore)

After a I hr stop-over at Colombo, Sri Lanka, we were off to Singapore on Emirates Airlines. Customs at Singapore’s not as “breezy” as Dubai. The guys at Dubai had stamped my visa on an obscure page of my passport, so the customs guy and I spent several minutes looking for it! For a moment, my heart was in my throat and I thought to myself – “this guy will think, these naija guys have come again”! Eventually, the stamp was found and I was let through (after the guy had ascertained exactly how much I had on me, counted the money and looked at my hotel booking).

One thing I noted on my trips was that no one at the different airports asked to see baggage claim tags, meaning anyone could have picked up any piece of luggage on the conveyor belt and walked out, without being challenged!

Singapore isn’t as shiny and new as Dubai and there was obvious security at the airport (soldiers with guns). My friend picked me up and we left for my hotel via train. At some point in my trip, I bought a tourist pass from a major train station -Bugis - which provides unlimited rides on trains and buses over a 3-day period as well as a list of places to go and a map. Very useful for a tourist. On a sad note, I learnt from my friend that Singapore required a deposit on every ride (which you reclaim at your destination), because Nigerians had once defrauded the system, necessitating the new rules. Sigh! You can’t eat or drink on the train or bus and there are constant terrorism advisories.

In the evening, I sampled my first local meal. Trust me, you never want to see how the food is cooked. Everything swims in broth and you eat with a fork and spoon or chopsticks– no knife or serviettes – you come with yours. There’s really nothing to cut anyway as everything’s bite-sized. The food isn’t peppery, as their chilli is sweet not hot.

On my second day, we visited the Esplanade (a cultural centre for plays and events) where there’s a Haagen Dasz store (I still dream of sampling the fondue) and Suntec Plaza –site of the Fountain of Wealth, the world’s biggest fountain and haven to restaurants featuring food from across Asia. In Asia, the food names are largely unpronounceable, so simply point at what you want or observe what someone’s eating; if you like the look of it, ask for it. But, don’t point with your forefinger – it’s impolite – point with your thumb instead.

There are few black faces in Singapore. Although, the city has the largest port in the world, hence is a centre for trade, I guess many traders prefer China – for cheaper goods. Many Nigerians congregate around Mustafa’s in Little India, a 24-hr supermarket close to an African Kitchen. My friend advised me to steer clear cause of the negative reputation that Nigerians have developed in Singapore.

There are people EVERYWHERE in Singapore! At times, I wished God could mysteriously zap about a quarter so I could walk at a leisurely pace. However, despite their numbers, I was told the city has a shrinking population, as childbirth is dropping. Yet, they are strict on immigration, preferring guest workers from other Asian countries.

The weather is hot (and when it’s not, it’s raining), Singapore has a lot of underpasses and with the train system, you rarely get to see the scenery go by. But, the city is relatively compact so you can walk everywhere if you know the way.

The top hotels are on Orchard Road (Singapore’s Rodeo Drive) or if you prefer Old World charm, try the Raffles Hotel in the Colonial District (Stamford Raffles founded modern Singapore). The national pastime in Singapore is eating. There’s food everywhere, yet it’s so healthy, you don’t put on any weight. The Singaporeans don't have a cooking culture, so everyone eats out - you'll see an entire family with babies and grandparents in tow at the Food Courts.

The young ladies are VERY fashionable and will rival any UNILAG babe and they love to shop! Also, because of the heat, this is the city of the scantily clad. Casual clothes are a hit here, especially jeans shorts and flip flops. Bad news though, the women are “very modestly endowed” and there are language difficulties. Only a few are spectacularly beautiful according to subjective Western standards and are usually of mixed race. There are 3 main tribes in Singapore – Chinese, Malay and Indian. Women wear their hair long and well endowed people with short hair are not considered beautiful. Singaporeans are openly affectionate, canoodling and holding hands and sex begins at a young age. But because of very strict birth control and education, you rarely see unwed mothers. Some hotels are known to provide hourly rates for quickies and it’s done openly.

