New Orleans
The city that really kicks ass. (But unfortunately also smells like it.)
Montreal
The most pretension, socialist politics, and annoying French accents you can get this side of the Atlantic.
Bombay
The land of untold riches and leprosy.
Cairo
Sit back,eat a pita, and see some of the most beautiful monuments to slavery in existence.
Orlando
The poor man's Las Vegas.
San Francisco
I left my HIV-positive test results in San Francisco.
London
Bitter: it's more than our beer. It's a way of life.
Moscow
The fine line between Happy Meals and gulags.
Rio de Janeiro
On our beaches and in our churches: worshipping flabby, loin cloth-covered asses 365 days a year.
Atlanta
The city that never wakes.
Naples
Don't think of our chicks as elderly, think of them as "sun roasted".
Tijuana
Where waking up in a jail cell with a broken rib cage, a dozen venereal diseases, and wearing nothing but a sombrero is only the beginning.
Hoboken
Just because Sinatra was born here doesn't mean we have any class.
Bangkok
If it's crispy, has a sticky red sauce, and smells like fish, you've come to the right whorehouse.
Florence
We brought the Renaissance into this world. We can take it out.
Hollywood
You don't need fake tits to make it in this town. Only a fake soul.
Hong Kong
As free as ancient Chinese dragon. (Just before it's chopped up, injected with MSG, and served with chopsticks.)
Seattle
The home of coffee, rain, grunge music, cigarette butts, vomit, and drug-induced suicide.
Cape Town
Getting screwed by the white man for over six centuries. (Starting with the crummy prices they paid on the slaves we sold them.)
Woodstock
Where littering, freeloading, sex with strangers, trashing people's property, and tripping out naked in the mud never sounded more romantic.
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