Singapore is very organized – there are signs everywhere, street shops, public utilities and WIFI. Contemporary hip-hop is the rage. If you’re visiting the Singapore Zoo or Jurong Bird Park, you’ll be well advised to wear trousers and socks as there are sand flies in the “jungle”. Most parks open at about 9am and usually have specialised shows through the day, so it’s pretty much a day trip, although the Night Safari attached to the zoo has a great show at night. I sampled the famous “Singapore Sling” at Sentosa Island, where there’s an underwater show (which I was late for unfortunately). The Sling is kinda like Chapman, but it’s fruit juice and gin. I did note that the Food Courts are usually at the entrance to the theme park, so even if you don’t want to pay to enter and just need food, they do a brisk business anyway.

Singapore is a good place to go to, but you can take it all in, in a few days and rarely need to stay much longer than a week.

My Middle East & South East Asia Tour (Part 2: Eastern Coast, UAE & Oman)

Shajah Emirate, UAE

Shajah is one of 7 emirates in the UAE and is on the eastern coast. Known as the dry emirate, liquor isn’t allowed within its borders. Shajah kinda reminds me of Kubwa (hope I got the spelling right) in Abuja, Nigeria. Accommodation is cheaper there than in Dubai and although it’s technically about 30 minutes away, because of traffic, it’s a 2hr journey during rush hour.

Shajah is the market for 2nd hand stuff in the UAE and you can get household goods at great prices here. They also produce Gas; have solid minerals and rear racing camels.

The tourist attractions are the volcanic mountains and Friday Market (for fruits and carpets). A Guggenheim Museum is also planned. English is not as widely spoken here as in Dubai, but most signs are in Arabic and English.

Fujeirah Emirate, UAE

Fujeirah is another Emirate on the eastern coast of the UAE. It’s a coastal emirate so water sports and fishing are main attractions. You have a choice of a luxury Japanese Resort or the more mainstream Sandy Beach Resort or Rotana Hotel. There’s scuba diving, kayaking and spas.

On an interesting note, I noticed that during the tours, the guides speak both German and English. Is it because Germans are involved in a number of building projects in the UAE or the fact that they just get around a lot?

Sultanate of Oman

The area of Oman that I visited was by the Indian Ocean. Apparently it is one of the most fertile areas in Oman with a lot of dates and “Dongonyaro” trees (Neem Trees). In that particular area, camel milk and flesh is sold and fishing is a major industry.

The Emotionally Selfish

I have a group of new friends that I term - Emotionally Selfish. They are a bunch of good people and i truly admire a few in particular, but they are plagued by an odd brew of emotional manipulation that may be unknown to even them.

Have you ever met people who call you one moment all bubbly and cheerful, you gist for hours and they're like - "i missed you so much" etc - then they don't speak with you again for the next month. It is those people I'm referring to.

I don't think they mean any harm, perhaps they are just relationally limited, stunted or ignorant. But a few are actually quite knowing and selfish. They only call you when THEY feel like talking and at their convenience. At other times, they are too busy, not in the mood or unavailable. They are unpredictable, forgetful, spaced out, treat your friendship like a yoyo and are moody. In truth, they are unworthy of good friendships but for the fact that they have really wonderful hearts and in rare moments of lucidity will do anything for a friend.

Sometimes, i think their ability to withold emotional response and favour is a subtle manipulative technique. As in, if they control how fast the pace of the friendship should go, then they are effectively in control. They are the type of people you can't call at 2am when you really need them. In fact, by then, they'll be fast asleep with their phones off! They haven't grasped the simple truth that friendship is about availability, consistency and giving.

The caveat of course, is those who don't want to be friends. In that case, they should simply say so and stop the cat and mouse, indirect, dont-want-to-hurt-my-feelings nonsense.

My attitude towards such people is simple. If i find i'm the one who's always calling and they never call, or writing and they never reply - on time - or sharing and they never say more than two words, then i summarily delete all their contacts and remove them from the hallowed halls of my memory.

Counterintuitive Decisions

God's commands or leading are counterintuitive and very hard. Sometimes he may pitch loving someone against doing what you know is right. Then he takes a "siddon look" attitude and waits for you to make a decision - your decision.

He sends no flash of lightning nor does he influence your choice. He simply waits. Afterall, he's given you more than enough data to make an informed decision.

In my mind, i have imagined what i want and what God wants to be like 2 distinct worlds separated by an unbridgeable chasm. Both worlds exist in parallel, one rarely disturbing the other and both are quite legitimate. Anyone who has tried to make money the "normal" way and those who have tried to do it the "sowing and reaping" route know that eventually both lead to money and success. But the methodologies are different, the experiences and rewards different. And it's ultimately a choice.

Going down God's route will only fully make sense in the afterlife. Face it, on earth, the output is usually not commensurate with the input. The headaches, sickness, poverty, scorn and persecution are simply not worth it if one were to look at earthly rewards alone. I can do things much cheaper and faster my own way. Perhaps that is why the Apostle said that "if there is no afterlife, then Christians are of all men, most miserable"! Perhaps in the next life the accounts will finally be balanced.

And man, can God make seemingly impossible demands! Someone close to you dies and in your grief, along comes God and asks you to do something for Him. You're like "God, how could you be so insensitive! I'm mourning xyz here and you're asking me to do this other thing that's entirely unrelated?" It is at this point that we take offence and label God unfair. However, in the parallel world, one thing has absolutely nothing to do with the other. In that world, what God is asking of you has nothing to do with the death of the loved one. Kinda like how in the Military, when a job has to be done, you put aside personal stuff and just get it done. That's the life of a soldier.

But again, God simply watches and waits for you to make a decision.

I've had to make counterintuitive decisions in the last few years and one thing i've realised is they don't go away. They come back again and again till you choose - one way or the other. You can't ignore them and in making your choice you must be fully committed to the choice you make or else you'll be miserable thereafter as you second guess your decision.

It hasn't been easy and i need my friends more than ever at this point. Interestingly, it is at this point that my friends are far away. All my intellectual connections are failing and those who i need to be brave have become timid preferring to hide their heads in the sand than question fundamental principles. Therefore i have decided to eschew worry and simply throw myself at the Master's feet in humility as I plead for the mercy to be prevented from making the wrong decisions, no matter how well-intentioned.

In this place

There is peace in this place
Peace I have searched for and ached for

There is knowledge in this place
One far beyond my years
Insight that refuses to leave me alone
Get out of my head or relent in its intensity

There is sadness & regret in this place
But hard-earned lessons have been learned
And a better me has emerged

There is nobody in this place
It is devoid of human understanding
And friendship

I dare to be me in this place
I refuse to pretend or apologise
And in this place there are no negotiations
Trade-offs or bartering

There is a future in this place
I can see it, smell it
But I just can't seem to taste it

There is dissatisfaction in this place
I am not doing enough
But I can do much more

I must let go in this place
I am not in control
I keep telling myself this over and over

There is music in this place
I can hear it, sing it but i can't write it
I miss the wonderful melodies I have not written in years

There is salvation in this place
Maybe I can do it this year
Triumph, overcome, sacrifice and become

Perhaps I will find purpose in this place

There is solitude in this place
I am losing my ability to speak
For I do it so rarely and have lost all capacity for small talk

I am too serious in this place
There are too many rules, principles and standards
And I have no one to look up to
No teacher, no big brother

I am lost in this place
Lost and alone
For the higher I go
The fewer companions I see along the way

I would really like to fall in love in this place
But I am a doggone realist
Falling in love with a friend
Is a rare but wonderful thing

I am waiting in this place
I need to hear it, read it
Understand it
Know the right thing to do

Please speak to me in this place
I am troubled and afraid

I am crying in this place
Always on the inside
No one knows and no one sees
And it never lasts very long

For I must function in this place
Do what needs doing
Get the job done
Perform. Lead

I’m no longer fighting in this place
I will not expend needless emotional energy

I am buying new things in this place
Surrounding myself with the comfort and beauty

I worry about my family in this place
But I pray, simply pray

I am changing in this place
Becoming better, kinder

I see the hearts of men in this place
Their goodness, strength, kindness and frailty

I admit my failings in this place
The gross inadequacies of the female in me

I have tried to be a better woman in this place
I keep trying and trying
But there’s no one to tell me if I am succeeding

I am feeling sorry for myself in this place
It is a strange condition
And somehow it seems cowardly

I will not make the same mistakes in this place
Enough is enough is enough

I fear morning in this place
The harsh light of judgment
And the desolation it brings

Perhaps someday I will eventually leave this place
This place of sadness, sorrow and hopefulness

My Middle East & South East Asia Tour (Part 1: Dubai, UAE) - Updated with Details of New Visits in February, 2012

This year, my vacation period was at the end of the year. Because i can't stand the cold, i usually need to choose a holiday destination in a warm region. I chose the Middle East and South East Asia. The deciding factors for me were a friend in Singapore and the promise of a good massage in Malaysia.

My trip began with a couple of days in the UAE and a quick swing through Oman (and back to the UAE). First stop - Dubai.

Dubai is one of 7 emirates in the UAE. While Abu Dhabi is the capital and the richest emirate due to its vast reserves of oil, Dubai IS the tourism city. Dubai's oil reserves are expected to run out in 10 years hence the diversification into tourism and real estate. Abu Dhabi has another 100 years.

Everything and i mean everything in Dubai is designed to make you spend money. The city is pretty well organised and ultra clean; new developments abound; there are signs indicating everything and the people are tourist friendly. English is also widely spoken. Customs was a breeze; was picked up by the tour operator - Arabian Adventures and given a welcome pack; money changers (Bureaux de Change) were a few minutes from my hotel and a well stocked mall with an ugly exterior but great variety (Burjuman Centre) . I wasn't able to get a hang of the local transport system as the tour operator took me everywhere (or i walked), but taxis seem to be the best way to get around. The "car" of choice is Toyota or a bicycle. The tour operators are always on time. When they say 7.15pm, they are at your door by 7.05pm!

Smoking seems to be the "national past time" in Dubai and the weather was cooooooooold. In Dubai, it's either very hot or cold (the 2 extremes of the desert), depending on the time of year you visit.

The best place to eat is the Bastak or Old Town by the creek. The creek separates the two sides of Dubai: the city and Deira. Bastakiah Nights restaurant is highly recommended or the Dhowa Floating Restaurants.

Dhowas are wooden ships that were used to transport goods once-upon-a-time. The Bastak has a good nightlife and many of the old buildings are made from Coral. Apparently the building technology was taught by the Iranians. The Museum is also at the Bastak. You can have drinks by the waterside at the Heritage or Diving Village or sit quietly by the Silk Plaza to gist. The food in Dubai is very similar to what you'll find anywhere else in the wood. They have versions of savoury rice, meatballs, lasagna, stew, even something that tastes like tapioca pudding.

A very romantic thing to do would be to rent a ship for the night and have a romantic dinner for two while sailing, then fall asleep under the stars. The tour company can also organise a fireside dinner in the desert with traditional music and dancers. Dubai is ideally a city for romance and shopping NOT quiet contemplation. It's too noisy. I fear it may become overcrowded like Singapore.

If you're with a tour guide, the best tours to go for are the City Tour, Desert Safari and Burj Dubai tour. If you're the shopping type, it may be best to stay near the Mercata Mall or the Wafi Shopping Centre by the Grand Hyatt and Citigroup. That way you can simply walk to the malls.

On an interesting note - there are no mosquitoes in Dubai. Water is more expensive than oil (it's the desert!) hence no pools of water for them to breed. I also noticed that there were no condoms in the convenience stores in the more conservative emirates. And i saw an "ELEGANZA" apartments! It's a 24hr city and well lit and like Abuja, Nigeria, there are hotels!hotels!hotels!

At the Airport enroute Singapore, i noticed my flight wasn't called directly. Apparently it was a connecting flight to Australia?, so the airport staff kept announcing Australia NOT singapore. I made my flight though.

I've updated my photos on Facebook for my second trip in February, 2012. This time i did the Desert Safari which was just wonderful! You need to have a strong stomach for it though. It's what i imagine a rollercoaster ride would be like! There are belly dancers and great food at the end of the safari.

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